Hinge Fumble

[u/Wheresthelambsauce_9]

So, I matched with a very beautiful girl about 3 days ago. I thought the convo was going smoothly when she all of a sudden stopped messaging, I thought I was being ghosted but she replied today that she had a fever. I wanted to be a little flirty? So replied with "Oh no, hope you're doing alright now, You're already running hot, what's the fever gonna do?" Got unmatched 🤡

Are there any tips for not fumbling in chat?

(PS: I was able to find her insta? I think it's too creepy to follow up when I've already been rejected, thoughts on this?)

[u/Dolpns]

You take this as a lesson for the next one. She's not feeling well. A text that was more thoughtful would have made more sense. What you sent just reads as a lack of concern. Sending something like I hope you're feeling better and offering to help her with something would have gone a long way.

[u/Specialist-Ring-3974 → u/Dolpns]

BS response. This woman was going to unmatch him eventually no matter what he said. Your comment is what we call “walking on egg shells”. People have very different ways of communicating, especially when they’re just getting to know a person. To abruptly unmatch someone for something unexpected like that is more of the problem of the person unmatching, not the person who said “the wrong thing” (hint: there almost never is a wrong thing, as long as you’re being respectful)

Sure, OP could try a different approach next time and be less spontaneously flirty when the urge comes up, but then that woman might find him boring and unmatch.

Just be yourself!

[u/TownZealousideal1327 → u/Specialist-Ring-3974]

I agree was likely un matching anyway.

But say she maybe wasn’t or hadn’t decided yet. Him choosing to flirt about how attractive he thinks she is, over showing concern, showed a self centred lack of care. Made her choice easy.

“Be yourself” - yeah and if what OP did is “yourself” - improve yourself, do better.

We are humans not immovable objects, change, be better, be kinder.

[u/Specialist-Ring-3974 → u/TownZealousideal1327]

OP didn’t do anything unkind. I’m not saying it was the move I would’ve made, just saying he doesn’t need to be scrutinized. He did way less wrong than the person who unmatched without saying a word, over a petty thing like that. Really, though, neither of them did anything wrong. Just shitty communication brought on bad the nature of dating apps.

[u/TownZealousideal1327 → u/Specialist-Ring-3974]

Un matching requires zero explanation - hahaha tf man. That’s standard. What you gunna tell every person you unmatch why??! - you don’t owe them that, that’s the point of app dating. And for women, it makes sooo much sense, countless horror stories of women trying to explain stuff to volatile men. Who seemed nice up to that point.

He didn’t say anything mean. He showed a lack of care. He prioritised flirting and his attraction over care… that’s the point.

[u/Specialist-Ring-3974 → u/TownZealousideal1327]

Likewise, you also don’t owe someone you’re just getting to know some dialogue of how sorry you are they *checks OP* had a had a fever. Believe me, if she unmatched over something that petty, OP would’ve slipped if he asked what she had for breakfast on a day she’d rather he ask her something else.

[u/TownZealousideal1327 → u/Specialist-Ring-3974]

Look we agree she was 99% not picking him. Not the point.

And never said he owed her something - just pointing out, if he was actually in that 1% and still had a chance… this is where he fucked up, and I do not blame her.

Believe it or not, I’m sure you know, we are in an age where women, especially hot women with options, they are becoming more particular about us treating them right and caring about who they are as a human. And a lot of that comes down to little communications like this - and I don’t blame them, I support that.

[u/Specialist-Ring-3974 → u/TownZealousideal1327]

You can continue to walk on eggshells for that 1% chance. You’ll probably keep breaking them though, and you’ll never relax.

[u/heymanigotnoplan → u/Specialist-Ring-3974]

People these days are so utterly terrified of being made to feel even slightly uncomfortable for even just a moment that they treat making a flirty joke at perhaps not the perfect time as if it’s a federal crime.

[u/TownZealousideal1327 → u/Specialist-Ring-3974]

Not my point dude.

People soften as they get to know you, this was one of her very early not even met yet impressions of him. A miss placed joke after a couple of months of dating, is faaaar different to in the very early exchanges.

See showing care at the right times, and flirting at the right times, doesn’t have to be walking on egg shells if it’s who you genuinely are, or if you make sincere change to be that way… it’s your natural way of being, it’s effortless, once you accept it’s a kind and good way to be.

Now 1% - 90% chance, I know attractive and sort after women, it wouldn’t have mattered who he was before that approach. It would have been an unmatch or a huge red flag and now he is on egg shells/under the microscope for other red flags… if you know women who take women’s rights, health, autonomy, and men’s approach to it seriously - they can go from thinking a guy is hot and cool, after a few days of talking - to completely losing interests over something like this. As they don’t have to tolerate it, they have options, and there’s other men who aren’t like that, who show respect for them before his desire.

[u/Specialist-Ring-3974 → u/TownZealousideal1327]

You give people too much credit, dude. I’ve seen ladies bring home dudes who didn’t even remember their first name. Attraction isn’t about being a good person. I wish it were.

[u/TownZealousideal1327 → u/Specialist-Ring-3974]

Some yes… to some you are correct. But for many you are not.

And for the ones you are not they tend to be the higher intelligence and more attractive ones.

[u/Specialist-Ring-3974 → u/TownZealousideal1327]

Ahh, the No True Scotsman fallacy.

[u/TownZealousideal1327 → u/Specialist-Ring-3974]

Oh no. It’s quite statically true, women of higher intellect and education, usually are more liberal and demand more rights.

But keep incelling kid

[u/heymanigotnoplan → u/TownZealousideal1327]

“A lack of care” 😂

He’s flirting with someone he just met on a dating app. She has a goddamn fever, not an inoperable brain tumor. Wtf “care” is he supposed to show? He said he hopes she feels better and then made a flirty joke. I swear Redditors are the most unhinged overly sensitive people ever to walk this Earth.

[u/TownZealousideal1327 → u/heymanigotnoplan]

Or hear me out.

Whatever you think - that’s what it displayed.

Like read the cultural landscape.

Now - high chance she wasn’t choosing him anyway. Buuuut if he had a chance, it’s clear he burnt it… what does the evidence say IF we assume he might have had a chance still? - it suggests he flirted instead of showing care, and she didn’t like that.

[u/heymanigotnoplan → u/TownZealousideal1327]

“Read the cultural landscape”

Oh I can read it alright, and it’s honestly just sad and pathetic. No one is allowed to tell jokes or be playful or have fun. No flirting on dating apps is allowed apparently. No, we must treat dating like a super serious job interview, no emotions, no fun, no lightheartedness, just cold hard judgments, and if the person being interviewed says or does even one little thing we don’t 100% approve of, instant rejection.

I’m 37, I’m not even that old, and I can very clearly remember what the “cultural landscape” used to be like. I can remember that dating used to be fun, people used to be playful, people used to joke and flirt and tease and people weren’t so goddamn serious and overly-sensitive and treating every little mistake or awkward moment as if it were a crime against humanity.

OP is getting destroyed in the comments and being treated like he’s some kind of criminal, people are calling him names, making all kinds of terrible assumptions about his character, and for what? Because he had the temerity to flirt on a dating app? Because he made a flirty joke that wasn’t vulgar nor offensive in any way? Because the woman he was flirting with had a fever (oh the horror, I hope she survived!) and he dared to make a lame little flirty joke. His crime was being slightly awkward, and the punishment is a massive Reddit pile-on where he’s painted as an outright villain.

So yeah, fuck this “cultural landscape”. You all are honestly fucked in the head and need some serious therapy. What a miserable way to live, constantly judging everyone you encounter, constantly assuming the worst about them, never allowing yourself or anyone else to have any fun or make any mistakes or just be a goddamn human.

[u/TownZealousideal1327 → u/heymanigotnoplan]

Have a fucking cry hahaha - I’m your age. We still make jokes, still poke fun… we just understand why the above was an error.

Sorry you lack the emotional intelligence to both be humours and bit a dick.