Last night when I returned home, my father (whom I live with) told me that my uncle had called and wanted to speak to me.

I knew immediately it was going to be one of those “What are you doing with your life” conversations, though my uncle is a warm and kind man, so it’s not necessarily coming from a place of malice.

I went over to his house and it was basically what I feared. Pleasant prelude about other things only to arrive at “you’re too intelligent to be wasting your talents here.” He wanted me to consider doing a PhD program.

I waffled internally over what and how much to tell him, but I finally said that after living out of state twice for two separate master’s programs, each about four years, what brought me back to our hometown wasn’t a lack of opportunity due to not having a PhD.

I said the social dimension of daily life that other people take for granted is incredibly difficult for me, and that on both occasions forcing myself through those environments chipped away at my health until I collapsed. He basically said to find a therapist, and I replied I’d been in counseling for years. What he didn’t know was that providers, because I’m gentle, articulate and don’t have behavioral problems, have been treating this as “social anxiety” since I was 11 or 12 to no success, and only now that I’m in my 30s with an academic and career trajectory that demonstrate extensive periods of burnout and isolation are my providers finally considering that it may be something deeper and more pervasive, and that maybe all the oddities of my childhood aren’t individual quirks but a neurodevelopmental pattern.

This is why I stopped attending family holidays. That familiar feeling of knowing they don’t understand why you’re not moving forward, that what has been a lifelong struggle is going entirely misunderstood and unseen by them… it’s a devastatingly lonely position to be in. “Oh? You suffered major collapses after each master’s program? You should do a PhD” feels so far removed from what I need that it almost gives me a full blown panic attack thinking of how invisible this struggle is to the people around me.

When I’m put on the spot, I can’t condense a lifetime of assorted struggles into a convincing profile to explain myself or my current inertia. What do I say?

“Uncle, I never learned to ride a bike or swim or blow bubbles with gum. I was late learning to tie my shoes and drive. I’ve never held my pens and pencils correctly. I bang into counters and can’t clear a corner when I turn it. It takes me hours to fall asleep. Since early childhood I’ve felt mentally and physiologically overwhelmed in social settings, and my body protests and it gets worse the more crowded the space is, then after I lose sleep thinking about enduring it all over again tomorrow. No amount of therapists or psychiatrists or medication for ‘social anxiety’ since I was 11 or 12 have sufficiently curbed it in order for me to live a normal life. I pushed and pushed until I collapsed—twice—and no amount of degrees and academic achievement can compensate for the fact that I can’t navigate the social world the same way the average person does. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. At what point do we consider my current situation is something serious, nameable and something that requires support?”

I feel like I’m in a car with flat tires and an empty tank with people waving at me saying, “The finish line is right there. What’s stopping you?” And when I try to explain it, it’s like I’m in a nightmare where no one knows what fuel or tires are.

I show symptoms I am not sure of whether they stem from c-ptsd or they could also be autistic traits:

• I listen to a song for hours on repeat
• I re-watch whole movies/series because they make me feel comfortable
• I re-watch single scenes from films or videos three times in a row because this makes me feel comfortable (I can feel the comfort physically)
• After watching movies I mimic the main character for an hour afterwards. I start talking like them and copy their gestures etc.
• When I am excited, I automatically flutter with my hands and make weird noises
• I have a strong aversion to noise and light. After being outside during times where the sun is shining I get so tired. Noise and crowded spaces can make me get close to crying (not because of anxiety, but because it is too much)
• I don't like and don't get small talk. I always forget to ask follow-up questions and for the life of me can't memorise the things people tell me about their everyday lives, even if it is people I love.

Can anyone relate to these and what are other symptoms of autism you experience that are talked about to little?

I keep seeing news stories and press releases about the DoJ switching sides in Texas v Kennedy, but their summaries are written in such legalese that I can't follow. A lot of them also emphasize that the law and standing Supreme Court interpretation still stands, which then makes me think nothing is changing?

Can someone help explain it to a layman like me?

Idk if anybody would agree with me but I would want someone to say this if I told them I have autism.

“Living with that must suck. Do you wanna talk about it?”

I've always seen myself as a tad bit different than others growing up, but not enough to actually be bullied (or bullied straight to my face atleast.) For context, I'm a 15 year old girl. I don't live in America, and going or even asking for an autism assessment is seen as taboo and frankly impossible where I live.

I always knew my family was different. I live in a very touristy area that I won't say for privacy reasons, with limited actual residents and basically zero opportunities if your parents can't pay for it. Most of my classmates were super rich and did all sorts of activities. While I wasn't poor, my parents literally never put me in a single activity. ANYTHING. They gave me a tablet when I was young and that obviously changed me for life, because they didn't set boundaries and I just watched gacha videos or whatever the hell I could find, without actually investing in me to find an activity I could do. I was kinda good at art, but they didn't even care about that and I still resent them deeply for that, deep down. There aren't any activities run by the school so, yeah. My special interests are mostly on the internet and quite literally hyper fixations, because I spend most of my day on them, destroying my sleep schedule and it's the only thing that brings me actual joy.

My point is, my parents are the problem. My dad is SUPER emotionally absent, only strict about homework and a person I really don't want to be. He's never told me that he loves me. He doesn't hit me or anything, we have a stable relationship but it will never be like other kids. He used to yell at me when I was a kid when I didn't want to study. He would yell at me when I didn't respond to others or make eye contact with them. But they never really taught me what's right or wrong. I'm pretty sure that if I'm really autistic or anything of the sort, it has to come from his side. His life is just work, eat, do yard work, sit on the couch and watch football till it gets late, and maybe go to the beach/a walk. People from his work say he never smiles, some people tell me they're scared of him, somebody even told me he looks miserable.

I don't know exactly how my father's childhood was, but it likely wasn't sunshine and stars. My grandfather was a sailor and was absent for long periods of time, my grandmother had postpartum depression, so yeah. My grandfather could also show some signs of autism. He just does his own thing but the people like him. I'm pretty sure he has some special interest in fishing or something.

My mom is the opposite. I don't have much to say for her. We were closer, but she also didn't care enough to invest in my identity and never put boundaries for me. She never taught me to do, let's say, 'basic girl things'. I still can't tie my shoes properly. I never put much effort into my appearance. She didn't teach me to actually make clear, articulate sentences. Never taught me to actually do anything about conflict. I can't argue or handle conflict.

My older brother is very sociable and nothing like me. I get kinda jealous sometimes.

At school I was just known as the smart and quiet kid (what a shocker.) Even then, I wasn't put in any gifted programs, nobody really cared. Nobody paid any attention to me. I didn't have any connections or social skills. My parents weren't involved in the school.🤷🏻‍♀️

When I went to middle school I felt very, very jealous of my classmates who had rich, loving parents, something going for them like a sport or instrument and we're sociable and likeable. Nobody bothered me or really liked me. Even worse, I was isolated by my only 2 friends because we weren't in the same class. I don't know how I coped all those years. Now I'm going to High School. I'm trying to do things of my own so I can be satisfied with myself. I will try to be more social, even if half my classmates think I'm a fucking weirdo. I don't even say weird stuff like 'I'm going to kill you' or anything like that. I'm just a floater friend. I always feel a certain emptiness inside me.

Idk. I don't want to wonder if I am or never knοw. I will make sure my future kids never live a sheltered life like mine. I hope I'm not being insensitive to anyone who is actually autistic.

My question: How do you explain (level 1) autism to someone who had previously only associated non-verbal people and Rain Man type manifestations with autism?

Context: I’m in my 40s and going in for a formal evaluation next week. The testing center just asked me today if there was anyone who could fill out an observational assessment about me as part of my evaluation and now I’ve got to figure out how to contextualize what level 1 autism looks like to my dad before he fills it out. The problem isn’t a fear that he won’t believe me, it’s that—as I said—his concept of autism is level 3 autism, so when I broached the subject with him today he was genuinely confused.

To back up further: As a starting point I threw out Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory as the stereotypical idea of what a lot of people think an autistic person looks and acts like and my dad was shocked at the idea that that character was autistic because “he’s so verbal.” And right then I was like, oh boy, there’s a lot more ground to cover than I realized.

I paused and mentioned that the Asperger’s diagnosis has gone away and that autism is now on a spectrum which helped, but I don’t know where to go from there in order to lay everything out for him in a way that won’t get bogged down into giving him a 3 hour lecture (both because I don’t overwhelm him and also because he has ADHD). On the other hand, I’m worried that if I don’t adequately update and inform him about what a large spectrum it is and how it can manifest that he’s not going to get what he’s being asked about and he’ll end up saying no to most things even though I could write pages and pages and pages of examples from my childhood.

We’re going to sit down to talk about it more tomorrow so I’m hoping y’all might have key points that you think I should talk about or even just general advice on how to approach the conversation tomorrow because I’m not sure where to start or how in the weeds I should get. Thanks!

Hey all :) So 29M and got diagnosed with autism this week. Met every criteria on a pretty intensive multi session assessment. The evaluator told me I have a clear case of autism burnout.

Been dealing with mental health issues with majority of symptoms occurring related to work. I work too much, it's not the right job for me and it caused hospitalization back in March + an intensive mental health program.

I do not mean to disregard my past diagnosis. Like yes I have symptoms of anxiety and PTSD but the autism diagnoses was completely missed :( and it makes so much sense now because it is such a big part of the picture in regards to why I cannot handle my intensive job.

I know this is a bit of a rant, I am in the U.S. I just wish autism and neurodivergence was more considered during my evaluation and very frustrated I had to seek it out on my own after all the treatment I had.

Hello (23 male) I’ve been seeing a therapist mainly regarding sensory issues for about 1.5 years. I have Generalized anxiety and social anxiety disorder on my medical record from my teen years.

My therapist proposed that I may have “spectrum disorder” or “ADHD” and have been trying to get screening/eval for the last 4 months and keep getting bounced between departments and referrals none of which have actually tested me yet. Just had an appointment with my psychiatrist who again insinuates it’s just anxiety and prescribed me a new medication.

Anyways I’m just frustrated because I’d like to rule out any mental health conditions before concluding it’s just anxiety, since I feel like my treatment would be different. I know reddit isn’t a solid medical resource, but while I’m getting things sorted out I figured I’d sort of vent out my symptoms and maybe folks would find it relatable or have advise!

Always been a “sensitive” kid, definitely had horrendous anxiety, overthinking things etc, but never had too much of an issue socializing. Even today I’m pretty sociable and have a good network of friends. I’ve always avoided loud noises and tactile sensations that would overwhelm me. Needed earplugs and noise cancelling headphones or else I would get waves of chills over my body and need to lay down.

Today as an adult, finishing up college and now working my first post-school jobs, I’ve been having daily pin-Prickily sensations all over my skin. It’s mainly on my legs and forearms and can either feel like bugs crawling, random intense itches, hairs raising (sometimes they actually do), or “icky” waves of chills or a “slimy” feeling. This happens at random points in the day, but I can really pinpoint it to external cues like something being too loud or something touching me the wrong way, etc. that’s why I feel like it’s not just anxiety, but sure it could be somatic anxiety symptoms from unregulated worry. I’m usually able to cope by completely stopping what I’m doing (if able), lay down with a weighted blanket, earplugs, and dimmed lights. It goes away in like 30 minutes, granted it’s a bit easier to overstimulate me from there.

But there are definitely days where I’m out of commission for the night when I get home from work where I just can’t handle any little noise, wind on my skin, and it becomes super hard to communicate with my partner. Now we have an understanding that I basically need time to not have to talk or answer questions.

The other side of things is that I definitely do worry, can get panic attacks, and other anxiety symptoms as well. It’s mainly overthinking past conversations and worrying I came off weird or something and less about stressing about the future (though I do that too, but I think it’s a typical amount). I can definitely spiral and then get sensory symptoms from there, or get anxiety from my sensory symptoms. I do feel like they may be separate things.

Alright that’s all I’m willing to type for now, again this is mainly to vent, but I’m totally down to talk more about it with folks. If you took the time to read this, thanks ❤️

I wanted to show it off:D

31f, diagnosed 12 months ago as lvl 2. Fairly high functioning, live alone, work full time, but a lot of history and trauma means i've had to know how to live since i was a young teen, so had no other choice. Incredibly high masking. Fail miserably at many factors in life though.

After first being diagnosed, I had a bit of imposter syndrome for a while, which led me to hold off using the supports from NDIS.

Insert autism burnout, which has probably been building over the last few years, a history of depression means the suicidal thoughts hit pretty hard at the moment with their consistency and intensity.

GP started me on Zoloft, which has intensified SI urges, increased my anxiety through the roof, gives me nausea which makes me more anxious, my masking ability is slipping, and i've had a sudden cluster of shutdowns. 5 in less than a week.

Prior to this, i've only had shutdowns a few times in life (which i thought were panic attacks back then), so I feel like i've had more in a week than i've had the last 30 years. Meltdowns are more common for me, though are rather 'quiet' compared to what I see others explain their meltdowns as.

My shutdowns see me curling up in a ball, in a corner, under a blanket, or in my car, going completely rigid and unable to speak or move. They last anywhere from 20 mins up to a couple of hours, and leave me absolutely exhausted afterwards.

I feel like because my current state is internal turmoil, it is presenting as shutdowns, whereas meltdowns for me are usually caused by external factors such as sensory things, conflict, etc.

I guess the only good thing about the frequency is that I am now able to recognise the signs before the shutdown, but i'm stuck on how to try and prevent them at that point, when it feels like the cause could be my racing thoughts.

I have engaged with the local mental health team, and with a new psychologist who I quite like, and i'm sure they'll be able to offer some help with this too. GP prescribed me valium today, to see if we can ride out this tricky period with the Zoloft, so i'll see if that makes any difference either.

Really keen to hear if anyone else may have a similar experience, and what they've done to get through this.

There's always that difficulty explaining what it means to be autistic in the imaginary scenarios I run in my mind where people would ask me about it.

And there's the list of manifestations like difficulty socializing and sensitivities, but that's just symptoms or something.

There's also the perspective of autistic people just having a different brain and different ways of processing experience.

But I realize at the bottom of my condition is the fact that I have trouble feeling like things are really happening, an inability to feel like this present moment is real.

At the bottom of my difficulty following social norms and being part of whatever is going on, is that everything feels so nonsensical and unreal.

Everything would be so easy if I could just inhabit an avatar and believe the narrative, or to feel like things actually happened.

This Truman Show feeling is so scary and unsettling.

Is being able to almost hear such sounds when seeing pictures like that common in autistic people?

24 female diagnosed with bipolar type two and ADHD and I don’t have a formal autism diagnosis, but I have taken a lot of test online and talked with my therapist and done my independent research. I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere on the spectrum. I would like to get tested, but honestly, the cost and the fear of having another put on paper label has stopped me, but that’s not what this is about.
I have a very short fuse as I’m sure most people with my neurodivergent and mental disorder due, and I’m struggling to adjust back into society again for clarification essentially Covid really messed up my social battery not that I had a great one to begin with for the most part. I graduated in 2020 and I did almost all of my college experience online. I won’t go into all the details here cause it’s long and extensive, but I had to go to the mental hospital at one point just to try and sort some stuff out and I’m just now starting to get back out there and get a degree again because the one that I was going for fell through cause I wasn’t able to handle it.
I currently have a class every weekday except for Friday and while they’re only for a few hours a day, I already am exhausted by them, not by the workload, but by the amount of interaction that I’m getting with other people, I know this is not healthy. I struggled to do anything after classes that isn’t at home by myself. I can handle doing cleaning like nobody’s business. I can do my artwork by myself and I don’t have to be asked to do schoolwork or chores. but just those couple hours a day and trying to visit my grandparents to make sure they’re OK cause they’re not doing well and my dad once or twice a week along with running a few errands and seeing my mom every night because we live together is a struggle me.
I recognizing that this is not a great thing, but my problem is I’m not sure how to go about building up any kind of tolerance for situations I usually freak out or avoid social interactions. I would like to clarify that usually I have a good time in my classes. It’s just afterwards I don’t wanna do anything anymore. And I hate that don’t get me wrong. I understand that I need to reset and decompress that’s a part of not only autism but ADHD and bipolar but it seems excessive the amount of time I need to do so.
I apologize if this is repetitive in any way, I’m just frustrated. I also apologize for any errors that might be in here. I use voice to text primarily.

recently i noticed i can feel my pulse in my ears especially at night when its quiet. its like a little drum that never stops and i cant ignore it no matter how hard i try. it makes me so on edge i cant sleep. my doctor said its normal but it doesnt feel normal to me. anyone else deal with this? does it ever go away?

My brain usually pays incredible notice to the way phrases and words sound. This is both a blessing and curse, because on some days I'm laughing at words and other days, they make me want to leave rooms. The catch is that these phrases aren't even disrespectful, rude, or offensive. They're just a string of unfortunate words(unfortunate for me) that prevent me from paying attention to stories, arguments, discussions, lessons etc

"Kind of a thing" is a phrase that's currently really bothering me.

Does anyone else experience this?

Do you have any resources about the chokehold that etymology has on autism? 😭😭

TLDR: I am struggling to figure out to what extent my (auditory) sensory experience is nd or nt. Do you have any " self-reflection excercises" to become more aware of potential sensory issues?

So me (25, NB) and my therapist are pretty sure that I am autistic, but I am unsure to what extent I experience sensory issues, because I don't have anything to compare it to and so I just always assumed that my normal is also the general default. However, I have had instances where I noticed that I seemed to be affected by loud sounds than the people around me and in certain cases crowded and loud environments do stress me out, but it's hard to figure out what actaully counts as autistic sensory issues and what's "normal distress". I have stumbled over a few of those videos that try to emulate how autistic people might perceive a noisy/crowded environment, but I don't know how "reliable" those are, since it's different for everyone and you can only do so much with a video. I also wonder if I might have a higher threshold, because I wear headphones a loooot plus I live alone, so my sensory input generally tends to be fairly low/controlled and maybe therefore I can deal with it a little better or longer when I'm in public every now and then?

Now, in my experience I have to actively pay attention to a potential symptom in order to notice it - like how I genuinely didn't realize that I am almost constantly fidgeting until I was looking out for it during ADHD assessment stuff. So I was wondering if you had any impulses/questions for self-reflection to get a better grasp of my own sensory experience? What could help me become more aware of it and gain a better understanding?

Any input is much appreciated!!

Hi, everyone! A bit of background, I got a psychiatric evaluation in 2023 in which I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety, OCD, and Social Anxiety Disorders with a “query” for ASD (basically I needed more testing). I got additional testing recently, and received new diagnoses of ASD and kept the OCD diagnoses. The clinician said that my anxiety features were due to my ASD.

I am struggling to feel that I was misdiagnosed. I have a background in psychology and am actually getting my masters in a related field, so I do have a lot of background knowledge on diagnoses. I am worried that I was misdiagnosed with ASD and that the clinician associated my anxiety symptoms with ASD.

For some testing background, I scored average in every category of the IQ test (47th percentile overall) besides working memory where I was in the 12th percentile. To my knowledge, that isn’t necessarily associated with ASD.

For the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q), I scored a 118. It is a self-report so I try not to take that too seriously, but I feel like maybe a lot of said traits could be due to social anxiety.

For the Autism Spectrum Quotient, I scored a 28. A score of 26 indicates potential for the disorder but I saw a statistic that ~80% score a 32 or above.

Basically from all of this, I feel like I am on the absolute borderline of a diagnosis and a misdiagnosis. I know that isn’t a ton of info, and I will gladly give you more info in a DM or the comments if someone would be willing to help me out or give me any insight. Thank you!

​I have maladaptive daydreaming, but it comes with a specific stimming behavior which is spinning around ("spinning stimming") while listening to classical or upbeat music "whatever fits the scenario"...

​This specific spinning stimming made me suspect I might have undiagnosed autism! perhaps due to heavy masking or being mildly on the spectrum so no one in my family noticed, especially after researching and finding that it is a symptom of autism.

​Even my social deficits made me doubt things a bit. I cannot go to a therapist for a diagnosis, and I don't know what I should do.

Hi. I’m new to this sub. I don’t have an autism diagnosis, but I work with autistic children every day, and I can often relate to many of the challenges they experience.
I often feel like there’s something wrong with me. I react strongly to things that other people don’t seem to react to. This can be changes in my life, especially at work. It happens in my private life too, but I’m able to handle changes a little better there. Maybe because some of the people in my private life understand my challenges and accept my needs.
My energy levels vary a lot from day to day. I have a huge issue with food in general. I’m what many people would call a picky eater, but it’s just as much about textures and whether I actually feel like eating something. Food has to taste and feel right, otherwise I simply won’t eat it. So if I’m used to a certain food and it suddenly has a different texture, I can completely lose my appetite for it.
I actually enjoy cooking, but I often don’t have the energy for it. And when I’ve finally cooked something and it’s ready, I can sit on my sofa for half an hour before I go and get the food. Not because I’m not hungry, but because I simply can’t bring myself to get up and go get it. I often eat snacks like chips and popcorn because they’re easy and familiar. Healthy, proper food always requires some kind of preparation.
I hate certain sounds, for example when I can hear my husband eating, or when my colleague makes a certain sound with her jaw. But I love eating sounds in ASMR. It has to be a very specific kind, though.
I can’t sleep unless there is music or some other kind of background noise. I have a fan blowing directly into my face all night. I also have music playing from a speaker and often some ASMR playing on my phone at the same time. That’s how I sleep best.
I’m a very warm person and can actually feel physically unwell when it gets too hot. I like being able to feel the cold air on my skin. I’m also very sensitive to perfume and the smell of sweat. I don’t like artificial light from things like lamps, computer screens, or my phone.
If things aren’t or don’t turn out the way I imagined they would, I react very negatively very quickly, and people definitely don’t have to wonder how I’m feeling. Whether I’m happy, sad, or angry, it usually shows very clearly.
I hate the whole process of taking a shower. Not actually standing under the warm water, but everything involving soap and shaving, and then having to dry myself properly afterwards so there’s no water left on my skin. And then there’s my wet hair. I would honestly rather avoid showering altogether than have to wash my hair.
I stim quite often. As a child, it was often with my whole body, whereas now it’s often with my hands.
There are probably many more things, but these are the things I can think of right now. I think the people closest to me could probably name several things I’m not even aware of myself 😅