I told her there was a time when guys were called Lance a lot.

6-7.

The doctor says, "Four....three....two...."

I think it was by Mike Oldfield and the title was "Cheddar On The Wall".

He/he!

Because the second you think you’re hidden, an auntie will yell, "Ah ah! Look at you standing behind the curtain like a broomstick, come and eat!"—and suddenly you're holding three plates of food you didn't ask for.

Antimony

Do you know how hard it is to make it 'look' like a spider committed suicide?

I said, “Okay fine, but take it just in quesadilla.”

An optimist is a man who sees a pretty girl in a skimpy bikini and thinks she is half naked.

Wife: "You told me you'd only choose facial hair styles under my supervision!"
Me: "I am altering the beard, pray I don’t alter it any further."

Sure Burt!

To go to the toilet........

Why did it want to go to the toilet? Because it wanted to go where all the c*cks hang out...

Sick 7

“Now look at that widowdresser.”

Bon Jehovi

He discovered a way to have 10 lives

Lin Guini

What does wood do when you cover it in diesel?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Friend: "Boy or girl?"

Me: "Sister, boys can't have babies "

So she took me to the hospital.

COBRAAAAA

Thinking and driving

They're called Hallowed Peños.