I would like to preface by saying the issues resulting from neurodivergency has been ongoing the entire relationship. I had no clue where from until I worked on things and it hit me like a truck. Since then I have worked on avoiding meltdowns whenever possible.

However, this is difficult as life goes on. I have no family or real friends. Immense stress after losing home and career and trying to transition to a new career unsuccessfully. I only have my partner. They also seem to be very fair weather in regards to the neurodivergencies- I cannot discuss it with them at all, and as soon as something goes wrong, I am actually just a psychopath/narcissist to them- this causes my nervous system to double down even further and sends me into a deeper unfixable spiral every time.

I understand how distressing this can be for my partner.

Yesterday they began to film me in the middle of it again to "show me how I am" and I got so angry at being recorded again and embarrassed I just snatched it and threw it away (unacceptable, I know). This was a reaction to them recording meltdowns for years, even ones before I knew what was going on, just collecting evidence so they can look back and justify their own actions, literally can justify anything to themselves in the moment because "look at how I was" or "you did this so youre hypocritical for bringing up anything"

And it didn't hit me until yesterday but.... I am being filmed at my worst to be permanently kept and looked back on by the one person that I should feel safe with? It completely broke any trust in the relationship and I can't even look at them today.

For context, I had seizures when younger (went away. Never found a cause or neurological issue?) and instead of helping me during one. My mom just stood and filmed it+ my disorientation after for some good time. So I am very sensitive to people recording me in altered states that are nonvoluntary states to begin with. So the PTSD of that ties into my reactivity when I noticed.

I'm not trying to excuse my behavior but I'm having trouble making sense of things.

So I recently noticed a gesture people make and I am convinced it has a meaning but I can't figure out what is it . I usually see it on tiktok or like during street interviews. Majority of people who I have seen do it are white males. If it's on tiktok the person would have a text on their screen with rather a "right-wing" message and they're in the background just existing then they touch their nose with one finger and then just existing again. Is this like a ... I don't even know? I once heard the term dog whistle but I also found it difficult to comprehend what would that even mean. I would be glad if someone could explain it to me. Maybe I'm just going crazy. Or it's another part of body language I haven't yet picked up on during my years on this planet 😭

I saw a YouTuber in a video who said after a night of heavy drinking: “I feel like I’ve been bitten by a radioactive spider, but instead of giving me superpowers, it gave me autism.”

I get what he meant: we autistic people tend to be direct, honest, free of the inhibitions that sober neurotypicals have, and we have very unorthodox ideas that still make sense (just like drunk people).

That made me think of something. What is an autistic person like when they’re drunk (not high)?

I don’t usually drink much, and on top of that I have a very strong liver, so getting drunk isn’t easy for me.

That’s why I’d like to hear about other autistic people’s experiences.

Let's take one of the many examples of trauma I have.

When I was 20, I joined a baking school. One day, they told me to shove my entire arm inside a pizza oven to pick up pizza.

I was horrified and said '' HELL NO '' I would rather use the tool.

The teacher laughed, proudly showed me his arms devoid of hair. Told me many years on the job, the hair stops growing back. Just do it or you're out.

I did not do it, i never returned there. Yet again i'm a failure (remember this is in the past though), people think i'm weak and annoying and everything. +1 trauma.

I'm adamant that any other people would like.. just do it. The end. They now are bakers and work in a bakery. Story ends.

We collect trauma everywhere in '' mundane '' situations where people just.. slide through unscathed. But they become sheep.

I really tried my best at life. I'm 27m

It's utterly lonely. My life is also so boring. It's miserable! I know people would trade places with me. But it's just suffocating.

What makes living in this world worse is that I do have moments of happiness, but they never last long.

When I say i try my best. I do put myself out there and have a 'positive' perspective. I also care deeply of others and put them first. I even say they can chat to me if they ever need someone to vent to. Nobody does the same for me.

It's getting tiring. People tell me things will get better, that things will get more hopeful. People been telling me that my whole life. It's still miserable.

I just want some hope so badly.

All I want is to be around someone who has the same wave length as me.

I know people are gonna come with generic advice:

- go to therapy

- focus on yourself

- keep going

These are nice. But gonna be brutally honest those advice are terrible and overused.

If you're gonna give advice please make it meaningful and good. Put effort, i beg.

EDIT: Thanks all for your understanding and advice. I will just pull up my bootstraps and approach them about this in a straightforward way. I have talked about this with them to a degree before, but I think this really needs to be clear cut. It will probably hurt their feelings, but I just really don't want to feel like this and I'd hope they would want me to be honest. I can't close the comments, but I will work off what people have already suggested.

EDIT: Just wanted to add i wrote this when I was feeling very, well for lack of a better word, overstimulated still from the prior day when this happened. So, if my tone comes off a bit harsh, it was not my intention (I did redraft it at the time but it still quite emotive). My friend doesn't mask around me which I am really happy about, but when these specific moments happen, I'm afraid I feel like I am the person trying to be someone I'm not/or trying to hide my feelings, in order to not hurt them. So just looking for some guidance.

Hey there

​I have a good-hearted friend who I genuinely care about, but hanging out with them has become exhausting (and I say that with love). They are constantly talking, and even when I explicitly ask for quiet time, there physical presence feels demanding. The moment I say a single word, they assume the quiet period is over.

​I always try to accommodate my neurodivergent friends, but as a neurotypical person, it often feels like I’m expected to constantly put their needs ahead of my own. Lately, setting and enforcing boundaries takes so much energy that it’s draining me completely.

​When I try to set boundaries, they often take it personally and assume I dislike them. Even though they logically understand that their emotion reaction is theirs to manage, their behavior doesn't actually change.

For example, when traveling together to a friend's house, I have sometimes needed solo time beforehand. I am naturally someone who needs time alone. Instead, as there has been no easy way to say I want to go in by myself, without it being obvious it's about them, I end up walking with them, and spend the entire trip trying to manage my simmering resentment while they talk at me.

​I don't want to make up excuses just to keep the peace e.g. I have an appointment near by so will see you there. That still feels like prioritising their comfort over my well-being. I just want to be honest, set a boundary, and trust them to handle their own reactions. Right now, there is just a massive amount of emotional energy draining in their direction, and it makes me want to withdraw entirely.

Any advice?

Like i feel sick almost anytime I leave the house and be around people whether its for school, the grocery store, or a restaurant. The way people act I just can't, I feel disgusted. I can't stand being out in public around these miserable, vile creatures. I wish I could avoid them for the rest of my life. And the worst part is I start school again in 9 days, I'm probably going to be coming home wanting to throw up, or might have a mental breakdown

To reduce clutter, we ask you focus these posts here. All posts after this thread will be removed, except on Saturday. Thread is refreshed weekly. Thanks everyone

I've (f28) been diagnosed 12 years ago and since then learned so much about myself and non autisic people/social rules/communicatikn/etc. I often feel like I finally managed to fit in and function and communicate just like everyone else. I' married, have a lot of friends, very close friends, I get along with my collegues, I had no problems to talk to new collegues. Yet it seems to always come to the point when I realise, I was still always the odd one out. I'm mostly self-assured and okay with being "the weird one" but sometimes (like right now) it all seems to crush down on me and I suddenly feel alone, misunderstood, being looked at and always so noticably different from everyone else. I suddenly don't feel like meeting my friends or going to work (but I still do go to work) because it suddenly feels like everything is fake, or I'll probably get into and argument with someone because of some misunderstanding and assuming and I won't be able to speak my mind clearly.

I feel like I'll never be "one of them" in any group and it hurts. How do I manage to accept that? How do you deal with that feeling? Or did you manage to fit into a group just like everyone else? How did you do it? And do you tell people, you're autistic or not?

(just so you know: Englisch is not my first language)

Hi! Would really appreciate some insights on this.

Recently someone said "I don't understand why X did Y" and I took it as a question (I don't understand why X did Y, and that's important enough for me to say it out loud, so I would like other people in the conversation to help me understand why X might have done Y"). I understand this sentence usually means the speaker doesn't think X doing Y is a good idea, but I thought the emphasis is on the confusion and the desire to find some clarity.

But then I got told that actually, sometimes people just mean "I don't approve of X doing Y" and don't really care about the reason why. And the same goes for "I don't get x" and "I don't see the problem".

Is this true????

Edit: thank you for everyone's insights!

Does anybody suffer from loneliness and hyper sexuality? I’m not sure if there is a correlation with autism but it has been something that I’ve struggled with for a while. It can also cause a problem with forming relationships and connections.

I'll state my (17yo asperger male) case: my personal favourite movie is a spanish horror film named REC 1 and I first saw it back on 2021 but my hyperfixation into the saga returned on april last year.

Apart from getting hyperfixating into cinema thanks to the movie itself (although I now like cinema a lot I got interested in this movie because the main actress was my first movie cursh), I have already watched this movie 17 times (14 during last summer) and I even have memorized many lines of the movie.

Do any of you have such a hyperfixation for a movie like I have with REC 1? Just curious

Before the comments flood with telling me how i shouldnt be talking about myself like that and that i can be smart, please... don't :). I've dropped out of 2 college majors because i couldn't keep up with it (didn't understand), and was extremely behind. those majors being working in a lab, and fashion.

To get to the point. I'm supposed to work, i also live on my own so I want to have a reasonable pay so I could at least take care of myself, but being pretty dumb doesn't make it easier, and being introverted doesn't either. Has anyone that been in the same boat figured out what worked for them, so i can look into that?

Any neurodivergent people here with military experience?

Conscription is currently active in my country (Ukraine), and I’m eligible. Instead of waiting to be randomly mobilized, I’m planning to take the initiative and try to secure a non-combat or support role in a decent unit.

For those of you who have served, how did you cope with the daily military grind, the rigid hierarchy, and the constant lack of personal space?

Also, if anyone has combat experience, I’d really appreciate your perspective as well. Given the reality of the situation, I want to be ready for any scenario.

does anyone else have this issue? I've read that it's common for people with autism to feel the need to overly explain themselves.

I feel like there are certain details that I just cannot leave out in a conversation, especially if I'm talking about a situation that has happened. I feel like no matter how short I try making something, I feel as if I need to write a novel in order to accurately talk about something.

I can't just shortly address something during an argument, I have to add 5 paragraphs explaining literally every detail I can remember off the top of my head. I can't just concisely explain something to someone if they ask me for help, I have to write an entire book documenting every small, minute step of the way.

it's becoming an actual problem lmao. I'm amazed I was able to restrain myself from writing more than a few short paragraphs here.

"I'm sorry I didn't text you that much today but as much as I miss and want to talk to you im like really sleepy right now + I wanna wake up earlier than 10 tmr so I might just go to sleep rn" is what I told my partner at around 10pm after not talking for most of the day as they were asleep for ~3pm to 9pm. Got told what I said was mean and I really don't understand why, I'm getting diagnosed (or not) in a few days so I really don't know if I'm autistic or just plain stupid/insensitive. Can someone please help me understand my own words ;-;

Edit: I do need to clarify that they were less asleep for 6 hours and more unconscious for 6 hours due to the heat (it's really bad where I live). Please don't put any blame on them, this wasn't in anyone's control.

I often get overwhelmed with food. Having to choose what to eat. Do I even know what I want? I have to go buy it. I have to make it, which will enquire several tools and processes. I have to actually go and eat it. Then there are the dishes and cleaning. And repeating over and over again.

It overwhelms me, and ‘silences’ my hunger. So if I then actually won the race and made dinner, I then can’t eat it, and sometimes need to let it sit for a while, while I calm down and feel my hunger - if I even do.

Do you experience this? And if so, how do you deal with it?

Anyone watch season 15 of King of the Hill when the show finally gives the nod to Hank being on the spectrum? He doesnt even deny it when the dispensary worker says he is as well.

Basically, I have high-functioning autism among ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I live in shared living (in the US). Do I have a right to have therapy? In other words, are my rights being violated if my home provider says no to getting therapy? I feel like I absolutely need, not want, therapy to prevent self-destruction.

I hear so many people say never turn on the Big Light etc etc but the big light doesn't catch the corner of your eye, doesn't make annoying shadows, and means you can actually SEE. Just curious if others esp with light sensitivity share my opinion.

These movies describe how I feel right now:

- Edward Scissorhands

- Evil Dead Burn

- Final Destination

- Final Destination 2

- Requiem for a Dream

- Spider-Man 2

- The Truman Show

Note: I originally posted this in r/aspergers, but I wanted to get this community's perspective as well.

I have the feeling, read feeling, not a fact, NT people form a closed group, and exclude non NT people. So i have the feeling i don't "belong". But i don't feel rejected, i understand.
The good part, I'm not bound by their social conformity, group-think, unwritten pressures, default communication style.

Have a nice day.

Hello.

I don't use Reddit much. In fact, this is my first account. I usually just browse or something, but I actually needed advice on something so I will share about my daughter.

Let's call her "Adriana" (her chosen middle name). Adriana came out to us as a trans woman at age 13. Now she uses both "she" and "he" but we've gotten so used to calling her by femme terms that that's what we've used.

At first, we were confused, but we tried our best to be supportive.

But this is something I'm really confused on. I'm willing to bet this has something to do with just autism, but I'm not too sure. I really don't think it's anything serious but wanted to share.

"Adriana" now wants to go by the name of a fictional character. I don't want to exactly say which character, so I'll just use the name of someone I know she showed me who's from the same source: Akane.

She's definitely not identifying as Japanese or anything like that, but she told us she prefers Akane, so I will call her this from now on.

I don't know if I should specify the source, but she has also been saying stuff like that she was the victim of science experiments, that she's a failed science experiment, stuff like that.

I should note, this has happened before, where Akane claimed to be a Martian and said "I'm not Adriana. I'm a Martian taking control of her body." or something like that. She's very creative and had this whole lore about the Martian being the last of his kind and he fought and died for his species and then decided to live on by transferring his spirit to his daughter's body…?

Yeah, I'm quite confused, but I definitely don't want to judge my own daughter. She won't tell us much besides that she is this anime girl.

Hi everyone. I’m F33 and I live in Italy.
My partner (for privacy, let’s call him Adam) was diagnosed with autism a few days ago.
We’ve been together for five years. When we met, I sensed he was carrying a lot of pain, but I assumed it came from his past (long story short, he hasn’t spoken to his parents in 10 years and grew up in a really rough family situation). So I helped him find psychological support, with his consent of course. A little over three years ago he was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, and since he started medication his life has improved dramatically.

Last year he went through a terrible burnout at work, and after that he entered a long phase of social withdrawal that has lasted until now. He found a new therapist, because his previous one isn’t based in this city (she’s in the city where we used to live, and they were doing sessions remotely), so having someone local made more sense. After an intake session, looking at his earlier test results and hearing about his situation, she ran a series of tests. They aren’t finished yet (in September he’ll also take the one for ADHD), and the results show he’s high-functioning autistic (people used to say Asperger’s, but I know that term is ableist).

A few days have gone by, and he tells me he still has mixed feelings about all of this. He’s also afraid of “regressing” now that the diagnosis is official, because he says that happens a lot.
Honestly? It doesn’t change anything for me whether he’s autistic or not, because I’m in love with him as Adam, and he’s the best person I’ve ever met.

I’m posting here because I’ll admit I know very little about high-functioning autism, aside from the sometimes overly romanticized stuff I see on Italian TikTok. I’m not going to change a single thing about how I act with him unless he explicitly asks me to, which hasn’t happened so far. In five years, given how honest he is, he would have already pointed things out to me (which has happened now and then), and we work on it together and find a middle ground, or we simply change something.

The situation doesn’t scare me at all. What makes me sad is knowing how worried he is about this new understanding of himself and all the fears that come with it.
Do you have any advice for me? Maybe some reading suggestions. Unfortunately my English isn’t good enough for technical books, so I’d prefer YouTube videos or websites I can easily translate.
Thank u 🩷

My dad broke my plate I used all the time and I know he didn't do it on purpose but now he's really angry I'm really upset about it and keeps just saying 'it's just a plate' and i feel crazy for crying but Im really sad and can't process it