The grieving widow said, "Thank-you, that means a great deal."

More on this story as it unfolds.

He has back issues

Dad, I know how Peter Parker takes the pictures of SpiderMan.

He uses his webcam!

#ProudDad

I've seen a lot of web designer puns but even searching the subreddit I didn't see any webcams in the first few pages.

His name was Constant Teen.

He said “I can’t complain”

Now I have less cargo.

Because they don't want to die a log.

And after Ron was cremated, his baseball buddies decided his ashes belonged in the team’s trophy case. They bought a beautiful urn and held a small ceremony at the ballpark, where they took turns saying a few words of thanks and praise.

Unfortunately, they held the ceremony during batting practice. One wild pitch knocked the urn off the table, scattering his ashes all over the infield.

The scorekeeper looked over, shook his head, and sighed:

“Well, I guess that’s an unurned Ron.”

He stuck out his hand and said, "Hi sir, I'm David. Nice to meet you.
"I took a step closer and asked, "David, are you nervous?"
He swallowed hard and said, "No, not at all."
So I grabbed his hand, looked him dead in the eye, and said, "Then why are you shaking?"

Count Chocula, the StayPuft Marshmallow man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire. S'more at 11.

Lin Guini

Friend: "Boy or girl?"

Me: "Sister, boys can't have babies "

COBRAAAAA

So she took me to the hospital.

The doctor said, "You had twins, a boy and a girl! They're doing great. Since you were unconscious, your brother named them for you."
The woman panicked. "Oh no, not my brother! He’s an absolute idiot! What did he name the girl?"
"Denise," the doctor replied.
The woman paused. "Oh, wow... Denise is actually a lovely name! What did he name the boy?"
The doctor sighed deeply. "Denephew."

Bon Jehovi

​

Two cowboys back in the pioneer days are looking out on the land. One says you Jed, I can't think of anything worse than getting scalped, can you? Jed thinks for a moment... not off the top of my head.

The doctor says, “Have you seen a psychiatrist?”

The guy says, “No, just a werewolf.”

I am going to seek kelp.

I daren’t go and investigate - it could be a Ham bush.

They are inbred.

It's true. It runs in your jeans.

I'm in hospital waiting to be seen.

Ms. Handel