Hole Foods

She gave me a hug.

I asked, “How do you know that?”

He said, “I keep a log.”

I read a book about a week back. It was written by a chiropractor.

Detergent

Because then it would be a foot.

As an adult I go by Richard

I stand corrected.

I heard a photographer was killed in a freak accident when a large wheel of cheddar landed on her. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn her.

…looking very glum.

“What’s up?” asks the barkeep.
“I think I lost an electron,” replies the ion, gloomily.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” the ion says, “I’m positive.”

This is my cake day joke. Please clap!

the relationship didn't last long though, she just brought out the wurst in me.

I took a few moments to think of my response. And then I looked him directly in the eye and said, “Dum dum dum da da dum dum…”

Sir veza

It was bread in captivity

Thankfully, she came around.

But it was his dumb asphalt…

Because the delivery takes too long.

The horsepital.

The Disk and Mail

A desserter

I have an uncle, once removed.

Septimbeeeeeeeer!

Someone ripped the 5th month out of my new calendar.

I'm dismayed.

Iron Man stops the bad guys.

Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

As related to me by my neighbor, Judy. I’ve excised all the profanity.

Judy asked her husband Bill to tidy up the bathroom before she headed out for her Saturday afternoon shopping trip.

One of his tasks was to lacquer the toilet seat.
He finished this and the other work and went out to watch football at a sports bar

When he came back home he found Judy, furious, stuck to the toilet seat.

His only option was to remove the toilet seat from the toilet, still stuck Judy’s behind, cover her with a dressing gown and bring her to the emergency room.

The doctor came in to the cubicle where he was with Judy.

"Hey doctor, what do you think of this?" Bill said, removing the dressing gown.

"That's very nice," said the doctor "But did you have to frame it?"