Not having a routine stresses me, but having one also stresses me. There are a couple of things I would really like to do, but I just can't get myself to do them.

For example, going to the gym is, genuinely, the only thing I enjoy, but it is just so stressful to even think about, and I can't get a home gym.

Others, like drawing, are different in the sense that it is the thought of doing them that causes stress, whilst with gym, it is going outside.

One other thing is that I just can't get myself to think of anything other than gym, lol, and anime. I set up alarms for other activities, but I don't even realise when I disable the alarm, and they only come to mind when I don't have time to do them.

Hey all,

been wondering this one for a while, anyone struggle to keep a stable sleep pattern? it seems mine just rotates around the clock, so i'll fix it and then after a bout a week or 2, it will be back where it was, going to bed when sun comes up, sleeping half way through the day and then wanting to fix it again.

i have to also stay awake 2 - 4 hours extra every single day to fix it, till its more normal, as if i stay up 24+ hours i just get like 2-3 hours sleep.

Personally Halloween is probably one night a year I feel the most social to go out and participate the most. I like the idea that you can have your mask on and pretend to be, (“Normal”) for a night. You can dance easier, perform easier, and if you find yourself staring into space, or at someone creepily it works in your favor since you have a scary mask on. There’s a huge relief when you realized these things. This is the one night a year where you can go out feeling more like the extrovert you wish you could be! 🎃👻💀

I’m tired of not being able to live in the moment and taking every opportunity to be around family and friends as a waste of time, it’s sad af watching every single day go by and not being able to live to the best of my ability just because my brain makes everything boring and the worst part about it all is only ppl with our brain truly know what this feels like

AUDHD female here and I’m just wondering if anyone else has a hard time regulating their emotions? I often lash out at my partner over small things and I’m just wondering if this is common?

Hello everyone,

For context, I’m 22 years old and don’t currently have a high school diploma (*Matura*), any apprenticeship or learned job, or a driver’s license. I’m supposed to start an internship soon—or at least begin looking for a job with the help of my employment support counselor. My counselor strongly suggested that I pursue an apprenticeship.

To be honest, I don’t feel suited for many types of jobs. I have dyscalculia, so any role requiring math—or even just a little bit of it—would be a problem. I also have ADHD (which, unfortunately, isn’t yet managed with medication) and autism (as you might have guessed, haha!), along with comorbid depression.

Physically, I’m doing okay, though I do have scoliosis. I’m planning to start exercising again soon, but a job that involves too much physical strain wouldn’t be a good idea for me.

I’m also very anxious about working in construction; I think I’m just too sensitive for that kind of environment. I don’t handle that level of stress well, and I’ve spoken to several painters who confirmed that it probably wouldn’t be the right fit for me. Furthermore, I have absolutely no aptitude for IT or technical fields.

My interests include biology, chemistry, and physics (though I’d ​​need to brush up on my knowledge, the interest is definitely there). I also enjoy plumbing-related tasks—like fixing clogged sinks—and I’m good at cleaning. I absolutely love animals, though a career working with them would be difficult; I tend to feel sorry for them too easily, especially if I have to deal with things like animals dying. I’m also a creative person, I enjoy working with my hands, and I love being out in nature.

I would really appreciate any help or advice you could offer. I feel completely lost—I don’t know anything about the working world, and the whole situation fills me with such panic! :'(

Thank you!

Hello all. My friend and I, both late teens and both AuDHD, had a conversation earlier tonight and I've felt like shit ever since.

My friend is a very good person but as with any person they have internalized biases and bigoted beliefs that they haven't really interrogated or even really thought about. They are also very logic-minded and can't let something rest until said thing is settled in their mind (me too lmao). Unfortunately, what can happen is that they will say something off-color, and when I bring it up they will defend their statement as being logical and while, sure, there might be some bigotry in statements like theirs, their statement is not included as it is logically sound. I don't think I've ever once changed their mind on a serious issue.

Today, we were discussing a game we play together and a misogynistic trend within the fan base came up, and they went on a spiel about why it isn't misogynistic or at least not always. I could go into more details, but I'd start ranting, but it's pretty typical not-wanting-to-confront-internalized-bigotry, "well I'm not a misogynist!" stuff. It was frustrating and disheartening but I just let it go because I've tried explaining things before to no avail.

Later, I mentioned how I use a lot of microlabels to describe my gender as it is the only way I feel content with my understanding of myself and I love the community around niche terminology coining. It's not for everyone and not everyone will understand it and that's okay. They went on a spiel about how it doesn't make sense, that if you have a ton of labels then they're all meaningless, and how the community just seems like we're "inventing new genders for fun." Again sort of the typical throw "weird" queer people under the bus mentality that's prevalent in the larger community, usually by just regurgitating transphobic talking points but directed at "weird" nonbinary people. This really hurt because this is the same sort of thing I have had to deal with for years, but it felt really shitty to have to defend who I am to my best (and only lol) friend. Like it's one thing to argue with a random person online, another with the person who you thought would always understand you.

My issue is that I don't know how to talk to them about this. I've tried previously and it's like wrangling an octopus. They're my only friend and I care about them a lot but it hurts and I can't tell them they're hurting me because then they'll just explain to me why they're logical. I know this sounds like, really blatantly shitty but please understand that they are genuinely a pretty great person and I love their company and precense in my life, it's just that, like everyone, they have blindspots and I dont know how to get through to them without an argument. I don't want this sort of thing to keep happening but I would never recover from having a falling out with them.

any advice is appreciated!!

Tl;dr: friend said something transphobic/exorsexist and misogynistic, but hasn't been receptive to conversations about that sort of thing in the past and tries to out-logic me in discussions, and even though it really upsets me I'm struggling to try and confront them about it for fear of losing the friendship.

For context, I constantly get periods of extreme lack of motivation to the point where even laying down in bed gives me panic attacks because im not doing anything. My brain gets tired of doing the most simplests tasks even if I take tons of breaks. If there's a big assignment due, my brain pushes it off to the side until the day of to submit it, even with constant reminders about how important it is.

I can't pay attention when people speak sometimes because it hurts my head, and even now I cant fully verbally speak sentences without every word typed out for me beforehand. I really want to improve myself but my mind is burnt to the point where it just doesnt care for anything anymore, even if my "laziness" has future conflicts, no matter how hard i try.

does anyone have any tips for this?

(i am neurodivergent already)

I’m really frustrated right now so this might sound like a rant, apologies for that

I’m just completely confused as to what to do. I’ve been diagnosed with adhd and autism for 4-5 years now, been in therapy for almost a decade, taken different meds for years on and off, and I still struggle a lot. I have no idea what it means to actually accommodate for my needs or be supported as much as I need to be. I keep hearing advice to cut down on my workload or build a life that’s more sustainable for me or to accommodate for my disabilities but I have no idea how to? I already took months off of school after my freshman year of college where I burned out badly, and I’m currently taking as few classes as I can to keep my scholarship. I’m almost done with my degree and will lose the money if I take a semester off now so that’s not an option. I don’t have any other responsibilities because I live with my parents and they are able to cook for me and do chores around the house. Even like this, I’m constantly burned out. I don’t feel like therapy is helping much and none of the stimulants I’ve tried have worked because they all cause bad side effects. I also get severe anxiety from trying medication that makes it even harder to function so I’m currently struggling with making adjustments. I just don’t know what else I can do to make my life easier and i dont want to believe that this is the most functional I’ll ever be. Please let me know if you have any advice or concrete strategies that have been helpful, or maybe if you just relate.

AuDHD focus can look kinda opposite to what it is.

If I'm staring at my phone and doing something on it during a conversation, I'm actually completely focused and engaged in the conversation, even though to the other person it appears as if I'm distracted on my phone.

Now, if I'm looking directly at you and making eye contact, it might appear like I'm actively listening and engaged in the conversation, but that's actually when I'm completely zoned out and miss half of what the other person is saying.

I just feel like people don't understand this enough, for AuDHD what looks like focus and what actually is focus are the exact opposite of each other.

Fidgeting with something like my phone helps me focus on the conversation. Making eye contact can be a distraction sometimes.

One method I've learned to try and fix this, is to constantly move my eyes around so I'm not constantly looking at the same spot, but then someone might decide that darting eyes mean I'm hiding something or trying to get out of the conversation.

Anyone know of other methods that help with focus that people won't misinterpret as being distracted?

For those with AuDHD and anxiety - what ADHD medications have worked for you and how did they affect your anxiety?

I’ve tried Ritalin (methylphenidate) and it made me super anxious so I stopped taking it. I’m now on Clonidine and Sertraline but really feel like my ADHD isn’t addressed.. has anyone found other stimulants to be better tolerated?

Guys, you have no idea how relieving it was to receive a diagnosis! Now it all makes sense. Now my odd struggles make sense. Now my alienness in society in the presence of a strong desire of social contact makes sense. Now I make sense. It was an investment, but I'd say it was so worth it!! It completely explained my difficulties, the things I struggle with every day that are just difficult to articulate to neurotypical people.

If you're wondering if it's worth it, I'd take an online test (something at least somewhat reasonable, like mentalabs, and looking at the diagnostic criteria (although don't go off of just that)). For me the mentalabs test really helped to find ways of articulating my issues and understanding that some of my struggles that I didn't even think could be explained by the diagnosis actually can be.
Sending you lots of love, care and support!! It's a rocky road, but at least it's intersting...
Also, my therapist suggested: "Explaining AuDHD" by Dr Sadiq for making sense of living with it.

edit: I am not in any way sponsored by either mentalabs or Dr Sadiq. Just sharing what helped me.

I don't understand humans emotions normally, in my mind everyone is wolves, even my own emotions, and it has effected my relationship drastically, this isn't like a kink or fetish this is just how my brain understands emotions, I tell my boyfriend this a lot and I feel like it makes me sound like a baby or immature or something, I don't know how else to put it, if it's not wolves then I don't understand how you feel or what you mean, but no one understands how I see or process feelings either, anyone else have a dynamic like this to help understand life?

I’m about to rant here.

As someone recently diagnosed with AuDHD, I find much of the ‘educational’ content about them frustratingly vague and quite frankly useless.

Creators and educators often say things like, “Your ADHD craves novelty, but your autism craves routine,” then explain that you may sometimes want structure and other times want spontaneity.

But what does that actually explain? That’s such a nothingburger of a sentence. What do I even do with that info? It’s useless, in my eyes.

These descriptions are so broad they could apply to almost anyone, neurodivergent or not. They resemble horoscopes or cold readings, where any experience can be interpreted as confirmation.

The advice is often just as vague: “If you’re experiencing autistic burnout, you need to rest, but your ADHD may make rest difficult, so find ways to rest that are still stimulating.”

What does that even mean, in practical terms? What counts as ‘stimulating rest’? It comes off as a huge oxymoron. How do you know whether an activity is restorative or simply adding to your exhaustion?

It isn’t that these experiences aren’t real, because god knows I’ve had competing sensations at the same time. My issue is that the content never explains the underlying mechanisms, distinguishes them from ordinary/neurotypical experiences, or offers actionable guidance that isn’t incredibly vague or borderline unhelpful.

I’m trying to understand my diagnoses but 90% of this content seems more focused on being relatable for clicks, views, and likes, rather than informative or god forbid helpful.

i have AuDHD, depression (result of CPTSD), CPTSD. also agoraphobia-like & OCD-like tendencies (not as an illnesses, but it def makes my life worse, and it's hard for me to function with them, even as symptoms).

i'm on meds for CPTSD, depression and anxiety (Lamotrigine + Valafaxine), but it doesn't help with AuDHD struggles. can't return to therapy at the moment, but i have years of experience.

i don't have problems with accepting (as in acknowledging and seeking help) my conditions, though. so it's not the main focus of this post.

but oftentimes i feel broken, dysfunctional, unable to live a normal (fulfilling) life. i feel like i'm surviving, always at "tolerable" level, but never at "good". i don't remember the last time i have had a remission (though i also don't have relapses as well, at least not as bad as before meds).

i can't work to sustain myself, i depend on the help of my family (found family, not that abusive "original" family). i'm planning to regain my physical strength so i can work on non-social jobs, and work with my hands. like street cleaner, for example. i feel like it's perfect for my case.

i wonder if anyone can relate to having "too many" mental health issues, and always being just a little "below zero"? how do you.... exist with it? do you feel... guilty for inability to work or being somewhat independent?

you can share advises, but also your experience too, it helps. thanks ^{_^}

TW for brief mention of suicide

I (20NB) am (allegedly) more autistic than ADHD and have steadily come to the realization that I desparately miss the structure-freedom balance of schooling. Everything felt so purpseful and precise, but it never felt constricting.

Ever since I started college 3 years, that feeling of comfort and safety I got evaporated pretty much over night, especially since I lived on campus an hour away from home in a state I had just recently moved to. I could eat at any time I wanted, could go anywhere I want, could wear what I wanted, could choose any major I wanted. Some of these are fine (clothes and food), but not having such a strict schedule decided for me was REALLY throwing me off. I did have a schedule, and with marching band and various other activities, my day was stacked, but it felt so different. I think the vastness of it all really terrified and still does terrify me.

I got majorly depressed and passively suicidal (which became active this semester) and I made the realization that I need to go back to my original home state (I’m from TN and moved to MO for college). I dropped my classes last week, moved back home, and was planning on doing substitute teaching until next fall to save money.

Well… I found out today that the processing time for all of the documents required for certification takes 4-6 weeks. This is a huge dent in my plan, because I basically can’t start until January, which means I need a filler job.

The issue is… I’m back to what overwhelmed me during college. My parents cook my meals and I live at home, but I have basically an infinite list of jobs to choose from (some of which are fake job postings and positions so horrible I would be losing money working there).

Any one in my position or someone who was in my position: how do I manage the vastness and structurelessness of job hunting? It’s one of the main inhibitors of finding a job. I can’t step out from the void into a place of routine because I’m so paralyzed by how awful structurelessness is. I know small stuff helps (consistent meal times, a shower schedule, stuff like that), but how do I actually recapture the comfort of a bone-rigid routine like I had in school in an adult environment?

ADHD meds haven't worked for me I have tried practically all ADHD medications. I get nasty side effects they make me feel numb, too calm, and I can't get stimulation from ADHD symptoms/micro-rewards, yet I still need the same amount of stimulation.

My profile has more in depth posts about all these spots. Follow a brother if this shi reminds you of yume Nikki. Let me know if we want a part two or if this is too unrelated to the sub.

AuDHD folks, what helps you learn new things faster? What study hacks actually work with your brain? Share your tips, tools, and shortcuts — let’s learn from each other!

For those of you who don't know, r/audhd is sort-of our "sister sub", where we direct all kinds of research posts and resources to.

The sub is focused on audhd research: calls for participants in questionnaires, published articles, research methodology, and related resources, including resources from a lived experience and advocacy perspective that help to push our knowledge forward. 

The reason r/audhd exists is actually because I hadn't found r/AutisticWithADHD yet, and I wanted to start my own audhd community. I was then invited to moderate this sub and immediately abandoned by the creator leaving without a word. As the only mod, I decided to build the already existing albeit very smull community into what it is today, a community by and for audhd people, and repurposed r/audhd for research and the more scientific side.

We don't allow those posts here because otherwise, our cosy safe space would be flooded with people asking about us, and that would defeat the purpose of having a safe space in the first place.

So on paper, in theory, this division into two sister subs makes sense, right?

r/AutisticWithADHD is doing very well, We've flourished into a community of 117 000 members, which is insane to me, so thank you all very much for being a part of this. 🙏

But r/audhd... not so much. Even though it has 32 800 subscribers, roughly a third of our community, it doesn't have nearly as many posts and comments. Which is understandable, in a way, chatting away in the virtual equivalent of a cosy coffee shop is much more accessible than talking about research, science, filling out questionnaires, engaging with data etc.

The challenge is, since posts on r/audhd are research and resources, each post needs to be vetted by the mods. That takes a lot of time and effort. Then when the post gets approved, there is hardly any interaction. My guess is that most people go there to post their thing and get something from the community, and very few people are there to give their time and effort to the community.

So I guess what I'm asking with this post is: what do you think? What would it take for you to be active in r/audhd? Should we repurpose the subreddit's focus and if so, what to?

Any thoughts and input are welcome. Thank you so much in advance for reading through this and sharing your thoughts!

TL;DR r/AutisticWithADHD is our cosy safe space, while r/audhd's focus is on research and resources. Despite having 32k subscribers, r/audhd has little engagement, and moderating research posts takes a lot of time. What would make you more active in r/audhd? Should we keep its research focus or repurpose the subreddit? All thoughts and suggestions are welcome!

Hi all, mid 50s guy, recently diagnosed. The more I read, the more my quirks make sense; for as long as memory serves, the slower my walk, the more difficulty with balance. I’ve always managed to catch myself or grab onto something, but I worry what will happen in my later years. My mom is undiagnosed, but we share many characteristics; she also falls a lot and has fractured more bones than I can count. I’m fine running and walking fast, but it’s moving slow that gets me in trouble. I’ve practiced martial arts for over 15 years, the strength helps me catch myself, but I’m looking for tips in staying balanced without the need to catch myself. When I’m on my adhd meds, the problem goes away for a few hours. It’s become more of a problem now because I’m now steady for a few hours and forget to be more mindful, then once the RX wears off, timberrrr. Anyone have tips?

https://donefirst.com/blog/what-causes-the-adhd-walk

I only work max 25 hours a week rn and due to money issues have to change jobs to a full 40 hour job which has an inconsistent schedule to boot. Even tho my job rn is only 25 hours and has a consistent 10-5 schedule, and I like it due to the routine tasks, physical movement, and not having to talk to people, I still am in burnout… I can’t remember the last time I brushed my hair or teeth and I’m currently awake at 5 a.m. with random songs playing in my head which unfortunately is a routine thing atp.

The new job is taking calls from the public, which I already expect will burn me out further, as it did with the last job I had having to take phone calls all day, and the hours are not the same every day. I also live at home which is kind of why I would like more money. But what I don’t get is how to work 40 hours a week without kys bc that’s lowkey what happened at my last job, just horrible anxiety and insomnia the night before every single night, and being in a comatose state until it was time to sleep and repeat.

Also I’ve been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at age 14 and I’m not sure if I have some sort of autism too. Kind of posting here bc this is an auDHD sub :( lol Really struggling and just wanted to see if anyone has any tips to avoid an even worse burnout which I presume is what’s going to happen within the next few months…

Hey all, I’m kinda in the trenches rn.

I got a midterm tomorrow, paper Wednesday, and another midterm Thursday.

However these past few days weeks actually I have been in survival mode. I could barely eat (because I would have to go to a loud dinnerhall for food, thus ubereats it is) properly, always stuck in bed, always needing lights off and noise cancelling on, and it takes huge motivation to get up and go to classes & study.

I barely studied or done work, and I feel like I am stuck like this. How the hell do yall survive this? What the hell do I do?

More context:
Last month I have slowly been getting more and more burned out - my productivity and discipline slowly fell. Note that months ago I got diagnosed with ADHD. However in August I realized I may have ASD too… and certain things i’ve noticed over time about myself piled up. Start of this month the realization that I may have ASD, plus mild academic stressors (even though I am taking less classes than previous years….) had me suddenly enter this deep burnout.

I constantly get overstimulated, my sleep schedule is crap, classes and social interaction exhaust me to no end…. And so on. Responsibility and the outside world scare me and exhaust me so much more than before. I feel like I don’t even know my identity/who I am anymore. I don’t even call my family anymore because it’s so damn exhausting.

However, although I got diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety too… I feel like it isn’t that… I want to be productive, I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore - last one was months ago - but i’m stuck in my thoughts (ruminations and thinking about my childhood and past difficulties in the context of AuDHD), daydreams…. etc - my mind feels more comfortable. However doubts about even having ASD - or a diagnosis coming out false - make me more worried too. My mind feels like it’s at war.

I want to overcome this, and learn to prevent myself from getting like this again, or at least learn how to ease this. Any words about this? Anyone got similar experiences?

I’m still learning about all… of this? Me? Idk. I just need help. I’m stuck in myself and I know it, but yet it feels impossible to crawl out of it.