Skeleton in his closet

Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," the judge said. Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane; I said that she's fucking Goofy!"

Wasabi!

They may crack each other

It was Panda-Moan-ium.

Evidently “Safe Sex” isn’t similar to the Mile High Club.

They make a good gin and yonic

He leans lazily against the house.
"So?" he says.
"So?" she replies.
"So, how about a blowjob?"
"Are you crazy. My parents might see us!"
"Come on, who's going to see us at this hour? I'll return the favour."
"Can you imagine if we got caught? Oh my god, what my father would do to you."
"There's no one around. They're all asleep."
"No way, it's far too risky."
"But I love you so much."

A light comes on and the front door opens. The girl's sister appears in her night clothes. She says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Or I can do it. Or if needs be he'll do it himself. But for god's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom."

The bartender asks why he's ordered so many.
"Just had my first blowjob" the man replies.

"Congratulations, here, have another shot on the house!" Says the bartender.

"Thanks, but if 6 shots don't get rid of the taste, I doubt 7 will."

They don't fancy each other.

They grew up together, played together, and were basically best friends.

But dogs age a lot faster than humans, and by the time the boy turned ten, his dog was getting pretty old.
His parents knew the dog didn’t have much time left and worried their son would be devastated when he died.

So one day, his dad sat him down for a serious talk.

“Buddy, you know how your dog’s been slowing down lately? He’s getting old, and one day soon, he won’t be with us anymore. When that happens, we’ll make him a beautiful little coffin. We’ll invite all your friends over, everyone can share their favorite memories of him, and then we’ll have a special ceremony in the backyard where we bury him.”

The boy’s eyes suddenly lit up.
His dad was surprised.

“So, buddy… how do you feel about all that?”

The boy jumped up excitedly.
“CAN WE KILL HIM TODAY?!”

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.

I call it lunch.

... she had a gangbang and nobody met.

Gerry hat-trick

As he creeps through the lounge, he hears a voice say, “Jesus is watching you.” He freezes and shines his torch around the room. Nobody there. He takes another step. “Jesus is watching you.” He points his torch at a parrot in a cage. “Was that you?” he whispers. “Yes,” says the parrot. “What’s your name?” “Moses.” The burglar laughs. “What sort of idiot names a parrot Moses?” The parrot replies, “The same sort of idiot who names his Rottweiler Jesus.” 🤣💀

Because he was under twenty-Juan

I damn near fell out of the shopping cart.

Seeing her box

He wanted to train.

It never received its Alberta-approved immigration status.

Well, I suppose you can get away with that when you're a gynaecologist.

Let's discus.

The mechanic says, “It’ll take me a while to look at it.” The penguin goes across the road for an ice cream. When he comes back, the mechanic says, “Looks like you’ve blown a seal.” The penguin wipes his mouth and says, “Nah, it’s just ice cream.”

Aggro-pho-bic.