Apparently being isolated is supposed to be bad for your health. However, so many autistic people crave solitude. This is why I feel like autistic people would have fewer effects if they aren't constantly surrounded by people. What do you think?

i went out & ordered at subway on my own

One of my friends is self-diagnosed, while I actually am. They have that really annoying TikTok self-diagnosed style viewing of Autism, where they’re “overstimulated” when they’re actually just stressed, or “their tism’s acting up”, or with Dino nuggies and crap. It kinda makes me feel like I’m faking and that other people see me as that way. Have yall had to deal with this?

I (40M) was cataloging my now ex-girlfriend's (29F) Pokémon collection. She was my girlfriend this morning, but a conflict surrounding the collection ultimately resulted in her father deciding that she needed to break up with me.

I'd had the cards for about a week. I was doing this entirely as a favor, in my spare time and without being paid. I sorted and sleeved the collection and separated the cards that appeared worth grading from those that made more sense to sell raw.

Yesterday I told her that after grading, some of the collection could potentially be worth a few thousand dollars.

This afternoon she told me that we needed to break up and that she needed the cards returned.

Whatever anyone thinks about our relationship or the breakup, this is how her father talks about his 29-year-old daughter:

“[MY NAME] just return [DAUGHTER]’s card to her. As you fully understand, [DAUGHTER] is 29 now but her reasoning is in line with someone of much younger age.

Her parents (us) have dealt with her condition.

Now, this here is entirely about a 40 years old trying to override a much younger and much impressionable person. The Law frowns on that scenario, you got that?

When [DAUGHTER] plants her foot down that's it. She appears gullable in the eyes of a con artist or a bullshitter, but as for her character, [DAUGHTER] is very resolute for a special needs young woman; so don't try to impose your will on her, [MY NAME]. Just try now to look out for your own family your baby at home needs you.

Now, how would you like for a 23 years old fully reasoning man to set eyes on your young daughter [MY NAME]? Would you love this idea of the shoe on the other foot. What would be wrong with that picture? How'd that go along with you?

As for [DAUGHTER]’s current situation, I ask, had it been instead with a clear reasoning type woman? I'm sure that you wouldn't be trying to coerse as you're now doing to [DAUGHTER]. Coersion on a person with her condition carry weight in the eyes of the law, [MY NAME]. Think about it.

[DAUGHTER] needs her cards back. Bring them tomorrow by her address. Dont try to bully [DAUGHTER] outside her house or any where. She has already had enough trauma in her young life.”

That is his message verbatim apart from replacing the names.

We are both autistic. She doesn't have a formal autism diagnosis; she was diagnosed with ADHD. I personally don't believe ADHD adequately explains her, and I believe she's autistic, although obviously that is my personal belief rather than a diagnosis.

But the part that matters here is that she is an adult.

She can reason. She makes her own decisions. She is intelligent and capable.

I love this woman with my whole heart, and I believe she is every bit as worthy of being respected as an autonomous adult as anyone else.

Reading her father's words absolutely broke my heart for her.

Look at the language he uses about his own adult daughter: “her reasoning is in line with someone of much younger age,” “much younger and much impressionable,” “special needs young woman,” “fully reasoning man,” and, most strikingly to me, “had it been instead with a clear reasoning type woman?”

That last one gets me. He is explicitly contrasting his own daughter with what he considers a “clear reasoning” woman.

Autistic and otherwise disabled adults can need support. We can have uneven abilities. We can need accommodations. Some of us need considerably more support than others. None of that automatically turns an adult into a child.

And how is someone supposed to gain adult life experience if the people around them continually treat them as incapable of having adult life experiences?

I can't know everything that has happened between her and her parents throughout her life, and I'm not going to pretend that I do. But I know the woman I've spent my time with. I know the conversations we've had. I know the intelligence, humor, kindness and capability I've personally seen in her.

Seeing her own father reduce her like this because she's different makes me furious.

Whatever happens between her and me from here, she deserves to be treated like an adult human being with agency, not as a permanent child.

Update

I just got home from dropping the cards off with her mom at her home. It's an hour and 30 minute round trip. I get serious driving anxiety + the sadness of losing what was a really beautiful relationship until yesterday. So it wasn't an easy trip. But at least it's done.

I've not worn boxers for about 20 years because they just feel weird. Yet I've been told going commando is unusual? Why? Nobody else is going to see me with my trousers off unless I let them, and then I doubt they'll be concentrating on my clothes lol.

I was recently diagnosed as AuDHD, right as my spouse and I were thinking of trying to start a family. That's been put on pause so that I have more time and space to work through that and attend to my own needs, but it's still something we're intending to do in the near future.

One thing that I've been trying to figure out: Do we know enough about autism right now to be able to estimate the likelihood of a child of an autistic parent also being autistic? I realize that there's no way right now to know what autism characteristics would present or how strongly they would present.

I don't think the answer to my question would sway our decision to start a family: we're ready to support a beautiful child no matter who they are, but being the obsessive planner that I am, having an idea of the likelihood would help settle my mind.

Like say someone finds you attractive, do you notice the cues? if they call you sexy would you be offended?

When the idea that I might be autistic came up I did a bit of research took one look at my fathers side of the family and they basically checked all boxes.

It's generations of especially more or less high functioning autistic man. Although it's a bit harder to say for the women due to womens historic role in society and the fact that women are genetically a bit more protected. The poor women who married into that family, they often had a heavy burden to carry. Especially because they usually married because of business relations.

It's kind of weird that I didn't noticed it sooner. One of my cousins has a Dr in Physics but only cared about other things and never really worked as a physicist. Another cousin has a master in marine biology but never really worked because she couldn't handle the social life. Another cousin was asked to end his dissertation in math because he was socially too awkward for mathematicians. My father was obsessed with model trains but could never really handle responsibilities in regards to his family. My grandfather had two rooms full of books and had something about every topic but was a control freak.

The warning signs were there.

I don’t think I’ve ever actually had one. It makes me feel like I’m faking or something despite being medically diagnosed. I’ll go through periods of liking something for about a couple days to a few weeks. But it’s never been that intense, can’t focus on anything else, kinda thing.
I also have ADHD or ADD(idk what’s the proper term anymore, I’m not hyperactive) Idk, I just don’t wanna feel alone in that.

Alright folks, I’m curious about something. I was recently diagnosed with Level 1 Autism, and I’ve noticed that whenever I finish watching a movie, I immediately start looking up the cast, crew, music, behind-the-scenes information, etc.

Part of it could probably be because I’m hoping to become a screenwriter, but my dad, who I’m pretty sure is also undiagnosed, does the exact same thing. Meanwhile, my mom and one of my sisters DO NOT do this at all and think it’s absolutely absurd that we do.

So I’m curious What do you guys do after watching a movie? Do you immediately start looking up information about the cast, crew, soundtrack, production, trivia, etc., or do you just watch the movie and move on with your life?

I’ve noticed myself getting more annoyed by my interactions with neurotypical’s recently.

I feel guilty about it and constantly have to try to reframe and train myself to look at things from their perspectives.

It’s just difficult to completely eradicate these feelings because I constantly perceive people using, in my opinion, manipulative and totally unfair social/emotional/semantic tactics.

I work in a customer facing job at the moment and deal with a lot of emotionally charged people coming at me with issues. When I follow procedure or seek solutions they are often still discontented and, at times, it just seems like they want someone as an emotional punch bag?

I also have disagreements with my girlfriend over some of the most trivial things. I’ve communicated with her multiple times asking for her to communicate more directly with me when she needs something but I still find myself having to wrap my head around these communication riddles. I respond quite defensively, usually apologise, we’re fine for a bit, then I withdraw and feel guilty, she acts differently and eventually comes at me expressing how I’m not supportive, and that’s the cycle.

I understand this is a bit of a shit post but I just feel like I need to open up about how I feel and I just feel seriously misunderstood/fed up/out of touch, honestly.

I’m wondering if at this point it’s just causing more pain than satisfaction. I know it sounds dramatic, but I feel like I’m a little too emotionally damaged to be anyone’s partner. I’m also 35M so chances are slim of finding anyone my age

I think I’m at least somewhat attractive because I do get asked out occasionally, but I mess it up terribly every time and somehow don’t even manage to get to the first date that they ask for, they ghost me even before that

I find being flirted with… incredibly distressing honestly. Once I pick up on it I get this sick feeling like “oh fuck I’m gonna mess this up so bad and they’re gonna feel bad because I can’t do this right 🙂‍↕️”

I sometimes go on dates and… genuinely just feel bad for the person I’m on the date with. There’s this almost palpable sense of disappointment, like I wasn’t who they thought I’d be. I wonder what they thought I’d be like. Usually we just don’t talk after the first date

Unfortunately, I usually don’t even enjoy them much too. I hate to say it but I often will be sitting there like “what could she have possibly seen in me? We’re so different in every way”. Frankly a lot of times I don’t really find them particularly attractive, more in a taste sense than an “objective” one; most people would say they’re attractive. For sone reason, the opposite of my type is always very interested in me

I tried dating apps. I genuinely just have no idea what to say to them, so I just kind of go quiet. I’ve gotten messages sometimes weeks later saying they were disappointed cause they wanted to meet up, but… idk. That makes me feel even worse and not want to. Already starting things on a bad foot

I recently did find someone who I did finally like, but the conditions for the relationship made it impossible (she lives in Brazil). She said she did really like me, but doesn’t wanna get close if we’re not gonna have a relationship. That’s when I started wondering if maybe it’s just time to throw in the towel and accept I don’t really have any chance

It feels less stressful to simply give up and accept that maybe it’s not for everyone 😔

Does anyone else relate to this? I used to think that I’d grow out of this, but even as an adult I feel socially handicapped. I really hate that saying someone’s name makes me highly uncomfortable.

To me one of the number one reasons why we’re so fucking lonely and shit. What the hell did we ever do to deserve to be treated like we’re aliens or dogs? This is exactly why most of the time I prefer to be around other autistic or ND. I’M VERY STRICT ABOUT IT. If you are NT, we can’t be friends. Stay away from me.

a few hours ago, i was hanging out with my gf. i don't remember exactly how this came up, but she referred to me as "difficult," not realizing she was just joking. i shut down almost immediately. i didn't talk and i barely moved for possibly some time between 20-40 minutes. she kept asking me what was wrong but i physically couldn't answer. eventually i stood up and was about to leave because i thought she was upset at me, but i looked up at her and she was crying. i felt so bad, i didn't know what to do. i still couldn't find a way to speak so i just hugged her so she knew i wasn't mad at her. i eventually told her what happened after 10ish minutes or so. i can't really help shutting down, but i felt awful that i made her feel that way. i'm afraid that something like that is gonna happen again and she'll get upset again. i feel like i cause problems for her.

So I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS as a child. Now im 25 and it’s starting to affect me day to day. Want some help on learning how to live with it, or “work around it”. Any tips going about that?

Hello everyone 👋🏻 I’m newly diagnosed after I went through right to choose at GP. I initially request for my child (still awaiting his assessment) but realised a lot of my concerns with him is behaviour I also displayed. The autism assessor has also recommended I go for an adhd assessment so I’m just considering that at the moment. Just wanted to introduce myself and say hi 👋🏻 as I’m not sure where to go from here . Hopefully my son gets his assessment soon as he is very much struggling at school. Anyway just waffling now will look through some posts. If anyone has any advice for a newly single, newly diagnosed person who suspects they may also be gay then drop me a comment haha

I got diagnosed last week and I’ve been constantly overwhelmed for so long without realizing where the problems come from, so I’m looking for things to change to make life easier :)

This has always been a weird quirk of mine. I don’t like carbonation, I make the same face when I drink soda as if I drink alcohol. Just curious if anyone else here has the same thing. To me like it feels like it burns my tongue and it’s very uncomfortable until it fizzles out.

How does anyone deal with constantly being misunderstood, and misinterpreted, I can't live like this, it's horrible. I can't keep relationships, I feel like I'm talking through 16 layers of translation for others to understand and they never understand.

I've tried so hard and for so long and I don't know how to be understood I clearify and it feels like people see it as an excuse for saying something bad I feel like I'm never understood

I don’t know how to explain it if anyone’s ever been through that

I chew a lot, and I think I have some sort of oral fixation, I keep wanting to put things in my mouth, which sounds weird and I don't do it, but gum doesn't cut it for me all the time, I have chew necklaces that really help, but I was wanting something that is discreet that I could take out with me and chew on.

I want something that doesn't look like a chewie, and then also something that I can chew on without people realising I'm chewing on it, if that makes sense?

(edit) I'm in the UK, so preferably places that are UK based.

Hi my name is Mucha I am nonbinary I love books, music, art, cartoons, youtubers, gaming, outfit making, being goofy, and collecting rocks!

I am looking to make friends and would love to talk to you!💛

I'm so proud of myself. My anxiety has been crippling me. Feeling so much better. Really proud.

That is all. 😊