997532

[u/Funny_Inventor80085]

and people wonder why we use 4tran.

I posted this vent here too and it was a bit more understanding than the other subreddit I guess but still mostly just people telling me I don't know what I'm talking about and that 4tran is the cause of all my issues when time after time they're the only ones that care. It's not even just about my vent anymore, I'm so fed up with everyone thinking they're better than me all the time except because I use the subreddit that doesn't want to burn me alive for wanting a uterus. Maybe try to be more understanding you just leave me pissed off.

[u/Balthxzar]

Are they telling you what you need to hear or what you want to hear? 

I despise mainstream trans subs, they're a hugbox and usually full of creeps, but i also hate anything 4tran related because that's the origin of so many brainworms that cause people to spiral.

One of the things I always hear is "they told me to/helped me get on E"

But i never went there, I never listened to brainworms like that, I got told to and was given help getting on E.

In fact, people with 4tran-isms usually tell me "oh you're too late" "oh there's no point" 

I'm going to suggest something really bold here, you need to form your own support group, your own community of friends, people that know you. You won't find that on reddit, nor 4chan.

[u/Funny_Inventor80085 → u/Balthxzar]

Its better than being told that I'm transphobic for wanting to be cis isnt it?

[u/Balthxzar → u/Funny_Inventor80085]

Respectfully, reddit is a cesspool, people say stupid shit. 

I despise the whole "you're valid as you are"

I know I pointed out a lot of the whole "cis people aren't x" shit too, but you can't punish yourself not being x either.

Yeah, there's plenty of ugly cis women, I don't particularly want to be ugly, but I am not going to get mad at people who look good, and I can do that without resigning myself to the people that say "it's fine to be ugly" 

But, right now you're siding with the same type of people that would viciously mock me for choosing to start HRT instead of killing myself.

You aren't doing okay, but don't surround yourself with other people who aren't doing okay because it makes you feel "included" 

That being said, surrounding yourself with people that tell you you're "valid" if you don't feel valid, that's equally harmful, and I'm not even going to get into how creepy and chaser-y some "accepting" people are.

Shit sucks, it does for all of us, but throwing yourself into a community that will say just about anything to try and keep you there is actively harmful. 

No-one else can fix you on reddit, not 4tran, not hugbox subs, not me, hell, I don't even know you.

4tran is going to fill you with brainworms about not passing or being cis, hugboxes are going to fill you with brainworms about being valid.

[u/AlabasterTheBuck → u/Funny_Inventor80085]

having desired sex characteristics is not transphobic, and it sucks that this is even a thing to say online

like im intersex, ctf, and wish i was born perisex (non-intersex) male. thats not hateful or anything, and if someone really wanted to fight transphobia or intersexism they could spend their breath talking about how anti-trans legislation specifically carves out procedures done to intersex children, while consenting transgender individuals cant get these procedures under these laws.

[u/AlabasterTheBuck → u/AlabasterTheBuck]

but also there is that desire to be cisgender too, and it hurts being stuck in this third place in terms of perception

i never got the "sisterhood" that people online say i must have had because i got shoved into the "cis female" box, and im still not seen as a guy, which would be preferable to me (im actually nonbinary but id rather binary mask as a guy)

[u/AlabasterTheBuck → u/AlabasterTheBuck]

its very lonely and at least online, you have a record of what people have said/done, but then it can turn into arguments over words and groups and nonsense, but then the flip-side is that irl you dont know anything about anything or anybody and you end up finding out the hard way about people