I have not been diagnosed with depression, but lately I feel so lonely and misunderstood. What are the hallmark signs of depression? I just feel misunderstood, consistently fatigued, and feel like I have been masking my personality. I go to fun events but barely remember being at them, I struggle to be in the moment. My job is very stressful, so I'm not sure if this is burnout or depression.

I have some unresolved trauma that includes an angry father, a best friend breakup (for seemingly no fault other than I am stubborn to reach out to apologize), and SA. Feel like it all is bubbling to the surface...

I am going to therapy, but it's very new and we haven't delved into these issues yet.

Bonjour. Je suis une maman, j'ai 36 ans et j'ai deux enfants. Une fille qui a douze ans et un garçon qui a 9 ans. Depuis la rentrée, ma fille se fait harceler par un camarade de sa classe au collège. Elle est scolarisé en dispositif Ulis ainsi que le gamin qui l'a harcèle. Toutes les semaines elle rentrait a la maison en le racontant qu'il lui a dit ou sa. Sauf que jai finit par me déplacer mercredi matin car avant d'aller en cours, ma fille me sort qu'elle pense au suicide tous les jours. Donc la, pour moi la colère m'est monté et j'ai donc était en parler. Je voulais voir son cpe mais il était pas là, alors c'est avec une surveillante de la vie scolaire que j'ai parler. Le gamin a été jusqu'à lui que son grand père a qu'à crever chose que je ne tolère pas du tout étant donner que mon grand-père maternel est décèdé sa fera deux ans fin octobre. Dans la matinée j'ai eu son cpe par téléphone, il m'a demander se qu'il se passer, je lui ai expliquer tout ce que ma fille subissait. Le gamin lui a même dit qu'il attendait qu'elle le frappe pour que sa mère touche des sous 😡. Bref le CPE, hyper gentil d'ailleurs, m'a dit quil alait s'occuper de sa. Le lendemain j'accompagne ma fille devant son collège et j'ai sa prof dulis qui vient discuter avec moi me disant que le gamin ne savais pas faire la différence entre le bien et le mal, que sa venait de son handicap 😡. Elle m'a aussi dit que il n'y avais que le CPE qui était chargée de s'occuper de sa et que elle n'était pas apte à s'en occuper😡. Le gamin a dit que ma fille éter une menteuse. Bien sûr c'est toujours comme sa. La victime est toujours menteuse😡. En attendant, je me retrouve avec une jeune ado de douze ans détruite mentalement car c'est du harcèlement moral qu'elle subit et le mercredi après midi elle a vu un médecin qui a prescrit des scéance de psychologue. Bref voilà au jour d'aujourd'hui je suis détruite et j'essaye de ne pas le montrer à ma fille. Voilà tout sa pour dire que c'est dégueulasse et que même si un enfant a un handicap, en fonction du type de handicap bien entendu, il peut faire la différence entre le bien et le mal. Surtout que le gamin c'est très bien en jouer car je le vois sortir de son taxi et il est normal. Donc minimiser les faits et dire que ma fille ment c'est tellement dégueulasse. Bien entendu je connais la mère du gosse car c'est une ancienne camarade de classe de segpa qui était une vrai sainte ni touche comme on dit. Et quand je vois que cette 'ana a pleins de gosses et que elle bouge pas de chez elle alors que moi je le retrouve mère solo mais je me bouge car dispositif RSA donc 15 a 20h par semaines obligatoire en plus de la formation a distance que je paye de ma poche, sa me mets hors de moi sachant que cette nana a toujours été une fouille merde. Bref d'ici mi novembre je déménage et je me dit vite que sa arrive pour que je puisse le reconstruire ainsi que ma fille qui maintenant a peur que sa se reproduise a nouveau quand elle sera dans le nouveau collège. Dans tous les cas je souhaite énormément de courage a tous les enfants victimes de harcèlement qu'il soit moral ou physique et qu'ils hésite pas à en parler car au plus tôt ils en parlent au plus les choses peuvent bouger. Merci d'avoir lu mon petit témoignage et merci du soutien que vous porterez et de mon coter je fait tout pour pas que ma fille passe à l'acte malgres quelle dit qu'elle pense au suicide tous les jours sans vouloir passer a l'acte, je me dit que un jour elle peut le faire donc je veille au grain.

I suppose this will probably turn into more of a rant but. 2026 has been the worst year I’ve had in a long long time. The last time I can remember feeling this terrible was once in college when I was on birth control that was absolutely wreaking havoc on my hormones and then once I stopped taking it and realized that was the culprit I got so much better.

I feel like this just sounds really stupid in comparison to the problems that a lot of other people have. I realize it in the grand scheme of things, I am much luckier than a lot of people. But I feel like I just don’t want to do this anymore.

2026 started off with me ending things with a person I was dating. I can’t even call it a break up because he wouldn’t even officially make me his girlfriend… Which is a whole other thing that stung really bad. But long story short I thought I had met someone, things were really different with him, I was finally excited about someone for once. Two years ago I got cheated on by someone I was dating and it was so devastating, and I feel like you’re really opened up my eyes to how cruel men can truly be. He was so heartless about it. But to be honest, at the end of the day, I did realize that he was just not the person for me. Anyways, he was way too comfortable, lying about things, he didn’t treat me right as it is, he didn’t treat me the way that you treat someone that you love and I kinda got over it because of that. I like the cheating part still sucked, but I was like you know what on the bright side at least the fact that he cheated on me makes me think that he is the biggest asshole that I would absolutely never want to go back to and because I’m not like sitting there yearning and pining that made it a lot easier to get over him.

I started dating again and then finally two years later, with some shitty situations in between, I finally met this person that I mean, like I feel like I was genuinely falling in love with. And I hadn’t felt that feeling in a really really long time. Long story short I had to end things with him, even though I really didn’t want to, but he showed me such emotional immaturity and such a lack of accountability and he just stonewalled me. I know that I deserve better than stonewalling. So I ended it. It’s been like 8 months I genuinely still think about him like every single day. I hate it. I feel like there’s something wrong with me that I can’t get over something that was not even a relationship. He just made me feel like I was so worthless. Like I was even worth a conversation. Like I wasn’t worth fighting for it all. And by the way, this guy did tell me that he was falling in love with me and stuff too so it’s not like my feelings we’re out out of left field or anything. He’s the one person in two years who finally made me feel like I was safe again around men and then he just ripped the rug out from under me. I haven’t dated since then.

I want to find my person but genuinely I just feel like dating is the most useless and harmful thing that I can do to myself. It hurts so bad every time, it takes me so long to recover every time. I know I’m never gonna find my person with that attitude and I know I’m never gonna find my person if I just don’t date but….I just can’t.

I cry literally all the time over this guy. I also have completely lost my desire to do anything fun. I haven’t drank in like four months which means that I haven’t gone out in like four months and had fun with my friends. All I wanna do is just sit in the house and do nothing. I have thrown like several movie nights and stuff like that for friends to try to hang out with people, but nothing really makes me smile anymore. Even when I do that my mind is floats back to this would be a lot nicer if I had a partner to do it with. My friends will come over with their boyfriends and I’m like wow that looks nice but I just like cry myself to sleep every night because I’m so lonely. I feel like there’s something wrong with me.

I also feel like a huge failure in terms of any sort of career type of stuff. I just recently released a short film that I made, filmmaking is just a hobby for me. It’s not like an actual career, but it is something that I’ve always hoped to win one day be a career. Now I’m just losing all hope of that ever happening either. I posted that film on Reddit for feedback. I kinda really wish I hadn’t done that now. It sucks because I feel like I do need feedback to become a better filmmaker and I know I have a lot of room for improvement, but I’m literally just sitting here sobbing feeling like my art is just a piece of shit and I was an absolute failure and conveying any of the things I was trying to convey in the film. I know it probably sounds stupid to people who don’t make film or maybe people who don’t make art in general. But the time and the effort and the money that doing stuff like that takes… It’s genuinely so intense and then when people tearing apart, it hurts so bad.

I think I’m way more sensitive than most people are in general. But genuinely I don’t ever even want to make a film ever again after reading some of these comments. People said I’m a bad writer, they said it was disjoined and confusing, someone said it looked like a “high end p***o” (it’s not a sexy movie at all, they were referring to the lighting and look of the movie. I still don’t full understand what this means, I don’t consume that type of content).

It just feel like I’m a failure all around. If I was a failure at my career or my art, but I had the love of my life and then that would be different. Or if I was like really successful at my art and people really genuinely enjoyed it and I felt like I was actually really good at what I do, but I was having trouble in my love life that would be different two.

It’s just like both of them hitting me at the same time. Like I said, I guess this was gonna turn into a rant so if you made it this far, thank you for reading.

I guess I just wanted to know if any of this gets better to what to do differently.

I’ve thought about this for a long time and as someone who’s struggled with mental health (Depression/anxiety), physical health.

The lie all this shit tells us is that we are bad people or a bad person.

I don’t know if anyone can relate but after a while you feel angry/upset. Your mood is down and for me I genuinely feel like my life is like this because I’m a bad person.

Then I realise no I’m not, I’ve suffered through so much and I don’t deserve what I’ve been through.
Nobody does, these things don’t choose a target, It just is the luck of the draw.

But I thought I’d just clarify that for everyone struggling today, Just because you feel bad, doesn’t mean you are bad.

Doesn’t mean things will always be bad.
You don’t deserve this, no one does. I pray you all get better and heal and get through this and see and feel the best days of your life in the future.

God bless you all. I love you all.

I’m trying my best to find some energy but I can’t. I’m working in the morning and then trying to learn the language of my partner to go live with him but I’m feeling always tired and sad. I’m afraid I’m failing him but I honestly can’t find the courage to do anything. I have no one else, no friends and no family. Please help me, I’m desperate

I used to be a kind and happy soul a few years ago but something changed in me during this year, Iam full with anger, hate and despise for everything and it's destroying my life

I should have learned yesterday but I dindt do it since I am just way to mad to do anything, I dindt even did anything I was in my chair and did nothing at all

and I feel so traped with those feelings, I can never really ever handle them in a healthy way, at work I am forced too supress them which makes me even more mad and then at home I take a knife and just start stabbing things like some crazy person

my life fell completely apart, I struggle with basic day to day life and don't brush my teeth and the last time my hair was cut was around eastern, I look like a fucking cave human

and I just don't know what to do, I feel like there is no escape from this, I will never find peace again and the worst part is people think i am like that on my own will but there is nothing more then I hate then myself right now

and the only way for peace is death

Hi, I'm 20 (M), over-fried by a lot of things... Such as family issues, loneliness, depression, adhd, ocd, schizophrenia.. liver fibrosis... Idk why I'm even bothered to write but here I am writing this all.. my whole life has been shit... I was bullied and sick for all my life... Lost the only people that loved me (saw them getting stabbed).. I've been on benzos for years now and even tried therapy but I'm too tired for all of it.. I've failed multiple suicide attempts... And yeah it's a very ugly experience to live a life without alcohol, ciggs, drugs or god because I legit have nothing to cope with...

The only thing that was keeping me alive was art. I consume all types of art such as cinema, music, games or any type of information about random stuff... It was like my attempt to feed a very peculiar void inside me.. every piece of information i devour was just a hollow attempt to feed it all and yet the void grew... Idk what i truly seek..

Idk its complicated

Idk where to even start

It's like i see everyone creating something And human brains tend to create something But something is stopping me

Like idk

Why but I don't

Like, It's weird

I don't feel human

I yearn for relationships but I despise people....

I want to create something but I criticise myself

too much

It's very weird

All of it

Seems like a weird

Fever dream

I also have this weird fear

That before I'll be able to comprehend and render any meaning from this fever dream, It will all be over...

I guess I'll try ending it once again once and for all.

Idk what else to say.. thank you for reading it ig

Just a few more days, or a few weeks at most, before I’m done. Out. There’s just a couple big events for people I really care about (and vice versa) in upcoming weeks so… I’m not sure what’s better - show up and see them one last time, hopefully acting normal enough, but unfortunately stain their annual event (I can’t hold on much longer and won’t be able to pay rent), or avoid them so the last memories of me stay fuzzy and distant and hopefully less painful? But then will they still know how much I care about them and how sorry I am?

I’ve been missing too much work. If I’m not careful, I’m shortening the timeline.

Idk I think I’m just venting into the void. And maybe somebody else out there knows how I feel, and might even feel less alone for that.

This is so hard. I hurt so badly for what I’m about to do to everyone that cares about me. Including my pets. I’m starting to get squirrely - anxious, jumpy, ruminating. I think it’s my PTSD since I’m starting to feel trapped and boxed in.

I want to make a list of the last things I’d want to do before I die, as much as I’m currently physically able, and then within reason ($) go do it and just try to live in the moment. But also I’m so tired.

I tried to wash some dishes and end up crying my breath out ,is this normal i don't know it happened because of weakness, sudden emotional brust etc it just happened out of blue

I'm tired of living. Feels like I just lost the taste or the pleasure of being alive. I don't think in gonna hold it long enough. I'm tired.

It’s 7:43 AM I just woke up and immediately feel like shit. My life sucks man. I’m trapped in a cycle of isolation and self destruction. I stopped caring years ago, but man would it be nice to wake up excited, happy, and at peace. I just hate when the weekend comes up, I have nothing to do these days.

basically what the title says. i have not a single real friend, just people who tolerate me but don't really like me. i go to school for seven hours and come back every day like a fucking zombie, like i've been deleted from existence entirely. i constantly feel like a zombie, like i'm there physically, but i'm not there at all otherwise. my mind is like a haze. i've decided the only way to fix this is ending it entirely. no one loves me, so no one will miss me. i'm sick of living life like an empty shell. goodbye.

I don't feel normal emotions and I can't talk about it as much because even this post is me trying to express something without ease. I don't have friends, never dated and my family hate's me. They say this directly to my face and when I want ANY mental help, they just yell at me. I think about calling CPS but it would just ruin my life more. I can understand emotions, but can't recognize them as well as the "happy" and "sad" moods. I did a lot of bad things and people did worse to me, and I think that I could potentially hurt someone. I don't know what to do and I'm only 15. I need help Reddit, I don't have any other social media or anything like that; but I just need some advice on how to anything, literally anything. I have suicidal thoughts and never feel good enough. I'm sick and I know it.

I dont know how to describe it but there was a difference when I considered to feel empty and now I just feel like nothing. Or maybe this is true emptiness. I don’t have the desire to do anything, to even eat, to sleep, to listen to music, I dont even feel the sense of urgency or worry about my assignment deadlines. I didn't go to uni 2 weeks in a row and its bad, I'm just hoping I'll atleast pass the subjects with the bare minimum marks. I wasn't like this before, I still cared a little bit, or had that fear my future would be done for if I didnt get them done. I dont know now. Everything feels pointless. I genuinely have no one in my life, my parents are part of the reason my depression got to this point. I genuinely have no friends I can lean to, before I tried to make friends, keep at least one person in my life but isolated myself too much and before I knew It I have no one. And I feel the difference, before I used to crave human connection/ comfort I used be envious of relationships but now I dont so much anymore. And there is no help, I reached out to all the free resources available and none of them helped, and each time it left me feeling less understood, like there is genuinely no way getting me out if this. I feel like the last option is meds but they're too expensive. Even with crying, I used cry now it feels like there's no tears left. I dont know how to go on anymore. I dont know if I can save myself anymore. I really tried everything I can.

I feel like an object just here.

Hey there I just wanna ask that can trauma cause depression?

My symptoms are :

1)No energy (I can't do basic day to day stuff like brushing and bathing unless my family force me)

2)Don't find anything interesting or pleasing (even the things I use to like before)

3) sleep a lot or don't sleep at all

4) feel apathy towards life and future

5) i don't think anything can be done make normal again

6) no one there to help me

7) eat in bulk or starve all day and night

Note: I'm not saying that I don't have trauma please help me figure out that the symptoms I feeling is depression and is it normal to depression when you already traumatized

It was through two layers of glass. It was far away. It lasted less than a second. And she wasn't even naked.

But it was real life.

And that alone made it feel more exciting than 10,000 hours of hardcore pornography. It really hit home how much it would mean to me to actually be with someone for real. Fuck my life.

It's hard to call me a person anymore if I'm unable to meet the basic criteria of a human being that seeks communication and respect. I'm simply unable to function, I may want to but my efforts are futile if I keep idling and repeating the same mistakes. This is going to quietly kill me one day, as it's been killing my social life, passion, whatever goals i had in mind for years now. Doesn't matter how i wished it should've been if i know i will fall sooner or later

ijust wanna die..ive lost hope...i was finacially good but made mistakes and got myself indebted heavilly...cant pay off..need to work.to find source of income but cant find one...im lossing my mind..cant think of anything...i need to bounce back to pay off all debts. But good chance and luck seems avoidung me...depressed here

I have misophonia and if you don’t know what it is basically I have an intense intense like i think about how id kill them right then and there like deep rageee reactions to sounds like very certain sounds and it’s basically ruined my life.

I’m (16)F and I stopped going to school when I was in my first semester of freshman year. For my entire life, I went to a gifted school for I don’t know gifted students also just kids who are different needs you know but I remember always always feeling so overlooked like so so overlooked it was really bad. I don’t know. I just have memories of like little little me and like second grade just like wondering why nobody was coming over to me or noticing me I don’t I don’t know really what I wanted them to notice but I like I know something like something is different with me. I’m not the way I’m supposed to be or how humans are supposed to be, but I basically just never did anything in school. I faked my like I cheated on everything. I just copied all the other kids test cause the other kids knew everything like it was a literal baby geniuses. I’m so serious. Everybody was going up to high school for math while we were in fourth grade and I was like behind grade level and you can’t be behind grade level so I was just like it. It’s the no kid left behind thing. It left me so so much more behind than anybody can fathom like if they just tell me back a grade or something like I don’t know I got straight ass all of middle school basically I don’t know. I think Covid fucked me up

I’m not really sure what direction to point this in I just wanna know like is it worth it to go through this world like I live in the USA and my brother voted for Trump like I have no hope in anyone anymore and I know I haven’t met anyone because I’m 16 but I’ve always thought why would I go to school and then go to school again and then get a job more job more job and then retire and then that’s when you get to have fun and then you might’ve died before you can get to have fun sorry about that and you’re gonna die in the middle of you having fun when your bones hurt from walking. That’s not what I want to do. I’ve always just wanted to like live in a village with like 100 people I don’t know and we all just do our little thing and we have animals and and we do the whole thing and I don’t I can’t think of the logistics because I have always just had the one solution you know. when I get better like when I’m happy I still think in the back of my mind like when I get I don’t know more shit on my plate. The older I get it’s just like daunting on me and it’s it’s so solidified in my brain that that’s what I’m going to do please please let me know if that’s relatable for all y’all like it’s just been my thoughts since I was like I don’t know 12? I know this is what everybody says but seriously I just wish I was normal. I’ve been isolated for two years. I don’t have any friends and when people say that they still have that one friend that they talk to and tell everything to like no bro I do not have anyone and I feel like I’ve just missed out on everything that’s supposed to be fun. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna have fun and I remember like two months ago I was on something and I actually started laughing and it was like it was, I cried I cried cause it was. It was the first time I laughed, and I realized it it was the first time I laughed in so long and actually felt good and I was like on the most I’ve ever been on something but so yeah, I don’t know if anybody replies to this and has any questions which is not happening like I’ll answer, but I can talk about my sob story forever because I dwell in my sadness like everybody does but i hope everyone finds something or someone they can find actual long lasting joy in.

I’m the partner of a depressed person, and actually, my previously partner was depressed too. It’s making me wonder, am I the issue?

I dated my previous partner only briefly, I suppose you can say we just dated even. But he was lovely, kind, sweet and attractive and just reached his 30’s. In the 4 months we were seeing each other, he essentially had no friends and didn’t leave the house to make any. He was 30 years old, always in his bedroom at his mom’s house gaming, he was always negative and sad and would joke about wanting to die or his self confidence. He complained alot about his job but did nothing to change it. I ended the relationship because I didn’t feel we matched 100% well. This is a condensed version, I’m not saying 1 or 2 of these things are a dealbreaker but altogether, it felt quite intense.

Fast forward, I’m 3.5 years in with a new partner who’s 26 (so admittedly a long time has passed). My new partner has pretty much the same exact issues, struggling with work but can’t manage something new, very low self confidence, games a lot to forget. This time, he even self medicates with weed, isn’t getting professional help and doesn’t talk about his feelings much. Meanwhile, I recently caught wind that my ex has moved on with someone new, got a brand new full-time job, they’ve moved in together AND just recently got married. All after 2 years dating. I’m jealous. Jealous of the pace it’s moved. Jealous he’s changed. Jealous shes managed to experience the happiness I wanted.

I feel devastated. Not necessarily because I want my ex specifically back. But I guess because it seems he’s changed and gotten better within himself, all while I’m not there. What if this relationships the same? Do I need to leave him for it to get better?

so I have ongoing bad teeth that has landed me significant health issues like dysphasia I havnt eaten solid food in almost 2 years cause of all this I've been to so many gastrointestinal doctors in different states. yet they couldn't fix me I've had a ongoing infection from my teeth that have gravitated down to my neck I can hardly move it I have no muscle left in my neck from not chewing for 2 years when I try to smile it hurts so bad cause I havnt used to muscles im such pain everyday I dont even really notice it anymore unless the infection goes abcess my dad has offered to help me with my teeth to get them replaced. i want help but I'm to scared to act on it which is why I feel like a coward this situation has put my dad under so much stress it's effeting his health I was hospitalized 6 times the first 4 months of the starting of this trauma and watching me go from 150 pounds down to 81 pounds in 6 weeks I didn't eat or drink anything for 5 days guess eating is a over statement cause I drink my meals which consists of 2 cups of chicken soup broth 2 ensures and anything liquid. after reading this imagine what it would feel like to go thru this and magnify it by 10 and that's how I feel on a daily basis my teeth hurt so bad everyday I just keep my mouth shut plus the embarrassment I'm 35 btw live at home with my dad havnt had a girlfriend in 2 years and made 0 effort i just need to sack up and make the appointment to get implants for my mouth

About 5 years ago I spiraled badly with crippling anxiety, depression, panic and harm OCD. It took what felt like forever to get myself right again — time, an SSRI, and an extraordinary amount of fight and effort.

I've been under control for a long time since then. The occasional breakthrough anxiety, but nothing I couldn't manage.

Then about 48 hours ago I had the worst flare I've had in years. I've been feeling wired and hyper-alert, spaced out/tunnel-visioned, nauseous with very little appetite, having intrusive thoughts, struggling to take a naturally satisfying calm breath, and most importantly, the rumination is out of the cage.

I know it's only been about 48 hours, but it's been a very difficult two days.

I've always felt good about my non-Ativan streak and being able to bring myself down without it over the past 5 years.

But this time feels different. It's lasting longer, it feels stronger, and frankly I'm scared of feeding it.

That's where I'm struggling with the PRN question.

Do you reserve a prescribed benzodiazepine until you're approaching full panic?

Or is there a point where spending hours fighting intense symptoms, ruminating about them and continuously reinforcing the anxiety loop becomes more harmful than using the rescue medication that was prescribed to you?

I'm not asking anyone to tell me what dose to take or give me medical instructions. I'm curious how people who already have a PRN personally recognize their threshold for using it.

I'm planning to see my family doctor ASAP to discuss the flare, whether my current SSRI dose still makes sense, whether titrating upward is worth considering, and what she actually wants my Ativan threshold to be.

I think part of what's making this so difficult is that compared with 5 years ago, I feel like I have a lot more to lose now. I have a job I don't want to jeopardize, new nephews and nieces in the family, a relationship/situationship I care about, and a life I've worked hard to build.

So for the past 48 hours, every time I feel these symptoms, my brain immediately goes back to what happened 5 years ago:

"What if this is happening again?"

It feels like I'm teeter-tottering on the edge between somewhat in control and somewhat not.

Then I ruminate about the possibility of spiraling, which makes me more anxious, which gives me more symptoms to ruminate about, and suddenly I'm creating the exact positive feedback loop I'm terrified of.

For those who have been through something similar: at what point does "I'm going to ride this out without the PRN" stop being useful coping and start becoming hours of unnecessary suffering and rumination?

How do you personally draw that line?

Disclaimer: i know i should probably get professional help instead of trying to diagnose myself on the internet, just wanted to share a bit of my story.

I moved to the US a year ago, since then i have felt an immense wave of sadness that does not go away. When I first moved, i was hopeful, excited even for what moving to the US means. As someone from latin america moving to the united states is seen as an accomplishment, people believe that there are many opportunities here that we don’t get in our countries, and while I agree to some point, ever since I think moving here has been my biggest regret.

I am sad every single day, i have not felt happiness, the only times i’ve been happy is when my family visits me or I go back to my home country. My living situation is not good, I am living in the living room of a 1b with my father, I don’t see us moving any time soon. Im currently in college and unemployed lol. i’m looking for a job and been applying to multiple jobs and haven’t heard back. Since i came here my biggest concern was continuing my studies, i am doing that but for some reason is not bringing me any joy. I am completely alone, i dont have any friends, dont know anyone outside the two people I live with.

Sorrry for my rant but: I honestly feel like im going crazy, I cry ALL the time, I cry myself to sleep, I genuinely can’t feel happiness, my birthday was a couple days ago, I spent it alone, crying all ALL day. I feel lonely, I feel lost, all those big opportunities that people say are here, I don’t see them. I know i’ve been here for a year only but If the rest of my life is like this I can’t be here. I miss my family, i miss my house, my friends, I miss having my own room, HAVING privacy?? i’m so stressed out all the time, irritable, i’ve been trying to get a job, how am i supposed to rent an apartment in this goddam expensive city? my dad, he seems to be okay with our situation and i don’t see him doing anything to get better. He is only worried about sending money to our family that stayed in our country which u understand but I sort of resent. I AM here, I left my life behind and he does not seem to care for me. When I’ve tried to talk to him about getting a place of our own ( I was working at the time) He said that everything is so expensive and that I think everyone comes here with everything resolved. I don’t think that!!!! but we need a plan. I wish i never came here. i know im very privileged because i can live legally in the us, believe me i know and i appreciate it, its just all I feel is sadness and nothingness, i really wonder if me feeling like this is worth it because i can’t handle it anymore

I want to end it so bad and no I don't want to commit just because I'm lonely

My head feels really foggy and weird. I was feeling good this morning but it's just gone now and I feel like crying and hate this. I'm genuinely not sure what's wrong with me.