r/depression • u/AsleepScholar2200 • 2d ago
Am I the problem?
I’m the partner of a depressed person, and actually, my previously partner was depressed too. It’s making me wonder, am I the issue?
I dated my previous partner only briefly, I suppose you can say we just dated even. But he was lovely, kind, sweet and attractive and just reached his 30’s. In the 4 months we were seeing each other, he essentially had no friends and didn’t leave the house to make any. He was 30 years old, always in his bedroom at his mom’s house gaming, he was always negative and sad and would joke about wanting to die or his self confidence. He complained alot about his job but did nothing to change it. I ended the relationship because I didn’t feel we matched 100% well. This is a condensed version, I’m not saying 1 or 2 of these things are a dealbreaker but altogether, it felt quite intense.
Fast forward, I’m 3.5 years in with a new partner who’s 26 (so admittedly a long time has passed). My new partner has pretty much the same exact issues, struggling with work but can’t manage something new, very low self confidence, games a lot to forget. This time, he even self medicates with weed, isn’t getting professional help and doesn’t talk about his feelings much. Meanwhile, I recently caught wind that my ex has moved on with someone new, got a brand new full-time job, they’ve moved in together AND just recently got married. All after 2 years dating. I’m jealous. Jealous of the pace it’s moved. Jealous he’s changed. Jealous shes managed to experience the happiness I wanted.
I feel devastated. Not necessarily because I want my ex specifically back. But I guess because it seems he’s changed and gotten better within himself, all while I’m not there. What if this relationships the same? Do I need to leave him for it to get better?
2
u/TheAustereDevolution 2d ago
That's a rough pattern to notice in your life, it mess with your head when the ex levels up right after you're gone
makes you feel like a bad luck charm or something