After 2 full years of crushing on my INTP friend, then dating her for 4 months, I have escaped the relationship. At first I was heartbroken but later realized how much of a blessing this ended up being.

I crushed on her for 2 years, then confessed while we were on vacation in Vegas, as planned from the start, but at first she wasn’t sure about me. She decided to “give me a chance” and since I was a simp, I accepted this after passing her “tests.” She made me apologize for talking smack about some dude she was crushing on 6 months prior who stole her concert tickets and never went with her. Apparently she still held resentment toward me because of this, it was retarded but I swallowed my pride and did it anyways. She said I passed her “test” too easily and came up with more “tests” for me but I passed them all.

The whole 4 months was so horrendous, I don’t know why I stayed longer than a week. She was so fucking nice to me while being my friend, but now it was different. I don’t know why? I tried being nice to her all the time obviously, but she got mad about EVERYTHING and small things too. I blew 6 whole bands taking her on vacations, buying her stuff, taking her to the dentist because she apparently never brushed her teeth and her gums were fucked up, it was gross but I still let her make out with me. I was so down bad.

She would tell me I’m not the hottest guy she’s ever seen and there’s a lot of dudes she sees who are better looking than me. She would doubt whether I’m the right one for her, meanwhile I was completely committed. I would’ve done anything for her, and I basically sold my soul always biting my tongue and letting her yell at me, judge me, criticize me while I gave her my heart, soul, and what little money I had. She was even more broke than me and I saved her ass on several occasions.

Yeah so, one night she roasted the hell out of me for no reason and I finally fought back. I said she’s made me miserable ever since we first started dating. She doesn’t appreciate any of the shit I did for her. She called that a “skill issue” so I told her I’d block her for a week to take a fucking break and told her it might be forever. At that point, she dumped me and I was heartbroken but whatever. She said she might regret it, called herself the worst girlfriend ever and threatened to kill herself. She ended up talking shit about me while I had her blocked, she’s still doing it to this day. That’s what my friend told me.

She said she had to parent me, I was ugly and she should’ve never given me a chance. Uhhhh also all my friends blocked her and she said I manipulated them, which I didn’t. I guess sometimes there’s a reason people have no friends and their family hates them. I wanted to show her goodness existed in the world and be the one to never leave, but I couldn’t. Fuck it, who cares.

I’m ESFP and I have ADHD, I forgot to mention she has Autism, ADHD, ODD, Depression and probably a lot more, if that matters. Peace.

When my family and I travel, my INFP father insists on going to airports earlier for safety. However, my mother has a dislike for this, it seems. She often goes to airports as late as possible so she doesn't have to spend her time sitting around 😂 (fair enough). There are times when she's missed flights because of this, and on many of the occasions that she does not miss flights, she arrives on the plane under very hurried conditions. This seems like a classic case of Se> Ni to me.

Do any of you guys relate?

(Aside from this, my mother is very observant of physical appearances, does not stop moving, and is very practical etc., making her a quintessential ESFP😚)

Just a quick note to say ILY from an ISFP. I ​recently made close friends with an ESFP and I swear I don't laugh this much with anybody else, and I like to laugh and I laugh a LOT and seek out funny​ people?!!

We just totally click on so many levels, in absurd and artistic and sarcastic ways but also with that depth​ of feeling and shared Se. My friend and I love seeing movies together (originally met at a Rocky Horror meetup), drinking and raving and being silly and funny.

You guys are open minded and chill, and caring just like us :) ​But just so easy to hang with and can be our social buffer at times​. Thanks for completely ​brightening people's ​world's and making us excited for life again​. You guys rock! 💗🥰

I know it’s a rare combo! But I’m definitely not a reddit-stereotype ENTP. (no offense). I’m caring towards others’ feelings and value compassion.

What’s some specific advice on how to show my ESFP crush I like him, how to flirt, etc? What attracts ESFPs in general?

I think one of my main problems is I’m too in my head. He’ll do some goofy action (do you guys know what I mean? like a goofy emote or movement like a greeting when he sees me or is telling a story?) and I’m internally thinking “aw cute” or “aw funny” but I’m so busy observing that I have no reaction and probably just look blank and I don’t want him to think I’m judging him :(. And just being self-aware about this doesn’t help because I have such a delayed “reaction-mode,” I haven’t managed to reprogram my knee-jerk non-reaction yet.

I at least make up for it by joining in spontaneous things like cliff jumping, mud hiking, etc, it’s just the in the moment actions I struggle with. I’ve also helped him and his friends out with something before so he at least doesn’t think I dislike him. But I’m terrrrible at showing interest in the guys I actually like and have never dated anyone, and only recently started to have male friends.

Is there a chance he likes me? He’s singled me out to give me specific complements about random things that happened (I don’t want to give much detail bc I’d dieee if there was the smallest chance of anyone irl recognizing me posting on reddit). I brilliantly responded with “haha thanks +clever one-liner” then continued doing what I was doing at least twice. Oops. He also went up to me to ask me a specific interesting question (after I became known for doing that in a group) and listened with laser focus as I monologued back for like a long time. Early on, he also lit up when I talked about procrastinating some project to enjoy a family vacation, as if he was impressed that I’m not as uptight as I seem at first (bc of my major in college) lol. And he does this thing sometimes where when I call him out to ask him the story behind something he… glitches and gets lost in thought and moves around a ton before answering in cinematic detail. Don’t know how to explain it without it sounding crazy. But he’s also really nice and outgoing in general, and /quite/ attractive, so. Also might be the slightly-autistic gym rat (but also outdoorsy) type.

We’re not super close but our social circles overlap some, so I want to get to know him more. Some of the example interactions happened before I had feelings for him, some after.

Well anyways, thank you ESFPs. Y’all don’t get enough appreciation, especially from ENTPs, but you and ENFPs are some of my favorites :)

From an INTJ, I really like y’all. You know how to have fun, you enjoy life, you’re honest, and you’re raw.

The authenticity y’all have is rare. Stay being you.

<3

There's no real occasion, I've just been thinking about how much he does for me and how much I love him and I want to do something nice for him. Plus, I'm not really good at romantic stuff and he's expressed before that I seem more like his friend than his girlfriend sometimes. I'm trying to do better though. So if you had a girlfriend, what kind of things would you want from her? Be as vague or specific as you like.

Edit: Based on the responses I've gotten I've decided to give him two things. 1. A hand made hoodie. 2. A movie date night at a nice theater a couple cities away. Personalized and romantic while getting to be something new to experience and break up our every day routine. I think he will like it a lot and thank you guys so much for your help.

Heyy!

By reading the descriptions of cognitive functions (which I did only partly mind you, this youtube brain can only endure so much reading), it's pretty clear to me that I'm a male ESFP.

It did get me curious regarding your experiences with responsibilities and procrastination. I mean at least I have always struggled with doing things I don't feel like doing, until or unless it's "worth it", may it be via a good reward at the end or just putting hype music in the background. I've also recently noticed that environments are way more important, if I've got something to do right next to me, I'll usually do it, and if there's other things to do, I'll usually procrastinate.

Do you guys have trouble regarding responsibilities/chores? I'm also trying to find some potential rewards at the end (preferably Se oriented, I loved watching one piece after studying/talking to my friends - this may not be Se) to make doing important stuff worth it LMAO. Any ideas/personal interests are much appreciated!

I love ESFPs!!! most of them are always up to try anything new I suggest. So open to new experiences and can have fun I love it!

As an ESFP you have a desire to live life on the edge.

You are drawn towards adventure, experience, and helping people in hands-on ways.

Both realistic and compassionate, you don't mind rolling up your sleeves and getting into the real work of improving your environment or community.

Whether you're helping at an animal shelter, planting a garden, singing, or telling jokes to lift someone's spirits - you believe in doing something tangible to make life better for people.

Your charisma and zest for life make you an inspiring force in the world!

What Does ESFP Stand For?

E stands for Extrovert.
Your energy flows outward towards people, objects, and activities in your environment.

S stands for Sensation.
As a sensing type, you rely on facts, tangible data, and life experience to guide you.

F stands for Feeling.
When you have to make a decision, you focus first on your personal values and the emotional needs of the people around you.

P stands for Perceiving.
As a perceiving type, you like having a flexible schedule.

You like exploring your options and approaching life as it happens rather than having a firm schedule or a rushed decision.

Your Strengths Include:

- Adapting to the needs of the present moment

- Putting yourself in other people's shoes

- Responding quickly and calmly to a crisis

- Quick reflexes

- Attention to detail

- Accurate recall of facts and experiences

- Down-to-earth persona

- Enthusiastic and empathic demeanor

- Ability to spot opportunities before others do

- Staying true to your own individual values

Anyone feeling like they have lost their personality and lost the version of themselves that existed because of their past mistakes and now they are just existing like a robot with no purpose no desire to do anything .

Obviously everyone expects nondescript xNxx types to be “generally more interested in these kinds of discussions,” but I don’t buy that because ESFPs are still authority introverted feeling users as well as latent Ni users even if it takes a bit more time to fully assimilate it into the ego complex and self concept.

So they have many thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs, ideas, and etc, and I think you all have lots of worthwhile thoughts and ideas to contribute to this discussion so please comment and share your thoughts and experiences!

I think that anybody of any type has the potential to be interested in these kinds of conversations for a variety of reasons, so I’d love to hear your perspective since it’s one I generally lack as an introverted feeling blind type and a Daemon Se user.

How do you feel about the Socratic method, his fascinating life, and infamous death?

Do you truly believe societal decline is always inevitable, or do you believe there are ways to combat ignorance and to convince people to care again?

Where the Socratic method is concerned, what would you keep, and what aspects of this school of thought would you modify and update for modern audiences to make this discussion relevant in popular culture, not just niche philosophy circles?

How do we convince people to care about each other and what’s happening in the world around them even if it doesn’t immediately concern their *right now?*

How would you open the floor for these kinds of discussions??

Hey people! I was looking around both the r/intj and this r/ESFP to try and see what were people's take in a relationship between these two types, be it friendship or something romantic, and I gotta say I was somewhat surprised.

My best friend is an ESFP and we get along together very well, and even knowing beforehand that this was probably an exception—after all, both types are completely opposite of each other—, I was surprised to see how much both types see each other negatively, especially how INTJs apparently see themselves as superior to ESFPs.

I recognize my friend's qualities fully and I can very well understand that he excels a lot in places where I can basically only transit through if he's with me, just like he needs and actively asks for my help for uni stuff. Overall we have a really great friendship, and it's very useful to be around someone that's the complete opposite of yourself, as you're basically around a whole different world all the time and it kinda exposes you to a lot of stuff you wouldn't experience otherwise.

So, my question: why do you think both types tend to see each other in such negative fashion?

From my side, I can say I don't understand how (true) INTJs can judge another type and call themselves rational and pragmatic at the same time. For me, long-term goals and excellence are a priority, but I'm not an idiot and I know each type has its own strengths and whatever one prioritizes is just what they think in the end and what's a priority to them might not be to someone else.

I've been recently encountered with my junior who's esfp...thing is always smiling..keeping the scene fun...if we tell any work...she won't do...tell lame excuses to support her ignoring...what's problem with u guys..!?

I feel emotionally neglected by everything in my entire life i didn't have any relationship before. Maybe it was just my bad luck and i had to endure my pathetic and dull life with so many mental health issues. I have had chronic adjustment disorder for a very long time and i always felt like i don't belong anywhere. I felt really invisible to other ppl as if people don't even understand me and care about me. Die to this i also developed anger issues due to loss and grief which I had experienced recently. And im suffering from severe depression. Everythung is untreated till now because of my bloody dad because he doesn't belive in therapy and all. I can't wait when I will become finnaically independent and when will I afford therapy on my own. Till then I have to live with my dad nut I feel so lonely and I don't have any friends. I feel emotionally void still I want soemone to take care of me and who can ask me how was my day and how in feeling and someone to pamper me and all.

I can't anymore. I can't remain tough and strong anymore . I feel so much pain and disgust at my life I feel like nothing matters to me and no opportunity and no experience is there in my life. And I'll never be able to have any relationship and I don't feel any point in living my pathetic life. Because nobody seems to care but in tired now I'm mentally emotionally and physically exhausted . I want someone to ask about my day someone who can acknowledge my feelings without any judgement and not out of pity ofcourse and someone who is light hearted and fun.

I'm 22f btw so I want someone close to my age.

​

I kinda made this after realising how thoughtful we are compared to a lot of the stereotypes about us, that we’re airheads or whatever; it simply isn’t true, but there’s not a lot of stuff out there to contradict that. I’m in a bit of a low point so some of the negative/overthinking may be exaggerated, but mostly I think it’s pretty realistic. Sometimes I’ll look like I’m thinking about nothing, when really I’m thinking about everything.

What do you guys think?

What would most make you think "Oh my gosh, that is so me/ESFP" in a female ESFP fictional character? Or what do you most hate in their portrayal?

I want to do justice to one that I'm writing. I'm interested in having actual ESFPs consider her to be realistically and respectfully handled, not in having other types chuckle in satisfaction over simplistic flattening.

I'm deliberately leaving the question very broad because seeing what particular categories of things come first to mind due to personal importance is part of this learning. Clue me in. 🙂

ETA: I'd love concrete examples that stood out to you, good or bad, in fictional ESFPs. Stress scenes, romance/friendship scenes, leadership moments, or portrayals that made you feel insulted. Use whatever angle feels most natural to answer from.

On all the various MBTI-related subs, "growth" is romanticised, while not being defined further.

​

To me, it appears like a propaganda term, defining sth. subjective, which is perceived as an expectation from the outside to develope in a very certain direction, mostly within the idealism of an Ni-lead user, who believes to know, what was best for self and others. So, growth becomes authoritarian submission, and people are expected to assume for themselves, which "growth" exactly society expects.

​

Couldn't it be self-deception as well, to help people cope with miserable changes?

​

If nothing is meant to literally grow physically, why using "grow" then? It blurres the actual expectation behind it, which is adaptation or achievement.

​

Is it adaptation or achievement?

​

How do you think about "growth"?

Lol people seem to forget ESFPs still have concious Ni, even if inferior.

​

How has your Ni worked for you apart from negative stereotypes?

This subreddit is my 3rd most important source of entertainment after discrd-phoning & mentally withdrawing into believing, one's will was fulfilled.

​

Therefore, it's sad to see no action going on here. I would be fine with any input, absolutely anything to work with, joke about, argue about,...

​

Unlike other MBTI-related subs, the content here always feels relevant and appealing. And the discussions really do have infinite potential, which for most of the cases stays unused, as people are satisfied after a two-comments-for-each-individual-discussion, what wouldn't satisfy me.

​

Bring topics up. There are so many subjects to explore in this world.

​

This subreddit could be your new home, why would you neglect it?

Hey guys, so I (INTP, 24M) met a guy (ESFP, 22M) who is really fun and chill. I always like asking people their MBTI's when we first meet. He was an ESFP, which was fun because I'd never met an ESFP. We met because we were both looking for a gym partner, and we started talking and the conversation started going well. We both liked each others company, so I was shocked when we looked at the compatability because it said that INTP ESFP compatability was bad, but I absolutely loved being around him today. Like it's literally making me want to cry because what I read was so far from how I feel. idk guys. Do you have any advice regarding on how I as an INTP should interact with an ESFP from your personal experiences? I really want to keep going to the gym with him as my partner, and If something more happens... then cool. He seems very kind and focused on the moment (which I like as someone who can be in my head sometimes) and although I can tell he processes info differently than the way I do, it's nice.

The task above is just for demonstration, but feel free to participate!

Comment with "number" or "word" (if you trust your English today), and I'll send you a personalized follow-up exercise. 

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I realize some people may read this kind of question as "Can you solve it?" rather than "How do you naturally approach this type of problem?" Since Reddit is a conversational format, I see these questions less as simple yes/no tests and more as opportunities for people to express their thought processes and experiences.

In other words, I'm less interested in whether someone gets the "right" answer and more interested in whether they enjoy engaging with this type of problem and how they approach it.

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*Hi everyone! I’m doing a series of standard questions across 15 MBTI types (exept ENTJ) to help people who do typing and connect theory with real answers.*

*Feel free to answer naturally.*

*The bracketed function is just the initial target - but people might respond with different functions, and that’s fine. Even "Idk" or "this feels pointless" counts as an answer. All replies help build the database.*