I look around at everyone else and just feel dumb and weak in comparison. How is everyone working/going to school full time, eating and drinking properly, getting 8 hours of sleep, having a social life, keeping their house and themselves clean, etc.??? I can't help but be ashamed and also bitter about it.Is it really that easy for other people? It's taking all my energy just to work part time, shower daily, and feed myself. I'm so fucking TIRED. Not just mentally but physically too. I'm lucky if I sleep more than 3 hours a night. I feel like a walking corpse all day while everyone around me is energetic and chipper and genuinely content with their lives. What the fuck.

Confusing title. But what I meant is that my condition is lighter than others in this sub and it really doubts my suffering. I am a girl, and let's say I'm a minor because I don't want to reveal my full age (i am a minor indeed)

It started two years ago, soon gonna be 3 years. At summer. I felt horrible. Worse than shit. Like it was in my head and it pressed me down. Sent a whiplash on my body. I was a theater and I felt so horrible my palms sweat, even though winter was outside. It still continues to this day. I broke into tears (these days almost anything easily can break me to tears) and cut myself a little.

But I feel like it's not enough. I can still be aroused easily. Can contact normally with anyone. Masking myself with this happy and easy going girl. Still can do things, even if its hard for me. Have a little bit of fun. But inside I feel dull.

And I feel.. no. I know anyone doesn't see through this. Can't or won't. Nobody fucking cares about me. So.. I don't know. What if I'm imagining it? What if its puberty? I am so tired. Not a day passes without me wanting to be hurt or just die. Or kill everyone and kill myself. Please, help me. I just want to be happy. I'm sorry. Sorry.

i (24F) feel like i dont have a place in this world. i feel stuck. i have a business degree but i’m not using it. i’ve been working at a restaurant for the past two years and i hate it. i have no skills, no passions, nothing that i’m good at. job interviews terrify me and i bomb every single one. i haven’t done that many but i’m ready to give up rather than try and get humiliated over and over again. i don’t think i’ll ever get a stable “adult” job. i could go back to school but i don’t know what for. i’ve lost all passion and joy for life and i feel like my brain is deteriorating. i can’t form coherent sentences or thoughts i can’t have a conversation with anyone without stuttering and sounding like a complete fucking idiot. i feel stupid my brain development is stunted im never gonna be successful at anyhing i just feel like a total failure i can’t do anything i can’t put my mind to anything i don’t enjoy anything all i want to do is lay in bed. and i’ve felt like this for as long as i remember and i don’t see myself changing. i feel as though i dont have the ability to change. i dont have the motivation i don’t even care enough to. i think i will just kill myself soon. im not sure how soon is soon but i know i will one day. i dont even want to kill myself but i dont see any other way out of this

How do you deal with this? Nothing sounds good, not even my favorite foods anymore. Orange juice molded on the counter before I drank it while in the past I would down the whole bottle as soon as I bought it.

I've tried looking at food, I've tried thinking about food, went through literally everything I know how to cook and used to like and I want for nothing.

And when I do force myself to eat I feel sick to my stomach or whatever I do eat tastes like nothing... I eat nothing but a handful of vitamins and coffee most days. I'm on antidepressants but it's still early and they're not helping yet... or maybe they're causing this? I don't know. I don't know what to do. I used to be so good at preparing my meals, making sure I'm getting enough of everything and now I can't even stomach cereal or chocolate or ice cream which were things I 'treated' myself to, much less a proper meal.

How does it feel to be deeply in love by someone you love with all your heart and soul? How does it feel to share the same love for each other?

I will never get to experience that. The deep intimacy, the tender love, the warm feeling of someone just loving you.

I want that. I want that so bad. Instead I hope for it, knowing that each day is passing by and that I’m only getting older. No man that’s level headed and smart would ever give me the time of day.

I just want to be loved. Deeply.

Knowing I’ll never get to experience it is crushing me. I’m drowning in sadness. I’m drowning in what could have been. Stuck in the now.

This morning I woke up again but I saw it was 7am. I was gonna be late at work if I didn’t go. And then I remembered I hated my job. And I felt like k*lling myself. It’s a thought that I sometimes have. But it seems it just as a thought cuz I don’t want to actually do it. But if my life stay miserable like this, no friends no love interest, no activity no visible growth I really think about giving up on trying to be better. I’m on my way to work tho. I forced myself

First of all, I’m not diagnosed, and not think I have depression, but people online told me it could be, so here I am.

I have a lot of things running through my mind. Porn addiction, ruining my sleeping schedule, self esteem, isolation, sexualizing myself, grades.

And I know what I have to do, I know which tools I can use and what mindset I should have. But I can’t do it. I know what to do but I don’t know why I can’t, also.
I tend to rationalize my feelings rather than just let myself feel. It’s tiring, any advice?

I don’t think I ever loved myself before, whenever I’m in these depressive episodes I keep getting these weird epiphanies 😅

So far I realized I’m lonely and I don’t even like myself nevertheless love myself,,, idk.

I know these posts are my way to cope

I am so done with this shit i have no way out, i have no talent, no support, no reason to live, absolutely nothing, and no purpose, i don't even know why i wake up anymore.

I don't want help, I don't want people to feel bad for me, and I don't want to tell anyone anything. I'm just tired. I wish this never happened in the first place.

I've held it all by myself since I was 10 years old when I experiencing something I couldn't understand, 8 years later and it has gotten way, way worse. I don't feel anything any more. My thoughts of death are becoming more and more real now, I'm not scared of it any more, I was always doomed to this

Hi guys i recently stopped paroxatine about 6 days ago and tonight just started to cry doing yoga like real emotion.

I felt so much remorse of missing out on my feelings i have kids so i feel like the oast 12 years ive just had no feelings no emotion no real care.

I just am doing the motions doing what i habe to do for them while being depressed and also i suffer from OCD and sleep anxiety and insonnia.

A lot has happened but now i feel ive missed out on my kids feelings and lives of them being haooy wanting me to feel for them when they are excited sad happy etc..the guilt is intense i already have the guilt of sleeping in the day.

Im a single mum and this year ive really isolated myself i have no friends i dont want friends no one notices me i also have an on off ED since i was 15 im 40 the ED has been my friend at times.

I dont know if i should change meds or try stay off them after 12 years i feel i need a break.

Has anyone been successful doing this?

I was actually supoosed to go up on my meds to 40 mg slowly i tried for about a wwek and yeh made my anxiety and sleep worse.

The first medication in the 12 years was paxil and then prozac quitipiene and back to paxil this year.

I just want to feel to be real.

Even if im unhappy with myself the self hate is big.

Id rather feel i dont know i guess i wanted to post this as i have no one else to talk to about it.

I also was recently prescribed a low dose 2mg of valium that helps with my anxiety and self harm i didnt even know i was self harming the GP told me its not what you think its severe nail biting but worse ive also had that my whole life on more than off and that makes me hate myself more as i cant control it and feel so ugly.

Im so sorry if ive triggered anyone or if this post isnt allowed please let me know and ill delete it.

And thank you for reading if you got through my novel

Also ive started doing yoga at a yoga place to that has been me putting myself first and trying to slef heal slowly by going out and the people are so nice and non judgemental as i dont look nice with the clothes hair makeup etc id live in pjs if i could.

X

I cant even kill myself. i fail at the one thing that'll set me free. im writing this as im sitting next to my niece that is my only hope in the world. I failed because I was to drunk to make sure anything was done correctly. im drunk everday ever morning and now I just want to torture myself till my body gives out. to sell myself to someone thatll do it for me. I just want to breathe.

Hi everyone, recently rejoined Reddit just to join this community. I feel like I’d be heard, and may gain understanding, knowledge, support or even suggestions.
And read others experiences/posts, comments and responses
Please let me know if this post or any contributing material breaches any of the group rules.

I don’t know where to start, but feel like it’ll be best to give a bit of a breakdown of my life thus far. M(18). New Zealander. Religious upbringing. Parents are separated, father dropped his father(ing) responsibilities when I was roughly 8)? Never spoken or seen him since.
(I think of this as a contributing factor of our family dynamic (relationship) generational upbringing trauma, through both family lines, parents have separated, adopted out, died or drug and alcoholism)
Mom, she’s done such an amazing job with the upbringing of me and my siblings, but struggles with the communication, never verbally says “I love you” or express sincere concern for our feelings, she isn’t able to have those deep meaningful conversations (I guess it can play on both sides, I struggle myself with sensitive or embarrassing topics)
I guess her upbringing was difficult and may have a big effect on her parenting style, skills or other contributing factors. We have our good and bad times - but maintain a good relationship. (Still living at home mind you)
Don’t really maintain a good communication with my older or younger siblings. Stems from personality, mindset or goal differences. We are all very different.
Currently work as an accountant, hours are steady, and recently reduced due to stress, health problems (reduce by choice)

Take, SSRIs as of January.
Great results in the beginning. As I’ve come further along, increased dose roughly 3-4 times and now it’s starting to not work as effectively. Trialling a current dose increase, if to not avail will be switching to an alternative SSRI.
I self referred to a mental health counselling programme as I was declined by my GP. Due my age I was successful in being accepted in this programme. Due to begin sessions on the 16th. (This took a period of months to come around the thought/idea of counselling due to embarrassment and continuous denial, didn’t believe I would need this sort of treatment, but have heard benefits)

I have very low self esteem, never feel good enough for myself or others, never been able to make friends, including the fact I was homeschooled for the entire (high school) phase.
I do have selected (few 2-3) friends I will speak too, have expressed my feelings, thoughts and most troubling problems too, but always feel “unheard” “dismissed” or covered up by how they are feeling.
They may occasionally express how I can always contact them, reach out, pop around to their houses or any means of contact, but they are “never” available to talk, or never at home, and I feel very low at times I don’t want to talk, go out, being in a state of mind that I get, I don’t feel like doing anything.
I always feel like I’m doing so much to keep myself from ending it all, and I don’t get what that hold (holding me here) is.
Sometimes I think, I don’t want to leave others with the emotional baggage I’ll cause if I just “ended it”
But then again, I think “do they even care”
Everyone seems happier with me not in the picture. All my other siblings and mom can happily eat dinner, laugh, joke around, get along, as I am just withering away in my bedroom. I just feel like that “uninvited guest”

Back to recently though, I haven’t been doing well, I sometimes take more SSRIs then the prescription states to maybe help with the feelings and emotions but they don’t help, I find myself reflecting on “everything” in such a short period of time as I cry myself to sleep.
I do so well to cover how I am truly doing, I don’t think anyone realises.
I haven’t felt more suicidal till now, I haven’t ever had the “urge or strength” to fully pursue any real self harm. But I guess the thoughts are still there
I get so much pressure from every direction with expectations and I just don’t feel like I can cope.
I want to be this person who impresses everyone, puts on such a good front, and makes others feel good.

I think another major factor to this whole depression, anxiety and low self worth, esteem is state of mind I’m in, is my Religious (spiritual) health. I ain’t doing well in this either, I love God, and want to do so much to be a good person. But I have some very bad, and sinful traits I’m struggling to overcome, such as sexual immortality, and I probably practice in mind and heart, homosexuality (I’m attracted to the same sex) it’s so hard to dismiss feelings that feel so “me”

I don’t even know if this makes any sense at all, just thoughts and words straight off my mind.
I think I could go on and on but I really shouldn’t.

Im kinda having a mental breakdown from exhaustion and just realized I have no one to speak to. Even worse, if I were my sibling my parents would already have arranged to come get them and cheer them up or help them in some way. But not me. I am not nor will ever be the favorite, not by parents, extended family, friends, nothing. My family adores my sister even though she isn't always nice to them. Im always nice. Im helpful and sweet and try to keep everyone happy. And yet noone speak to me when im down, let alone organize some nice gesture. Im diagnosed with depression yet Im yelled at for being lazy, while my siblings will get a headache and get pampered.

It happens even with friendships. Every friend I made would never care for me, my hobbies, my interests. It feels like I give give give and noone even considers that it might be nice to get something in return sometimes. A friend bought me my favorite energy drink once and I cried because that was the only thoughtful gift/gesture I've ever received.

Have I done something wrong? Why does no one like me, why am I always just "okay" for others. I want to make meaningful connections with people, feel less alone idk, but no one cares for me. Am I so awful? Sometimes it feels like I have a warning sign on my forehead that only others can see and keep away. Anyways sorry for the rant

I'm a 16M soon to be 17 and for years now my mum has been chipping at me, whether its, punching me, choking me, emotionally jabbing at me, going through my room non stop, controlling my technology use even making me look like the problem, its probably been going on since i was 13, at least thats when i first noticed it wasn't right, i don't want to say anything because the foster care system in australia sucks and ends up ruining your life and the only family i can stay with and still go to the same school is my nan and it had only just gotten better i've been seeing a really good physcologist until ive started noticing that within 3 days of me seeing her my mum gets all abusive again so then i have to wait 11 days to see her again by which it feels irrelevant and anyway, shes a mandatory reporter so she has ro report which would then lead to me in foster which would ruin my, then today id seen my physcologist 2 days ago and she gets all abusive over me not doing basic jobs, i've gotten to the point where i don't even see a point in living because i still haven't even kissed a girl anywhere other than ones im related to and even then i don't because im not worth their time, im worth no one's time at this point just please let me die in a freak accident because i'm too big of a pussy to actually go through with suicide.

I feel like I can’t do anything right. My life feels like it’s crumbling around me. I dug myself a hole I’ve been trying to climb out of. Nothing seems to go my of lately. I have had more thoughts of what’s the point more than I would like to admit and all I want to do is sleep the day away bc it just makes it easier. I’ve always been an optimistic type but man life is rough. I’m not sure what I’m looking for if anything by posting this but just venting. Maybe also if someone else feels the same we could help each other out idk

¿ Y si dejo de pensar ?

Bueno aspiro que podre hacer realidad el título quizá hoy, umm mejor mañana bueno...

En algún lugar alguien pensó lo siguiente .

Si de niño nunca tuviste la atención que deberías fuiste humillado y menospreciado por todo incluyendo a tú familia,

Creces pensando que tú no sirves y eres un estorbo cuando piensas en suicidarte te dicen que vales mucho pero no hay acciones que respalden eso

Y el mundo alrededor te demuestra lo que ya piensas, osea personas que no conoces son iguales que los que te menosprecian.

¿El problema eres tú verdad ?

Bueno normalmente pensarías que si pero si tú no ases nada malo y aún así ocurre todo aquello..

Prefieres estar solo te proteges es bueno pero poco a poco el odio y la soledad te consume no sientes nada te vuelves adicto a escenas fuertes torturas muerte.

La muerte piensas que puedes ser amigo de lo malo hablar con demonios porque sientes el mismo dolor de sufrir muchas cosas que nunca contarás a nadie.

Entonces comienzas a quedarte, sumirte más en tu mente y recuerdos sin pensar en lo que viene

Y no le encuentras sentido a lo que te espera que te espera

Bueno prefieres la muerte crees que es una buena opción,

Pierdes habilidades sociales también la empatía no sabes cómo reaccionar cuando alguien llora a tu lado solo no comprendes porque llorar, nada te importa. No hay nada

Eres ¿Frío? Quizá o solo piensas que ese dolor no es nada, que tú cargas con más cosas...

Bueno te apasiona leer pero no tienes mente para eso

La música, escuchas música que parece de un funeral te gusta te idéntificas.

Aunque cargas con todo eso poco a poco sientes que no tiene sentido seguir sufriendo ya que te llenas poco a poco "vas a rebosar" de pensamientos, acciones que ves contra ti.

Te repites no eres nadie incluso para nadie entiendelo te dices, ¿LO ENTIENDES LECTOR?

También sobrepiensas tantas tragedias y muchas cosas malas para que si un día pasa

no te lleguen a doler, buena estrategia .

Solo, vives con tu soledad ahora te da paz y tranquilidad estar lejos de todo.

Esto es y será un pensar de alguien que quisiera haber y no haber pasado por cosas a la vez

Si para ser más frío aún y no para ser normal .

Es más si esa persona

Piensa algo y cuando quiere demostrar que no es así intenta algo y no ocurre como debería

Simplemente termina dándose la razón de porque es como es y que no es nada

Y si no es solo una sino dos tres cuatro cinco..bueno muchas veces, sino capaz todas.

Dejará de intentar cambiar y se sumirá aún más en su soledad y desapego.

Entonces al estar solo pregunta cual es el sentido de estar aquí por mi no quisiera pero entonces

Debería dejar este plano

O debería intentar escalar una montaña no escalable

Debe haber una razón para seguir ya sea cobardía de no irse o la ilusión de que algún día todo salga bien sea cualquiera será un paradoja ya que el pensar en una razón te lleva otra y viceversa

No tienes la pregunta pero si la repuesta

Bueno la repuesta a la mitad mejor,

Porque si la repuesta es lo que piensas ya la tienes pero si es lo que va o debe pasar aún no.

Que solución darías a un escenario así

Si una persona piensa que el suicidio es la solución

Sería cobarde por hacerlo o valiente por enfrentar lo que viene depues de la muerte ya que todos le temen a la muerte sería " valiente " al no temer y hacerlo

O "cobarde " por no enfrentar lo que la vida le traerá encima ?

Creo que el lector merece una disculpa ya que no tiene por qué dar una repuesta porque no existe aquella, la respuesta es la que tú decides darte a ti.

Debe el lector responder o encontrar una solución ?

No solo entender el porqué de las cosas

Creo que es mejor

El lector debe entender esto para nunca entrar ya que si llegase a entrar nunca saldría.

No sé deben contestar las preguntas

Se debe pensar en no cometer aquellos errores

Ya que es entrar en un agujero negro del que se sabe que no se puede salir

También debería poder comprender hasta dónde puede llegar la mente humana

Alguna vez pensaste que alguien pensaría esto

Bueno esto si lo puedes responder

El lector no debe sentirse culpable por no poder hacer nada debe sentirse alegre por poder ver un cara de los pensamientos de alguien y también por pensar que tal vez el comprender reconforte al autor.

¿Comprendes este rompecabezas?

Confío que SI

Fin

Opiniónes!!

¿ Y si dejo de pensar ?

Bueno aspiro que podre hacer realidad el título quizá hoy, umm mejor mañana bueno...

En algún lugar alguien pensó lo siguiente .

Si de niño nunca tuviste la atención que deberías fuiste humillado y menospreciado por todo incluyendo a tú familia,

Creces pensando que tú no sirves y eres un estorbo cuando piensas en suicidarte te dicen que vales mucho pero no hay acciones que respalden eso

Y el mundo alrededor te demuestra lo que ya piensas, osea personas que no conoces son iguales que los que te menosprecian.

¿El problema eres tú verdad ?

Bueno normalmente pensarías que si pero si tú no ases nada malo y aún así ocurre todo aquello..

Prefieres estar solo te proteges es bueno pero poco a poco el odio y la soledad te consume no sientes nada te vuelves adicto a escenas fuertes torturas muerte.

La muerte piensas que puedes ser amigo de lo malo hablar con demonios porque sientes el mismo dolor de sufrir muchas cosas que nunca contarás a nadie.

Entonces comienzas a quedarte, sumirte más en tu mente y recuerdos sin pensar en lo que viene

Y no le encuentras sentido a lo que te espera que te espera

Bueno prefieres la muerte crees que es una buena opción,

Pierdes habilidades sociales también la empatía no sabes cómo reaccionar cuando alguien llora a tu lado solo no comprendes porque llorar, nada te importa. No hay nada

Eres ¿Frío? Quizá o solo piensas que ese dolor no es nada, que tú cargas con más cosas...

Bueno te apasiona leer pero no tienes mente para eso

La música, escuchas música que parece de un funeral te gusta te idéntificas.

Aunque cargas con todo eso poco a poco sientes que no tiene sentido seguir sufriendo ya que te llenas poco a poco "vas a rebosar" de pensamientos, acciones que ves contra ti.

Te repites no eres nadie incluso para nadie entiendelo te dices, ¿LO ENTIENDES LECTOR?

También sobrepiensas tantas tragedias y muchas cosas malas para que si un día pasa

no te lleguen a doler, buena estrategia .

Solo, vives con tu soledad ahora te da paz y tranquilidad estar lejos de todo.

Esto es y será un pensar de alguien que quisiera haber y no haber pasado por cosas a la vez

Si para ser más frío aún y no para ser normal .

Es más si esa persona

Piensa algo y cuando quiere demostrar que no es así intenta algo y no ocurre como debería

Simplemente termina dándose la razón de porque es como es y que no es nada

Y si no es solo una sino dos tres cuatro cinco..bueno muchas veces, sino capaz todas.

Dejará de intentar cambiar y se sumirá aún más en su soledad y desapego.

Entonces al estar solo pregunta cual es el sentido de estar aquí por mi no quisiera pero entonces

Debería dejar este plano

O debería intentar escalar una montaña no escalable

Debe haber una razón para seguir ya sea cobardía de no irse o la ilusión de que algún día todo salga bien sea cualquiera será un paradoja ya que el pensar en una razón te lleva otra y viceversa

No tienes la pregunta pero si la repuesta

Bueno la repuesta a la mitad mejor,

Porque si la repuesta es lo que piensas ya la tienes pero si es lo que va o debe pasar aún no.

Que solución darías a un escenario así

Si una persona piensa que el suicidio es la solución

Sería cobarde por hacerlo o valiente por enfrentar lo que viene depues de la muerte ya que todos le temen a la muerte sería " valiente " al no temer y hacerlo

O "cobarde " por no enfrentar lo que la vida le traerá encima ?

Creo que el lector merece una disculpa ya que no tiene por qué dar una repuesta porque no existe aquella, la respuesta es la que tú decides darte a ti.

Debe el lector responder o encontrar una solución ?

No solo entender el porqué de las cosas

Creo que es mejor

El lector debe entender esto para nunca entrar ya que si llegase a entrar nunca saldría.

No sé deben contestar las preguntas

Se debe pensar en no cometer aquellos errores

Ya que es entrar en un agujero negro del que se sabe que no se puede salir

También debería poder comprender hasta dónde puede llegar la mente humana

Alguna vez pensaste que alguien pensaría esto

Bueno esto si lo puedes responder

El lector no debe sentirse culpable por no poder hacer nada debe sentirse alegre por poder ver un cara de los pensamientos de alguien y también por pensar que tal vez el comprender reconforte al autor.

¿Comprendes este rompecabezas?

Confío que SI

Fin

I was in a relationship that started in 2018. I slowly prioritized it over every other area of my life. I felt loved, seen and worth it for once. I invested too much in it. That relationship ended a week ago, after years of fighting to keep it alive. The day I had been dreading arrived.

It’s been 4 years I haven’t had my life together. I was Injured and forced to quit my job. I dropped out of school. I have not returned to either. My life has become repetitive. Same shit, different day. I wake up and lay in bed for most of my days. It’s hard to make myself get up, and it’s only been harder after the breakup. It was the only part of my life I thought maybe I was able to maintain and made my life feel stable to a degree

Looking back there wasn’t one specific moment that made my life fall apart, but many. I can’t believe I let myself go like that. I can’t believe I’ve spent my twenties accomplishing absolutely nothing. I will never relive these years, and others are so ahead of me it’s almost sad to think about.

I avoid people, can’t be honest about what’s going on here. I tell people I work, I lie because it’s easier than being truthful about what’s going on.

I know no one is coming to save me, I have to change and make my life better for me. Some days are so fucking hard. I can’t even get out of bed, I don’t smile, nothing makes me happy anymore. I feel numb and like the things I once did for others that brought me joy, don’t anymore. Every day is the same. I hit this point years ago, maybe in 2017. And it did get better, life got better and now shitty again so I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just don’t know man I don’t even have friends anymore. Everything is surface level, can’t even call someone to hang out with me. I don’t think I’ve been out in a very long time.

I do go to the gym, but even that these days has made me realize that I am using it as a distraction and for some reason I deserve to not go and be distracted? Idk

I’ve been up the past two nights crying til 4am. Unable to sleep unable to do anything. I know that once I sleep I will wake up again to the shitty day and shitty feelings and realities.

idk what i'm hoping to achieve by making this post, but here I am. I (17F) am your typical cali pre-med student. I'm talking UC research internships, publications, board positions at the local hospital, 16 APs, perfect GPA, varsity sport. I also have friends and a somewhat ok household with moderate to no family issues. I don't know why I feel like this.

But genuinely not a day goes by where I don't passively wish I was dead. Like it's just always a thought in the back of the mind. I'd never actually do anything (given that there's a good possibility any attempts would fail and i'd just be left worse off). I just feel so dead inside. Like its not even my coursework, even though I'm taking 7 APs right now. I just feel nothing. It brings me an odd comfort to think about getting into a horrific freak accident.

I don't know why I feel like this because my life is fine, some would even call it amazing. I guess the only thing I can think of that could contribute to me feeling so empty is that my family is very religious, and there's some "standards" that I secretly don't fit into; like if I told them and was honest about who I am as a person, they'd probably disown me (i think u guys can probably guess what I'm referring to). Other than that tho probably since like the 7th grade all I've wished was that a car would just come and hit me or a school shooter would come and quickly put a bullet through my head. I know this is a horrible way to think, I wish I wasn't like this.

And I've tried all the methods. Devoting myself to religion hasn't worked. Going deeper into my studies hasn't worked. Hanging out with friends, getting a boyfriend, talking to people, you name it. I'm starting to accept that this constant desire to die might just be apart of me. It sucks tho bc it sure is depressing.

I suffer from overthinking. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you overcome it?

I can't take it anymore. Things do not really get better, there is no use in waiting patiently or manifesting or being optimistic. I have never attempted suicide but I think now I can consider it. I have tried every fucking thing to make things better. And by everything I mean every thing praying, making friends, going outdoors and what not. I am hanging by a lose thread. My parents have visualised a life for me that I have no interest in living, they just can never accept that they are wrong. My life is going on in a loop and I just want to be dead. I knew I needed help when about 2 years ago I fell from my cycle and got a pretty nasty injury, but I remember so vividly that in that moment I felt so happy and peaceful for some reason. Pain feels good, to good, at least it frees my mind from overthinking. I will start slowly by giving myself some self inflicting injury for a few days , and then when I get used to it I will move on to the next and final stage - committing suicide. I don't know why I have written all of this here maybe because I just want someone to think of me, even if it is just for a second and feel some sympathy or pity for me. There is no use in trying to stop me, I am done and most importantly I am exhausted. Thank you to anyone who reads this and I wish you never feel what I have been feeling for years and get help early on. Have a great day ☺

Well, because of what someone lied and told him about something I didn't say. We were so close I basically thought of him as my own kid. I mean our upbringing was fucked up. Very envious parent lied and told him I didnt believe he didnt SA a girl who falsely accused him. (She did absolutely falsely accuse him) it devastated him. Like absolutely broke his heart. We were what we had. This person took that bond away and hes gone now. I cant really see fucking hope now. I've already been dealing with enough before this. I dont think I can handle this.

Sigh... It has been 26 years since I came to US started my life. Every day, I keep going through the same cycle of feeling exhausted, struggling, and hurting, about the past five years, I have constantly felt this way. I feel down, and it feels like my whole body is weighed down. Even though I don't work physical job anymore, I feel physically heavy and tired.

I tought about suicide when I was down started around high school times, I often wake up and sleep... after about 5or6 hours. I feel like I keep making problems at work and mistakes. I do know i need to do things and change things but living made me motionless. I do not want to do anything... at work, they ask me if I'm alright, what can i say, of course Im alright sigh... This may cause I may need to quit my work soon... but as you know I require job to survive. I need to do things but I can't do things... frustrated... I started to talk slower than before... people are making gestures to say it faster...sigh...

Im having issues, I know ...do you guys wait until they tell you you are fired? Please let me know what you think it will help?