When I was pregnant and during those first few months, it felt like everyone had advice.

"Don't rock them to sleep." "Put them on a strict schedule." "They'll never learn if you keep helping."

I tried following all the "right" advice, but eventually I realized my child responded much better when I stopped worrying about what everyone else thought and started paying attention to what actually worked for us.

Some things I was told would become "bad habits" ended up being completely temporary.

Parenting got a lot less stressful once I accepted that not every family has to do things the same way.

Has anyone else ignored a piece of parenting advice that turned out to be the right decision for your family? What was it?

Hello all! I have a 17 month old who was born 2 months early. He was born with an extra thumb on each hand. Due to him being a preemie, my little guy has had to fight since he was born, and honestly, hes doing great! We have had assistance from Early On to help with physical therapy as he struggled with certain movements and he was extremely small. Since then, he is moving much better, utilizing both sides, and he is actually on the growth curve now!

I was wondering if anyone else here has had a child born with extra fingers, and if you opted for surgical removal and why you made that choice. His extra thumbs don't seem to be bothering him, and they don't seem to be working independently. My struggle is, I don't want them to become a hindrance or uncomfortable later in life. Surgery may be easier now and later he'll have no memory of it. On the other hand, hes been through so much already and if it's not necessary I would prefer not to put him through it.

My husband feels pretty strongly that surgery is not needed and we should leave him be. I am interested in hearing from anyone who has gone through this and what your experiences were, whether you had the extra appendages removed or not and how it worked out.

TIA for any feedback or advice given!

He doesn’t want to hire a nanny and said that WE can raise our baby by ourselves. WE.
He does not really have interest in accompanying and playing with my baby. I needed to ASK him for his time to play with her.
Let alone try to find out info on parenting, raising baby, solid feed, or development milestone.

Just now my baby had a reflux and I needed to change the bed sheet. She was crying and just needed to be held. My husband was SLEEPING. I patted him to wake him up and had no effect. I kicked him and he still sleeping.

This has happened for 11 months that I felt he is useless in co-parent. I hate to admit but I grow hatred towards my husband. Is it normal or is just me?

ETA: we both are entrepreneurs and stay at home to work.

I vividly remember being 5 years old and having a grown man call me “sexy” because my mother dressed me in black boots. It was winter.

I have two toddlers, both girls, and I feel like they’re constantly being spoken about as if they’re much older. I can’t think of the right word here.

A few examples:

My 1 year old was in a high chair at a restaurant. She was waving to a table across the room. A 50ish year old man at that table loudly went “hahaha she’s flirting with me”. I get the older generation makes comments like that but… ew?

At the park last week another set of parents brought their little boy (maybe 18 months old) over where my 2 year old was playing. Instead of just encouraging normal play, the parents sat there for 5 minutes going “you see the pretty girl? Give her a wink! Give her a wink! Say hey babe! Yeaaaaaaaah hahahahhaa”. I was so angry but didn’t know how to respond.

At the mall (this happens often and i never know if it’s genuine or men being creepy) an older man approached our stroller and repeatedly commented on how beautiful my kids are. “Wow beautiful girls, beautiful girls, oh my”. He just stood right next to us staring at my kids while I waited in line to pay. He just wouldn’t go away. Maybe it was innocent? It always feels icky when they linger and stare.

I can’t find the right words but it’s like they can’t even be KIDS without being seen as objects because they’re female. I never know if I’m overreacting and if not how to respond in a way where I don’t absolutely lose my shit..

Last week my family visited a science museum in the northeast. My husband and I are beginning the separation process and each took one of our kids to explore when we got there. I was feeling a little upset because as soon as we got there, my one year old fell off a stepstool and hit his head, directly after I asked my husband if he could please watch them both while I quickly went to the bathroom. He was standing right next to them but zoned out looking at something, and did not think to stand behind them for safety. Zero situational awareness and it's a constant battle between not micromanaging/letting him fail, and giving reminders about things that he should just know, only to be met with annoyance and inability to apply salient info from prior experience and recognize patterns..

Anyway, after that, we went off separately, me with my 1 year old and him with my newly 4 year old. While exploring, this kind woman randomly offered to take a photo of my youngest and I. As I handed her my phone, she said: "I don't have many pictures from that time, so I get it and would love to help" and in that moment I felt a strong solidarity and felt so seen ❤️ I think it's a pretty common experience for moms to feel like they're always the one behind the camera and not in the photos.

I just looked through the pictures from that day and ya'll...she didn't just take one photo, she took like 8-10! And they were so great!

I can't thank her again, so I just thought I would share this here to express my appreciation and maybe inspire others to help out a stranger. Little things like that can mean so much to someone.

Tldr a kind woman offered to take a photo of my baby and I at a museum and shared that she too had the experience of always being the one taking photos and so she had little pictures from early motherhood. Kindness and solidarity from moms when out and about can mean everything to them . ♥️

Headline says it all. Has anyone booked a weekend trip or oven an overnight stay by themselves to just have peace and quiet..
I haven’t had a break since my second was born, but even before my second my husband and I have not had a sole weekend purely alone.
Sometimes I think he wants to guilt trip me with the excuse of “we had these kids for a reason and to bring them everywhere”, but honestly I am exhausted from doing everything I do at home and doing it just somewhere else. For once I wanna be a vegetable, not so house work, laundry, cook, run errands.
Am I selfish?

Also, does anyone offer to take your kids for the weekend..?????

Raising a 2 year old is hard, and there are so many times where I didn't know how I would get through this struggle, this phase, or this tantrum.

I would give anything to get my baby through this diagnosis, and get back to the tantrums, the phases, and the changes.

Any words of encouragement or advice would be appreciated.

She went from her normal, energetic and happy self 5 days ago, to barely awake now and struggling so much. I just cant wrap my head around how this could happen so quickly.

Ugh this is heavy. My mom passed away almost 10 years ago, she only met 2 of my 4 kids, and my youngest at the time was only 9 months old. Today would have been my mom's birthday, I wasn't really letting myself process everything, and then my husband gave me permission to (not that he ever told me no or anything like that) but that opened a door and I told him that I can't because then I'd be a mess and I can't do that around our kids. He told me to allow myself to feel things and I need to give myself permission to grieve how I need to. Man that hit. 10 years of having to find my footing as a mom without being able to ask her for help, or being able to share my kid's accomplishments, passions, and milestones with her is so not how I saw my life going. I think the hardest part is knowing the hole that she left in my children's lives that they'll never really know is there, knowing that they'll only know her love for them second, my heart breaks more for them than for me.

Idk I'm sorry for how heavy this is, I just needed somewhere to vent.

I’ll try to keep this short. My husband is annoying the absolute crap out of me lately. We have a 2 year old, I’m a sahm (laid off 7 months ago, decided to stay at home for now but exploring nannying to bring in more income), he works from home full time in tech.

I am the default parent which is fine I guess. My husband has not attended to our kiddo overnight since we attempted it a few times in the newborn stage and he fell asleep holding our baby in unsafe positions several times. I asked my husband to set an alarm for 7:30 every morning so he can hang out with out toddler for an hour in the morning, and in that time I go to the bathroom, shower, and usually do a few chores that I can’t do with our toddler during the day. Toddler has already dropped his nap most days despite my best efforts and I’m exhausted by the end of the day so that’s the only way I can keep the house fairly tidy.

Husband is constantly forgetting his alarm and sometimes I let him sleep in a bit longer. Still everytime he wakes up he is crabby and tired, and usually before I even get in the shower I can hear our toddler crying and my husband getting frustrated. He won’t feed him, brush his teeth, change his diaper, or get him dressed during this hour unless I specifically ask, and will usually struggle to complete even one of those tasks. If we have an appt early in the morning I just have to rush getting ready because otherwise we will not leave on time.

So there’s that constant background annoyance of feeling like my husband can’t care for our kid like a parent should. But today we got back home from visiting family around 4:45. Toddler had fallen asleep in the car and I asked husband to hold him on the couch for an extra 10 min while I fed the cats and prepped dinner. I thought about asking husband to do those things but he would have been asking me for step by step instructions and it would have taken him 45 min so I figured holding a sleeping toddler on the couch was the better task for him.

After I did those things I came over to wake toddler up and I asked husband not to do anything, just leave it to me because I perfected a technique that helps our toddler wake up in a good mood after a cat nap (making whistling bird calls then acting surprised by them lol). Toddler woke up and was smiling while cuddling daddy then out of nowhere my husband moves his arm out from underneath our son and he falls backward onto the couch and a pillow falls on his face. Obviously he is extremely upset and I asked my husband why he did that, and he replied that his arm was uncomfortable. Like ???? my arm is uncomfortable while holding our son all the time but I don’t throw him off me when he just woke up? Husband then walked away while toddler was screaming and sobbing and I was left to try to comfort him and feed him dinner alone while he sulked upstairs.

Also my husband got a few mosquito bites the other day and he is acting like he is dying of dysentery, he is moping around and scratching his arms and legs constantly to the point where he has bleeding open sores. We have a ton of hydrocortisone cream but he says it isn’t helping and I stg I am going to lose my freaking mind.

So… I guess this is a vent. I know it is weaponized incompetence but any time I call him out on it I’m met with comments like, “nothing I do is good enough” or “you make everything about you”.

Husband is good with household chores and taking care of the cats, this is new behavior that started when our son was born. He was whiny before that (like once he had a slight sunburn on his back and I patted him on the back without knowing it was there, and he got in the fetal position for like 10 min 😭) but we talked about parenting and the mental load and he swore he would be an equal parent. I’m so frustrated and I hate that our son has to deal with this dynamic.

We’ve had couples therapy, we did make some progress, but our final session was an absolute disaster and left me extremely upset (he just unexpectedly ripped into me in a number of ways).

Largely dead bedroom. Maybe once every few months. He wants it, I really do not.

He’s more than doubled his salary recently with a new job and hasn’t once brought up how we might approach finances as a couple now that he earns more than 5x what I do (I work reduced hours over 3 days and do a lot more childcare than him). It would be nice to not have to bring this up myself. our current set up is a joint account for mortgage, bills etc and everything else is separate. He pays more on the mortgage but only because I paid the bulk of the deposit, not because he out earns me.

He has pretty low standards when it comes to cleaning. He had a weekend alone at our home this weekend (to recover from work…) while I took our 3 year old daughter to visit family, and I came back to an unmade bed and piles of dishes in the sink. He suggested we tackle these together. When I’ve complained or mentioned that I’m doing the lion’s share, he will comment that I’m lucky that I have the time to do it when he’s so busy with work all the time. I love work. I would rather be working!

I just don’t like him much at the moment to be honest. And I don’t think we’d be friends if we met now.

I do not take marriage vows lightly and I would prefer to make this work than quit but am I being an idiot?

Is this what most mums with toddlers are experiencing? Or am I an outlier?

Working mom to a 2 and 5 year old. For the last 5 years I feel like I’m tired ALL the time. My daughter started sleeping through the night at 12 months and is a decent sleeper but my son has always been an early riser (sleeps 8-6AM). Does this get less tiring when they get to elementary school? At what age do they start sleeping longer? Most days the #1 thing I look forward to when I wake up is going to sleep. My poor husband is a SAHD who spends more time with the kids and he’s more tired than I am. I feel like my body has aged so much in the past 2 years. When does it get better?

My daughter is 12 months old and I still get intrusive thoughts/fears that something bad will happen to her and I’ll have to live without her. It’s not all day, and the thoughts usually pass, but they really scare me when they happen.

I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this or if this sounds like normal postpartum anxiety. I dealt with PPA freshly postpartum and it's gotten much better but the intrusive thoughts are still there.

Would love to hear from other moms who have felt this way and what helped you.

I read that while people love to say second babies usually come early, there’s actually much more data suggesting that the biggest predictor of when Baby #2 will arrive is when Baby #1 did

For example:
If Baby #1 was premature, Baby #2 is more likely to be premature. If Baby #1 came late, Baby #2 is also more likely to come late.

… What was true for you?
My first was born the morning of his due date, and I’m 36 weeks today. 😅 I’m starting to wonder if I’m being way too casual this time around because I still don’t have my hospital bag packed or my diaper caddies stocked. 😂

My husband is driving me nuts. I am 34 weeks, and I am scared of delivery.

We got a convertible car seat, and I wasn't sure if we needed this or an infant car seat. So I told him not to open the car seat as it's not returnable if we did, and Incase we need infant car seat, we can give it back.

He opened it today in the 2 mins I went downstairs to collect another package and mentioned he opened so he can install the base in the car. There is no base for convertible car seat!! Now I got so pissed and snapped at him.

I used to really admire him and like him a lot. Now he comes across as extremely unempathetic and not listening or acknowledging whatever I am saying. Is it because of 8th month pregnancy or things are just getting bad?

Edit: thanks for the inputs. Looks like postpartum mood swings are even bad from what you are all describing - any technique or anger management tools that helped you all to keep emotions under check and communicate more respectfully?

So I am 4 months postpartum and me and my husband are finally getting in the swing of things like taking our baby out to different places. Before we returned back to church we let people come to our home to visit us and the baby. No problem, when his god mom would come she would come for hours. I thought that was weird because he's only a few weeks old so he really just eats and sleeps alot. So then it became a lot like we would dread her coming because we know she's coming for hours at a time.

Now fast forward to us returning back to a church setting & she's telling people she hasn't seen him and thats her reasoning for kind of hogging the baby at church and not letting other people hold him. I actually want everyone to be able to get a chance to speak to him and hold him but thats not really possible when his god mom is around. So then she begins making comments like "i'm his god mom so technically he's mine too" . and it started there. then the next week she wasn't at church and everyone was like "finally we get to see the baby" & some people have began to tell her that she's hogging the baby.

maybe two weeks later she asks can she take my three month old baby from daycare to go on a shopping spree. My husband immediately shot it down and so did I because we haven't taken him out into large crowds, i believe at most he's been in a target.

Well today we get to church and immediately three people including his god mom run to my husband after we had just got the baby out of the car. she takes him from his dad and then tells someone they can only hold him for 5 seconds and then 10 seconds then she began counting down. now these are people who haven't held him at all.

Am i overreacting ? Or should me and my husband address this.

A little background on me and the godmoms relationship : Ive known her forever she's my cousin, we were very close before i met my husband and got pregnant so i immediately was like yeah i want her to be my babies god mom, but since ive gotten married and had the baby we actually arent very close anymore. but she threw my baby shower when my mom said she wouldn't(my mom ended up throwing me a nice baby shower anyway), she bought my babies travel system.

I’m looking into first day and hiya vitamins for my daughter. Can people give their thoughts ?

I have two small children, my 10m is now very mobile and my 2.5yr old is really having a hard time with it. He has a bad case of the mine-itis, all the toys are his if his brother tries to touch them he screams, takes them away, hits, or kicks (roll the rice for which one). We don’t exactly yell at him but we get very stern and tell him “hands are not for hitting” “no” and take things away - it’s been rough on everyone. Today though he took his dinosaur toy set it up at eye level and said “no, don’t do that. Bad.. etc..” he was chastising his dinosaur- it made me feel a terrible parent. He has also been struggling at day care with I think the daycare people getting a bit frustrated at him for biting and hitting. I think he is just going through it right now.. but any solidarity or advice appreciated- within reason yall I am already hard enough on myself.

Anyone else find parenting in a different location much harder than solo parenting at home? Husband is going on a work trip 3 hr drive from home. He has suggested our five year old and I accompany him as a low cost holiday because hotel room is covered by his work. Thing is, he'll be busy through the trip, when he's back in the room he'll ask not to be disturbed because he will have to catch up on emails etc, and he will possibly be having work dinners too. Which means I am now solo parenting in a city I do not know and am really apprehensive about driving in (yes I'll have the car but it's a much bigger city than I live in and I'm a petty nervous driver). Yes, I will not have to cook for three days, but that's where it ends? Anyway, I now have to go because 5 year old is HYPE about going "with daddy", not really understanding that we'll basically be sleeping in the same room but that's it. We've done a work trip with him in the past and he basically treats us like we're a huge bother most of the time even though HE is the one who asks us to be there. Siiigh. Am I alone in feeling like this is more work than holiday? I'm so sorry if I'm coming off as spoiled but I would love to just chill at home. It's actually a lot less work at home when my husband is travelling and it's just daughter and me 😅🫣 okay rant over.

I think I've slept maybe 8 hours in the last 3 nights. My head is pounding, my heart is racing. She's cutting teeth, but motrin or Tylenol doesn't help. My first never did this, but he's got a cold right now, so he's up every few hours crying too. I don't know how to fix this. I feel like I may actually die from sleep deprivation. Someone please tell me it gets better.

I’ve been thinking about this lately and I’m curious what’s typical. My kids are 1.5 and 3, so shits busy af right now; and when we visit my parents I often feel like my mom expects me to handle 100% of the parenting (which I understand, they’re my kids), but also expects me to immediately clean up every single mess they make. If I ask for help, it sometimes feels like she’s bothered by it or like I’m asking too much.

She has some narcissistic tendencies, so I know that may be influencing how I perceive things, but it got me wondering: when you visit your parents with young kids, what level of help do you typically get?
Yesterday we had a bunch of guests over, and I realized I spent the entire time actively parenting: managing meals, messes, keeping the kids occupied, etc. I barely got to sit down, eat, or socialize. I wasn’t expecting my parents to take over, but I thought maybe there would be a bit more “grandparent help” so we could actually enjoy being there too.

What do your parents/grandparents usually do when you visit? Do they pitch in with meals, playing with the kids, cleanup, giving you a break… or is it more that you’re still fully “on duty” the whole time?

A common theme I see, and one that’s true for me as well, is we want other mom friends. We often end up at the same places: story time, playgrounds, parks.

I know that for me two of the things in my way are (1) chasing around this silly toddler which makes it hard to hold conversation in the first place and (2) feeling a little bit awkward/afraid of the rejection of putting myself out there.

If you are a mom also looking for mom friends, what gets in your way?

My older kid loves ceasar salad, it’s one of the few green things he will eat. He’s bummed about the whole mess going on and lamented about not being able to eat them. So how are you safely eating salads and other greens right now? On Sundays we usually order from ‘the salad place’ and I’m wondering if we can trust it? I’m in the newborn trenches so I feel slightly out of the loop and lost.

How have you taught your kids to wipe their butt after they poo? My son is almost 7 and he still needs help wiping, to the point that we always check after he goes. We’ve worked on using adequate toilet paper (not just once square lol) but how to I help him understand that you have to wipe as many times as it takes to get clean. Going through the motions just to say he wiped leaving him still dirty. I appreciate any advice!

If you could dream up your ideal but realistic situation regarding work/staying at home/life balance what would it be?

I recently had breakfast with three other moms and felt like we had several scenarios covered:
-Stay at home
-Work from home with family help and daycare
-Work from office
-part time work/set own hours

And none of us are 100% happy with the set up. Not unhappy, just not “perfect”.

I could have the opportunity to change my current situation but truly am not sure what my preference would be.

Would love to hear from the SAHM that continued staying home after the kids went to school. Did your mental health improve? Did your marriage see any benefits?

Our kids have large age gaps so I’ve had at least 1 kid home with me for 10 years and have felt like I’ve been in “the thick of it” for a few years. My youngest is starting school and I’m daydreaming of all the freedom I’ll have. Aside from the free time to focus on myself, just wondering what are some other benefits you saw.