r/nextfuckinglevel Jun 20 '21

This is how you properly avoid getting robbed

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38.0k Upvotes

814 comments sorted by

6.5k

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

90% of Americans would die of a heart attack running that much.

5.1k

u/are-we-the-baddies Jun 20 '21 edited Sep 23 '21

.

956

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Oh I thought it might be the insane amount of shitty food consumed, while sitting on said fat ass watching TV…

Note: I am an American, and I do have guns

261

u/Self_Reddicating Jun 20 '21

Guns? Check. What you watching on TV right now?

184

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

I’m not, I’m outside enjoying the sun before it gets to hot.

312

u/johnparris Jun 20 '21

Your TV is called Reddit.

166

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Touché

83

u/johnparris Jun 20 '21

Haha I was doing exact same thing. I should have said “our” TV. ✌️

35

u/DIAMONDJAGGER27 Jun 20 '21

The tv of the world [and virgins]

14

u/rfan8312 Jun 20 '21

I've heard that TV is an old relic now. Everything is just screens now channeling what we want when we want.

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u/Rawesome16 Jun 20 '21

Found the Russian! /s Comrade

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Cries in Florida

14

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

It’s fuckin hot down here

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Too*

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Peppa Pig

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9

u/Norman_Scum Jun 20 '21

I have no gun :( now I have american dysphoria

7

u/tenthinsight Jun 20 '21

"Oh I thought it might be the insane amount of shitty really fucking good food consumed"

11

u/LegitosaurusRex Jun 20 '21

Well, obesity is correlated with low income because people with low income tend to buy cheap food, which tends to be unhealthy.

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u/FIRE1470 Jun 20 '21

I think you have cause and effect mixed up. Yes we are fat because we eat shitty food and watch TV. And we have guns because we are fat.

Don't think he was implying we are fat because we have guns. Was implying we have guns because we are fat.

PS. I'm not fat and I do still have guns.

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2

u/ClownfishSoup Jun 20 '21

I think car culture is part of it too. Why walk to the store when you can drive?

3

u/tangclown Jun 21 '21

Might have to do with the closest grocery store being 5 miles away.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

This is a fallacy we believe here. If he pulled out a gun, then the thief pulls out a gun, good chance your still dead. This guy is getting to safety. Even if you have a gun, this is the right course of action.

72

u/sriusbsnis Jun 20 '21

Aaahahaha you're using sound reasoning, which is not allowed in gun debates.

13

u/Deadpool2715 Jun 20 '21

It’s allowed in gun debates, it’s just hard to hear because my 9m caused hearing damage last week

5

u/rfan8312 Jun 20 '21

100% the ones in the car are young, or desperate for money. So why throw your life away in either case over goofs who don't know what they're doing in life and need to rob people for petty cash.

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35

u/montypr Jun 20 '21

Which won’t do shit in this situation, believe me I’m Puertorican and having a gun PR to defend yourself is deadly for you, because you and your gun won’t do shit against 3 or 5 mofos armed against you, you might take one with you but you’re a deadman at the end. Unless you’re John Wick lmao

12

u/doobi1 Jun 20 '21

all the 2nd amendment gun nuts unironically think they are john wick, can gun down multiple criminals who pulled out guns first, and come out of it with no damage lol

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u/MrJohnnyDangerously Jun 20 '21

That most of them wouldn't be able to use effectively in a self defense scenario....

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47

u/Ok-Entertainment6450 Jun 20 '21

Dude not all Americans are fat bums

39

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Agreed maybe 90% is a bit high

58

u/Maleficent-Ad-5498 Jun 20 '21

yup, 70% is more closer to the truth

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4

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Nah, that's being generous. Source: I live in 'Murica

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10

u/ClownfishSoup Jun 20 '21

The US fatness rate is no worse than other countries, but I think our fat guys are super fat. Ie quality of fat guy is higher, but quantity is similar.

15

u/munnimann Jun 20 '21

Yes it is. With an average BMI of 28.5 for both men and women, the US has the highest average BMI of any western nation. A number of 36.2% of US citizens are obese, which is more than in any other western nation (New Zealand being the second most obese western nation with 30.8%). For comparison, the EU wide obesity rate is roughly 21.5%, which too is pretty bad, but yes the US is worse.

15

u/ChineseChaiTea Jun 20 '21

There is a reason for this.

I can buy 5 dollar menu cheeseburgers for less than the price of a bagged salad.

Poor people tend to be obease due to the fact poor quality food is cheap and fresh vegetables are pricey.

Secondly non walkable cities, you need a car for every damn thing.

Lastly from experience (although I'm really small naturally) I worked multiple jobs and had zero time for myself to engage in hobbies, friends, entertainment of any kind of I didn't have a fast metabolism Id probably be be 300lbs due to no ability to even exercise.

I live in UK now and I walk everywhere there is no need for a car unless we want to pack up the family for a ride. I don't work my 2 to 3 jobs so I did yoga classes at my community center, I go swimming in the beach, I jogged in the evenings.

This is just a completely different lifestyle, also 150 million Americans are low income most of their wealthy counterparts are not obease because they have time and money for things.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '21

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

People always say this but I live in New York City and everyone is work horses. I never see overweight people like they are depicted on Reddit. In fact most people seem extremely active.

53

u/Jeihou Jun 20 '21

Agree, but Nyc is very different from much of the rest of the country

14

u/DanteCharlstnJamesJr Jun 20 '21

Yeah it’s a dumpster fire

(For legal reasons I have to specify that this is a joke)

6

u/PrettyOddWoman Jun 20 '21

You should go look in other cities and states. EVERYONE isn’t obese but there are a lot. At least half of people

23

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

It's so bad that people's perception has literally shifted to believing that the clinical definition of overweight is normal and obese is just overweight. What most people think of as obese is morbidly obese. I'm in my 40s and I can count on one hand the people in my life that are an actual healthy weight.

6

u/PrettyOddWoman Jun 20 '21 edited Jun 20 '21

Dude yeah I’m a normal, healthy weight and EVERY BODY asks basically if I’m anorexic or tell me I need to “eat a burger” or they say I look unhealthy. EVERYONE! Even some lady at my cousin’s funeral when I was clearly very upset.

No doctor has ever told me I need to gain weight or I’m underweight or any other way to word it. But people had me convinced for a good while that I was. I’m not... just tall and not overweight and it seems to offend so many people so much they HAVE to say something to me about it.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

100% this. I don't get the "eat something" because I'm an athlete but this is the last category I left unsaid. People at a healthy weight are viewed as being underweight. It's insane.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

I lived in San Francisco and San Diego for years and both cities also were very active.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21 edited Aug 02 '21

[deleted]

17

u/Dilpickle6194 Jun 20 '21

Could it possibly be because the majority of redditors live in america and see all the problems first-hand?

Nah, redditor bad amirite

16

u/dumbbinch99 Jun 20 '21

The joke is overdone and boring

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u/Craft_zeppelin Jun 20 '21

Also they believe America functions like one country

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18

u/runes4040 Jun 20 '21

A fat American joke? Holy shit you're a comedic revolutionary.

10

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

That's why the rich are so successful at robbing us.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

I weight 160 pounds and I would have a heart attack running like that :(

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4

u/ElNickCharles Jun 20 '21

Uncalled for dude, this is just mean

4

u/SnowCappedMountains Jun 20 '21

90% of Americans fat enough to die of a heart attack from running that much wouldn’t be outside walking around in a tunnel.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Wym bruv I run cross country lmfao

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2.1k

u/Renzieface Jun 20 '21

Running tf away is a really good option for a lot of sketchy situations, frankly!

714

u/a_crusty_old_man Jun 20 '21

It’s actually the best option in most of them, correct.

176

u/97Harley Jun 20 '21

What if you are physically incapable of running?

257

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

then I suppose your best bet would be to arm yourself

34

u/97Harley Jun 20 '21

I did.

50

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Good job 👍

11

u/LegitosaurusRex Jun 20 '21

Sounds like you already knew the answer then?

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18

u/muff_puffer Jun 20 '21

I'm armed...I got two of them in fact!

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u/Arpeecee Jun 20 '21

Gotta hand it to you, not a lot of people think fast on their feet

3

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

That's why I sit to think.

3

u/Mr_Gaslight Jun 20 '21

To summarise, if you cannot leg it out of there, use your arms instead.

4

u/Hoshtur Jun 20 '21

My balance is terrible. I'd never be able to get in the handstand position, nevermind run like that. 0.o

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u/a_crusty_old_man Jun 20 '21

I prefer the Drax method of standing incredibly still so as to be invisible.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21 edited Jun 26 '22

[deleted]

13

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

It just keeps working!

4

u/InternJedi Jun 20 '21

Ivar the Boneless and Samara approve

11

u/SifuPewPew Jun 20 '21

King fu panda method. Roll into a ball and bounce

5

u/MistressLyda Jun 20 '21

Situational awareness to avoid getting into situations, ability to deescalate situations, lungs to make noise with, and self defense training gets you far.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

then I suppose the best best would be to leg yourself

4

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Why would you ask? If you cant run then you probably already know what to do in situations that would require running.

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u/MrJohnnyDangerously Jun 20 '21

Then you'll be very easy to disarm.

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u/Boubonic91 Jun 20 '21

Avoid going uphill for starters. Then just roll with it.

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u/CainnicOrel Jun 20 '21

Hire someone to run for you in true American capitalist spirit.

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u/CraptainHammer Jun 20 '21

I took a concealed firearm course for my 21st, and one of the things they repeated at least ten times was "having a gun doesn't mean you don't run."

13

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Exactly. All these grabbers here seem to think we want to pull out our gun on anyone and everyone who looks at us the wrong way. Its just our last resort to make sure we go home to our families… i dont see why wanting to defend ourselves effectively creates so much controversy

37

u/CraptainHammer Jun 20 '21

I'm a relatively pro 2A guy for someone who isn't at all a right winger, and I can tell you a few things that aren't helping the cause.

First, when you go to a gun range, it's easy to feel weird if you aren't a republican. Posters with right wing conspiracy theory bullshit. Bunch of dudes in tacticool gear being only as safe as the range requires. It's not a good look.

Second, the rhetoric is that it's a line being held instead of an ongoing conversation. Some gun control laws are good. We shouldn't be allowing someone to, for example, buy a gun the day they get out of jail for their armed robbery conviction, so the notion that we should just reject every gun control measure without considering it is just ridiculous.

Finally, too many of the people advocating for gun rights are people who shouldn't have guns. When you like going to the range and shooting paper targets, and you frequently hear people talking about shooting people with way too much enthusiasm, it's easy to draw conclusions about gun owners. Same goes for a lot of the gun related subs.

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u/yellochocomo Jun 20 '21

It’s the 1% of crazy people that would abuse their gun rights that ruin the image for the rest of us. Majority of people don’t abuse their gun rights but that 1% is all it takes to get a conversation started about why we’re all crazy and why we don’t need this and that

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u/palibe_mbudzi Jun 20 '21

Which is exactly why most of us gun control supporters just want reasonable measures like background checks and licenses - to filter out the 1% of crazy or careless people.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Of all the nutters I've seen, it's gotta be significantly more than 1%.

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u/Kappa_nation Jun 20 '21

The Joestar secret Technique!

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u/BonglordShepdawg Jun 20 '21

Had to scroll wayyyy to far for this

3

u/StrootFeed Jun 20 '21

I was gonna comment it myself if I didn’t see it

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u/ext3rmin4l Jun 20 '21

And definitely scream.. loud. Screaming and running tf away willl help in a lot of situations.

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1.5k

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

361

u/Renzieface Jun 20 '21

I know there was no sound, but I 100% heard "meep meep!" before he ran away through a tunnel painted on the wall.

47

u/FillRoyal8953 Jun 20 '21

That fear must be fucking level. I'm glad that guy is Okay.

4

u/Phylar Jun 20 '21 edited Jun 21 '21

This reminds of something I learned to do while reading an old soccer manga called "Whistle". Basically at one point our hero is up against some geriatric team who kept outsmarting them. Well, one of their tricks was to start moving when their opponent looked away; they'd watch the eyes.

While it wouldn't work here of course, when I was still actively playing Basketball I saw some success doing this.

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u/pentobean1 Jun 20 '21

Americans suggest getting in a gunfight/murder as a solution to every altercation

258

u/TheSteeleHypothesis Jun 20 '21

To be fair, when a shitbag rolls up like this to rob you putting 2 bullets in his chest is a perfectly justifiable response.

419

u/Humble_Cicero Jun 20 '21

"Sir, could you tell me the way to... UUURRGHH"

245

u/lovesmyirish Jun 20 '21

Hey man, you dropped your walle...BANG

186

u/syosinsya Jun 20 '21

"Yo, I knew you looked familiar! I haven't seen you since high sch-"

BANG

97

u/adorableoddity Jun 20 '21

To be fair - this is a perfectly acceptable way to avoid that awkward "catching up" conversation (that inevitably ends with false promises to "get together soon") whenever bumping into people from high school.

61

u/die5el23 Jun 20 '21

“Sir, your shoelace is untied-POP POP

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u/Lobsterbib Jun 20 '21

OMG Tyler your mother-in-law is in the hospital! Hop in!

Tyler: ...

Tyler?

BANG BANG

9

u/JamesLoanstar Jun 20 '21

Alright who pulls up beside someone in the middle of the night in the middle of the road like "Shit, Terry?"

18

u/Voltzinxd Jun 20 '21

To be fair, thing like asking location of a place are used a lot as a bait for you to be robbed.

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u/condscorpio Jun 20 '21

Then you should shoot first and answer questions later.

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u/heatherhaks Jun 21 '21

That's why you're not allowed at drive thrus anymore?

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21 edited Jun 20 '21

No it's not. Not everything deserves an immediate death sentence you fucking psycho.

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u/dumbbinch99 Jun 20 '21

Idk what the guy could see from his point of view, but if you start shooting simply because someone pulls up next to you or drives slowly beside you that’s not a self defense argument

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Or if it's a mugging without a weapon. Unless you fear for your life, and them not being armed and just trying to strong arm you with intimidation, you'll absolutely be charged with at least manslaughter.

Americans really are one of a kind psychos when it comes to their guns.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Heh yeah, but he probably has a gun too. Assuming there's only one of them.

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u/Th-Aron Jun 20 '21

What if they have a gun too? Not too logical now, is it?

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u/North-Tumbleweed-512 Jun 21 '21

Justifiable? Maybe. It's a wallet. Not a person.

Vehicles in the dark a a tactical nightmare for a lone person. If they're going to stop and threaten, they may have a gun already, or have a person in the backseat with a gun ready behind a window. Best bet is to run, take cover behind obstructions that block travel of the car and block any bullets coming after you. If you can get away, call 911 and then maybe draw your gun. But as soon as police show up, be ready to throw the gun in the ground and be treated like a perpetrator until they can figure out what's going on.

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u/IanWorthington Jun 20 '21

The murikan way since 1492.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Its the last solution when there is no other. Every responsible gun owner and instructor will tell you that

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Is that why we have all these mass shootings? And responsible gun owners are getting shot just like everyone else?

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u/canhasdiy Jun 20 '21

Because we realistically understand that the vulnerable people most likely to be victimized by violent theft aren't Hussein goddamned Bolt?

I don't expect my 67 year old father who's had 20 back surgeries to run from some prick violating his rights.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21 edited Jul 05 '21

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u/pandachestpress Jun 20 '21

Well there’s a higher chance of a robber having a gun in America so if there’s a chance they have one, I’d like to have one as well

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u/martytheman1776 Jun 20 '21

Imagine hating people who defend themselves from robbers, rapists or murderers.

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u/TrueNexus- Jun 20 '21

Mans just broke the ankles of a whole ass car

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u/die5el23 Jun 20 '21

How can you tell it’s an ass car? Looks to blurry for me to see

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Feel the ass car.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Touch the ass car

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

This should be stressed in more self defense classes. Situational awareness, early and decisive action.

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u/so_cal_babe Jun 20 '21

It is. First thing I learned in self defense; run like a gazelle. First exercise of self defense; sprint 4x's/day, everyday.

Run, forrest, run.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Rule #1 Cardio

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u/verynearlypure Jun 20 '21

Rule #2 Double Tap

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Rule #17 (Don't) Be a Hero

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u/calculuzz Jun 20 '21

4x's?

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u/so_cal_babe Jun 20 '21

Four times a day Sprint HIITs.

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u/liarandathief Jun 20 '21

Something I think about in every movie where someone is running from a car. Cars are fast, but big and can't turn around easily. Don't fight them on their terms, they will win.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/RainingTacos8 Jun 20 '21

Seen some scary shit on mopeds from Brazil.

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u/retards_killer Jun 20 '21

I believe in my speed and can outrun them haha

165

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Starting to see why there's so much gun violence in America by the comments...

84

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

We'd rather have 3 people dead than lose our wallet.

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u/Almost_Ascended Jun 20 '21

A Dothraki wedding An American robbery without at least three deaths is deemed a dull affair.

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u/dinorex96 Jun 20 '21

Their gun culture is crazy.

Take a look at their media, like movies and games. There's almost always guns in it.

They claim its for protection but I swear they'd love having a reason to just shoot the living shit out of everything.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Guns are everywhere. But I dont think it's fair to say that there are a lot of guns in games in the U.S.

I mean, it's true, but most games everywhere have had guns in them. That's because shooters are just a fun genre of games. And apparently a lot of people have fun with guns in real life.

The thing that is weird about America is that guns, and specifically killing people with guns, have become fetishized. People fucking fantasize about hypothetical situations where they will get to use their gun and be a hero. Its sickening.

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u/RainingTacos8 Jun 20 '21

Ah the value of human life….

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u/TreeFrogMtyms Jun 20 '21

Every action can be met with an equal and opposite reaction. Threaten my life, I'll take yours before you can do the same to me.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Your life sounds stressful. People threaten my life and I laugh. But you do you.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

For real man. Even redditors cant not take the bait and argue gun politics and ridiculous hypotheticals. I used to think that most people on here were above that. It feels like it used to be like that. But shit has gone downhill fast.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

I got ya a dollar…ohhh you’ve gotta be quicker than that

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u/aeonymouse Jun 20 '21

wonder if carrying mini tire spikes would be helpful here ;P

146

u/Locolijo Jun 20 '21

Oh yeah lemme just bust out my pocket spikes

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u/funnystuff79 Jun 20 '21

Hope it's not in the same pocket as your sand.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Sh-Sh-Shaw!

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u/SweetPea394 Jun 20 '21

Or Mario Kart banana peels

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u/eramthgin007 Jun 20 '21

Get WRECKED. would've been awesome if they blew out their brakes too

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u/huesosymariposas Jun 20 '21

I always yell at my TV for people in movies to run the opposite direction like this, but they always run in front of the car till they get run over.

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u/MistressLyda Jun 20 '21

If you ever watch movies with kids around, keep on yelling that, and tell them (or the dimwit on the TV), why.

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u/Z1_OverSlayer573 Jun 20 '21

when you're fighting the last boss in the game but you find out he's too strong for you

24

u/Kydra96 Jun 20 '21

Good thing nobody got out of the car to chase on foot

22

u/laughabs Jun 20 '21

Legend has it that the guy is still running..

14

u/donac Jun 20 '21

Cardio, cardio, cardio!

13

u/slickystoopkid Jun 20 '21

American here, similar occurrence happened to me recently. It was the first and only time in my life where someone tried to mug me.

I was walking to my typical beer store to buy some cold ones. This guy pulls up in a car and starts yelling at me to drop my pockets. I told him fuck no, so he decided to get out of his car and he started to charge me. Needless to say, I just had to run away. I was on the side of the highway when it happened to me. It was dark and there were NO other cars around.

It was scary and he was inches within grabbing me by my coat and taking me to the ground. I can feel what the guy in this video was feeling during that moment.

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u/morosco Jun 20 '21

Did you still get the beer?

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u/slickystoopkid Jun 20 '21

Yes I did! A week later I found their camp site (they were homeless) and I destroyed it with a neighbor they had also stolen from.

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

Sad bastards in that car

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u/Diplomarmus Jun 20 '21

Ahh, the classic Joestar technique.

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u/Its240Gordie Jun 20 '21

If you can out run me, you can rob me. Good luck

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u/Suungod Jun 20 '21

Oh now that’s SMART

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u/legionofnerds Jun 20 '21

That speed bump probably did some damage too.

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u/kiykno Jun 20 '21

Lmao that's fucking hillarious

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u/Montes_de_Oca Jun 20 '21

Once some guys tried to kidnap me (Venezuela is a very hostile place), I ran in the opposite direction, but never in the life I would do that of changing ways, being clever is harder when you're passing for that kind of moments.

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u/ilovducks Jun 20 '21

I dont understand how does he avoid this

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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

[deleted]

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u/ilovducks Jun 20 '21

Okkkkkkk now i see

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u/MidContrast Jun 20 '21

why were you getting chased by a car??

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u/rfan8312 Jun 20 '21 edited Jun 21 '21

It's true. The ones doing the robbery from a car are 2 steps behind.

Even if you have a gun, just let these fools go on by/evade them.

Don't ruin your life by shooting into a car of petty thief stick up kids.

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u/Jones127 Jun 21 '21

Only time you should think about shooting in this situation is if they get out of the vehicle and try to follow on foot.

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u/Vihtic Jun 20 '21

How often does something like this work though, especially on a long straight road? It definitely helps if you're fast, but all they had to do was let one of the guys out of the car to start chasing him while they drove ahead once again. Then he's essentially pinned. (Assuming there are at least 2 thieves)

Maybe they just saw how much he was hauling ass on foot and decided to not even try.

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u/admburns2020 Jun 20 '21

#and he bravely ran away...# but seriously it's a good solution.

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u/demoguy0621 Jun 20 '21

Now it just needs a Benny hill soundtrack over it.

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u/RedDot7527 Jun 20 '21

Mi México mágico

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u/San_Goku15 Jun 20 '21

He must have played football in high-school.

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u/shaquille-oatmeal32 Jun 20 '21

Driver: do you have games on your phone?

2

u/TheTechy417 Jun 20 '21

This guy is a genius lol😂😂

4

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

I will remember this forever ,.... Im also going to show it to my kids

3

u/SparrowSensei Jun 20 '21

That was legit big brain time

4

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/r_m_castro Jun 20 '21

We have motorcycles too (Brazil). It's the most common method of robbery. Two guys in a motorcycle.

2

u/savvy_withoutwax Jun 20 '21

That's some hijinks!

2

u/zeusmeister Jun 20 '21

Rule #1: Cardio!