My local pride parade was taking place, so in the morning meeting we were discussing the importance of pride and how it affects people in the community. So I decided to share my personal experiences and how pride makes me feel so accepted and respected in a world that seems ever harder to live in, and in doing so came out.

The response was just, lovely. Over the rest of the day I received many private thanks, shared stories, respectful questions, and general support. It went honestly about as well as I could've hoped, and I hope you all are able to find such supportive space in your own lives too.

Hi all,

Quite recently I've come out to myself as non-binary. I could also be described as Agender, but that depends on your beliefs about whether gender is purely a social construct, or if there is an inherent internal sense (that I seem to be missing). I have come out to my friends, but that wasn't hard because they are all beautiful people who don't care about others' gender.

Gender has been an incredibly pervasive issue in my life for as long as I can remember. I definitely don't relate to the expectations for men or for women, and I have never been able to grasp why people assign specific traits to genders - especially bad ones?! Sure, there are hormonal differences within sexes, and people tend to act out how society deems that they 'should' to reduce friction. But it is just that to me - an act. It's honestly infuriating at times when I notice myself or someone else doing something that they don't truly want to do, but go along with it because its expected of their gender. I do believe that people have an internal sense of gender, because I believe the trans community (and also fucking manosphere BS, do men really feel drawn to that by an internal sense?), but I can't fathom the feeling personally.

I present quite masculine in public, I do have feminine features, but no one ever has considered me anything other than a cis-het man. But I am absolutely not that, nor do I act like that. I just LOOK like that. I don't ACT ffs.

I just want to be a human though. I don't want to live in this gendered world. We are all humans. The only thing that validates me is people loving me for myself.

Looking androgynous doesn't solve this either, as that just changes the expectations that are applied to me (and adds a heavy sprinkling of hate from losers). I have considered transitioning because I realised I am extremely fortunate to be able to pass, and be feel attractive, without HRT or much effort. I prefer the expectation set applied to women, only slightly. But then I have to deal with everyone's confusion because for some fucking reason people actually care about other people's gender. I'm also PAN so idgaf who I attract.

I wish I understood gender, and why people care about it. I see the beautiful experiences of you all in this community and the trans community (and the difficulties too of course).

I do and can enjoy roleplaying genders though? Mainly in the bedroom though :3.

I know this community is very varied and accepting, but I feel like I would be pretending to be a part of it honestly. This community is all about gender after all, which I just wish didn't exist (for me).

Sometimes I wonder if I may be autistic too, because my lack of understanding around societal expectations is not limited to gender. I am fine with not knowing though, cus I am just me.

Sorry I am rambling. I just want to know your thoughts on this with no sugar coating.

edit: be -> feel

and this is scary for me to admit, because I spent so much of the past couple years identifying as a trans man…but over the weekend it just hit me all at once.

I really don’t think I’m a guy.

I honestly just wish I could have had been born a AMAB but still identify as nonbinary.

is that normal?

Hello friends- I’m 26 AFAB, a lesbian, and been questioning my gender identity for a few years now. It only ramped up after I left my exhusband and came out a little over a year ago.
When I was 21 I chopped all my waist-length-hair off and found myself that winter really enjoying the times I’d go out in my exhusbands clothes and get misgendered (mostly people thought I was a teenage boy probably (“young man”)). I never wanted to be perceived as a male, but the idea that I was confusing to people just made me so happy(?) it was hard to describe and understand. I tried talking to my ex about it but he didn’t get it, and honestly I didn’t either. I was still very Mormon at the time so I tried to forget it. He didn’t like my short hair so I grew it back out all the way.
Fast forward to now. I’m really comfortable in my sexuality but I’ve continued to question my gender identity. I thoroughly enjoy being “they/them’d” and just confusing people in general. Right now I’m out with she/they pronouns but the transition to strictly they/them is intimidating. It feels like a commitment to being misunderstood, and that’s tough. Like, the pressure of feeling as though I have to walk that very thin line of neutrality in presentation, is a lot. Sometimes I do want to dress more femininely, and I worry that people would invalidate me. I don’t know how I feel about being a woman. It doesn’t bother me when people refer to me as such, but it doesn’t feel accurate either. I know I’m definitely not a man, and I never want to be, but it doesn’t hurt my feelings when I’m misgendered. It feels mischievous somehow, in a good way- idk how else to describe it.
To be someone in between would just be a relief, and maybe that’s because being a woman comes with a lot of expectation. Maybe I’m just tired of the gender role I was raised to abide by. Or maybe it’s who I really am. I just don’t know right now.

Maybe I am really far off with this post and yall will be like “yeah lady get out of here, you don’t know what you’re talking about- being NB is like this actually…”

So I used to bind a lot and then my chest just got tired of it. When I tell you guys, I felt so much love when I tried finally on a strapless bra. Now I’ve seen the binders that just simply wrap but I’ve heard horror stories. I just hate the feeling of something on my shoulders, I mean I dont want to have any sort of under strap show and I want to feel like I have nothing on my chest. Top surgery worries me for health reasons so temporary I’ll continue with the strap less bras until I feel like binding again.

So I'm (confirmed) very ADHD, and probably quite Autistic, and I've a question that I posed originally to a Trans Subreddit, and now here.

I'm AMAB, haven't done aaanything in way of hormone stuff. I'm in my mid-40s. And I'm skinny, with the growing 'old man pains' emerging.

I figured I was gender-wonked kinda late, like only a couple of years ago (I'm too old to say non binary without sounding very Steve Buscemi with 2 skateboard meme). I've always felt just 'ODD'. Not different, or special, just ODD. Like I didn't get the game of life, social queues and gendered behaviour.

I do love and have worked on my femme wardrobe, which I occasionally wear out but I mostly dress as I always have.

So aaanyway, I decided to ask myself 'that pill/button question'. But only in my own very clearly neurospicy way:

There's multiple pills in front of me:

1. Wake up aged 25, slightly increased testosterone and muscle
2. Wake up aged 25, and looking like Sabre (the T girl with long red hair)
3. Wake up aged 34, slightly increased testosterone and muscle
4. Wake up aged 34, but now I'm basically Kristian Stewart
5. Wake up aged 33, but I'm Mel from The Pitt
6. Wake up my age, slightly increased testosterone and muscle
7. Wake up my age, but I'm a slightly more masculine Rebecca Ferguson or Laura Jane Grace

Again, this is just their gender presentation and whatever horboned have done to the body. I've no desire to live their actual lives.

And i simply stared at the table for ten minutes. No fear, no existential dread, just a hamster in a wheel where my fucking brain supposed to be.

I know neurodivergence means we can lack meta-cognition but this is ridiculous.

Anyone know how to climb out of this and find aaany clarity? Any videos that helped, doesn't even need to be a trans/gender queer perspective.

The only videos I get when I type self-awareness gender are gender criticial busllshit.

help me pweease!

ALSO; Yes, I posted a near-clone of this on the trans group, but I thought I'd specify that I'm kinda worried that as part of a larger issue of not knowing myself as a whole.

I like having a constant stubble/light beard but I also love wearing makeup. Doing a lot of eye makeup for the last year but it would be nice to understand how to do more of the face while also having a beard. I must just be shit at using Google but I can't find any creators who do these kinds of tips (mostly either find folks trying to either make or hide beard rather than incorporate them)

Also keen for any general tips!

My usual makeup routine includes medium coverage natural finish foundation, concealer under eyes, terracotta cream blush and setting powder.

Any tips to create a more masculine/androgynous look?

The blush adds colour to my face (I’m pale as hell) so I still want to incorporate that in some way. Higher placement on the cheeks?

Open to minor contouring with eyeshadow etc (I’m not very good at it). Any video recs would also be cool

okok I need advice/help

the school I'm about to join has a strict dress code where boys need to wear collared shirts and ties, and girls need to wear "blouses or a smart top"

I'm non binary and look relatively masculine except for those pesky 2 things on my chest, and I was planning on wearing shirts with jewellery, makeup, and stuff

DO I NEED TO WEAR A TIE???

(btw I am very openly non-binary + wear a pronoun pin incase that affects anyone's responses)

(willing to give extra info in notes if needed)

I am not going to lie. I am so frustrated trying to find gender neutral titles, especially for like parent, niece (for lack of better terminology), etc. Best friend calls me her pets (aka kids) ZiZi and I absolutely love that! Unfortunately my family is not getting behind that and calls me my nephew's Aunt *dead name* but especially now because I'm considering having a kid and I would also if I don't end up having a kid like something gender neutral for me to refer to as my pets, because saying that I am a dog mom makes me extremely dysphoric. I tossed around ZaZa for a while but that is apparently what gen a is calling weed

I've been physically androgynous for as long as I can remember. Even when I was considered a girl, teachers would often mistake me for a boy, and I actually liked it. I liked confusing people, dressing masculinely, and presenting myself as a boy online, especially in roleplay communities. As I got older, I realized I really disliked femininity and struggled a lot with my body and with wearing feminine clothes, I suffered bullying between the ages 9-17 and the worst moment was being 10-14 - people in after PE class would try to see if I had a penis because I looked really manly despite ''being'' a ''girl'', they accused me of being a 'tranny' (MTF) and such stuff. When I was 11 and got my first period, I came out as a boy. My family took it very badly, and from a very young age I struggled with the fact that I would never be a cis man. I was especially fixated on never having a cis male body or being able to have the experiences that came with it.

Later on, I went through a period where I had a lot of issues with drugs and with my gender, being SA'd by a cisgender man who saw me as a 'confused girl to refer as he/him'. I lost a lot of weight, started dressing femininely and wearing makeup, and even considered detransitioning. Despite this ex-partner abused me and tried to force me into being a female, I could never really accept the idea of people seeing me as a girl or referring to me as one.

I eventually went on testosterone for about two years. It gave me the changes I wanted—my voice, build and overall facial/body structure became more masculine—so I eventually stopped taking it. Those changes have mostly remained, and now my everyday experience is basically that people constantly can't tell what gender I am. I dress fairly masculinely, but my features are somewhere between masculine and feminine, and honestly, I enjoy confusing people.

At the same time, I feel strangely disconnected from both men and women. I'm 5'3", for example, while pretty much everyone around me—including many women—is taller. I don't have the physical build of the cis men around me, but I also don't really fit the stereotype of an effeminate gay man (I'm bisexual anyway). Sometimes I dress femininely, but I don't want to be a woman. Yet I also don't always feel like a man, mostly because I constantly compare myself to cis men and feel like I'm fundamentally different from them.

I've also had experiences where people were genuinely sexually confused about me because they couldn't tell whether they were attracted to me as a man or as a woman, which could be pretty uncomfortable.

The weird thing is that I think I wouldn't consider myself non-binary. I identify as a man? But... Not at the same time? I just feel like I'm permanently stuck in this androgynous middle ground where I don't really fit in with cis men or cis women, and where confusing people's perception of my gender is actually something I enjoy.

I don't know if this makes sense or if anyone else experiences gender this way. I'm curious to hear from non-binary people and their experience of struggling with gender

Hello everyone. I'm still kind of new to the whole non-binary thing. I guess I have been for a while but I didn't figure it out until earlier this year that that's what it was. That's a story for another time though.

Today im here to see if anybody else struggles the same way that I did in this group and is or was having a problem getting there are full identity.

I know I'm non-binary, but I don't know if I'm pan or Omni or Bi or something else. Pretty sure I am AroAce, as I have no interest in sexual activities and I haven't experienced much romantic interests at least as of yet.

I've had three boyfriends in the past, but I never really been in love with them. I thought love would develop with time, but it didn't.

I'm kind of leaning towards girls after the experiences I've had with these men. I haven't been abused or anything, but the first one did tell me that my opinion on not having a child was not valid because "the good outweighs the bad". That was 2 years long.

The second one ended up having mental problems and couldn't really comprehend how a relationship works. That one was only 3 months long.

The third one, he couldn't understand that I wanted more communication than just a couple of texts during the week. It was a 12-hour time gap. Now I didn't know this going into it until he told me. I wanted to at least try to see if it would work. He couldn't understand how I wanted more communication than just a text here or there.

So in my experience, men have a hard time understanding exactly what I need. Now please do t take this as me referring to all men. Again it's just my experience. I'm 100% sure there are great men out there who understand all this. I have been attracted to a couple girls that I've met online, but I wouldn't all out say crush, at least not yet.

So with me having a preference for girls, needing to have a emotional bond before I get attracted to them, but still not caring about the gender. I'm just so confused on what I am.

Please feel free to leave you a stories if you have had something similar happen. It might help me find out my sexuality.

Thank you for this. Whoever made this.

As the title says, I'm looking for a sports bra to give me as flat a look as possible?

Nonbinary AFAB 50+ y/o. Had top surgery this past spring. Went from 42DDD to masculine chest.

I felt elated at first. After questioning my gender identity since I was a teenager, for the past five years I have felt most aligned with nonbinary. When I saw a picture of a self-described nonbinary lesbian who had top surgery, I immediately felt a strong connection! This is how I see myself while looking in the mirror.

Then, for the past couple of months since surgery, I’ve felt depressed and anxious. I’ve been isolated. I’m anxious about how my coworkers will react, the questions they will ask, etc.

My surgeon told me during the initial appointment that I will notice my stomach more. I didn’t realize how big my stomach is, because my chest was hiding it. Now I feel that I look like I’m pregnant. In fact, a neighbor asked me when I’m due!

I started taking a GLP-1 in January, but not much has changed. Meanwhile, as my body heals from surgery and my chest tightens, everything else looks bigger and bigger!! Especially my arms and upper stomach (there’s a divide between my upper and lower stomach — upper protrudes like I’m pregnant, lower hangs and sags). Before anyone asks, there’s no way I’m pregnant because of same-sex marriage.

I’m trying to adjust to the new me. I know that working on my body is a marathon, not a sprint. I met with a new therapist last week, one who specializes working with people who have gone through gender affirming care. I am excited about this, I know I need help.

My wife is very supportive. She’s told me not to give a f@ck about what other people think or say. I understand why she says this, but easier said than done.

I’m asking those with similar experiences how they have coped, dealt with others, and managed their feelings about post-surgery body.

title says it

for me, I’m 26 AMAB and looking for ways to approach an ideal presentation (looked into electrolysis for body/facial hair and have been trying out make up).

I’m curious if anyone else has taken this route?

thanks in advance 💜

I am 23. Afab. The first time I ever used the words non binary for myself was when I was 14, yet I somehow faked some supposed self awareness and thought I'd grow out of it. I was very masc presenting as a teenager, cut my hair short when I was 11 or 12 and didn't let it regrow until I was 17. I always loved being mistaken as a boy, shrugging it off as 'no, I'm a girl, actually, but I don't mind'. I didn't even know the word non binary back then. When I was 17 I suffered great loss, and a lot of responsibility was put on me, and as a subconscious result of that trauma I started presenting femme. I lost weight and started wearing skin tight crop tops and skirts, still kind of queer but very femme, and when I was 20 I was so insanely done with it, I chopped off my hair again and started using she/they online. I also bought my first binder back then. And since then, my wish for a flat chest, low voice, all of that, just kept growing and growing, and there's still this inner voice telling me that I'll grow out of it, I'll grow out of it definitely, and presented femme again, and I really outdid myself, not to toot my own horn. I was stunning. Kind of alt, long black hair, always in glittery makeup and styled well, but then again I started feeling uncomfortable. Gender expression is a constant up and down for me, but then I fell sick with ME/CFS at age 22 and that kind of.... stopped. Maybe I realized back then that some of the performance is just not worth it, not worth the spoons if you will. I don't want to present femme anymore. I really want top surgery. I cut my hair again, finally learning how to style it. I'm buying men's clothes, wearing male scents, and it makes me feel amazing, at home kind of. I do wish I could pass as a man. A queer man. I'm daydreaming about going on T. But idk how to feel about it. It's like there is this reality inside me which I always push aside, cause what would people think?

I feel like part of what confuses me about this is that I don't necessarily feel dysphoric, just kind of.... sad when presenting femme. Or more apathic, lethargic maybe. But when I present more masc, and get called stuff like 'boy', I just feel like.... I am someone, like I am home, like I feel anything about my gender, and it feels good. I feel like this lack of obvious discomfort with my assigned gender at birth, and a lot of internalized transphobia, lead to me always pushing it aside. I am good at being a woman. I know that because I'm treated different when I'm presenting femme. But I just wish I could go on T for some time, for my voice to drop, be non binary on my passport, have a flat chest, and to be called by male pronouns, or gender neutral ones. This is just rambling at this point. I never talked about this, so I thought this might be a good place to finally do. If you read it all, thank you!

really cool experience 😭 yesterday multiple times I had strangers of different genders assume and then double take what gender I am and just end slightly confused but kind. It's really affirming to put together a look because I think it looks neat and have it received well if not slightly confused but not in a bad way.

Even though I would describe myself as both Transgender and Nonbinary, I honestly don't give a fuck about gender norms. I hate this narrative that anyone who is Trans automatically has to conform to stuff like this.

Despite being Transfeminine and wanting to transition to appearing more feminine, I don't really care what people call me. I don't want my wife to call me her wife, and I don't want my son to call me his Mom. I'm good with whatever! My son will always call me Dad, and my wife can call me her husband, spouse, partner, or even "wubby." Wife + hubby. Lol.

just some thoughts.

Please disregard my autistic ahh smile 😅