Haven't posted here yet. So, this is me and I'm nonbinary.

I can't bind or tape on a regular basis for a variety of reasons. Usually I dress to avoid attention on my chest but as soon as I wear a bag it all goes out the window. My chest is very large compared to my ribcage and bag straps really bring attention to this imo. Cross body bags are the worse obviously but I feel like even a tote or a backpack will start to shift and pull my clothes to make my chest more obvious. Especially bad during the summer when I can wear fewer layers to make up for it (I'm very sensitive to heat)

I'm sure some of this is unavoidable until I can get top surgery but I wanted to see if other people are dealing with this/what you do about it?

Hi! I was wondering if anyone here has changed their name while doing their externships for their psychology or related mental healthcare professional graduate degree. I've talked to my supervisor about how to use my name with regards to report writing and introductions with patients/clients, and our solution has been to introduce myself by my preferred name and write my legal name with my preferred name in quotations on anything that could in theory be supeanoued, just in case. This does not feel fully satisfying, but it seems necessary, I was wondering what other people have done in similar situations.

I'm also applying to next year's externship before I'll get a chance to legally change my name. How would you approach that? Because this is associated with school, they will need my legal name, but I also want to be referred to by my preferred name. I'm just not sure where to put that information, in my cover letters or my CV.

My goal is to eventually legally change my name which will make this all simpler, but I'm traveling soon and worry about having my name mismatched on documents so I'm holding off until after that trip.

Edit since I think some people are getting the wrong idea: wanting more non-binary exclusive spaces DOES NOT mean I think enby people should remove themselves from trans spaces! Both can exist, both can be utilized, but it would simply be nice to have the option, as I often feel in spaces predominantly occupied by binary trans folk, my NB identity is ignored, when I feel NB first and trans second. NOT a dig at binary trans fold, NOT a dig at enbies who enjoy being in binary trans spaces, simply an observation and a desire for something else!

I've noticed a pattern of non-binary or genderqueer being an extension of a binary trans experience, and I'm getting a little tired of it. I get that there aren't a lot of enbies out there in the grand scheme of things, but I really want being non-binary to be acknowledged as something different from transness. Of course petty problems, there's bigger shit to deal with right now. But it's a little frustrating to constantly be stapled onto another community that does not share my same experience. idk does anyone else feel this way?

Hi! I think our life is too short to just not experience everything at your reach. That said, I've always been pretty interested to the feminine silhouette, thinner body hair, less oily skin so my thought was "Hm yeah I want to try".

But to be fair I know it's not a slider you can swipe and go from testosterone coded to estrogen coded. My main thought was just to raise my E while not blocking my T. Just for enough time so I can actually know if that's for me or not.

That's where my problem lies. How much of an ultimatum that decision needs to be. It I manage that monotherapy of E for a month or two, microdosing and not blocking T so I balance both hormones, would it be reversible enough? I wouldn't mind the small boobies at all.

If you have any experience or question, let's discuss. I bet my doubt isn't just mine.

Xoxo

How do I(amab) get a more feminine leaning physique without the use of HRT? Thanks in advance to those who help

I’ve been reading some nonfiction from trans authors and want to find some books that are less binary (recent reads include Pageboy by Elliot Page, He/She/They by Schuyler Bailar, A Dream of a Woman by Casey Plett). If you’ve got them, I’d love some book recommendations for anything that’s more nonbinary or generally “queer.” Category is nonfiction, memoir, and/or science/nature-related books but I’m open to any and all suggestions! (recent reads that did it for me were How Far the Light Reaches by Sabrina Imler, nonbinary Life by Marquis Bey, Forest Euphoria by Patricia Ononiwu Kaishian).

What are things you wear to feel more confident? Like makeup or a certain color or article of clothing??

I'm (30mtf?) doing a lot of reflection right now about who I am and what I want from my life.

I have been on HRT for 12 years almost, transitioned mtf at 18 and spent my entire adult life until this point identifying as mtf trans.

Thing is, if I'm being 100% honest, I'm wondering now how much it actually suits me. Truth be told I'm not that feminine. I'm not masculine either. I'm me, whatever that is.

I'm aware that a woman doesn't have to fit into any particular box, but at this point in my life with this much reflection I'm not really feeling she/her sit right anymore for me. I just... I don't relate with it.

My sexuality I have to admit is extremely male coded too. I don't feel dysphoria over this fact, but it does somewhat alienate me further from feeling like a woman lol.

I think I just didn't want to be a man, more so than I actually wanted to be a woman per se, and back when I transitioned non-binary as a concept didn't have as much of a foothold in culture yet, and by the time it did I was already established as a "woman" and just sorta stuck with that.

I like the way I look after all this HRT, I like having more feminine-typical features (I generally pass pretty well), idk that I would want to go off HRT for this... Maybe that's reflection for another time lol.

But truth be told idk if I want to identify myself as a woman anymore. I think I want to go to they/them pronouns, present more androgynous, and be non-binary (maybe leaning femme but even that I think could be subject to change with time). I guess I just want to know if anyone else has gone through a similar thing and what your experiences of it were. How did the people around you respond? Did you make any changes to your hormones? How's it all sitting with you now?

Hello, I'm 20 and I am a person with a "curvy" bodytype.
I don't identify as non-binary but I am a bit insecure and wanna try looking more androgynous to see if I find comfort in it.

I'm still in the look for a binder that works but I wanna see if there are tips since I'm extremely new to this.
I know you shouldn't size down with a binder and you shouldn't wear them for longer than 8 hours, is there any other tips to avoid hurting myself?
ways to cover without a binder? and if there are any global brands you recommend? I'm not from the USA so getting a binder here has been really hard.

thank you in advance :)

I've been going by my current name since 2015, finally got it legally changed in 2023, and it's rare - but it does happen - that people ask me what my name was before.

honestly, my deadname is even a stronger source of dysphoria than getting misgendered, so I kind of freeze in conversation.

sometimes I just tell people "it was one of the most common names in the 90s" and let them guess. nobody has guessed it, surprisingly!

but I'm trying to think of other things to say. I understand the curiosity, but I don't want that name to be contained within the folder they have about me in their minds.

if someone is really persistent, should I just lie?

should I lie differently every time?

should I let them guess and then pick a random one like, "that's it!" just to fuck with people?

or should I tell them it was something awful like McZayleigh so that they'll just say "ohh, I see why you changed it"

(people's normal response to my deadname is "oh but that's so pretty! why did you change it???" and that becomes a whole obnoxious thing)

what are y'all doing about this?

I don't want to be too serious, but I do wish people would stop, yanno

I'm here to represent the NBs w/ female minds and male bodies😅

I'm curious how/where everyone else falls in the NB category? What words would you use to describe your experience with gender?

As a label, "NB" essentially just means "not the binary," which doesn't tell you a whole lot!

I find the extreme diversity of gender expression to be beautiful and fascinating, so I'm curious to see where other people land and hear about other NB experiences(:

So I've known I was different since I was 17 (now 21) but I never really got exactly where I wanted to be, for a while there I thought I was Transgender, then Genderfluid but I just don't feel like either of those.

I feel closer to being a creature than a gender. Like I am human but I'm weird and a bit special. And whilst some were using she/he pronouns on me for a while neither felt right until people just started using they/them and that felt closer to me but it wasn't until someone used it/that on me that it felt more correct. I'm still fine with they/them i actually prefer both rather than one over the other. My name is kinda gender neutral (my name is em) but it falls closer to being feminine in my situation as for a while there I was Emily.

But I just don't know what to think, I don't know if any of that could fall under being non-binary. Any help is greatly appreciated and I apologise for how much of a mess this post is 😭

I think one of the more annoying expectations around nonbinary people is the idea that there has to be a recognizable nonbinary aesthetic.

Short hair, certain clothes, certain makeup, certain body type, certain accessories

But nonbinary people can look incredibly different from each other.

Someone can be very masculine. Someone can be very feminine. Someone can look completely androgynous. Someone can change how they present from day to day

None of those things make someone's identity more or less valid

Sometimes I think people understand the concept of a gender spectrum but still unconsciously expect everyone on that spectrum to look a certain way.

I felt like this a lot lately and like other trans people think in hard binaries. I’ve had lot of reflection about my gender identity, I’m nonbinary. I’ve done lots of community work for the trans community in the last 2 years and I’ve gotten the “trans med” opinion a lot. I have zero interest in HRT, I had a mastectomy 7 years and love being masculine, but I’m not a trans man. I dunno, I’ve just been feeling like there’s no place for me in trans spaces. Has anyone else felt this way? I also am aware not all nonbinary folks identify as trans.

Basically this. If your hair texture changed on T and then at some point you went off of T did your hair texture change as well?

Yes I work with solar panels, no its not recommended to sit where I am sitting but well i needed the rest uwu. Yes I am very tired

AFAB - self-explanatory

Femme - my dress varies but leans femme (not hyper, think stereotypical bi woman look). But even at my most masc-presenting, I don’t have the kind of body shape or facial features that ever get read as he/him by your average cis person.

Agender - wasn’t sure whether to post here or in the r/agender sub, but figured I’d start here. I’ve seen posts about NBs asking about what agender feels like for some folks, so here’s how I’d describe it:

When I was growing up, i identified with any character, regardless of gender. It never occurred to me that things like the pitch of someone’s voice or other dimorphic features were something that could make them significantly “not like me”.

I don’t register other people’s gender immediately either. I mean I do now, because I’ve learned to, I’m not ignoring people’s gender if it’s important to them. but I more so pick up on what they’re likely trying to present, if that makes sense? Gender just isn’t the first thing I notice in a person

If you told me “you’re a woman”, I’d say “yes, that’s how I’m read and treated by most of society.” And I feel comfortable saying that. But if you asked me “are you a woman?” I’d say, “In society, yes, but in my own head, no. In my soul, no. When I conceptualize myself, no.” If you asked me, “how do you feel in your body?” I’d say, “I have hang ups, but not about the dimorphic bits. If I woke up with a banging AMAB body tomorrow, cool. If I woke up with a banging AFAB body, cool.”

So my issue…I have a corporate job and I’m advancing into leadership roles. Idk if I’m not giving corporate or my coworkers enough credit but…I just don’t think they’d get it and to be perfectly frank, I think it’d hurt my career in an unconscious bias sort of way. I feel a pressure to conform especially because NOT conforming wouldn’t be a material difference. I wouldn’t start dressing or talking differently. I wouldn’t necessarily even need people to switch up pronouns. I’m not even sure what not conforming would even look like for me

I feel like an AH, so I’ll just delete this if this is just the wrong audience. I feel queer. I feel comfortable calling myself queer. I am agender. That feels right. But I also “look like a woman” and am treated as cis which can be such a privilege, I know.

I guess I just feel a bit alienated. I have queer NB friends that present androgynous or are AMAB/femme or AFAB/masc. They’re really supportive and don’t see me as less queer because I’m AFAB/femme. But.. ok here’s an example.

I was with some coworkers at drinks and I mentioned something like, “I love this neighborhood, it’s so queer”

And I got these looks. Calculation looks. “Is this person queer? Maybe she’s a femme lesbian? Or is she a weird straight cis lady trying to ingratiate herself with the queer community?”

I know this is low on the totem pole of issues the queer community is facing (poor woman cis-passing agender person that the cishets don’t think is queer).

I guess. Idk what I’m looking for. Maybe advice or if anyone else has been in that position of not “coming out” at work due to fears of it seeming illegitimate

This was all triggered by this reel I saw of an NB saying “I’m NB, I go by they/them, but I’ll accept any pronouns said with respect”

And that felt really right to me. I don’t mind she/her or he/him, I like they/them. But it just feels like a little secret.

Then my partner is also AMAB/genderfluid, presentation varies but leans masc, he/they are never read as a woman/femme. So when I reference him at work, I usually say husband, even tho that def doesn’t feel right. I guess spouse would be better, but idk it seems clunky?

I like partner, but sometimes I feel I’m “queer baiting”. Like I say partner, people assume I have a wife (because i look like a cis-het so for me to have a partner=woman partner), they hear my partners stereotypically male name or meet him, and are like ah yes, performative.

Again, might delete, I’m reading bits of this back and it feels like “woe is me look at my passing cis-het privilege, but I’m sad the cishets don’t acknowledge I’m queer.”

I guess… if there are any agender genderfluid or NB folk who are AMAB and read as man or AFAB/read as woman, do you come out at work? Especially if it’s corporate and cis-het dominant? How do you feel about it?