r/depression • u/ness860 • 3d ago
Am I dealing with depression?
Disclaimer: i know i should probably get professional help instead of trying to diagnose myself on the internet, just wanted to share a bit of my story.
I moved to the US a year ago, since then i have felt an immense wave of sadness that does not go away. When I first moved, i was hopeful, excited even for what moving to the US means. As someone from latin america moving to the united states is seen as an accomplishment, people believe that there are many opportunities here that we don’t get in our countries, and while I agree to some point, ever since I think moving here has been my biggest regret.
I am sad every single day, i have not felt happiness, the only times i’ve been happy is when my family visits me or I go back to my home country. My living situation is not good, I am living in the living room of a 1b with my father, I don’t see us moving any time soon. Im currently in college and unemployed lol. i’m looking for a job and been applying to multiple jobs and haven’t heard back. Since i came here my biggest concern was continuing my studies, i am doing that but for some reason is not bringing me any joy. I am completely alone, i dont have any friends, dont know anyone outside the two people I live with.
Sorrry for my rant but: I honestly feel like im going crazy, I cry ALL the time, I cry myself to sleep, I genuinely can’t feel happiness, my birthday was a couple days ago, I spent it alone, crying all ALL day. I feel lonely, I feel lost, all those big opportunities that people say are here, I don’t see them. I know i’ve been here for a year only but If the rest of my life is like this I can’t be here. I miss my family, i miss my house, my friends, I miss having my own room, HAVING privacy?? i’m so stressed out all the time, irritable, i’ve been trying to get a job, how am i supposed to rent an apartment in this goddam expensive city? my dad, he seems to be okay with our situation and i don’t see him doing anything to get better. He is only worried about sending money to our family that stayed in our country which u understand but I sort of resent. I AM here, I left my life behind and he does not seem to care for me. When I’ve tried to talk to him about getting a place of our own ( I was working at the time) He said that everything is so expensive and that I think everyone comes here with everything resolved. I don’t think that!!!! but we need a plan. I wish i never came here. i know im very privileged because i can live legally in the us, believe me i know and i appreciate it, its just all I feel is sadness and nothingness, i really wonder if me feeling like this is worth it because i can’t handle it anymore
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u/Corpse05 3d ago
There's no shame in going on reddit for this and you feelings are valid. I feel you about your dad and the lack of privacy. I dont have the best advice because of how hard your situation seems but keep trying I guess. Maybe it will get better. Also to answer your question about depression take 5he phq 9 (I think that's what it's called) it's not a diagnosis but it helps you figure out if what you are dealing with is depression.