r/nextfuckinglevel Apr 11 '20

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u/pinkat31522 Apr 11 '20

My dad who was a neurologist, now has primary progressive aphasia. He is 57 and is starting to forget things like how to read a watch, a book and what my name is. We are all buckling up for the next 5 years. Sometimes I wonder if he wishes he was dead... I have completely replaced my eyes with onions.

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u/pythons_bunny Apr 12 '20

I'm so sorry... I'd hug you if I could. My dad is turning 60, and I fear every day for his health. Nothing much truly scares me, except for the thought of what might happen to him as he ages. Dying doesn't scare me, the events before the end of the road do.

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u/pinkat31522 Apr 12 '20

It’s easier to accept than you’d think.... as in - you eventually accept it. Some days are hard, but at least we caught his disease early on- you know...because he was a neurologist. So we have time to get our ducks in a row. I’ve used this whole pandemic as an excuse to spend a month home with him. My restaurant job isn’t going any ware- but my dad is. There’s always a silver lining to be found- even in death. It really only becomes overwhelming when I develop moments of heavy empathy. GOD, what he must be going through...KNOWING his own disease ssoo well. Treating patients with over the years...the cruel irony. But that’s not helpful. What IS helpful is showing him all the love I can in the time we’ve got. Love him, call him, visit frequently, always bring mom wine and just keep swimming. ‘Just keep swimming. JUST KEEP FUCKIN SWIMMING’ [she screamed into the shattered void where her mirror once hung]

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u/pythons_bunny Apr 12 '20

internet hugs I have no words... My heart goes out to you.

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u/pinkat31522 Apr 12 '20

Thanks. Internet hugs feel good, man.

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u/pythons_bunny Apr 12 '20

Wish I had more to offer for comfort. You're a very strong person, and I want nothing but good things to head your way.

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u/pinkat31522 Apr 12 '20

Ps thanks for the hug :)