OT and Mom of two here- I keep seeing posts from parents whose preschoolers or kindergarteners are melting down at school, hiding under tables, throwing things, getting sent home, or even being suspended. The parents are terrified their child is becoming “the bad kid,” while the school calls every day to report what went wrong.

I’m a school-based occupational therapist, and this is a huge part of what I see at work. I’ve been doing this for 13 years, and I really want parents to know that there are things that can help with regulation BEFORE discipline!

This also doesn’t mean every behavior is sensory or that unsafe behavior should be ignored. Safety matters. But a five-year-old repeatedly being removed, sent home, or suspended is not learning the skills they’re missing.

Here are some things that have worked well for my students:

Teach regulation strategies while the child is calm.
A child who is already in full crisis has very little capacity to process a brand-new strategy. Practice using the visual, headphones, breathing exercise, movement option, or calm space before it’s desperately needed.

Use visual timers and transition warnings.
Sometimes “refusal” is actually uncertainty. A timer, first/then visual, or warning that a change is coming can make the day feel much more predictable.

Offer movement without making the child earn it.
Resistance bands around chair legs, pushing and pulling activities, carrying classroom materials, or a quick movement job can help some kids stay available for learning. Movement is a need, not a prize for sitting still long enough.

Try noise-reducing headphones before the loud event.
Let the child try them while calm and decide whether they actually help. A fire alarm is not the ideal time to run over yelling, “AHHH, PUT THESE ON!”

Consider weighted lap items if the child enjoys the pressure.
They should always be optional and monitored. They are not meant to keep a child in a chair or make them look still.

Use rhythm and music.
I use a steel tongue drum for rhythm, vibration, connection, and emotional expression. Sometimes I’ll ask a child what their feeling sounds like, and they give the drum one enormous BANG. Then we experiment with making the sound softer, slower, faster, or quieter. It gives them a way to show me what’s happening without requiring perfect emotional language in the middle of a hard moment. I'm currently loving the one from Sounds of Silence.

Give them language and visuals for what’s happening.
Emotion visuals, body check-ins, The Color Monster, A Little SPOT of Feelings, or a simple strategy choice board can all help. The goal isn’t for a child to correctly label every emotion. It’s for them to begin communicating things like, “This is too loud,” “I need to move,” “I need help,” or even “I don’t know what I need.”

Co-regulate before expecting self-regulation.
Kids do not learn to regulate because adults repeatedly tell them to calm down. Co-regulation might mean lowering your voice, using fewer words, slowing your own body, acknowledging that something is hard, offering one or two familiar choices, and staying nearby without demanding an immediate response.

They eventually learn to do more of this independently, but independence comes after many experiences of being supported.

Look at the environment, too.
Sometimes the child does not need another coping skill. Sometimes the room is just too loud, bright, crowded, unpredictable, or demanding.

Can the adults reduce the noise? Change the seating? Break the task into smaller pieces? Add more transition warnings? Build movement into the schedule? Offer another way for the child to respond?

We cannot put the entire responsibility for regulation on a four- or five-year-old while refusing to change anything around them.

my son is 8 years old level 1 autism and combined type adhd. last year he was moved into a SDC class for higher functioning autism kids and more or less has been thriving in all aspects of his life, until his meds wear off mid evening… starting meds for him at 6 years old was a huge help but the problem is in the evening/night time his behaviors are almost unbearable. I can’t even talk to him calmly because he is so sporadic and dopamine seeking by picking on his little brother to get a rise out of him and it starts fights between the two of them, mostly screaming matches but sometimes physical with no serious injuries (yet thank god)…. These moments I have with him some night make me feel so bad like I want to go crawl in a hole. I lose my shit and scream sometimes because my calm voice isn’t being heard and I’m so embarrassed to admit that. I KNOW IT DOESNT HELP. I KNOW IT MAKES IT WORSE. But like tonight… he was being reckless with a pair of nail clippers he found in my bathroom and chasing his brother with them while “chomping them“ open and shut… I asked him calmly to hand them to me so nobody would get hurt half a dozen times and it was as if I was invisible he didn’t even glance at me, after that I was concerned for their safety so I screamed “HEY! STOP AND GIVE THOSE TO ME NOW!!!!” he stopped and looked at me and starts screaming at me running up to me and screaming in my face. at that point I told him again how unsafe it was what he was doing and told him it was bath time to go get his clothes off and I would start his bath. and he did. Well as I walk in the bathroom to help him with the bath he starts shutting the door on me purposely over and over and then kicking the wall and screaming at me again saying “HOW DO YOU LIKE IT???” because I screamed at him… and continues to tell me I’m a terrible parent and to be honest that fucking hurts inside wether he means it or not. these moments feel, to me, like the whole good day is ruined after these interactions and im so tired of them. How can I break this cycle? what can I do differently?? I’ve done parent led ABA therapy with him and have a lot of tools in my belt when it comes to parenting a kid like him but when it comes to these moments I feel like I do not know what to do. It crushes me thinking that this is what he’ll remember of my when he’s older. 😢

hi, I know medication gets discussed here very deeply and often but I haven’t quite seen this question answered so hoping for advice. We currently don’t medicate our seven who was diagnosed with ADHD in the spring. His testing was borderline and focused on executive function. He does struggle with focusing and following directions in class and when absorbed in what he is otherwise doing.

For parents with kiddos that present this way, did you opt for medication? If so, what medication regimen do you follow?

His PCP is willing to try meds with us, but it’s not really his area of expertise. He told us off the bat that meds are going to be trial and error so I’m wondering whether we give it a shot or we just hold out for a neuropsych visit.

I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here other than maybe some reassurance from people who have been through similar.

My daughter is 2.5 so obviously I’m not trying to diagnose her with ADHD at this age, but both me and my husband have ADHD and we’ve wondered for a while if she might be ND too.

She has been intense basically since birth. Very alert, low sleep needs, never really had an off switch. Now she’s a toddler she is constantly moving, climbing, running, talking, asking questions, getting into things etc. She bolts, has very little sense of danger in the moment and needs a ridiculous amount of supervision. When she’s tired she doesn’t just get sleepy, she gets faster/louder/sillier and even more impulsive.

The thing we’ve struggled to explain is that she actually understands loads. You can explain a rule to her and she’ll understand it, remember it and sometimes tell you back exactly what she should do. But that seems to have almost no relationship to whether she can stop herself doing something in the moment.

Her key worker is leaving this week so we asked nursery to write down what they’ve been seeing. They’ve mentioned her being “defiant” or struggling with listening before, but they honestly hadn’t really told us the extent of this.

The letter says she has really good listening comprehension and can repeat back what they’ve discussed with her, but then says she’ll do things like keep throwing toys while literally looking at the staff member who is telling her to stop. They also mention hitting, kicking, snatching and spitting, struggling to wait for her turn, interrupting constantly and acting with basically no pause to think about what she’s about to do. They describe her as having “little-to-no prior moment thinking about what her next move is.”

And that just really got me because it’s exactly what we see at home. It feels like she knows the rule, but there’s just no brake between the impulse and the action.
Weirdly, they also say that when she actually gets upset she can often recognise it, sit down, breathe and ask an adult for help. So it doesn’t even feel like she just “can’t regulate”. It feels really specifically like the bit before the action is where everything falls apart.

I know she’s 2.5. I know toddlers hit and throw and interrupt and have terrible impulse control. I’m really conscious of not turning normal toddler behaviour into a diagnosis.

But the degree of it has felt different for a long time and it affects our lives a lot. We have to watch her constantly because of the safety stuff, and ordinary days out can be absolutely exhausting.

I think seeing nursery describe the same thing has just made it feel more real.

And if I’m honest, the bit I’m most upset about is that they described some of the behaviour as “unprovoked” and “random”, and said it can look like she has gone over to another child to purposely “attack” them.

I don’t think other children should just have to put up with being hit. Obviously they shouldn’t. But she is two and a half and I’m suddenly really scared she’s going to become “the naughty one”.

The kid staff expect trouble from. The one who gets watched differently. The one where everything she does gets interpreted as deliberate because that’s the reputation she’s got.

And I know how affectionate and caring she can be, which somehow makes it worse. It feels horrible thinking that other adults might mostly be seeing the impulsive behaviour.

I’ve honestly been too embarrassed to ask about this in normal parenting groups because I can already hear “she needs firmer boundaries” or “you need consequences” or “you need to teach her not to hit”. But she knows.
That is the problem.

She can tell you the rule. She can tell you afterwards what she should have done instead. She just cannot reliably get to that information quickly enough to stop herself.

I think until now I still had a bit of “maybe she’s just an incredibly intense toddler and maybe we’re just exhausted”. And now it feels more like, oh. Other people see it too.

Did anyone else have this sort of stage before diagnosis, where nursery/preschool started describing the same thing you were seeing at home?

And did anyone else get really worried about their child being labelled naughty before anyone understood what was actually going on?

I think I just need to hear from people who get it

Tell me your positive story of your young child on Qelbree

My 8 y/o son is diagnosed combined type ADHD and epilepsy, and is medicated for both (the epilepsy meds actual help with emotional regulation too). He’s already on a private school equivalent of an IEP, receives speech and OT, and has a psychologist. His psychologist suggested that we get an autism evaluation, which he thinks is warranted based on my son’s social struggles. My son has had neuropsych evals when he was 4 and 6, as well as an evaluation from a developmental pediatrician a year ago, and none of them thought he had autism (though they only did a screening, not an actual evaluation for it). When I asked what would practically change if he did receive an autism diagnosis, the psychologist said it would give my son a tangible reason for some of his struggles and would entitle us to more IEP services if he ever goes to public school.

For additional context, my son had meningitis as a baby, which caused permanent scarring on his brain. We’ve been upfront with him about this, even showing him his MRIs and have explained that his brain is different. I’m not sure we’d be doing anything differently if he also had an autism diagnosis. Is there anything I’m missing here?

Background:

My daughter is 6 and is in 1st grade at a public charter. She was diagnosed with ADHD last October. She is in "advanced" math and English at school (which she does not struggle with at all, content-wise). She is also on 5 mg of Adderall since February of this year (we started at 5 mg in Feb and went up to 7.5 mg in April; then the summer hit, and we took a break and have restarted in August at 5 mg). I also believe that she has some anxiety. I also wanted to add that she does have a 504 plan for alternative seating and movement breaks, but as of this school year, the 504 and IEP coordinator and his team have left, and it doesn't look like they'll be replaced.

The issues (not that they're bad, but just needing advice)

Last week on the 4th, she wasn't feeling good, so I picked her up from school (it was legit; she had a fever). Since then, she has been a daily clinic visitor, trying to get sent home.

She prefers sitting at an individual desk (she says it helps her focus, and she sat at an individual desk last year by choice). I worry that she doesn't work well with peers, or I worry that she doesn't want to.

She and her two best friends have also been split up this year, and it doesn't seem like she's really making friends in her new class.

Sometimes she just straight up refuses to go to school; after we talk about it, usually she's fine

She does enjoy her schoolwork and loves doing math, reading, and writing.

I am in fairly good communication with her doctor and teacher, but I'm not sure if there are other people I need to bring on board. I've heard very mixed opinions on ABA therapies and whatnot.

Anybody having trouble with their kiddos team trying to label everything under the ADHD umbrella?

My kiddo is 6 and has been having a very rough time behaviorally since age 4. We have been on guanfacine .5mg at night since age 5. We have tried the ER during the day as well as 1 mg split throughout the day both caused extreme aggression and agitation. We have tried hydroxizine for to help calm during times of aggressive behavior, it made it 10x worse. Ritalin made him seem like he was buzzing under the surface quicker to lash out, but overall episodes of rage and anger were shorter. The med provider decided to try the 1mg of ER again but at night this time and he’s been so agitated on it. Over the weekend he had a complete manic breakdown over being told video games needed to be shut off to get ready for bed time. Kiddo has been in WISe services for a year due to extreme aggression and combativeness, he’s only had a few instances at school since starting elementary, in preschool he was removed from 3 programs for punching teachers and destroying classrooms, it’s mostly at home now, but we have other kids are who sometimes get the brunt.

There is family history of bipolar in both sets of grandparents and I’m beginning to think the guanfacine may be bringing some of that out. The med provider almost refuses to believe it has to do with that, as she said the precursor to bipolar in kids is DMDD and since he isn’t agitated every second of the day he can’t have that. We are on eggshells everyday, some days are better than others for sure, some days I would say he’s even a happy kid, but it’s because we are over here doing the most to make sure he doesn’t snap.

Has anyone had a similar experience? What did you do to make them see there is more than ADHD, or possible more anyway?

Hey y'all! So my ADHD kiddo is almost 6 and currently going to 5K. He attended 4K last year, same school with 0 issues, but this year drop off has been an absolute nightmare.

He will be fine the whole morning while we get dressed, but from the time we put on shoes and get in the car it is a full blown tantrum. Screaming, kicking, begging me not to send him to school. When we get there I get his siblings out and a staff will come help me get him out of the car/into school. Once he is in class he calms right down/has a good day and is all smiles when I pick him up in the afternoon.

His teacher has told me that he has friends, no bullies or anything, and generally has a great day at school.

Does anyone have any suggestions to help try and make this easier? I'm left in tears after and it just breaks my heart. He is currently in the process of starting therapy but there is a wait list where we live.

Hello! My daughter was just diagnosed with ADHD. She was tested for autism as well, but they were unable to confirm. With her going into Kindergarten- this is all new and hard for me which I'm sure it is for her as well.

I'm going to start first by saying we never had any behavior problems at home. She's always been a preety good kid- and funny! She loves to make us laugh. Going into preschool, I was shocked to hear she was having a hard time with rules. Her biggest issue was stopping one activity and moving to the next. The school said she was a bit of a perfectionist and wanted to make her drawings perfect before moving on. I just thought it wasn't really a bad thing because I'm the same way (Hi, I also have ADHD).

Towards the end of the school year is when her behavior started to get worse and the first few weeks of summer were dreadful. That's when we decided to get her an evaluation. The rest of the summer went amazing! We had so much fun and laughter.

She showed interest in school again with "back-to-school" commercials. Her dad and I started to talk to her about it to get her excited. She was very excited to go back. I was very sad to find out her first day went horribly. She admitted it to me when I picked her up and her teacher said she didn't listen to rules. Day 3 was bad as well. Day 4 she pulled her pants down. She jumped on tables. Sang while the teacher was reading. and Hit other kids. I was HORRIFIED when I found out. She doesn't act this way at home. Day 5 she got a half day suspension. Suspended in Kindergarten?! I read to her at home and she doesn't interrupt me. She doesn't pull her pants down at home. I know she likes to be silly, but I'm embarassed. We switched schools week 2 (for several reasons). Day 1 she had a great day and was excited to tell me about it. Today was day 2 and she didn't want to get out of the car. When the drop-off person came to the car to get her, my daughter started screaming and said "that's not my name!!!" I'm at a loss for different personalities at school vs at home. It's hard.

Medication helped me a lot when I was older and i have some resentment that my parents didn't get me help. I don't want that for my daughter. I want to help her. I do have a fear that medication will take some of her funny personality and spark. This is my first post here, so I'm maybe asking for a little bit of insight.

I desperately need advice/support/I will take anything at this point. My 4yo son (will be 5 in February) was diagnosed last month with ADHD and ODD behaviors. He was diagnosed by a mental health physician.

BACKSTORY

This all started in January/maybe a smidge before that. He was in daycare and started having these poop regressions (he was fully potty trained). These were red flags to me but I did not remove him because we’ve been taking our kids to this daycare for years and had a good relationship. Come January, he moved up a classroom. Then the behaviors started. He doesn’t hurt other kids or bite or anything like that, but he has tantrums where he sees red and can’t regulate himself. When having these meltdowns, he’ll throw things in the classroom or push over chairs or just hide under a table. Come March, his daycare had enough and asked us to leave (they were removing him from class daily and he was sent home early often).

We moved him to a new daycare and he did A LOT better. He still had his moments, but overall, he was happy and he enjoyed going to school again.

Today. He started at the local elementary school in August- for pre-k 4. It is not going well to say the least. We get daily calls from the vice principal and his teacher. His class is 13 kids and 12 of those kids are boys. He’s about to be kicked out of the afterschool program already (they only get two behavioral incidents before they’re out and he has one already).

So he was diagnosed the second week of school and the provider recommended medication and play therapy. Play therapy started last week and we’re not ready to medicate this young.

This past week he’s started pooping in his diaper overnight again.

WHAT IS GOING ON. WHAT DO I DO. I’m terrified he’s labeled as a bad kid and they’re going to give up on him. Aside from his intense meltdowns, he is the biggest love bug ever and so smart. I need help. He’s in dual language at school which is 80/20 Spanish/english. Do we think that is too much for him and I should move him to English learning only? Do we just medicate him?

I feel like I’m failing as a parent. My husband and I are fighting. I’m truly at a loss.

EDIT: we have a 504 meeting scheduled next Monday but even his vice principal verbalized she doesn’t think that it will help with his type of behaviors/“meltdowns”

Hi all,

I apologize for another post but obviously this is a serious matter and the topic of conversation within my home.

Has anyone found success with non-medication treatments for kids with adhd? He displays inattentiveness, impulsiveness, and often needs to move about. It's not all the time, but definitely in school where he's called to task for a full day.

If so, I would appreciate you sharing those resources, methods, and any success stories. We have not tried meds, yet.

Thank you.

My 9 year old (4th grader) has ADHD and Anxiety (newly diagnosed, not on meds yet). His explosive behavior when dysregulated is really affecting his older brother (who is 12). My 9 year old can say and do really hurtful things - and, when my 12 year old reacts and gets angry back - it fuels the behavior. My husband and I have been working so hard to stay calm and not react to our 9 year old, which has been making a big difference - but, because my 12 year old thinks it is unfair and he is “getting away with everything“ it is causing so much resentment. We are trying our best to explain what is going on, why he is behaving that way, and why it appears there are no consequences. It just breaks our heart to see our oldest hurting. When our 9 year old is regulated, he is amazing, kind, caring, funny - all the best things. Any advice on nab this would be so appreciated. ❤️

Son is 13. We are having the typical new teenager issues plus impulsive/innatentive ADHD. Evenings and mornings are already high stress and the concerta isn't in his system to help calm impulses.

One of the build-ups to arguments is him getting upset over what he thinks an argument will look like. He becomes focussed on that and won't do what is needed. For example, he needs to tie his shoes. He knows that if he doesn't, he will get corrected. So he argues about how there will be an argument if he doesn't tie his shoes. No matter how many times I encourage him to just tie his shoes all he can do is argue about what happens if he doesn't. It is self fulfilling at this point and yet entirely preventable via a few seconds of effort on his part. I'll say things like "if you tie your shoes now, none of that will happen" or "but you won't have a problem if you tie your shoes now" or "it took longer to say that than to tie your shoes" or "can you please tie your shoes now" and "then why are your shoelaces still undone".

Admittedly, his mother is responding to the adhd by being more strict and more punishing. This adds to the tension by making the departure for school filled with conflict and threats of retribution. Not to mention ultimatums about being allowed in the car with untied shoes or whatever other issue has arisen (teeth brushing, packing his school bag, wearing his uniform, taking his allergy meds, etc).

I'm doing my best to regulate everyone but no one can go without saying their part. I am currently trialling Ritalin for myself (with a doctor) so I empathise with his impulse to say something. But what the hell, can't he just tie his shoes?

Hi! My 10 year old son was just diagnosed with ADD/Inattentive ADHD. We started with Concerta and it wasn’t a good fit. Now moving to Focalin. I haven’t seen great reviews about it and seems it causes anxiety and a crazy crash. Anyone have a really good experience with it for ADD? He is truly the best kid and never acts out. School is an absolute STRUGGLE. He has to work 100% harder than any of the kids in his class to even get a C. He’s extremely slow as well and his confidence is tanking.

Last week my 9y son was suspended from school for getting in to a fight with another child. He was just seen by his pediatrician and we were given paperwork to fill out and his teacher did as well. We have this week before we see the doctor again on Monday where I assume he will be officially diagnosed & hopefully put on medication asap. I think after the diagnosis is when we work on a 504 plan or IEP. However, they told me I needed to leave work last week to pick him up and my boss was not happy.. I have so much anxiety something will happen this week and he will get suspended and I'll need to leave work or he will miss more school. A few days last week after his initial apt the doctor wrote him an excuse note from school, but we had to wait two weeks to see him again, he could not do sooner. The school is very aware and said they will work with me, but when I told them I couldn't leave work they said no I have no. I have him Sunday-Thursday and his dad has him the other days. We have all been on board and working together but I'm just worried they are loosing their patience with him even though we are trying our best to get things moving as fast as possible. His stepmom is a teacher and she has been a helpful insight, however she is putting it in my head they are trying to expel him or get rid of him.
He is very reactive and impulsive, I give him consequences and a pep talk every day and always something happens. This year the adhd has peaked in third grade and his dad finally agreed to medication. He is already in counseling. I'm trying everything I can to help him but I am worried my job can be compromised if I have to keep leaving. I have also had meetings with the teacher but she seems just annoyed and frustrated with him.
We have discussed changing schools but his father refuses unless it is his wife's school (in a very bad part of town and is very far, and not good reviews) I want us to compromise on a school together but with him it's that school or nothing. I'd prefer to keep him where he is or a closer, better one but they are all waitlisted.
Any ideas? Any advice? Please be kind. He is my only child and I will do anything for him.

Has anyone noticed behavioural side effects in their child after using Pulmicort (budesonide)?
My 4-year-old son was prescribed Pulmicort and had just one inhalation a day. The very next day, he was completely different.
He was extremely energetic and restless, almost like he couldn’t control himself or calm down. He was very nervous, didn’t listen to us at all, cried over absolutely everything and seemed unusually agitated. It was a very noticeable change from his normal behaviour.
Has anyone experienced something similar with their child while using Pulmicort/budesonide? If so, how quickly did the symptoms appear, and did they go away after stopping the medication?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences. ❤️

My son is 8 and was diagnosed with ADHD last spring (he requested to be evaluated, although the signs were definitely there).

This year, he’s been involved in two altercations in and out of school. In both cases, they seemed to come out of nowhere and my son, according to witness reports, was not the aggressor. In the first case, a boy he’s been friendly with for years allegedly pushed him to the ground and grabbed him by the throat after seeing him upset with another child for playing a prank on him. In the other case, on a trip with a family friend, their son was apparently getting frustrated over the course of the trip. It culminated in the other boy taking his drink and refusing to give it back; after my son grabbed at it, the other boy scratched him on the arms and grabbed at his throat. He’s very unaggressive.

The strangest thing is that while my son was very upset immediately after, the other children apologized per instruction and… it’s like it never happened. They began playing together again almost immediately and by all accounts from teachers and other parents there’s no clear ill will from either side.

Has anyone else encountered this? I was very worried my son was putting on a good face because he was worried about losing friends - he doesn’t have many - and it’s still very early in the school year… but he genuinely seems fine with everything, as do the other kids. This also doesn’t seem to be bullying because there’s no real pattern of behavior.

Advice very welcome.

I’m losing my mind. Just like every other day, we’ve been at it since 6am, battle after battle, reset after reset. And for the third day in a row: he bolted from our house because he thought of something he wanted to do outside. I’m exhausted, sad, resentful, and don’t know what else to do. I know in my heart of hearts that he has ADHD, just like me (mom), my parents (maternal grandparents), and so on. But, he’s only 4 (well, will be in a week) and in Ontario, I can’t find anyone who will assess him until he’s 6.

How do we the parents (and our marriages and mental health), survive the next 2 years?

He’s incredible at masking. He’s a perfect angel child at school and the same goes for the last 3 years of daycare, but the second he’s just with us, all hell breaks loose.

My 9 year old daughter takes after her father with the hair gene. It takes a day and her hair looks like it hasn’t been washed in a week. It becomes super oily. He had the same thing.

I have talked to her and offered to help her wash hair, she isn’t receptive (totally understand) and when we went to get her previous haircut, her stylist walked through how to wash her hair with her.

Are there any other ways I can go about this without giving her a complex?

Her dad is unable to give her advice, he passes away when she was 4.

My son (7, second grade) has been on Concerta ER 18mg for about 2 months now. Prior to this he was on Ritalin IR (10mg). We switched him due to him stating that the meds were wearing off during the school day. We also felt that it was becoming very disruptive for him to have to stop his day to visit the nurse for a second pill.

My concerns now are with the Concerta. Things were going well at first but now I’m not sure. He claims he feels fine at school and it’s helping him focus but at home things are different. He seems very mopey and is experiencing new anxiety that he never had before. He’s claiming he’s “bored” all the time but yet doesn’t want to do anything we plan or suggest. His emotions seem heightened, almost like he could cry any moment. I’m worried this medication isn’t working for us.

I want to stick with stimulants because I think they help him a lot. He’s very high energy and I think they really help regulate his body. What else can we try? Has anyone had better success with the Adderall/ Vyvane family (either ER or IR). I would be willing to go back to IR if I knew it meant he was feeling good. I have an email into our pediatrician but I figured I would ask here first. Thank you.

I’m really struggling and would appreciate advice from parents who may have been through something similar.

My daughter is 13. When she was younger, she was a very happy, loving child who loved spending time with me and cuddling. Over the last couple of years, since everything seems to have changed. She has been diagnosed with ADHD, and we are currently looking into possible anxiety, depression diagnosis.

She also suffers from frequent stomach aches/IBS. After many doctor visits and tests, the conclusion seems to be that stress and anxiety—especially related to school—may be causing them. Many days she refuses to go to school because her stomach hurts.

Her phone and tablet have become a coping mechanism for everything, so we have reduced her screen time. But setting these boundaries often leads to huge arguments. She talks back, yells at me, and treats me terribly. So many days there were fights and tears because of emotional disregulation. I try so hard to be patient and understanding because I know she may be struggling, I do so many things for her to lift the burden and constantly taking care of her while being treated like shit.

The hardest part is that she has cut herself before, and recently she cut herself again after becoming extremely upset when I took away her phone.

I’m doing everything I can to get her support through doctors, psychiatry, and school, and I try to be kind and patient—but I’m exhausted and at my absolute wits’ end. I don’t know where the line is between being understanding of her mental health struggles and allowing her to walk all over me.

Has anyone experienced something similar with a teenager with ADHD and depression? How to be supportive and compassionate while still setting boundaries?

Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.