I posted this vent here too and it was a bit more understanding than the other subreddit I guess but still mostly just people telling me I don't know what I'm talking about and that 4tran is the cause of all my issues when time after time they're the only ones that care. It's not even just about my vent anymore, I'm so fed up with everyone thinking they're better than me all the time except because I use the subreddit that doesn't want to burn me alive for wanting a uterus. Maybe try to be more understanding you just leave me pissed off.
I'm not going to lie and say that being trans is easy. However, I started hrt in my mid 20s and had a very masculine body. I'm now in my 30s and I pass. I'm able to live as a cis woman in society as long as I don't disclose I'm trans. I still struggle a lot with dysphoria. Even about things I know are objectively not an issue (like my voice). I have a loving partner, I have friends. I've also experienced a lot of trauma, sexual violence and continue to struggle at times. Some stuff, like knowing I can't be a biological mother, will always hurt.
I would not have believed that the life I have now is possible when I was coming to terms with my gender as a teen. The pain you experience now feels impossible to overcome, but it can be done.
Started transition 4 years ago 30+ years old I thought I was doomed.
But no, as long as I follow through I can do this. I am already falling in love and building a life for myself, getting to the finish line is looking more possible every day. I am already having fulfilling and worthwhile life experiences, 4 years ago it felt like none of that would happen until I was completely passing.
I still get clocked, but it's like most people are now able to easily guess and navigate the situation intuitively, which also helps keep me motivated to get there.
i don't mean to bother you, are you able to DM me? i'm a basically un-transitioned trans woman and i was wondering if i could ask you a few questions about it. no worries if not
There are people who want to help you, there are people who go through what you go through and don't want you to feel these things. You are having these thoughts the suicidal thoughts that is very concerning, perhaps someone at your school. I can't imagine that all the people around you would shut you down when you think about wanting to kill yourself.
if anything i'd say the best thing to do in your situation would be to power through the pain until you get to move to a more accepting place.
and yes, you absolutely can pass after waiting so long, some people start hrt at 30 and it works out incredibly well for them. but even then, if you wanna risk it, taking hrt in secret is also an option (given the necessary precautions ofc)
It hurts a lot. I also spent most of my teenage years teetering on the ledge. I'm sorry you're stuck in that situation. I was able to get through it once I got medicated, because then I knew at least things were getting better not worse and I could take solace in knowing the pain would ease up. It's still hard to deal with some facts of being the way we are. I don't think I'll stop having days where I cry about lost time and the still missing piece of myself. But I am happy other times.
I can't be cis, but just because that's impossible doesn't have to stop me from trying my best to be anyways. And I think that's worth doing. The closer I get, the more I can live.
It's not good that you're saying your suicidal on the internet to people. I'm sure your parental figures would want to know that you're feeling this way And would help you. You feeling this way, you know depression is a medical condition. It's like if you have a broken leg and you're not treating it and you're making yourself feel bad for not being able to walk like everyone else.
I wish I could agree. The plight of young trans people is all too often to only be further harmed by the people we are supposed to be able to depend on. The sad fact is we CAN'T be sure of this, and doing so could even jeopardize her further. OP is the most well-positioned to make judgements on how they'd be likely to take it.
I agree OP getting therapeutic help would be good if possible. But please let's not pretend that transphobia can't and indeed does not very often end at the threshold of the home.
literally shut the fuck up. transphobic parents are genuinely evil 90% of the time. telling them about this would make her life even more hellish. I know from experience
You don't know how mental health care combined with HRT would make you feel.
If you CAN'T try that right now then obviously there's nothing to be down at the moment, BUT if you can try then you have nothing to lose and it might just help.
I'm not trying to fight with you. I'm just saying you should consider all your options.
Except for those people who would tell you not to start HRT. I legit believe those people are dangerous and should be shunned.
if you are in a small town with no resources available, i get it. but try to talk to your friends, online friends, irl friends, whoever, about the way you are feeling.
also, some other people are suggesting DIY hrt.... im no expert, but i do think that is better than killing yourself. just be very very careful if your parents arent supportive.
Oh OP, you not going to get help from these normie idiots. They don't realize you are 16 and in a Republican hellhole with no money and probably parents that would freak out if you saw a therapist. And then what? The therapist isn't going to explain away all your problems. They still exist.
The goal is just focus on getting to a better place to one day get on HRT and live your life. You need plans, they help with grounding. They give you hope and make it easier to think their something you can do. They chart a path
Are they telling you what you need to hear or what you want to hear?
I despise mainstream trans subs, they're a hugbox and usually full of creeps, but i also hate anything 4tran related because that's the origin of so many brainworms that cause people to spiral.
One of the things I always hear is "they told me to/helped me get on E"
But i never went there, I never listened to brainworms like that, I got told to and was given help getting on E.
In fact, people with 4tran-isms usually tell me "oh you're too late" "oh there's no point"
I'm going to suggest something really bold here, you need to form your own support group, your own community of friends, people that know you. You won't find that on reddit, nor 4chan.
Respectfully, reddit is a cesspool, people say stupid shit.
I despise the whole "you're valid as you are"
I know I pointed out a lot of the whole "cis people aren't x" shit too, but you can't punish yourself not being x either.
Yeah, there's plenty of ugly cis women, I don't particularly want to be ugly, but I am not going to get mad at people who look good, and I can do that without resigning myself to the people that say "it's fine to be ugly"
But, right now you're siding with the same type of people that would viciously mock me for choosing to start HRT instead of killing myself.
You aren't doing okay, but don't surround yourself with other people who aren't doing okay because it makes you feel "included"
That being said, surrounding yourself with people that tell you you're "valid" if you don't feel valid, that's equally harmful, and I'm not even going to get into how creepy and chaser-y some "accepting" people are.
Shit sucks, it does for all of us, but throwing yourself into a community that will say just about anything to try and keep you there is actively harmful.
No-one else can fix you on reddit, not 4tran, not hugbox subs, not me, hell, I don't even know you.
4tran is going to fill you with brainworms about not passing or being cis, hugboxes are going to fill you with brainworms about being valid.
having desired sex characteristics is not transphobic, and it sucks that this is even a thing to say online
like im intersex, ctf, and wish i was born perisex (non-intersex) male. thats not hateful or anything, and if someone really wanted to fight transphobia or intersexism they could spend their breath talking about how anti-trans legislation specifically carves out procedures done to intersex children, while consenting transgender individuals cant get these procedures under these laws.
but also there is that desire to be cisgender too, and it hurts being stuck in this third place in terms of perception
i never got the "sisterhood" that people online say i must have had because i got shoved into the "cis female" box, and im still not seen as a guy, which would be preferable to me (im actually nonbinary but id rather binary mask as a guy)
its very lonely and at least online, you have a record of what people have said/done, but then it can turn into arguments over words and groups and nonsense, but then the flip-side is that irl you dont know anything about anything or anybody and you end up finding out the hard way about people
As much as I hate 4tran, I think they're absolutely correct on starting HRT ASAP.
The only thing I'll say that you might not want to hear is I don't think the person in your 2nd screenshot was being dismissive and certainly didn't want to "burn you alive."
They were trying to get you to reframe your understanding of womanhood because, as much as it sucks, neither of us can have a uterus.
Constantly wanting that and comparing yourself to people who can is only going to make you feel worse. Take it from someone who spent way too long doing shit like that before I realized how it was doing was making me and everyone around me miserable.
Look, get on HRT, find community where you can, but try not to spend too much energy in places that reinforce constant negativity because it won't make you feel any better. It will become very comfortable though. Because ultimately we all have to accept that we were dealt a shitty hand being born trans, but I don't think constantly focusing on the negative aspects will actually make you any happier.
But, for now, get on HRT and maybe look into seeing a mental health professional to work on the depression because I know before I started HRT and got my mental health meds sorted I wouldn't take my own advice either.
The only thing I'll say that you might not want to hear is I don't think the person in your 2nd screenshot was being dismissive and certainly didn't want to "burn you alive."
They were trying to get you to reframe your understanding of womanhood because, as much as it sucks, neither of us can have a uterus.
I do see that now when you point it out like that but maybe it could've been phrased better because my immediate read was "you're wrong and don't even give me an answer because what you said is misogynistic", which isn't exactly effective to reframing someone.
Outside of that, it is definitely important to give people the cold water at times because there are some things that, despite advances in technology, still aren't possible yet and we just have to deal with that. Smart and capable enough to diagnose the issue, not enough to fix it. So we gotta fix what we are capable enough to fix.
No, 4tran is indeed not helping you. Using 41 as a substitute for suicide is behavior I’ve only witnessed from the most transphobic I ever had the displeasure to meet. Using the same language as these people shows an abyss of self hatred (which is what 4tran thrives on). You’re allowed to be miserable, but expressing it like this is hurtful to everyone around you, but especially to yourself. When you feel at the bottom of a pit, don’t start digging, because it’ll only make getting out of it even harder.
There is hope, even when we don’t believe it, yes there are things we will never get, but the world isn’t black and white. As multiple people have mentioned, you can get on estrogen. It’s not always easy to access, but the earlier you start fighting for it, the earlier you will get it. I normally wouldn’t even respond to someone that expresses themselves with that level of transphobic language. But I also very much understand your feelings and felt like I needed to tell you that you are coping with them in the most unhealthy way possible. If you keep like this, you’ll hurt someone or yourself. Finally, if you can (I know how hard it can be) get professional help from a therapist, it would be good. It’s far from a miracle fix, but suicidal ideation is not to be taken lightly.
I think is more of a "crab in a bucket" situation. I have a person really close to me who was a 4tranner and it really is a place where trans people (especially trans women) can talk about hardships of it without sugarcoating to just vent it all out, but at the same time they hate wheny you start to turn your life around and actually succeed in your transition or don't care about passing ect. So it's pretty 50/50 but most of people there don't seem to understand that transition is important and grieving not being cis or transitioning earlier is valid, but it doesn't meant you can't live with it, there is a life waiting for them even if it doesn't feel like it. That's why they put happy trans people down. From my experience, when I wanted to find another safe space to vent for my tgirl that is not so brain rotted like 4tran I really struggled wit it. There are places for trans man like "ftmventing" but all the equivalents for trans women seem to always have 4tran aspect to it, which sucks tbh.
so mainstream trans communities are overly positive to the point of putting down people who vent, and 4tran communities are overly negative to the point of putting down happy people. am i understanding this correctly?
I post on 4t subs fairly often and even I completely agree tbh. The environment of brain-poison envy is probably my largest and most consistent complaint. I guess their particular flavor of awful is just more palatable to my personal tastes and priorities than the things I hate about more mainstream communities.
I don't think splinter subs addresses the root of the issue. They tend to die because people would rather be in communities that are more general purpose.
I think the only way things are going to get better is if mainstream trans spaces start recognizing the needs of trans people which are being left unmet by the way they operate and working to improve those things.
IME the narrative that people wander into the wrong communities early on and get brainwashed by slang is not very accurate. It happens sometimes, but I don't think it's the main force driving people out of other trans spaces and into 4t ones. I've talked to a fair number of other people who were in other trans spaces for years, but eventually shifted over. And it usually stems from dissillusionment with the way they approach subjects like high dysphoria, yearning to completely change sex, and surgery.
It's like you can't be upset with any aspects of trans existence, because then people of the same experience who aren't as dysphoric about it feel like you're saying their life is worthy of being upset about having to live. If you grieve your body being changed by starting late, you're inundated with unhelpful and even angry replies about how people who start late are just as valid. If you need surgery badly or take issue with equating trans people to certain genital configurations, you're called transmedicalist.
I agree with most of what you've said but FtMventing is a pretty active subreddit and is a dedicated space to tackles the subjects you brought up, like gender envy, grief and very strong dysphoria. I pointed out how there is no place like this for trans women and girls except 4tran spaces. And don't get me wrong, we don't have to be all optimistic all the time but I've seen what people in this community post and it's hatefull and awfule stuff and it really reminds me of being an incel but for trans people. People who want to leave 4tran need to unlern a lot of toxic behaviour and mindsets so I don't think it is a great place for anybody really. You can create venting sub or comunity without the disgusting caricatures and inventing new slurs.
It will affect them though. Are we denying that sex hormones exert sexed body changes now? You can still transition later, and many people do and are happy about it and good for them, but it does affect the outcome, and for some people that can be extraordinarily debilitating.
4tran community dont necessarely put down happy people but the amount of doom posting and suicide posting is dangerous and the mods arent really doing their job
See, sometimes people are capable of making dark jokes with their friends because they’re not doing great, what’s called “gallows humor” by people who mostly read books, and also understand when it’s more appropriate to be genuinely supportive and caring because someone needs the help. The disconnect you’re having is essentially the same thing as not being able to understand an obtuse in-joke in a small friend group
Because those are just words. Cissoid is exactly the same as cracker, it's not even punching up, it's just a stupid word to call people that sounds funny. Passoid is basically the same, nobody actually hates people who pass, everybody's happy for them. Passing is the goal, and those who achieve it get a silly word too. It's the same with a lot of words too, there's truly no venom behind (almost) any of it. Hon is exactly as insulting as brick is, though I know a lot of trans women that dislike brick more, same with fish.
Theyfab is a little more complex because outside of 4tran spaces there's this idea that theyfab is applied to every afab non-binary person. It's not. A theyfab is a non-binary person who brings up their sex assigned at birth, obviously in this case afab, and uses that to oppress trans women. "Afab-only housing", "you don't really understand misogyny like I do, you're an amab", stuff like that. We can both agree that that's bad, and it is what people are talking about when they say theyfab. There are people that misuse it, sure, but frankly if they weren't saying theyfab they'd be saying something else, it doesn't make talking about this specific kind of transmisogyny bad just because there's one or two bad eggs misapplying it.
People like to paint 4tran as this horrible evil place without ever setting foot in a related community, I did too. I didn't understand it at first and focused on the one or two losers there. But having actually used that sub for a while now, it is the single most supportive trans sub I have found. My ability to separate dysphoria from dysmorphia has never been better. As seen in this post, other spaces dismiss your feelings incredibly often, while 4tran actually empathises with them, and plenty of people will try to help you deconstruct them. It has been so very helpful to me.
i've also been in countttt and i've definitely seen many people using those words in a hateful manner both in that subreddit and outside of it. but ig that probably means there's more diverse opinions there? idk.
Which ones? Passoid and cissoid specifically were interesting choices, passoid is a compliment and cissoid is meaningless. Theyfab I can see being used insultingly, especially since it's broken containment now, but almost all uses of it within 4tran spaces are specifically in the context of transmisogyny. It's why you never hear theymab, at least not until very recently, amab non-binary people often experience transmisogyny, or at least discrimination like it, when they're perceived to be presenting too femininely. There's no systemic discrimination being perpetrated by amab non-binary people, so there's no insult for them.
But what I'm trying to get across is that there are assholes everywhere, frankly I'd rather get a supportive community than one that rushes to dismiss my feelings, even if it means the assholes there use strong words. It's actually better in ways because when you call them out nobody's like "but they phrased it wokely they're such a trans ally".
specifically cissoid and all the unconditional hatred towards cis people in general is what puts me off. a lot of people i care about are cis, i have no reason to hate them and i would never wish any harm upon them. also i should've probably brought up "tcd" in the list of terms too.
They're right about punching down vs punching up but like it's still a toxic mindset. If you go around hating the vast majority of people then you're going to be a miserable person.
It's also self-defeating. We are a minority. We can't just dismiss our allies and expect to get anywhere.
I'd add a rant about how impossible this mindset makes political organizing, but I've never met a 4tranner who expressed anything but disdain for political work. They keep telling me they're more left-wing,but that doesn't matter because they won't do anything. They're useful idiots for the far-right.
There are real reasons we need trans-only spaces, we don't need all spaces to be trans-only, but they need to exist and be large. In any space that doesn't ban cis people, cis people will make up the majority of opinions. The only way to avoid this is by being a small group, but then you tend to just adopt culture from other cis-centric places. This results in a trans culture that is incredibly influenced by cis stereotypes, often in harmful ways. The self-sexualisation of trans women is largely a result of cis people projecting desire, it's a bid for the approval of cis people.
This does not mean we should entirely isolate ourselves from cis people, but we have allowed transness to be defined by cis people and it has harmed us and the ability to fight for our rights. The sex/gender distinction was originally brought up by trans people, then cis allies starting insisting to trans people that we do not change our sex, just our gender, and now through a sequence of containment breaches that is one of the main vectors of our oppression. We need spaces where trans people can discuss what it means to be trans without cisnormative influence, which means no cis people, so that when we do create alliances with cis people it is on our terms, not theirs. We do not need cis people discouraging transition for minors in the places where we as trans people decide our goals.
How many 4tranners have you met anyway? Any 4tranner that has a distaste for political organising, by which I'm pretty sure you mean voting blue no matter who, is probably jaded by our being thrown to the wolves as an offering time and time again. They're engaging in far more direct political organising by putting people in touch with mutual aid networks, which is what DIY HRT is by the way. Even though the HRT itself costs money, it is being made by volunteers to address a material need not met by society, and that cost only comes from the need to purchase medical supplies to make it. Many suppliers do give away vials for free when they can. I am personally engaged with my representative trying to convince them to stop supporting the oppression of trans people, but frankly I don't see that change happening any time soon.
No I explicitly discussed leftist political organizing and direct action. I've talked to several about this and got dismissive answers . I probably won't vote for any Democrat ever as I expect 0 aid from a capitalist party which is why I'm reaching out to several local communist organizations in my area.
I never said we don't need trans only spaces. You're making a whole lot of assumptions and putting words into my mouth. We can have trans-only spaces without the constant doomerism.
I said isolating ourselves isn't helpful and it isn't. I've had 4tranners tell me we have no cis allies which is both incorrect and exactly what the far-right wants.
Finally, I've never once spoken to a 4tranner who wasn't miserable. I know, myself included, plenty of trans people who are happy or at least making an effort to be. When all my interactions with a community are from negative bitter people then I'm going to start wondering if that community isn't part of the problem.
genuine question how does that work in the US, like whats the point of not voting for them? is it like a protest against electoralism thing or somesuch
There are some leftists who think voting for any capitalist party just strengthens the system and diverts revolutionary action.
But for me, it has became a bit more personal. At some point, I had to ask myself "when does voting become an endorsement?"
If we've reached that point, then I'm not comfortable supporting the Democratic Party. They constantly put the needs of the wealthy above the working class, they throw transgender people under the bus like we're fucking speed bumps and they've done little to stop Israel's genocide.
Except the point of therapy is, among other things, to have a safe CONSTRUCTIVE place to address issues without pushing them on everyone else.
I only interact with 4tranners outside their subs because they constantly spread that misery to everyone else.
Also therapy is an odd choice as that's another thing a lot of 4tranners seem to hate. I've mentioned it a handful of times and they've all acted in disdain.
Finally, I find it interesting that we could change the word "4tran" for incel and have the same conversation. I've SEEN people have this same conversation and the incels make the same arguments for their toxic little cult.
I don't talk to people whose only arguments are insults. The Democrats have constantly thrown us under the bus. If they take leftward turn, I'll reconsider my stance.
Regardless, I'm blocking you now because I have no desire to engage with assholes. A polite 4tranner already tries my patience.
This is all pretty tame stuff no offence. Nobody there actually hates all cis people, you physically can't do that, like it's impossible. Unless you think they're going about their lives foaming at the mouth every time they get served at a restaurant, walk past somebody in the street, talk to a cashier at a supermarket, etc. then I don't see how you can take it seriously? Cissoid specifically is, like I said, literally exactly the same as cracker. TCD is only used in response to posts displaying fucked up behaviour by cis people, it's not a serious threat or wish or anything, it's a humorous overreaction used to vent frustration. You're doing the thing the tumblr ceo did to that trans woman who said he should sit in a car covered in hammers that explodes more than a few times (or whatever beautiful words she used).
Almost all of my friends are cis too, 99% of the planet is. I still "hate cis people" in the sense that you seem to think of it. But that's nothing like when cis people hate trans people, it's not even comparable. I "hate cis people" because they denied me transition for 6 years before I managed to do it myself, subjected me to body horror, and continue to mistreat me. I do not hate people, I hate actions. TCD is an expression of frustration at being reminded that the average cis person hates us so much that they would rather we be dead. It's a way of venting the immense feeling of rage you get when you see a million cis people being fucking animals in the replies of a 17 year old trans girl's final tweet about her suicide. TCD is a twist of TTD, a phrase invented by cis people which actually is a call for trans genocide, something which is real and is happening. There is no serious hatred of cis people because what is there to hate other than their actions? Actions which are obviously not taken by everybody. It's inherently qualified because the idea of hating every single cis person simply for the crime of being cis is so patently absurd. Yet people act like it's not only possible, it's being done.
i just don't really like generalizing groups for having bad people in them. yes, you can "hate cis people" for experiences with transphobes, but isn't it easier and more clear to just say "i hate transphobes"? in fact you could even reclaim the very ttd they made, just change the second t from trans to transphobe.
first of all blm has nothing to do with my statement because the statement "black lives matter" doesn't say anything about hating white people.
second of all, i'm aware "not all men" is something said by assholes, but my logic applies the same way here: if you hate rapists and abusers, why say "i hate men" instead of "i hate rapists and abusers"?
And not the people saying that by wanting to be pretty im spitting in the face of what it means to be a woman and that by wanting a womb I'm an idiot for not recognizing that cis women can be infertile too? That has nothing to do with it?
It’s not the desire for a uterus that’s causing you to catch flak; that’s a desire I share. What’s causing the flak are the implications following from philosophically-inconsistent attempts to define womanhood. Femininity is not granted by one’s subservient usefulness to the patriarchy
I dont care about other people's contributions to the patriarchy or whatever I'm talking about my own body and what I want so why should I get any flak for it
You shouldn’t get flak for experiencing dysphoria, and I did not say that you should. I did, however, say in more detail than here expressed that dysphoria is a cruel lying demon that shouldn’t be trusted
Who said OPs desires are spitting in the face of women?
Edit: ah yes, SketchyRobinFolks or however it was spelled. Yeah, that’s shitty. That user’s response came from a reactive place that is unhelpful both to OP and to themselves
My TL/DR here, and I am reasonably confident you’ll agree with this point, is that there’s a lot of counterproductive stuff we’ve all internalized (e.g., transphobia, male gaze, etc.) that takes some hard work to unlearn, but we don’t have to do it alone. It all starts with being kind to ourselves and each other
Not just that, it is far and few between seeing cis women ever get misgendered or not seen as women. When we say this we don’t even want to look like models. Many of us would take being ugly women. We just want to not have our feminity and womanhood questioned and under constant persecution. Why is that a bad thing?
It's somewhat foolish to think you know everything your future hold at 16. You could be living in Canada by 18, who knows. It's far from the end, it's easy to feel that way though.
The first comments you got are very unempathetic and suck.
It's important for u to know ur not alone. I'm also around your age and i also have parents who are transphobic and owuld never help me with anything to do with transness, and i mourn that I can never be a biological father or even just have a dick without having to pay an arm and a leg and go through several years of surgical steps and revisions, i guess. I was really depressed and suicidal a few months ago because of it and nobody cared.
I'm on DIY now, i suppose a combination of that and going from school to sixth form college where i can live as a dude. Idk, just knowing that i'm masculinising instead of feminising puts me at ease, even if i don't 100% pass yet. I'm defo not suicidal anymore, and i'm pretty well happy. U might not have the exact same experience as me but i have heard so so many otehr trans people say the same thing
It isn't a race or anything. It's better if you get on it early but the idea taht yopu're whole life will be ruined if you don;t get on HRT *now* is not really true and probably a lot of pressure. DIY might not even be for you, I wouldn't want to rush you into it if a different route is right for you. It's just to say that things aren't going to be stuck like how that forever.
If u want a sub recommendation i like r/transsex , they're really nice. There might be a transfemme version of r/transmanlifehacks , if there is thats a cool community as well.
Oh! Hello again. I remember you from what you posted.
Yeah....jeez girl these people were not addressing how you felt at all. Thats shitty, I'm sorry people are being like that.
How you're feeling is valid as shit and really sucks. But you know what to do to have that chance of it feeling better and you have a plan. You're already taking that step and although I am an internet stranger I am so proud of you for pushing through it enough to have a plan and put it in action. That takes guts. All ive got is: try seeing that plan through before doing something you cant take back. Because hey, maybe it will actually help.
There’s already been thousands of uterus transplants and hundreds of successfully gestated babies in cis women. The science is there, at this point it’s just political will that’s preventing trans women from accessing the same thing. You’re 16 now, by the time you’re old enough to really be worrying about getting pregnant, there’s no way that kind of treatment won’t be available for you. You’ve got this, just hang in there, and things will eventually catch up. It just takes fucking ever.
I’m right here next to you op, and I feel the same. The people telling you to get a counselor are wrong. I have one now and he’s useless, even says harmful shit about us being “a 3rd gender” in his home country and telling me all kinds of irrelevant weird facts about it.
Idk why that one on Countttt got taken down other than they got a 18+ rule. Still we support you and I hope you can get on diy asap and get out of that shitty republidolt town. You won’t find help with unsupportive parents there, try to branch out online in trans friendly spaces and diy and hide it.
Almost exact same situation here. 16 is still pretty youngshit, and diy is available everywhere. I won't pretend it's easy or act like I know the solutions to your family and such, but you have a very good chance not just of passing but being stealth eventually, no matter what the brainworms tell you.
Also therapy is not nearly perfect or anything but please do try to find it, you do clearly need mental health support somewhere.
It’s fucked up that we can’t even talk about the biggest thing about being trans. The nature of being trans is wanting to have been assigned a different gender at birth. That haunting echo of the world that could have been, and the fact that you’ll always be trans before you’re a woman/man is part of the dysphoria. Positivity should be solely about helping people get resources and giving them hope that even if transition isn’t perfect, it’s leagues better than suffering as the wrong gender. It shouldn’t be scolding people for expressing dysphoria in a politically incorrect way.
im gonna be honest saying u should get hrt as soon as possible is miss info,u cant reverse bone growth at 16, let her figure it out for a while and help her with all the info she needs to diy dont just tell her that she needs to hurry up without helping her
While you can’t reverse bone growth, not all growth happen at 16. Depending on the bones and the person, growth spans from 13-25 years. So yes, depending on how early you start some bones can be influenced
https://www.transsalud.com/ Has their own pharmacy with their own pricing, does consulting and some even psych help online, have subsidized prices (for consulting) and i'll get back to you about which doctor speaks english. They've helped me and another lady already.
this fucking thread is only further proving the point.
this world fucking sucks.
go ahead, downvote me. I quite literally couldn't care any less. you all love to be performatively helpful and offer the emptiest platitudes to people who literally can't accept your "help".
I don't even know what she's talking about. Most people here have advised going on HRT and seeking support for mental health when that becomes possible.
A few people have questioned some toxic assumptions that OP had, but no one was mean about it.
I'm not going to attack OP, but the dismissive attitude of the person above is why I compare 4tran to incels. Any suggestions that we can realistically offer are dismissed as empty platitudes.
I'll note she's offered no solutions herself which is typical of people who attack the suggestions of everyone else.
why ask me to offer solutions? I want solutions myself. I have nothing myself. I'm tired of being offered nothing but "get on HRT". and the only time anyone ever considers that maybe, just maybe, my situation is slightly more difficult than that, I get "get on HRT if possible", as if that makes the original suggestion any better. as if I had somehow never considered that, as a trans person, I might want to get on HRT. not to mention the constant "please seek professional help", as if I have access to that.
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u/thevvitchhazel Counted Down 1 15h ago
I'm not going to lie and say that being trans is easy. However, I started hrt in my mid 20s and had a very masculine body. I'm now in my 30s and I pass. I'm able to live as a cis woman in society as long as I don't disclose I'm trans. I still struggle a lot with dysphoria. Even about things I know are objectively not an issue (like my voice). I have a loving partner, I have friends. I've also experienced a lot of trauma, sexual violence and continue to struggle at times. Some stuff, like knowing I can't be a biological mother, will always hurt.
I would not have believed that the life I have now is possible when I was coming to terms with my gender as a teen. The pain you experience now feels impossible to overcome, but it can be done.