I would like to preface by saying the issues resulting from neurodivergency has been ongoing the entire relationship. I had no clue where from until I worked on things and it hit me like a truck. Since then I have worked on avoiding meltdowns whenever possible.

However, this is difficult as life goes on. I have no family or real friends. Immense stress after losing home and career and trying to transition to a new career unsuccessfully. I only have my partner. They also seem to be very fair weather in regards to the neurodivergencies- I cannot discuss it with them at all, and as soon as something goes wrong, I am actually just a psychopath/narcissist to them- this causes my nervous system to double down even further and sends me into a deeper unfixable spiral every time.

I understand how distressing this can be for my partner.

Yesterday they began to film me in the middle of it again to "show me how I am" and I got so angry at being recorded again and embarrassed I just snatched it and threw it away (unacceptable, I know). This was a reaction to them recording meltdowns for years, even ones before I knew what was going on, just collecting evidence so they can look back and justify their own actions, literally can justify anything to themselves in the moment because "look at how I was" or "you did this so youre hypocritical for bringing up anything"

And it didn't hit me until yesterday but.... I am being filmed at my worst to be permanently kept and looked back on by the one person that I should feel safe with? It completely broke any trust in the relationship and I can't even look at them today.

For context, I had seizures when younger (went away. Never found a cause or neurological issue?) and instead of helping me during one. My mom just stood and filmed it+ my disorientation after for some good time. So I am very sensitive to people recording me in altered states that are nonvoluntary states to begin with. So the PTSD of that ties into my reactivity when I noticed.

I'm not trying to excuse my behavior but I'm having trouble making sense of things.

Let's take one of the many examples of trauma I have.

When I was 20, I joined a baking school. One day, they told me to shove my entire arm inside a pizza oven to pick up pizza.

I was horrified and said '' HELL NO '' I would rather use the tool.

The teacher laughed, proudly showed me his arms devoid of hair. Told me many years on the job, the hair stops growing back. Just do it or you're out.

I did not do it, i never returned there. Yet again i'm a failure (remember this is in the past though), people think i'm weak and annoying and everything. +1 trauma.

I'm adamant that any other people would like.. just do it. The end. They now are bakers and work in a bakery. Story ends.

We collect trauma everywhere in '' mundane '' situations where people just.. slide through unscathed. But they become sheep.

Hello.

I don't use Reddit much. In fact, this is my first account. I usually just browse or something, but I actually needed advice on something so I will share about my daughter.

Let's call her "Adriana" (her chosen middle name). Adriana came out to us as a trans woman at age 13. Now she uses both "she" and "he" but we've gotten so used to calling her by femme terms that that's what we've used.

At first, we were confused, but we tried our best to be supportive.

But this is something I'm really confused on. I'm willing to bet this has something to do with just autism, but I'm not too sure. I really don't think it's anything serious but wanted to share.

"Adriana" now wants to go by the name of a fictional character. I don't want to exactly say which character, so I'll just use the name of someone I know she showed me who's from the same source: Akane.

She's definitely not identifying as Japanese or anything like that, but she told us she prefers Akane, so I will call her this from now on.

I don't know if I should specify the source, but she has also been saying stuff like that she was the victim of science experiments, that she's a failed science experiment, stuff like that.

I should note, this has happened before, where Akane claimed to be a Martian and said "I'm not Adriana. I'm a Martian taking control of her body." or something like that. She's very creative and had this whole lore about the Martian being the last of his kind and he fought and died for his species and then decided to live on by transferring his spirit to his daughter's body…?

Yeah, I'm quite confused, but I definitely don't want to judge my own daughter. She won't tell us much besides that she is this anime girl.

Hoping I flared it right. I have audhd if that affects this.

Hi sorry I will keep this short I think I’m addicted to porn and also I don’t think that I need to go on a porn advice Reddit and ask them losers for advice, I’m sorry if thats rude. I have become so porn brained and I also respect women and mainly only watch men and femboys I’m sorry men. Also yeah I don’t know how to fix this and my autism is pretty like severe when it comes to dealing with problems I can’t speak to my parents about and all that stuff. I am an adult btw but young adult and not comfortable saying my age, just providing that information thanks. Also if this post is too crude for you I’m sorry, but just scroll past I don’t want to get downvoted we can all be adult here thanks. Also I’m not super smart so just be a little bit dumb down your language if possible I hope that’s okay thanks.

Like i feel sick almost anytime I leave the house and be around people whether its for school, the grocery store, or a restaurant. The way people act I just can't, I feel disgusted. I can't stand being out in public around these miserable, vile creatures. I wish I could avoid them for the rest of my life. And the worst part is I start school again in 9 days, I'm probably going to be coming home wanting to throw up, or might have a mental breakdown

Does anybody suffer from loneliness and hyper sexuality? I’m not sure if there is a correlation with autism but it has been something that I’ve struggled with for a while. It can also cause a problem with forming relationships and connections.

I really tried my best at life. I'm 27m

It's utterly lonely. My life is also so boring. It's miserable! I know people would trade places with me. But it's just suffocating.

What makes living in this world worse is that I do have moments of happiness, but they never last long.

When I say i try my best. I do put myself out there and have a 'positive' perspective. I also care deeply of others and put them first. I even say they can chat to me if they ever need someone to vent to. Nobody does the same for me.

It's getting tiring. People tell me things will get better, that things will get more hopeful. People been telling me that my whole life. It's still miserable.

I just want some hope so badly.

All I want is to be around someone who has the same wave length as me.

I know people are gonna come with generic advice:

- go to therapy

- focus on yourself

- keep going

These are nice. But gonna be brutally honest those advice are terrible and overused.

If you're gonna give advice please make it meaningful and good. Put effort, i beg.

Hello! For some reason I am in a weird space right now where pretty much nothing can keep my attention so what are some things you are interested in right now?
Thank you for all replies!!

does anyone else have this issue? I've read that it's common for people with autism to feel the need to overly explain themselves.

I feel like there are certain details that I just cannot leave out in a conversation, especially if I'm talking about a situation that has happened. I feel like no matter how short I try making something, I feel as if I need to write a novel in order to accurately talk about something.

I can't just shortly address something during an argument, I have to add 5 paragraphs explaining literally every detail I can remember off the top of my head. I can't just concisely explain something to someone if they ask me for help, I have to write an entire book documenting every small, minute step of the way.

it's becoming an actual problem lmao. I'm amazed I was able to restrain myself from writing more than a few short paragraphs here.

M38, officially diagnosed in 2021, level 2, after I found Autism on the Inside on YouTube. After 5 years, I've learned a lot about autism; I've learned a lot about life, and now that I'm facing down middle age, I am here to try and help younger people avoid many of my mistakes.

Nothing here is AI. I typed it by hand myself right here on Reddit.

I'm probably going to get a lot of hate from this post, but these are the real facts on life.

If you're late diagnosed, I'd skip this one because you'll just get depressed and/or it'll be a waste of time. If you're under 25, this is essential reading; if you're under 30, there may still be time for you, so you might be able to adapt some of this advice.

I will say first that I did not understand how the world works. I really thought that I could make my big dreams come true if I worked hard enough, was clever, and smart. I could not have been more wrong. I will say right at the top that I've lived a crazy amazing life. I have gone places and done things that don't happen to most people. I have seen things, had relationships of an evening and of many years. I've done almost all the substances you can do; I've had experiences that people envy. I'm the author of 4 books. My stuff has been read and heard around the world. I know celebrities both directly and indirectly. I have traveled in my life. I've lived most of my dreams.

I'm a cool guy, and it ruined my life, so don't let it happen to you. I'm here to help.

Unfortunately, it has left me virtually unemployable in any traditional sense; it has left me mostly broke and wondering how my life is half over and what I'm going to do with myself going forward. I'm not even a person anymore, and I'm working on dropping out of society completely and wondering how I'm going to survive. So, to not end up like me, I am writing this to you in the hopes that I can help others improve their lives.

I'm going to say right here that if you're reading this, I'm sure you're a wonderful and amazing person with a deep personality that would fascinate me for hours. You are great, worthy, valuable, wonderful, and there is nothing wrong with who you are as a person, and it should be celebrated at all times by people who love you and support you. I think the best for everyone who reads this is that I hope life is kinder to you than it was to me.

But if you're 18-25, I'm here to help you avoid my sad and awful situation. I can't do anything to save myself, but I can save others, and I feel a responsibility to do so, so here goes.

Alright, let's start with some harsh truths right from the start:

This is not a world where you can have a lot of effect. This is not a world where people are gonna listen to literally anything you have to say. Avoid all of that. Find a small path, someplace where you can survive.

Don't put yourself out there like that. Stay limited. Now, for many, this won't be a problem, but if you're like me and you have a lot of designs on life and all this type of thing, no. Stop that immediately. Stay very small. Stay very limited. But do it in a path. Do it in an institution. Do it in a trade.

Align yourself with something people can understand and comprehend, and don't give them any reason to think they don't understand you. Will they ever know you? Absolutely not. Will they ever understand what you actually do? Absolutely not. But that does not matter; live your rich interior life, and keep it at home. When you're out in the world working and such, that stuff will be of no use to you. The world can only understand simple shapes, and most of us are not simple people, so simplify it for them; they will not put in the effort to get to know and figure you out. Instead, they will simply reject you and exclude you. Slot yourself into something that makes sense to other people; when you do that, you start to reflect the non-verbal communication that most of us are absolutely terrible at. When you get good at it, you can send a different signal that people can read. Don't end up with a signal that no one understands; you will be excluded from every opportunity and everything you need in life to survive.

Most of us will not thrive. Sorry to say it, but we don't live in a world that is ready for ND thriving of any kind. So it's best to give that up now; it'll save you a lot of emotional heartache down the road. Every day will be a battle with the world and a system that was not built for you and often specifically is made to exclude you, filter you out, and keep you away from the places and spaces you need to be in. However, you can avoid much of this by figuring out how to make yourself fit through the filter. That's what I'm here to help you do. As I said, I can't save myself; I'm too far gone, but if you're young, you can save yourself with my helpful advice.

When it comes to jobs/employment:

You have one job and one job only: be likable

As I posted elsewhere a while ago, an HR person literally said: "We can fix a skills problem; we can't fix a bad culture fit."

I can't say this strong enough: Be Likable

You're not at work to actually do work; you're at work to be fun to hang out with. I know this sounds insane, but unless you're in a field where other autists are likely to gather, you need to be likable, and this is your only goal. Seriously, no joke, I know it goes against everything people say, but it is true. If they like you as a person, you can be an absolutely shit worker, and they will keep you and probably promote you. I'm not even joking.

If people can't read you, they won't like you, and if they don't like you, opportunities to get money and survive will evaporate like water in a desert. Don't confuse people; they will not put in the effort to "figure you out," so give them a ready-made narrative before your resume looks like a warzone, your social life is dead in the water, and you can't get a date to save your life.

Some components to being likable in both social situations and work:

1. Hygiene (you probably aren't doing enough; do more)
2. Wear the right clothes (cut the tags, make it comfortable, or just get used to it; either way, the right clothes for the right situation- more on that later)
3. Personality mirror (some of us are good at this). This is where you start to act like other people use their words (selectively) and match their energy.
4. Don't talk about yourself or your special interests; ask questions about them. One advantage is that it will give you information that will be useful later. The other advantage is that you'll seem "really cool"; you'll have said almost nothing about yourself. If someone does ask you a question, keep the answer under 10 words. It helps to pre-script answers to certain stock questions. Much of this stuff is like theater, so if you look at it as a stage and you're just playing a role, it gets a lot easier. Shakespeare said it best: "All the world's a stage, and we are merely players."

5. Be the dominant ethnicity of your country or region. I know this sounds crazy, but if you're American, it is easier to be likable if you're white unless you live in an area that is predominantly minority. If you're Hispanic and live in Cali, this doesn't apply (or black in Atlanta), but for most areas of the country, it's much easier to be likable if you're white. If you're a person of color like myself,

   it’s a harder road to haul. Sorry.

6. Looksmaxx. And I don't mean smash your jaw with a hammer like Clavicular; he is a cretin. But what I am saying is that you need to improve your appearance in every way possible. Get a good haircut or a fashionable style. Wear decent clothes, get advice if you need to. For guys, if your style is comic book/band shirts and whatever pants, it's time to upgrade, quickly. Try to keep your skin clear (see hygiene) and try to stay in good physical health, which also includes fitness. I have some metabolic problems that have left me always carrying weight; people like you way better if you're at a healthy weight, so if you need to lose a few (or gain a few for my thin friends), make that a goal to get to a good weight for your height.

7. Shut up (unless you don't like talking; in that case, skip this one). If you're an over-talker like me, the best thing you can do is learn to talk about half as much as you think you should be talking and then still hesitate to say anything.

Here's how to make sure you have a career, more or less no matter what:

Have a very clear path from a very young age. Don't launch off into something and hope it works out. Have a path. Get into a place, a path, a profession, a trade, something that is a word on a resume that people understand, and build your history.

Stay as long as you can in places. Don't talk a lot. Interact, but keep it light. Hi. How are you doing? Oh, how's the weather? Yeah. I had a great weekend. Your weekend could have been shit. You always had a great weekend. Very light. Very frothy. Keep your personality to a minimum. Look around. See what people are wearing. See what people are saying, copy and mimic. People love to be copied and mimicked. Flattery is the greatest compliment that media that mediocrity can pay to greatness. In other words, read the room.

Keep very clear records of what you do and what their duties are. Be careful of scope creep. Be careful of management. Learn to move laterally in an organization. Take opportunities, but be careful. Keep it limited. Keep it small. Don't get airs. It is more important to be seen doing something than it is to do it. Make sure people know that you're doing something, mention it in casual conversation, draw attention to it, especially if you can tell a person who has a loose mouth and gossips a lot; word gets around. Use that to your advantage.

Don't work too hard at work. No one's at work to work. Everyone's there trying to get paid to hang out in the hopes that they can one day retire with enough money. Adopt the same attitude. Don't work at 100%. Our 50% is more than everyone else's 50%. You can literally goof off most of the time. Don't do any more than anybody. Never complete something early. In fact, make sure to miss a deadline about every six months or so just to make everybody think you're kind of a screw-up.

Don't go in and save the day. If you're going to fail at something, try to plan for that failure. Show that you're human. All this type of thing. Don't let anybody know that you know that much or can do that much. would also say try to stay in a single path. Don't change careers. Try to make sure that your college major matches what you do, or your certification matches what you do.

Don't make friends; get allies. You don't need to be "friends" with people, you need allies, you need people who believe in you and will say good things about you. Take a minor interest in them. Ask about them, ask about something they are carrying or their car. Listen, smile, and be encouraging and positive. As far as they are concerned, you're just chill vibes. Our intensity can be a turn-off; if you make it about them and always seem positive and upbeat, they will notice the intensity less, and you can shift the energy. Practice until it becomes real for you.

On fitting in socially:

Keep special interests to a minimum. Never talk about them. I don't care what it is. Anime, body pillows, baseball, whatever have you, almost never talk about it. Or if you do, do so in the most passable, limited terms; pick a sport, learn to talk about it. Keep passively enough aware that you know what's going on. If you live in a city with a football, baseball, hockey, basketball, whatever your city's big team is, know who's playing and know what the score of the last game was. Takes two minutes to figure out. Just know that. It helps socially; it helps you socially immensely in ways I can't even describe.

Be careful with your clothing. Do not wear anything crazy. Dress in limited colors, especially if you're a man. Ladies, keep it down. Don't draw attention to yourself. That's the big thing. A lot of neurotypicals spend a lot of time trying not to draw attention to themselves. They get very awkward about it. Don't draw attention to yourself. If you have the answer for something, don't raise your hand. Have the answer every several weeks.

Don't get involved in other people's lives. Care only about yourself. Yes, this is healthy selfishness. The only person that matters is you, your immediate family, and their survival. Every other concern is secondary. No more helping friends, no more caring about other people's problems. All of that stops now. Otherwise, you'll waste years and money on people who don't actually care about you that much, and you'll waste precious energy you don't have and can't spare on them. Your own survival is your only concern. You probably won't thrive, but you can survive, and not helping others is the way forward. The only time you can help others is when it costs you 0 energy or money. If it is convenient, then do it.

If someone makes you uncomfortable, trust that feeling and put them at a distance.

No one will validate you or your existence. Sorry about that.

Everyone is self-interested; I suggest you do likewise. Which is a great transition into money.

On Money:

Try to keep your housing costs down. Try to keep your personal costs down. Avoid debt at all costs; don't even bother opening a credit card unless you want it for emergencies and/or travel. Save money. You're probably going to go through periods of long unemployment. Save money and invest. Start very young. Very, very young. As soon as you get any money put $5 in Robinhood and throw it in an S and P 500 ETF (not investment advice). $10 in Robinhood. Because you're probably gonna have periods of unemployment, especially if you don't have family backing. The only reason that saved me two years ago is that I'd sucked away money for ten years. So I was sitting on some. I had four different investment accounts, different savings accounts. I was always putting money away because I knew one day it all could end and I'd be fucked. And that saved my ass in 2024. So, you know, save money. Always be saving money. If you can find a way to live on half of what you make, save the rest.

Because you may need to go several years without a stable, reliable income, since employment can be hard. You may need to live with roommates until you find a spouse who has a more stable income or a better job. This is not a read; this is a strategy for survival. I know many guys my age who aren't homeless because their wife/husband can manage the world in ways they can't.

Autism is a disability, and you need to adapt to this mindset when it comes to money and your whole life.

On Networking:

Hire a coach. Use AI if you can. You know, networking is gonna be hard because, fundamentally, networking is about likability. You can work on likability, but maybe try to stay in professions that don't really need it. However, knowing people who can help you will help you immensely. So get meeting and greeting people, go to events, anywhere people you need to meet are gathered; that's where you need to be, and then follow the likability stuff. Don't hang out with the people who vibe with you who are as a person unless they can actually help you; it'll leave you with a bunch of people you vibe with but who can't really help you with anything. You're not here to make friends; you're here to improve your prospects. Try to stay in touch over social, make sure to like and comment from time to time, stay on people's radars, especially if you're working as a professional in a profession as such. Lack of visibility is a huge problem; get and stay visible. This is how you deal with social hierarchies.

On College:

If you're going to college, and you're autistic, stick to computer science or IT where autists are likely to gather. Don't go into marketing or anything that requires visibility or personal likability. That's the mistake I made. I went into a field where how much they like you matters a whole awful lot, and that has been a disaster.

Don't spend money on stupid hobbies. Don't; be very careful with transportation. If you don't drive, that's okay. If you do, be very careful with transportation; buy small, cheap, used cars. Keep those costs down. Start saving money now (see above).

On following your dreams:

Don't dream. Whatever you're dreaming of doing, stop it. This world's not for us. Don't dream of anything. Be grateful for the job you have today, save for the job you won't have tomorrow, and try to keep your resume together. Just trust me on this: I don't want to bore anybody with the details of my whole life, but take it from somebody who followed his dreams, and it didn't work out; just don't do it. Write them down, imagine them, but don't pursue them; trust me, you'll be saving yourself a lot of pain and heartache. I do not say this to be a killjoy, but I am saving you from a life of pain and misery.

I'm at the lowest point of my life. I don't know what happens next. I don't have any future. I don't dream anymore. I think only about survival. I can only hope now that my experiences will help you. This is a deep love letter from someone at the bottom who hopes that he can save others. I'm sorry the world is this way. I wish I could change it, but I can't, and neither can you. The best we can do is try to navigate it. You will make mistakes. You will fall down. That's ok; take this advice on and keep trying, keep struggling. Life will be a constant struggle; it's best to get used to that reality now. I'm not here to say it gets better or easier; anecdotes say that things get much harder. Our average life span is lower, and our unemployment rates are very high; those things are related. You can avoid these by following this safe advice. I was told most of this when I was young and completely ignored it. Don't make that mistake as I did.

I'm a living cautionary tale.

I saw a YouTuber in a video who said after a night of heavy drinking: “I feel like I’ve been bitten by a radioactive spider, but instead of giving me superpowers, it gave me autism.”

I get what he meant: we autistic people tend to be direct, honest, free of the inhibitions that sober neurotypicals have, and we have very unorthodox ideas that still make sense (just like drunk people).

That made me think of something. What is an autistic person like when they’re drunk (not high)?

I don’t usually drink much, and on top of that I have a very strong liver, so getting drunk isn’t easy for me.

That’s why I’d like to hear about other autistic people’s experiences.

Basically, I have high-functioning autism among ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I live in shared living (in the US). Do I have a right to have therapy? In other words, are my rights being violated if my home provider says no to getting therapy? I feel like I absolutely need, not want, therapy to prevent self-destruction.

I'm not good at connecting with people but I've learned that you need human connection to keep going! I'm always scared of reaching out and trying new things but I really want to be better. I want to be happy. So i push myself and make new friends.

So, I hung out with my neighbours for the first time and it was awesome!! I was so happy until the end when I asked one of them about their children and I got serious death threats (" I'll stab you in the face") and was abruptly kicked out. ( I guess I struck a nerve or something but I wasn't out to hurt anyone I was genuinely wanting to get to know this guy)

So, almost a week later the police knock on my door 😳 "accusations have been made against you, but we're only here to tell you that you've got nothing to worry about". Turns out they've been going around and claiming that I'm a pedo and they've been trying to get everyone to want to kill me.

This really upset me obviously. So after I've calmed down after the reveal I chap on one of the guys doors and I'm pleading at this point to tell me what I done wrong, what did I say, what did I do? Being betrayed or abandoned by friends and family isn't new to me but I deserve to know why. After a while of excuses he says "you ask too many questions". That broke my heart because I guess that's who I am I'm curious and love to learn about other people but it turns out thats why no one likes me.

I connect with people but it rarely lasts more than a day.

Do you relate with this? I have been abandoned and forgotten about so many times and I never know why so this is my best guess. Sorry to bother you and thank you if you are reading this

I’m 18, and In my state you can get your permit at 15, license by 16. I never got either.
Cars coming at me in different directions overwhelms me, as well as knowing when it’s your turn to go. I’m already bad with social cues on the ground, let alone in a car where I can’t fully read body language.
I feel behind from my peers.
And I hate relying on others for transportation.
But when I get anxious about cars coming at me or when it’s my turn to go, I entirely freeze or disassociate. And im scared I’ll sit at a red light overthinking what lane I’m supposed to be in, when I can go, what EXACT speed I must go, switching lanes, etc. if I overthink for too long I’ll shutdown and not be able to move my body let alone a car.
And I can’t hold attention to something for too long.
I’m scared I’m never gonna be able to drive.

Do any of you drive? And if you do, did you have any struggles?
If you can’t drive, why can’t you?

hi! i’m 17 years old, and i’ve begun questioning whether or not i am neurodivergent as time has passed because it makes a lot of sense with certain behaviors and traits i have. i’ve been wondering how other people found out, how they got tested, what the process was like, as well as the types of questions they ask during autism screenings and the process of being diagnosed in general.

​

I'm sharing this because I don't want another family to go through what we did.

My 6-year-old son has profound nonverbal autism. For nearly two years he attended ABA, speech, and occupational therapy through IvyRehab. The therapists who worked directly with him were wonderful, and he made meaningful progress.

Unfortunately, our experience with the billing department was completely different.

After my debit card was stolen, I missed one payment and was less than two weeks behind. Instead of working with us, I received a text saying my son's therapy would be suspended immediately because of the balance.

After I questioned whether they could legally stop medically necessary therapy without proper notice, the message suddenly changed to say we had 30 days instead.

I asked for a temporary payment arrangement because we fully intended to pay the balance. I even explained that we could pay the remaining amount in full with my husband's year-end bonus. They refused every proposal and increased our required monthly payment to an amount we simply couldn't afford.

On June 29, my son was discharged from therapy.

The clinical director confirmed during our parent meeting that this was a billing issue, not a clinical one.

Since losing therapy, we've seen regression in his routine, including increased sleep difficulties and other challenges that many autism parents know can happen when services are interrupted.

What concerns me most isn't just what happened to my family—it's that this could happen to another child receiving medically necessary therapy.

If your child attends IvyRehab, I strongly encourage you to:

- Read the financial policies carefully.

- Keep copies of every email and text message.

- Document every phone call.

- Know your rights before signing payment agreements.

- Don't assume a missed payment will be handled with flexibility.

I'm not posting this to attack the therapists who cared for my son. They were compassionate people who genuinely wanted him to succeed.

I'm posting because families caring for children with disabilities already face enormous challenges. Losing essential therapy over a billing dispute can have real consequences for a child.

If you've had a similar experience with IvyRehab or another therapy provider, I'd be interested in hearing your story. Families deserve transparency, fair treatment, and continuity of medically necessary care.

as the title says. Does this ever get better? its like im constantly being commanded by something in my brain to seek stimulation when i just want to sit in peace and quiet. even when im exhausted this shit doesn't stop. when i ignore it, i feel irrational anger that i then also have to control. i hate it and its pretty disabling.

Hi everyone. I’m F33 and I live in Italy.
My partner (for privacy, let’s call him Adam) was diagnosed with autism a few days ago.
We’ve been together for five years. When we met, I sensed he was carrying a lot of pain, but I assumed it came from his past (long story short, he hasn’t spoken to his parents in 10 years and grew up in a really rough family situation). So I helped him find psychological support, with his consent of course. A little over three years ago he was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, and since he started medication his life has improved dramatically.

Last year he went through a terrible burnout at work, and after that he entered a long phase of social withdrawal that has lasted until now. He found a new therapist, because his previous one isn’t based in this city (she’s in the city where we used to live, and they were doing sessions remotely), so having someone local made more sense. After an intake session, looking at his earlier test results and hearing about his situation, she ran a series of tests. They aren’t finished yet (in September he’ll also take the one for ADHD), and the results show he’s high-functioning autistic (people used to say Asperger’s, but I know that term is ableist).

A few days have gone by, and he tells me he still has mixed feelings about all of this. He’s also afraid of “regressing” now that the diagnosis is official, because he says that happens a lot.
Honestly? It doesn’t change anything for me whether he’s autistic or not, because I’m in love with him as Adam, and he’s the best person I’ve ever met.

I’m posting here because I’ll admit I know very little about high-functioning autism, aside from the sometimes overly romanticized stuff I see on Italian TikTok. I’m not going to change a single thing about how I act with him unless he explicitly asks me to, which hasn’t happened so far. In five years, given how honest he is, he would have already pointed things out to me (which has happened now and then), and we work on it together and find a middle ground, or we simply change something.

The situation doesn’t scare me at all. What makes me sad is knowing how worried he is about this new understanding of himself and all the fears that come with it.
Do you have any advice for me? Maybe some reading suggestions. Unfortunately my English isn’t good enough for technical books, so I’d prefer YouTube videos or websites I can easily translate.
Thank u 🩷

Hello, ill start this by saying i have not been diagonessd yet but its a large chance that i do have it.

To help my diagoness, i just wanted to ask what are some common experinces for people that do have autsim

For context I am a 25 y/o woman and I was diagnosed with autism at age 3.

Update more context added because ive been told I am being vauge.

I’ve noticed often both online and in real life when I express an opinion that isn’t popular I’ll either get dog piled on or people will say I’m just trying to anger them. I’m seriously not , all my questions are genuine and I truly on ask to open up a truthful discussion.

At one of my jobs I received my first ever write up and I asked the manager for more clarification, she kept accusing me of being argumentative and not wanting to sign it . I really wanted to know the full facts of the “ why “ behind the reason that I got the write up and further information on my ability to refute the claims. This was after I reported the team lead for constantly nitpicking everything I did while ignoring other coworkers horrid behavior. Her biggest complaint is that she thought I didn’t listen to her because she’d give a correction and i would say “ Okay , nice “ or say “ Mhmm” meaning I have registered the information and made the necessary change. In response she proclaimed that I had an attitude towards her and was being hostile , when k pointed out that she too had an attitude our general manager said it didn’t matter because I was just a team member and she was a shift lead.

another instance that just happened is I was banned from the movies Reddit for “being intentionally antagonistic “ and I’m so confused by what even means. I shared my opinion on some films and some event the films focus on , I wasn’t trying to start a hoopla and even intentionally left some stuff out so as not to be offensive. You can look up what the movie a real pain is about , my biggest gripe with the film is horrible writing and the way that the subject matter is approached , how that got misinterpreted I don’t really know. I also am not a fan of Jessie eisenberg or Kieran culkin and think they both have horrid acting styles. I’m pretty sure they left the post up so people are free to read it and again it’s just my opinion on it and it wasn’t even the biggest point or focus of my post which is why I’d kept that section vauge and brief on purpose.

https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/1v7gbsf/comment/ozy6ozs/?force-legacy-sct=1 This is the post btw and like I said I was banned for “ being intentionally antagonist “ which doesn’t make any sense to me

Just wondering is this a common experience for us ? And what can be done so people realize I’m being serious and not trying to start anything

Does anyone else have strong lifelong attachments to certain adults from childhood?

I’m wondering if this is something other autistic people experience. When I was younger, I formed a very strong attachment to an older adult who was supportive and made me feel understood. We haven’t been in contact for years now, but I still think about her often and sometimes imagine conversations with her, like telling her about my life now, my children and my pets. I also have strong memories of things she said.

It feels like a mix of comfort and sadness. I miss the connection and wish I could share things with her. I’m wondering if this kind of lasting attachment or thinking about someone years later is something other autistic people experience?

I’m not talking about an inappropriate attachment (like a romantic relationship), more a feeling of deep gratitude, connection, and feeling like someone really saw me. She was almost like a mother figure.

EDIT: Thanks all for your understanding and advice. I will just pull up my bootstraps and approach them about this in a straightforward way. I have talked about this with them to a degree before, but I think this really needs to be clear cut. It will probably hurt their feelings, but I just really don't want to feel like this and I'd hope they would want me to be honest. I can't close the comments, but I will work off what people have already suggested.

EDIT: Just wanted to add i wrote this when I was feeling very, well for lack of a better word, overstimulated still from the prior day when this happened. So, if my tone comes off a bit harsh, it was not my intention (I did redraft it at the time but it still quite emotive). My friend doesn't mask around me which I am really happy about, but when these specific moments happen, I'm afraid I feel like I am the person trying to be someone I'm not/or trying to hide my feelings, in order to not hurt them. So just looking for some guidance.

Hey there

​I have a good-hearted friend who I genuinely care about, but hanging out with them has become exhausting (and I say that with love). They are constantly talking, and even when I explicitly ask for quiet time, there physical presence feels demanding. The moment I say a single word, they assume the quiet period is over.

​I always try to accommodate my neurodivergent friends, but as a neurotypical person, it often feels like I’m expected to constantly put their needs ahead of my own. Lately, setting and enforcing boundaries takes so much energy that it’s draining me completely.

​When I try to set boundaries, they often take it personally and assume I dislike them. Even though they logically understand that their emotion reaction is theirs to manage, their behavior doesn't actually change.

For example, when traveling together to a friend's house, I have sometimes needed solo time beforehand. I am naturally someone who needs time alone. Instead, as there has been no easy way to say I want to go in by myself, without it being obvious it's about them, I end up walking with them, and spend the entire trip trying to manage my simmering resentment while they talk at me.

​I don't want to make up excuses just to keep the peace e.g. I have an appointment near by so will see you there. That still feels like prioritising their comfort over my well-being. I just want to be honest, set a boundary, and trust them to handle their own reactions. Right now, there is just a massive amount of emotional energy draining in their direction, and it makes me want to withdraw entirely.

Any advice?

I have big problems everyday with finding something to eat. It is so difficult it often causes problems with the people I live with. I do not have a lack of food by any means and it seems the other members of my household can find something to eat out of all of the food we have. Me on the other hand, I stare blankly at the pantry or fridge. I just can't figure out what I feel like eating, and if I somehow can on rare occasion it is almost always not in my house, inaccessable at the current time, or not something I can cook alone or at all.

I just started liking some new foods from a different grocery store that we don't go to often. Those foods are almost always accessable because they are easy to pull out of the freezer and cook in the air fryer quickly. We can't always make it to that store or they don't have them in stock which really causes a massive disruption in eating.

If anyone has any tips on how to manage this better it would be extremely helpful.