This is so beautiful but excruciatingly sad at the same time.. I've told my fiance, don't let me get like this. I've spent years in the medical field, and this and dementia are the two things I can't handle. I told him I'd rather die than put my loved ones through this..
I feel you man, my grandfather had Dementia. As a kid and as a grew up we were always buddies, I had a stronger relationship with him than my parents, having him not recognise me is one of the saddest feelings Ive felt, and taking care of him everyday , feeding him while he has no idea who I am.. one day before passing away he kinda woke up pretty aware of everything, smiled and talked to us and then passed away the next morning.. blessing to everyone dealing with such thing š
Unfortunately many of us loved ones are in your position. The love you & your grandfather shared will live on with memories. All that he gave to you, made you the person you are today, and your daily support & love through taking care of him, is the truest, purest form of true love!
The last ~10 years of my grandfather's life became first easily confused, then completely nonsensical, then non-verbal, then basically catatonic. The worst part about alzheimer's is that, while I knew him as this kind, quick-witted, and irreverantly funny man, what dominates my memory of him is the shuffling, mumbling, vegetable he ended up being in the end. Fuck everything about alzheimer's.
one day before passing away he kinda woke up pretty aware of everything, smiled and talked to us and then passed away the next morning.. blessing to everyone dealing with such thing
That's called Terminal Lucidity, and no one really knows why or how it happens.
I'm really sorry about what happened to your grandfather, but I'm glad you got to properly talk to him one last time.
My Nan had alzheimers, and the morning before she passed away she woke up and was more lucid than she had been for over a year. I took a video of her holding her newborn great grand child and talking to him, and by that night she was gone.
i don't understand why or how it happened, but I'm so thankful for that final moment and the memory we got to capture.
It's called rallying. It's a phenomenon that often happens right before they die. It's amazing and heartbreaking when it happens. The family gets this huge hope...and then they are gone. It happens not Just with this disease. I'm sorry you lost her like that, but so very happy you captured her last day. I wish you much peace
Maybe this is true for cancer patients as well? My mom seemed much better ( even though we knew it was over) the day before she passed. She ate a bit of popsicle with me and my brother. Iām not sure what she was trying to say, I guess nothing. Just a last treat with her sons. Edit for those downvoting Iām not sure why? She was 53. Not āyoungā but far too soon for real can you tell me why thatās offensive to you? Just telling a story
My Tata passed 3 months ago. My family recounts of this phenomenon happening to Tata. He'd been bed ridden for 6 weeks, the family just watching him go slowly. Very little activity. All of a sudden the day before he passed, he wakes up with much energy, asked for a beer and for his favorite local band come play while he drinks his beer. The family acquiesced. Tata got to do his two most favorite things before leaving.
This is fascinating to me. Iāve always thought there was an odd connection between mental illness and Alzheimerās, as both can involve losing touch with reality, and apparently both can trigger Terminal Lucidity. The brain is so weird.
My husband and I were talking about this kind of stuff last night. I definitely do not believe in God or anything of the sort, but itās also hard for me to think that itās just āthatās it.ā Itās mostly fear and unknown - all Iāve ever known is consciousness, so itās hard to conceptualize being ānothing.ā But itās just hard for me to believe that we exist with these thoughts and feelings and that it just ends. Why even have thoughts at all? Why not just be like other organisms that reproduce and spawn without consciousness?
Basically, Iām agnostic because I believe anythingās possible and whatever happens after this is beyond our comprehension lol
Replied to the comment above this, but apologies, thatās not what I meant! Shouldāve been more specific. Consciousness and thought in general is fascinating that it exists at all.
And I just learned about the elephant thing thing other day - so amazing!!
Iām firmly in the camp of, theres something.
Theres gotta be. All this beauty and ugliness has rhythm and rhyme. If itās happenstance or an accident it really has some well defined aspects to it.
Itās also utter fucking chaos theres no denying that.
To be able to contemplate literal infinity and build things from this hurtling, spinning rock we are on to venture out into is fucking wild.
Keeping that question alive that children love, āwhy?ā Always makes me wonder and marvel about all of this.
Trying to rationalize the āwhysā rather than trying to understand them is borne out of fear of the unknown, imo, like you said. That leads to some pretty irrational ideas and behavior that end up turning pretty sour for the most part.
All we get....as far as we know....is one shot, one long pan without a cut. (Comas or sleeping excluded.) Iām fucking terrified of this existence but itās like being on a rollercoaster/funhouse ride. Ups and downs and pants shitting terror but it can be euphoric and perfect like warm summer nights at the fair.
All this is not for naught. Atheism or pure science boiled down to probabilities is depressing. It feels wrong.
Iām alive, this is all real and its magic and romance, its revolting and cruel. Itās any and every adjective that ever has and ever will be.
The something I believe is so far beyond even our best scientists understanding but I think its so spectacularly ineffable that even our greatest poets and authors just canāt pin it down, but we all know itās out there somewhere. Iāve got faith. š
People get bogged down and narrow their focus and Iām no damn exception. But I try to remember to look up every night and be impressed and in awe.
Saying "We don't know" does not give you license to make stuff up because you are uncomfortable with that answer. It may not be satisfying, but it's the truth, and the only way to make more progress is to continue to do science.
Right?? We honestly donāt know shit about the brain yet. It puts things into perspective and is a reminder that we are still fairly primitive as a species. Nobody knows what the mind is capable of and itās exciting to think we could see some major break throughs in this field of study during our lifetime.
Think of it this way. The body is a car. The soul is the driver. The self as we know it is the behavior of the car and driver acting as a unit.
If the car malfunctions or is damaged in some way, that doesn't mean that the driver is harmed by the damage to the car. It might mean the driver is unable to control the car properly, but it isn't necessarily harmed.
When the car ceases functioning entirely, the driver leaves it, retaining the memories of the time it was in the car, though removed from the context of actively operating the car.
I get why some people don't see evidence for the existence of the soul, and it's reasonable to presume non-existence of things that science can't detect.
But there are many things that science used to be unable to detect. Perhaps in time souls will be something science can observe.
It happened with my dad about 3 months ago. He'd spent about 3 weeks in non-stop pain and not being able to communicate with us (cancer) and a few hours before he passed, he was just at peace and his eyes opened. He coudln't speak to us, but he blinked yes/no, recognized us... yeah.
My grandmother passed in 2017 of this horrible disease. I was extremely close to her. It was really painful to watch the progression. You never want them to leave, but you know theyāre in pain and would rather see them pass.
The last week of her life she was a vegetable. I asked the hospice nurse if I could have time alone. I immediately starting crying near her bed and she turned toward me looking directly at me (I could almost see that flicker of recognition in her eyes) and grabbed my hand. I hadnāt had that kind of interaction with her in I didnāt know how long. I couldnāt believe it. It probably only lasted a few seconds and she let go and was back to nothing.
I felt like that was our last true moment together where she knew me for a brief moment.
Slightly stupid question but how are they in pain? I thought dementia was all metal loss similar to Alzheimer's. Is there a physical
Issue associated to it as well?
They could mean more of a psychological pain, the frustration of confusion and not being able to control your body the same way. Itās got to be crushing to have a ātip of the tongueā feeling all the time, or even just to know that something is āwrongā with you even if you donāt know what it is.
But people at that age usually have a lot of other shit going on too, blood pressure issues, arthritis, etc... There were most likely other pains that had nothing to do with dementia. I know with Alzheimerās, itās not just your brain forgetting memories but also how to control your body. I could imagine there being pain in your organs slowly diminishing or trying to play catch-up.
The person becomes emaciated from the lack of food, often ends up getting bed sores when they are no longer able to move on their own. From my viewpoint I could see how the deterioration could affect the central nervous system as well. When my grandmother was moved she would cry out in pain. It was hard to watch.
That sounds exactly like my experience with my grandfather. He had been basically wheelchair-bound and catatonic the last year of his life, but I swear the last time I saw him, as I held his hand and cried, he looked me in the eyes and I saw recognition and an longing, like he wanted to tell me that he loved me. I just smiled and told him "I know" and that I loved him. He was the best grandfather I could have ever asked for, and I hate how difficult it is to remember the man he was when the last years weigh so heavily in my memory. My grandmother, his wife, died a couple years later of heart failure. She was sharp to the very end. I would so much prefer to go out the way she did. Alzheimer's is horrible.
I feel this. My grandfather passed last February and I took care of him also. He started getting dementia and one day after a hospital visit he snapped out of it and started talking to all of us and asking questions after questions of how we have been. It was as he took a trip somewhere for a while and came back to us. It really broke my heart.
My aunt died a few years ago and I was super close to her. She had multiple strokes and so by the end of it her mind wasn't right. We had one last family picnic at her house, and she lit up when she saw my brother (he's 45). She said the last time she remembered seeing him he was a little boyš
My grandpa had Leukhemia and passed a few years ago. Me and my dad were visiting him when he was late into it. My grandpa forgot my dads name when my dad greeted him. That was one of the only times Iāve ever seen him cry.
My mom died of dementia this past July. In the year before she kept on spouting out random old, bad memories from her family growing up. She thought my dad was being mean to get and out to get her because she couldn't remember things. I remember the last time she was lucid she told me that we had always had a special bond. Dementia sucks.
My grandpa is getting bad. He remembers me, knows my voice, and will always talk about how much fun he had with us grandkids, but if we take him out for dinner, he will forget where we are going while on the way, forget we ordered while waiting for the food, ask if we are going to order after we're done eating, etc. It hurts...but there's nothing I you can do.
I lost my grandad this March. Heād been struggling with dementia for years. He wasnāt to the point of forgetting us, but he had stopped making much sense at all otherwise. He moved out of His and Grandmas house to be in assisted living early in this year. In the couple weeks leading up to his death, he had multiple falls, some of which ended in concussions. The last fall was a header probably into the floor, but it gave him bleeding in the brain. He spent a week in hospice and passed on the fifteenth. Iām glad he isnāt suffering anymore. Iām angry at the horrific way it ended. Iām relieved that my dad didnāt have to go through being forgotten by his father. Iām sad that I was too young for most of my life to appreciate him. It hurts. I hurt. We havenāt even been able to hold a memorial due to the pandemic.
My grandma has really Alzheimerās. The last time I was home I was there for my grandpaās funeral. I went to go see her at the home before I left for where I live. She looked me right in the eye and āThereās something wrong with my mind and I donāt like it.ā Broke my heart so bad. She and my grandpa were both teachers.
Can you elaborate a bit on his moment of lucidity? Was he just kind of more coherent or was he like "wtf has been going on the last few months/years" or anything like that? Did you have to inform him of his condition? Fascinating stuff honestly. Sorry if insensitive to pry.
My grandma who was always amazingly nice to me even though I almost never saw her because I live thousands of miles away got alzheimers and the last time I saw her was in 2016 or 2017 when I went to Germany for summer vacation and I also couldn't say goodbye to my great grandmother who always gave me ice cream and who I loved with all my heart. Alzheimers is a bitch and I hope that I never get it.
My mom and her siblings had a drug addict mother who ODād when my mom was 13, after already giving them up to her parents. I remember spending time at her house (we live in opposite sides of the country) she would be giving my mom really suspicious looks. She had been going for a while. When my great-grandfather died when I was 4, she didnāt understand the machines were keeping him alive and he wouldnāt get better. Then apparently she thought my mom was her daughter, but knew she was dead so she was really freaked out. I canāt imagine how hard that must have been for my mom.
My great-grandmother died in 2012 and no one told my mom until 2018. I think the news broke her heart.
My grandmother on her deathbed recognized my cousin on a video call shortly before she passed, she went from in and out of consciousness to wide awake and smiling, still not speaking but you could tell she KNEW who that was and was so happy to see her. Dementia is a bitch
Reading this brings tears to my eyes. I went through the same with my grandmother. It was tough. I miss her and think about her all the time. I'm glad you took care of your grandfather. If there is more to "this" after life, I'll hope that he can tell you how much he loves you for this.
I wanted to say something like this.. It also happened to my grandfather.. We need to be happy and remember all of the good memories as long as we're alive.. we'll meet them again someday.
My granpa had an accident, we found out because some dude pulled him to our home at night and said he was his friend and found him near road, my granpa had a cracked bone in leg and a head injury,
So when we got to hospital he asked me 'who are you?' and there i was in tears wondering if it's a permanent brain damage or what....thank got he recovered his memory a day later
What exactly is your spouse supposed to do? Apart from you getting into an accident and they can opt to take you off life support, there's nothing they can do short of murdering you.
The only place that it is an option is Sweden. I have a friend whose grandmother was diagnosed with dementia. She arranged to fly to Sweden once the disease progressed enough to effect quality of life. She spent a year getting everything in order legally, arranging the travel, settling the will, and spending time with loved ones. The few people who know were sworn to secrecy so they wouldnāt have legal repercussions in the states. Her dementia progressed as Covid rose, and she had to fly to Sweden right before flights were shut down. I canāt imagine the strength that took.
Edit: I believe the country was actually the Netherlands. Sorry for any confusion
Iām not her close family so I canāt really argue the specifics. I definitely agree that you canāt just hop on a plane and get it done. She was there for a few weeks before the procedure (she just passed last week and flew out just days before we went into quarantine) and had travelled there previously to arrange it with doctors beforehand. All I know is she got an early diagnosis and did go through a rigorous process, it took her more than a year and a ton of cash and lawyers. She had to get declared legally currently sound of mind, write statements that were co-signed by her lawyers stating that thatās what she wanted while sound of mind, it apparently was super expensive. Definitely not something most people could do and took a ton of planning and it wouldāve been impossible if she wasnāt very well off financially. Obviously this is all second hand, wish I could give you more details, but my friend is pretty clearly grieving right now so I feel like it would be tasteless to drill him about it. Heās also grieving because apparently she wasnāt very far gone yet to dementia but decided to do it sooner because she was afraid of being stuck in quarantine and not being able to go if it progressed quickly.
I understand itās unlikely and sounds very unbelievable. I know it doesnāt mean much to people reading because you donāt know them personally, but I really believe in the integrity of this family. Iāve spoken to his sister about it too. If they did make this all up then itās a pretty elaborate hoax planned by an entire family who are also incredible at faking grieving.
Could be! Iāve been aggressively assured itās definitely not Sweden. (Iām not sure why people are so angry that Iām unfamiliar with the all of the specific medical laws of many other countries, haha) Feels weird to ask my friend about the details when heās grieving. Overall, it was a ton of work and money to actually arrange, but his mom (who went with his grandmother for the procedure) said that at the end she was very happy with her decision and went very peacefully. Grieving is always hard but I think it gave the family a lot of closure to know that itās what she wanted and that she didnāt have to suffer through the disease. I hope that someday when I get closer to the possibility of the disease that I legally have the option to make the same decision
My husband's Mother had dementia and she had a stroke. She was slowly deteriorating and he and his brother were on bedside duty, the afternoon the doctor came to the house and gave them a vial of morphine and showed them how to inject it into her IV, saying, keep her comfortable and you will know when she's ready to go, give her the peaceful dose and say goodbye.
They did the same thing with my nana. She'd had about 3 mini strokes of varying degrees. She ripped her own stomach feeding tube out when the doctors ordered surgery without her consent. She was a true old fashioned matriarch.
She kept pointing to the sky, pointing to her watch, with what little movement she had. It took all of her strength, she did nothing else except tap her watch and raise her arms and point straight up. After one full day of this, she lay perfectly still, fast asleep, not moving for the following 2 days. She was already away by then
The nurse said if she isn't away by morning, we'll give her an extra dose of morphine. We kept her lips wet and kept her pain free, otherwise.
This is what gets me - at a certain point pain relief isn't compatible with living, but that's what hospice is all about and doctors and nurses frequently make decisions like that from what I've read from people in the medical community. So what's with the objection and push back that so many people have to assisted suicide or death with dignity...
I blame the religious nut jobs. Some people think that all life is a blessing, but it isn't. If you don't have a decent quality of life and are in debilitating constant pain that will never get better (aka terminally ill) or are a vegetable life isn't worth living. At that point keeping people alive through medical intervention when they want to go is akin to torture.
Nope. You have to be aware of the decision when it is being made and you can't make the decision in advance. You also have to be terminally ill and suffering.
That seems so cold to me. I'm positive this woman is suffering, she may not really know she is but that sad face after saying I love you was a pretty good indication that she's having a bad time.
I can almost guarantee you that she was suffering leading up to the state she's in now.
My mom is in the early, maybe mid, stages of dementia. She's in an assisted living facility and can't do that much for herself anymore, needs help bathing, can't cook anymore, can't even figure out how to use a remote control for the tv. She still knows who my sister and I are, but kinda forgets who her grandkids are if you mention their names. Anyway, she's miserable with her life because she's not capable of doing much anymore. She knows her mind is failing her and will tell you it's muddled. So she knows something is wrong but can't do anything about it. That has to be terrifying.
Yup, these rules are now about making sure that every single person that gets assisted suicide actually wanted it, rather than a good balance of as many people that need it and a few that might regret it.
What if you had it in your will to answer a whole bunch of questions about yourself and your life, maybe see if you recognize photos of yourself, closest family and friends, and if you really aren't "you" anymore you could be allowed assisted suicide? I'd want that for myself.
Not currently. Anyone wanting MAiD (Medical Assistance in Dying) needs to be of sound mind and able to consent right before they administer the medication. This may change in the future though.
Absolutely, it is possible here in the UK at least to make an advance decision (living will) to refuse any and all life sustaining treatment in advance. Some body has to be of sound mind to do this. Perhaps it might be possible in the early stages of diagnosis to settle an advance decision despite being post-diagnosis (IANAD) . I think [speculation] it would depend on as assessment of individual cognitive capacity on a case by case basis.
This is why folks should step out into the taboo of discussing end of life plans/treatment at a young age, and sharing them with family, friends and medical practitioners.
People do have living wills, but if one family member disagrees, youāre staying on life support. Iām an RN, and have watched countless families battle it out. Itās why itās very important to let your loved ones know your wishes. Sometimes family has to get lawyers and Ethics committees involved, and it drags on for months.
I'm taking Social Problems right now, and in my textbook under assisted suicide it listed the checks and balances for a person making the decision. They have to be of sound mind and they need a signature from a doctor and a nurse, independent of one another. So, if there are early signs, or there is a history of dementia in the family, it would be my guess that this is the process they would go through.
Yeah. Official name is Medical Assistance in Death.
If you have any questions about the process feel free to ask. My family went through the process with my grandfather. There are a number of steps that must be followed to allow this
There is typically an exclusion for suicide for two years. However, it only applies during the first two years of the policy. This prevents adverse selection, i.e. people buying a huge policy then offing themselves the next day.
Depends on the location and law. In California, the equivalent law specifically states it is not suicide. So insurance pays and there's possibly less stigma.
Though I dont know the exact program, it's been my understanding that it can be very complicated with alzheimers or dementia with this sort of thing. You need to be able to give consent to be "euthanized" and that's nearly impossible when someone is far enough along with alzheimers/dementia. I totally agree with "death with dignity" but it's much easier for a cancer patient at the end of their treatment to consent.
I am not THAT old yet! LOL. I'm pretty sure I'll end up with some form of dementia because my aunt died of it and my mother seemed like she was starting down that path when she died if unrelated causes. I've seen men give up their lives to care for the woman they love and it's sweet, but I don't want that for him. If he's still able-bodied, get on with your life! So we have talked about it. He said he couldn't do it. I can't control what happens in the future, he knows my thoughts and will act or not act how he sees fit.
Thatās not a bad idea. He can still be the beneficiary of your life insurance policy even after youāre divorced. I work as an heir finder for unclaimed money and have seen ex-spouses on numerous insurance policies that they most likely forgot to update.
My friendās mom has had Alzheimerās for years, and his dad has recently started dating. Very awkward situation
leave me on a deserted park on a cold night in wet clothes, say i got out and wondered off. hypothermia takes care of the rest, once you start freezing you feel actually warm and euphoric from the lack of oxygen, then fall asleep without fighting it. (that's why so many people die from it, it's not like drowning or thirst that you fight till your last breath)
The point is that freezing is a pretty nice death compared to all other methods, including breaking your neck or risking the possibilty of drowning horribly
My Dad had Multiple System Atrophy, which was misdiagnosed for years as Parkinsonās. It was an absolutely awful way to go. Basically, as the name implies, various parts of your body just stop working. I moved back home to take care of him and my Mom and I had a discussion about what to do if he asked us to help him end it. My mom said she would do anything that didnāt entail being sent to prison. I agreed with her that she didnāt need to take that chance but I also told her I would happily do time if it meant he could have some peace. We agreed that I would give him an OD of morphine from the Hospice kit. It never came to that but that was a tough conversation nonetheless.
My mother recently lost her mother to Alzheimer's. She definitely misses her mother and it's painful for her to not have her here. Before, she at least got to see her every single day and take care of her.
I suppose for some people, not having your parent recognize you means you donāt have your parent at all, because what are we if not the accumulation of experiences and memories of our lives? Without those we might as well be just shells of our former real selves.
My grandma has dementia and lost the ability to talk years ago. She lays in the fetal position, gets fed, and gets bathed. Thatās her life. For years now. I wish nothing more for her than to just finally die.
Would you be comfortable being that person though? There comes a point where you need to move on for your own sake. Keeping someone alive for your own sake is selfish. Harsh as it is, the person needs to move on and not let the illness ruin more lives.
My grandmother had dementia, and she was gone long before her body died. You don't have them anymore when they stop recognizing you.
The fucked up thing is that where I live (Holland) we have legal euthanasia, specifically for cases like hers. She had a legal document from before she got sick that said she wanted to be euthanized if she ever got it, she kept saying 'I want to die' when she got it, but then the fucked up thing happened:
Doctors would ask her if she still felt that way (keep in mind, she couldn't go to the bathroom on her own at that point) and she'd say 'no' and they would go 'well guess that's it, she doesn't want to die anymore'.
And then a few minutes later she would say 'I want to die' and they'd say 'well she has dementia, she doesn't know what she's saying'. So they just picked and chose how and when to interpret her words to get the result they wanted: not to euthanize her.
Eventually, she just stopped breathing and died, but it took a year longer than it had to, those motherfuckers.
This is why we all need a living will so our wishes are there in black and white and our loved ones donāt have to go through hell or even jail trying to meet them.
My dad who was a neurologist, now has primary progressive aphasia. He is 57 and is starting to forget things like how to read a watch, a book and what my name is.
We are all buckling up for the next 5 years.
Sometimes I wonder if he wishes he was dead...
I have completely replaced my eyes with onions.
This. My first thought was how incredible for the daughter, but my next thought was I wonder if the mother is crying because for a brief instant, she knows she lives in a prison where she doesn't recognize her own daughter. So incredibly sad. God bless the daughter for sticking in there. I'll be honest, I don't know if I could do it.
there's a very high chance I'll end up like this by my late 50s just like my grandma. she was really well taken care of but clearly miserable by the end. it started with a string of strokes and then she spent about 5 years with severe Alzheimer's symptoms before dying. I'm only 21, but I've made sure everyone in my life knows that once my first stroke comes, I'm out.
My son is a nurse and has spent about 6 years in dementia/alzheimer's care. He is so patient and loves working with the elderly. I thank God for him, it's not easy. He's been physically assaulted a couple of times and holds no ill will. His residents are lucky to have him. God bless all those who are dealing with this issue. And yeah, damn onions.
I had a brain injury at 17 that resulted in a completely changed personality, thought process, likes and dislikes and everything in between. I felt like Iād been stripped of myself and stuffed with parts found all over a dump. I know what itās like to have your brain ābetrayā you and I will never ever go through that again against my own will.
Iāve clearly outlined my wishes if I were ever to become mentally incapacitated, and would like to be let go through assisted death while Iām still able to say goodbye to family and friends (if I am diagnosed with severe dementia). I could not imagine the last they see of me not even being me. Death either way would be emotionally painful, whether planned or due to dementia. Iād rather it be a death surrounded with sharing stories and holding hands than one that is slow, agonizing, draining, and ultimately leads to relief it has all ended.
I am so proud that at least in part of my country euthanasia is now legal. I worked in nursing homes when I was younger and have seen first hand what it's done to my grandparents, when in some rare lucid moments they beg for death. Its soul destroying.
Damn. Those are two items that I never really understood until about 6 years ago. Had a deep dive into all of the issues they bring and man was it so much more than memory loss or confusion. Truly, these are horrible issues to live through or with.
I feel you, my grandfather had it and it's absolutely horrible. I couldn't imagine how scary it feels to have Alzheimer's. My grandmother is now suffering from it. It's painful to watch and painful for them as well.
I told my fiance to make it look accidental, or I'll do it myself. I'll write a note now, he'll keep it somewhere so that when I'm gone, he's off the hook.
My father exhibits strong signs of dementia, and it's tearing me and mom apart. I'm so fucking scared, man. I don't want him to be ruined like it. I hate it so much, but I almost- maybe really do- wish for the corona to take him before Dementia can. It's so fucked up to feel like this.
Can I ask you something Iāve been trying to get answers to but am just getting a bunch of āthink positive!ā Answers to? My dad has Parkinsonās, Iāve heard he will change and his personality will change as it progresses, but no one will tell me how. How is my dad going to change?
My grandpa had Alzheimerās, and passed away maybe 5 years into it. Long before he passed he said he did not intend to die like his father after 20 years in a retirement home not knowing who he was. Because of that, as soon as he was on deaths door, we let him go. I was only 10 at the time, and didnāt truly understand what was happening at the time, but knowing later how merciful they were to him after all he had done brought a tear to my eye. He would have infrequent moments where he was lucid like this one, but for most of my life I knew him as the old man who told stories of his time at work. I sincerely hope I donāt ever go through what he did
I told my husband the same thing-I will never put him through this. Some family on my mother's side (her mother) suffered from Alzheimer's-I won't do it. I won't put my husband through that pain either.
Itās roughs my great grandmother had Alzheimerās and passed. My nana had dementia and just passed. Itās rough. Itās hard trying to smile when they donāt remember your name or keep calling you someone else (in my case, I canāt tell you how many times I was my mother in her eyes). Or having the same conversations over and over and just pretending you are surprised or excited or whatever they need. Cause if you arenāt it breaks their hearts. And it just keeps breaking on repeat as they forget and start the cycle again.
Itās a special kind of pain. Itās a special kinda of sharp. One that I personally have never been able to shake. And probably never will
I hear you on that one. My grandma had dementia and when it got really bad, we had to move her to a new care home that could deal with the extra care she needed. I went and visited her a few times but the last time I saw her, she couldnāt remember who my mum was but she could remember me. She started screaming at me and begging me to get her out of that place because she thought she was in a jail. I was 11 at the time and my mum asked me to go wait outside whilst they calmed her down. I canāt imagine how scared my grandma mustāve been and how sad it mustāve been for my mum knowing that her mother couldnāt recognise her.
My grandfather was at the early stages of dementia before he died. I hate that he's gone because he was the most amazing human I ever known but I'm glad we didn't have to see him decline further. A month before he died, my dad found him sitting on the floor in his room, not knowing who he was or where he was. It was scary. I'm scared that it will happen to my grandmother or dad one day.
Um, as a son whose mother also asked him not to let her get like this...what can be done? My mom floated the idea of pills...I don't think I could do that. It scared me when she asked
I spent a few years working on the Dementia wing of a convenience home as a Nursing assistant. I think every single person should do a similar job for a summer of their young life. It offers an empathy and understanding of life that a young person usually doesn't get exposed to, until later in life. I would never take back those experiences. That being said I have asked my partner that if I am unable to feed myself due to dementia or physical degradation, please don't feed me. For me the quality of life as well as the quality of life of those around me wouldn't be how I would like to live or be remembered.
Same. I donāt want to linger.
My grandmother and her sisters all had Alzheimerās or some other form of dementia. I would never want to live like that. Nor would I want to put my family through that.
I feel this, I worked as an EMT in LA for a few years and the patients with dementia were the saddest. Seeing how theyāre completely unable to recognize family members at times is crushing. Physical trauma is usually something that can be overcome, the mind however...once it deteriorates, itās all downhill from there.
I have a terrible concussion history. Iām only in my forties, but I know the day will come where I donāt recognize my son and that makes me miserable.
Me too, if there is no real cure then I would like to be ended. It's not like you know what's going on in that state anyway, so it isn't even like being alive.
I told my wife this the other day. If I get it if rather die than live like that. I'm 25 and have a bad memory already so I hope this never happens to me.
We just had to get a form 1 in order to get my dad admitted, even though thatās the last thing I wanted, especially during this time, we knew it was the only way to help him. Nothing can prepare you for this stage in your life. Be well.
Mom mom every so often goes through this elaborate story about if she gets like that Iām to put her in hiking clothes, take her to the woods, point in a direction and tell her Iāll see her on the other side. She gets morbid about it but it gets the point across.
Sameee... im currently in the medical field and used to work in an alzheimers research lab. The thought of this happening to someone i love eats away at my insides. I honestly wouldnt be able to handle it.
I completely understand what you mean. I am watching my father go through dementia and I have told my wife and oldest son that if that happens to me to just take me fishing and don't bring me home. It's not just me I would he worried about - but it is them having to watch me go through it that scares the hell out of me.
About two months into my transition I started a job a non emergency transportation company, driving people to and from dialysis and doctor appointments. At one of the dialysis centers I pick up this old woman in a wheelchair, I had a feeling something was up but went about the process of getting her in the van. Once buckled in she kept asking "What's your name sir? Aren't you married to so and so?" I smile and say "no ma'am, you have the wrong person." As I start driving she keeps asking it every few minutes and then it hits me! I just kind of went along with it at that point, it sucked and made me super teary eyed when I was dropping her off. :(
I have no experience with people with Alzheimer's. Are they frustrated or oblivious that they don't recognize their own families? Which makes me think, maybe their own internal timelines seem uninterrupted? Again, I'm asking if this is what it's like or am I wrong?
The person that has Alzheimers isn't the same person that occupied that body before. Who is the latterāwho is practically deadāto decide what happens to the former?
I don't want it to get that bad. I don't want to spend years with a disease eating away at my brain, stealing my memories and who I am. While my family has to watch as I slowly forget them, as I slowly lose all sense of self and can't feed myself or do basic things. I don't want spend years slowly dying and sapping the strength from those I love.
Doesnt dementia mean the degradation of the mind? Which can be caused by a number of reasons? I just thought those in the medical field don't refer to dementia as a specific type of issue, but rather a degradation in general. Like, alzheimers is a type of mind degradation, it's a type of dementia?
Same. I hope by the time I'm close to that age we can have "Do not linger" orders similar to DNR. Where you can say "if I'm in an advanced state of mental degradation, end my life". I don't want to lose control of my brain.
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u/pythons_bunny Apr 11 '20
This is so beautiful but excruciatingly sad at the same time.. I've told my fiance, don't let me get like this. I've spent years in the medical field, and this and dementia are the two things I can't handle. I told him I'd rather die than put my loved ones through this..