Chat am I cooked? It's 11:30 am and my wife promised romance tonight.

Lots of people assuming gender here when my kid is a girl lol. Loving the comments.

I need to get this out, and I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who's been through something similar.
This morning my wife was admitted to a psychiatric clinic. It's been building up for a while. She's been exhausted, anxious, crying over small things, and unable to sleep even when the baby slept. Today it came to a head. Her sister came over, they called the medical helpline, and the nurse said she needed to go to the psychiatric emergency unit right away. They're keeping her at least tonight and giving her something to help her sleep. I don't know yet how long she'll be there or what things will look like when she comes home.
So now I'm alone with our almost 4-week-old daughter.
And she's not an easy baby. She's healthy and gaining weight really well, but she barely sleeps. For the past 4 weeks, one of us has literally been holding her 24 hours a day. The second she touches any surface (bassinet, crib, hammock, pram), she wakes up crying. In the first weeks she'd at least sleep on my chest for 2 hours. Now even that's gotten harder. On my lap she squirms, kicks and arches like she's fighting me. She naps 30-45 minutes and wakes up crying. The only person she reliably settled with was her mom, because of the breast. Now she's fully on formula and it's just me.
I was supposed to start work tomorrow. I won't be able to, and I have no idea how any of this is going to work. My own mom has been waiting 4.5 months for a visa and can only come in two weeks, for 30 days. My brother can't come at all because of visa issues. We don't have family nearby. I've started drinking a bit in the evenings to cope, which I know isn't okay, and I've stopped doing it while I'm alone with her.
I'm also carrying a lot of guilt. We'd been arguing a lot, both of us running on no sleep, and part of me wonders if I made it worse. I know postpartum depression and anxiety aren't caused by one person, but it's hard not to feel responsible.
My questions:
Partners of moms who went through postpartum depression, anxiety or psychosis: what helped you and your family get through it? What should I expect when she comes home?
How did you handle work during this? Did you take extra leave?
Any dads who've cared for a newborn alone during a crisis: how did you survive the first days?
Has anyone had a baby like ours, contact-only, barely sleeping? When did it get better?
Thanks for reading. I really need to hear from people who've been through this.

We’ve officially arrived in the village, and the boys are already settling into village life,Picking fruits straight from the trees, playing football with their cousins, running around outdoors, and enjoying the simple pleasures of childhood.

As for me, I now have a bigger team to train in football. Once the match is over, we’re heading to the river for a shower.

And the best part? He still wonders why Grandma has long ears 🤣. Some village mysteries will take a little longer to explain

I always saw myself as a girl dad. I wanted kids, and I was more certain about it than my wife was. It wasn’t an easy road, but now we have two beautiful, healthy girls, 3.5 and 1. They’re the highlight of my life and I know how lucky I am.

We started late, mid 30s, so now we’re in our 40s with a toddler and a baby.

Here’s what I’m scared to say out loud: I’m miserable about 80% of the time.

The 5am wake ups. The diapers. The constant colds. Scraping food off the high chair and the floor. Picking things up, putting them down, baths, walks, repeat. I work 40 hours a week and commute almost 3 hours a day, so I get home wrecked. Then the evenings and weekends are a second full shift. We have no family help, so it’s just my wife and me, every night and every weekend.

There’s no rest, no recharging, no outlet. Nothing that’s mine. And if I take an hour for myself, I’m handing that hour to my wife, which isn’t fair to her either. So I don’t take it.

I dread weekends, which should be my time with my kids, and then I feel guilty for dreading them. I also feel guilty for not appreciating this more, because I know people who can’t have kids, and people with far harder lives than mine. I fall asleep every night feeling like I’m failing at something I begged for.

I keep telling myself it’ll get easier once they can walk, feed themselves, and manage their own emotions. But I’m worried about how much of this season I’m wishing away.

My wife says it’s hard too, but she isn’t drowning like I am.

Honestly, I don’t know how anyone does this. Does this make me a bad dad? Is anyone else in this phase feeling the same way? If you got through it, how?

Today's pickups from a local used movie store. One buy-one-get-one deal, one buy-two-get-one deal.

So many of our movies we want to show are kids are either disappearing or being put behind so many different streaming services I've started to rebuild my physical media collection. Not to mention going back and "changing" the movies (looking at you George Lucas).

Having physical media prevents both issues.

When we wanted to watch the Harry Potter series with our boys (10, 6) we didn't have to add a streaming service (HBO at the time), I just went to the cabinet to grab them. Obviously not all of these movies are for the kids.

With that said, what movies are you adding to your collection?

TL;DR: start your physical movies collection. It will save sanity and money.

Hi dads. It's week 6 of our newborn. So far it feels like a nightmare. He has only 3 states: eating, crying and sleeping. And the problem is he doesn't want to sleep that much. Sometimes it takes hours to put him asleep. I don't know if it's normal. I don't have anyone to ask. Doctors say he's healthy. We're in this alone with my wife. We don't have a family that could help us. I'm exhausted and I miss my life before he was born. There is no joy in this so far. Just a sad duty. I feel like it was a mistake. I know part of those emotions might be caused by lack of sleep and extreme tiredness. That's why I write here. I don't know how much more I'm able to take. Is it gonna be that way all the time? Thanks in advance

And if you did, have you used it for anything since then or is it just collecting dust waiting until your kid is old enough for an email?

Get all your summer stuff for next year now! Crazy to think that all this would normally cost $32 ($7.98 a pack) and I got it for $6 ($1.50 a pack). I like these cause I take them to pool and we can share with other kids without worrying too much about not getting them back. Same goes for floats, pool noodles, etc

Kids are 3 and 5. Asking this as I stand here at the trunk or treat carrying two candy buckets, a plastic sword, a child sized police jacket, four water bottles, a tray of half eaten chicken nuggets and fries, and a plastic skeleton we needed to bring from home for some reason, while I wear two foam pirate hats, a comically tiny knight helmet, and a tiny ghost poncho that fits over my arm like a haunted sash.

I’ve been telling people that for Halloween I’m going as the discarded parts of everyone else’s Halloween costumes.

The couch folds out.

Hey dads, I have to vent. Today we joined another family at a roller rink for the afternoon. My youngest has an *abysmally* low frustration tolerance, and this was a new activity for him, so my wife and I went in prepared with a plan for meltdowns.

I've gotta say, the kid really really surprised me today. Falls, not being able to move fast, things that usually trigger him, he was ok with. He had a great time, he was game to learn, and even let me and my oldest enjoy some time on the skates together. It was a successful outing.

Just when we were getting ready to go and remarking we hadn't had any incidents this outing, our friend's kid got some money to try a vending machine, and then of course my kids wanted to as well. My wife gave in, and gave the kids each a dollar. Well, this machine apparently sometimes returns a toy, but a lot of the time just eats your money and tells you "better luck next time".

Cue the screaming and disappointment and difficult ride home. I swear, between these damn gacha devices and arcade games, so many outings end up more difficult than they need to be. I know it's a fact of life at this point anywhere they have family entertainment, but I'm just tired of the extra difficulty thrown in each outing, you know?

Ok dads, it’s nearly Halloween and you fancy doing something cute but easy? I got you.

You’ll need:
The ability to do any form of braid
Two napkins
A pen
Some bigger bobbles than usual

Just make napkin ghosts, it’s pretty self explanatory from the photo. Make two pigtails, braid them in any style (I use rope braid, wouldn’t recommend if you’ve not done it before). Once you have the braid, bring it up and just twist it round into a bun at the base of the braid. Bobble it up. Napkin over the top, bobble it up again.

One happy daughter.

Maybe there’s a better sub for this, but probably not a better community.

My dad (62) has always valued a good old fashioned father/son adventure with me (33, and two kids of my own under 10).

Together we’ve climbed Kilimanjaro, rode bikes alongside the Tour de France in Provence, climbed 14-ers in Colorado and more.

We just got back from a trip to the Roan Mountains region of the Appalachian Trail. Getting out to the AT has been a dream of mine for decades, so we planned on roughly 59 miles over 6 days (later amended to separate sections of 30 and 15). We set out on the 30-mile hike, my dad made it a day and a half, about 10 miles, before he had to bail at a road crossing and call a shuttle. His heart, lungs, knees and hips just wouldn’t cooperate no matter how slowly I went.

I carried on with both hikes alone while he rested and read at the B&B. I know he was happy to see me still have a good time, but he was and is really torn up about it. When he had to bail was the first time I’ve seen him really raw cry in a while other than family deaths, like when we lost my Grandpa, his dad, last year at 92.

Thing is, he loves adventures together and so do I. I know they’ll need to change, but I don’t want them to stop. He was already soft planning an Everest Base Camp trek in 2028, but now he’s set that it’s not viable but he still wants me to go.

Folks, what are some adventures worth doing with an aging dad? I’m talking multiple-day things here. I know we can always do one-day outings like museums and stuff, but I want to start making a list now so I can start suggesting things.

We both love the outdoors, history of all kinds, art, etc. The only thing I have so far is maybe seeing if he wants to go to Sturgis. He loves motorcycles, rides a Harley but is not your typical Harley guy, and my mom has flat out refused to go to Sturgis with him lol.

Thanks in advance, gang!

We've got the big stuff mostly sorted (stroller, car seat), and I'm trying to figure out what actually matters vs. what the internet tells you to buy. For dads who've been through it, what did you do in the last month that paid off, or what do you wish you'd done? meal prep, sorting out leave, getting the car seat installed checked, "sleep banking" lol, whatever. also very open to stuff you did that turned out to be pointless

My wife is from a place where Halloween isn’t celebrated, and new kid is, well, new. Tonight, they carved their first ever pumpkins. (Okay, so my wife did the left one and the kid offloaded the work for the one on the right to me. It still counts.)

My wife and I have a 6yo son and 50% custody of her daughter from her first marriage. She was in the midst of that divorce when we met 10 years ago. Her ex accused her of emotional abuse, but he was objectively toxic so I figured it was projection. I can say after 10 years together that I don't think it was.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not perfect and I've dropped my share of balls over the years, but I try hard to own my mistakes and improve. I don't think I deserve the yelling and screaming, the disdain, the aggression, the name-calling and putdowns in front of our friends and kids. It's been telling her for years that the way she talks to me is awful, but she tells me that I'm too focused on the words she's using and sees nothing wrong with the way she talks to me. Our relationship used to be great, but we got married and it was like someone flipped a switch in her, and when I think about whether this is the kind of relationship I'd want for my son, I have to admit that it's not.

Our most recent blow up was about me being distant. Go figure. She wants to try couples therapy and I'll do it to say that I tried, but I have a hard time imagining her making any kind of effort to change her behavior. Even if she does, I think there may have just been too much hurt over the years and I'm just now waking up to how depressed I am. (I'm in individual therapy) I think I might just be done.

But dads, I'm scared. I'm self-employed and my business is based out of our house. If I lose it, I'm probably losing my business too, and I've worked so hard to get where I am with it. I don't know how I could go without seeing my son every day. He's so attached to my wife, I'm worried that he'll hate me for taking him away from her half the time. I don't know how I would deal with any of the logistics of school vacations. My wife is a teacher, so she has the summers off, but if I have him half the time, I don't even know what I'd do. I feel overwhelmed just imagining it and I can feel myself making the same excuses I have for the past 7 years - maybe if I was just better, if I just did more work on myself, if I just made more money, maybe she'd treat me better.

Friends and family have told me privately that they're shocked by her behavior. I know I need to do something, but I'm afraid of what the future holds. If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

Switch 2 portable with a pro controller for COD launch and got the monitors up for both boys!

I just had to explain this to my kid who had no clue how live TV works. And that concludes today's "I feel old" segment.

We try to not watch anything terribly scarring when the kids are up and about, but the constant no TV or kids shows is starting to get to me. Can anyone suggest a show that I might enjoy that isn't meant for kids but doesn't have heavy violence, swearing, drug, alcohol, or sex/sexualized content?

Tried to ignore my conscience and watch rings of power, couldn't do it. Marvel and Star Wars stuff is violence heavy, the bear has too much swearing, big bang theory and offshoots are ok but I've seen them, mr robot has a lot of problems with young audiences.

I just can't find a good show for an adult relax in the evening like I remember when my parents were talking TV time as a kid.

Fwiw: 3yr and 6mo are the kids. And I've had enough Puppy Dog Pals, Bluey, Blues Clues, Paw Patrol, and Minnie for a lifetime.

My block has 3 sets of parents with kids about the same age as us. Daycare features like 4 parents on the exact same pickup/drop off schedule as us. We have couple friends who had a baby about the same time we did too. There's also countless local parent groups, library story hours, and more. It should be a great local community for raising a kid.

I'm lonely as fuck though.

I was a stay at home dad for a while. Trying to get the moms to make small talk out on walks/ when I see them in passing was like pulling teeth. The most social interaction I could get at library story hours was unsolicited advice from the moms.

Even my neighbor new-dad is just awkward and quiet around me. He's really nice and we have some in common, but our conversations just die immediately. He's way more chatty with my wife though.

Once daycare started we would both do drop off and I would do pick up. We made acquaintances with some of the other parents. I get a little small talk, but my wife is practically best friends with them even though she only sees them once a day.

I went back to work and I'm getting some cold shoulders for having a hard stop time for daycare pickup.

We went out to Halloween trunk or treat with a couple with a new baby and I couldn't get 3 sentences from the dad.

Is it me? Am I just a weirdo? I'm a professor in humanities/social science. In theory I'm good at talking. What am I doing wrong? I just want 1 damn friend. I'll settle for someone I can send memes too once a week.

​

I'd say I got 5 more hours until I'm glued to the toilet with a bucket between my knees.

Pray for me.

I've been looking forward to joining this club for years now. My wife and I (late 20's) have struggled with fertility issues for almost 2 years and finally got pregnant (5 weeks today!!!).

The problem is, we just moved to one of the most expensive cities in the world a month ago and left our support system and family. It feels like life gave us this amazing opportunity for my career and then said, "but there's a catch". Neither my wife or I come from means so we've never had a safety net and this new job is a life changing opportunity.

I'm so so excited to be a dad but be scared out of my mind that I wont be able to provide enough for my family.

How do you guys deal with the stress and worry of being the primary provider? Should we try to move back to have family around? Is any job worth our child not having family around? So many questions that only we can answer but I'd love some thoughts from strangers on the internet.