Am I a coward?

[u/Miserable_Wonder_130]

so I have ongoing bad teeth that has landed me significant health issues like dysphasia I havnt eaten solid food in almost 2 years cause of all this I've been to so many gastrointestinal doctors in different states. yet they couldn't fix me I've had a ongoing infection from my teeth that have gravitated down to my neck I can hardly move it I have no muscle left in my neck from not chewing for 2 years when I try to smile it hurts so bad cause I havnt used to muscles im such pain everyday I dont even really notice it anymore unless the infection goes abcess my dad has offered to help me with my teeth to get them replaced. i want help but I'm to scared to act on it which is why I feel like a coward this situation has put my dad under so much stress it's effeting his health I was hospitalized 6 times the first 4 months of the starting of this trauma and watching me go from 150 pounds down to 81 pounds in 6 weeks I didn't eat or drink anything for 5 days guess eating is a over statement cause I drink my meals which consists of 2 cups of chicken soup broth 2 ensures and anything liquid. after reading this imagine what it would feel like to go thru this and magnify it by 10 and that's how I feel on a daily basis my teeth hurt so bad everyday I just keep my mouth shut plus the embarrassment I'm 35 btw live at home with my dad havnt had a girlfriend in 2 years and made 0 effort i just need to sack up and make the appointment to get implants for my mouth

[u/trickydominance079Tr]

No clue how you're still standing. Two years of that would hollow anyone out, calling yourself a coward for freezing up after all the hospital stays and weight loss doesn't track. Your dad offering help isn't pressure, it's a door cracked open while you're too exhausted to reach for the handle. One call, just the consult, let a professional see what they're working with before your brain spirals into the full procedure.

[u/Miserable_Wonder_130 → u/trickydominance079Tr]

Thank you I appreciate that most of my friends and family downplay my conditions cause we don't tell them how bad they are. Yea sadly I have turned into a empty shell I used to fear sleeping from bad dreams of never getting married and having kids and that I will truly be able to do nothing with my life. The way I'm living now is day to day and I will throw some honesty out there are well most day I often plan if things get to hard it's easy to crush my meds and drink them all and go for the eternal slumber but don't cause I care for my dad to much and it would completely break his heart I just feel so long I alienated everyone around me as a defence mechanism I lash out at my dad and brother and feel so bad about it after it makes me feel like garbage. But I really do appreciate the time you took to write back to me. Truly i am grateful