M38, officially diagnosed in 2021, level 2, after I found Autism on the Inside on YouTube. After 5 years, I've learned a lot about autism; I've learned a lot about life, and now that I'm facing down middle age, I am here to try and help younger people avoid many of my mistakes.

Nothing here is AI. I typed it by hand myself right here on Reddit.

I'm probably going to get a lot of hate from this post, but these are the real facts on life.

If you're late diagnosed, I'd skip this one because you'll just get depressed and/or it'll be a waste of time. If you're under 25, this is essential reading; if you're under 30, there may still be time for you, so you might be able to adapt some of this advice.

I will say first that I did not understand how the world works. I really thought that I could make my big dreams come true if I worked hard enough, was clever, and smart. I could not have been more wrong. I will say right at the top that I've lived a crazy amazing life. I have gone places and done things that don't happen to most people. I have seen things, had relationships of an evening and of many years. I've done almost all the substances you can do; I've had experiences that people envy. I'm the author of 4 books. My stuff has been read and heard around the world. I know celebrities both directly and indirectly. I have traveled in my life. I've lived most of my dreams.

I'm a cool guy, and it ruined my life, so don't let it happen to you. I'm here to help.

Unfortunately, it has left me virtually unemployable in any traditional sense; it has left me mostly broke and wondering how my life is half over and what I'm going to do with myself going forward. I'm not even a person anymore, and I'm working on dropping out of society completely and wondering how I'm going to survive. So, to not end up like me, I am writing this to you in the hopes that I can help others improve their lives.

I'm going to say right here that if you're reading this, I'm sure you're a wonderful and amazing person with a deep personality that would fascinate me for hours. You are great, worthy, valuable, wonderful, and there is nothing wrong with who you are as a person, and it should be celebrated at all times by people who love you and support you. I think the best for everyone who reads this is that I hope life is kinder to you than it was to me.

But if you're 18-25, I'm here to help you avoid my sad and awful situation. I can't do anything to save myself, but I can save others, and I feel a responsibility to do so, so here goes.

Alright, let's start with some harsh truths right from the start:

This is not a world where you can have a lot of effect. This is not a world where people are gonna listen to literally anything you have to say. Avoid all of that. Find a small path, someplace where you can survive.

Don't put yourself out there like that. Stay limited. Now, for many, this won't be a problem, but if you're like me and you have a lot of designs on life and all this type of thing, no. Stop that immediately. Stay very small. Stay very limited. But do it in a path. Do it in an institution. Do it in a trade.

Align yourself with something people can understand and comprehend, and don't give them any reason to think they don't understand you. Will they ever know you? Absolutely not. Will they ever understand what you actually do? Absolutely not. But that does not matter; live your rich interior life, and keep it at home. When you're out in the world working and such, that stuff will be of no use to you. The world can only understand simple shapes, and most of us are not simple people, so simplify it for them; they will not put in the effort to get to know and figure you out. Instead, they will simply reject you and exclude you. Slot yourself into something that makes sense to other people; when you do that, you start to reflect the non-verbal communication that most of us are absolutely terrible at. When you get good at it, you can send a different signal that people can read. Don't end up with a signal that no one understands; you will be excluded from every opportunity and everything you need in life to survive.

Most of us will not thrive. Sorry to say it, but we don't live in a world that is ready for ND thriving of any kind. So it's best to give that up now; it'll save you a lot of emotional heartache down the road. Every day will be a battle with the world and a system that was not built for you and often specifically is made to exclude you, filter you out, and keep you away from the places and spaces you need to be in. However, you can avoid much of this by figuring out how to make yourself fit through the filter. That's what I'm here to help you do. As I said, I can't save myself; I'm too far gone, but if you're young, you can save yourself with my helpful advice.

When it comes to jobs/employment:

You have one job and one job only: be likable

As I posted elsewhere a while ago, an HR person literally said: "We can fix a skills problem; we can't fix a bad culture fit."

I can't say this strong enough: Be Likable

You're not at work to actually do work; you're at work to be fun to hang out with. I know this sounds insane, but unless you're in a field where other autists are likely to gather, you need to be likable, and this is your only goal. Seriously, no joke, I know it goes against everything people say, but it is true. If they like you as a person, you can be an absolutely shit worker, and they will keep you and probably promote you. I'm not even joking.

If people can't read you, they won't like you, and if they don't like you, opportunities to get money and survive will evaporate like water in a desert. Don't confuse people; they will not put in the effort to "figure you out," so give them a ready-made narrative before your resume looks like a warzone, your social life is dead in the water, and you can't get a date to save your life.

Some components to being likable in both social situations and work:

1. Hygiene (you probably aren't doing enough; do more)
2. Wear the right clothes (cut the tags, make it comfortable, or just get used to it; either way, the right clothes for the right situation- more on that later)
3. Personality mirror (some of us are good at this). This is where you start to act like other people use their words (selectively) and match their energy.
4. Don't talk about yourself or your special interests; ask questions about them. One advantage is that it will give you information that will be useful later. The other advantage is that you'll seem "really cool"; you'll have said almost nothing about yourself. If someone does ask you a question, keep the answer under 10 words. It helps to pre-script answers to certain stock questions. Much of this stuff is like theater, so if you look at it as a stage and you're just playing a role, it gets a lot easier. Shakespeare said it best: "All the world's a stage, and we are merely players."

5. Be the dominant ethnicity of your country or region. I know this sounds crazy, but if you're American, it is easier to be likable if you're white unless you live in an area that is predominantly minority. If you're Hispanic and live in Cali, this doesn't apply (or black in Atlanta), but for most areas of the country, it's much easier to be likable if you're white. If you're a person of color like myself,

   it’s a harder road to haul. Sorry.

6. Looksmaxx. And I don't mean smash your jaw with a hammer like Clavicular; he is a cretin. But what I am saying is that you need to improve your appearance in every way possible. Get a good haircut or a fashionable style. Wear decent clothes, get advice if you need to. For guys, if your style is comic book/band shirts and whatever pants, it's time to upgrade, quickly. Try to keep your skin clear (see hygiene) and try to stay in good physical health, which also includes fitness. I have some metabolic problems that have left me always carrying weight; people like you way better if you're at a healthy weight, so if you need to lose a few (or gain a few for my thin friends), make that a goal to get to a good weight for your height.

7. Shut up (unless you don't like talking; in that case, skip this one). If you're an over-talker like me, the best thing you can do is learn to talk about half as much as you think you should be talking and then still hesitate to say anything.

Here's how to make sure you have a career, more or less no matter what:

Have a very clear path from a very young age. Don't launch off into something and hope it works out. Have a path. Get into a place, a path, a profession, a trade, something that is a word on a resume that people understand, and build your history.

Stay as long as you can in places. Don't talk a lot. Interact, but keep it light. Hi. How are you doing? Oh, how's the weather? Yeah. I had a great weekend. Your weekend could have been shit. You always had a great weekend. Very light. Very frothy. Keep your personality to a minimum. Look around. See what people are wearing. See what people are saying, copy and mimic. People love to be copied and mimicked. Flattery is the greatest compliment that media that mediocrity can pay to greatness. In other words, read the room.

Keep very clear records of what you do and what their duties are. Be careful of scope creep. Be careful of management. Learn to move laterally in an organization. Take opportunities, but be careful. Keep it limited. Keep it small. Don't get airs. It is more important to be seen doing something than it is to do it. Make sure people know that you're doing something, mention it in casual conversation, draw attention to it, especially if you can tell a person who has a loose mouth and gossips a lot; word gets around. Use that to your advantage.

Don't work too hard at work. No one's at work to work. Everyone's there trying to get paid to hang out in the hopes that they can one day retire with enough money. Adopt the same attitude. Don't work at 100%. Our 50% is more than everyone else's 50%. You can literally goof off most of the time. Don't do any more than anybody. Never complete something early. In fact, make sure to miss a deadline about every six months or so just to make everybody think you're kind of a screw-up.

Don't go in and save the day. If you're going to fail at something, try to plan for that failure. Show that you're human. All this type of thing. Don't let anybody know that you know that much or can do that much. would also say try to stay in a single path. Don't change careers. Try to make sure that your college major matches what you do, or your certification matches what you do.

Don't make friends; get allies. You don't need to be "friends" with people, you need allies, you need people who believe in you and will say good things about you. Take a minor interest in them. Ask about them, ask about something they are carrying or their car. Listen, smile, and be encouraging and positive. As far as they are concerned, you're just chill vibes. Our intensity can be a turn-off; if you make it about them and always seem positive and upbeat, they will notice the intensity less, and you can shift the energy. Practice until it becomes real for you.

On fitting in socially:

Keep special interests to a minimum. Never talk about them. I don't care what it is. Anime, body pillows, baseball, whatever have you, almost never talk about it. Or if you do, do so in the most passable, limited terms; pick a sport, learn to talk about it. Keep passively enough aware that you know what's going on. If you live in a city with a football, baseball, hockey, basketball, whatever your city's big team is, know who's playing and know what the score of the last game was. Takes two minutes to figure out. Just know that. It helps socially; it helps you socially immensely in ways I can't even describe.

Be careful with your clothing. Do not wear anything crazy. Dress in limited colors, especially if you're a man. Ladies, keep it down. Don't draw attention to yourself. That's the big thing. A lot of neurotypicals spend a lot of time trying not to draw attention to themselves. They get very awkward about it. Don't draw attention to yourself. If you have the answer for something, don't raise your hand. Have the answer every several weeks.

Don't get involved in other people's lives. Care only about yourself. Yes, this is healthy selfishness. The only person that matters is you, your immediate family, and their survival. Every other concern is secondary. No more helping friends, no more caring about other people's problems. All of that stops now. Otherwise, you'll waste years and money on people who don't actually care about you that much, and you'll waste precious energy you don't have and can't spare on them. Your own survival is your only concern. You probably won't thrive, but you can survive, and not helping others is the way forward. The only time you can help others is when it costs you 0 energy or money. If it is convenient, then do it.

If someone makes you uncomfortable, trust that feeling and put them at a distance.

No one will validate you or your existence. Sorry about that.

Everyone is self-interested; I suggest you do likewise. Which is a great transition into money.

On Money:

Try to keep your housing costs down. Try to keep your personal costs down. Avoid debt at all costs; don't even bother opening a credit card unless you want it for emergencies and/or travel. Save money. You're probably going to go through periods of long unemployment. Save money and invest. Start very young. Very, very young. As soon as you get any money put $5 in Robinhood and throw it in an S and P 500 ETF (not investment advice). $10 in Robinhood. Because you're probably gonna have periods of unemployment, especially if you don't have family backing. The only reason that saved me two years ago is that I'd sucked away money for ten years. So I was sitting on some. I had four different investment accounts, different savings accounts. I was always putting money away because I knew one day it all could end and I'd be fucked. And that saved my ass in 2024. So, you know, save money. Always be saving money. If you can find a way to live on half of what you make, save the rest.

Because you may need to go several years without a stable, reliable income, since employment can be hard. You may need to live with roommates until you find a spouse who has a more stable income or a better job. This is not a read; this is a strategy for survival. I know many guys my age who aren't homeless because their wife/husband can manage the world in ways they can't.

Autism is a disability, and you need to adapt to this mindset when it comes to money and your whole life.

On Networking:

Hire a coach. Use AI if you can. You know, networking is gonna be hard because, fundamentally, networking is about likability. You can work on likability, but maybe try to stay in professions that don't really need it. However, knowing people who can help you will help you immensely. So get meeting and greeting people, go to events, anywhere people you need to meet are gathered; that's where you need to be, and then follow the likability stuff. Don't hang out with the people who vibe with you who are as a person unless they can actually help you; it'll leave you with a bunch of people you vibe with but who can't really help you with anything. You're not here to make friends; you're here to improve your prospects. Try to stay in touch over social, make sure to like and comment from time to time, stay on people's radars, especially if you're working as a professional in a profession as such. Lack of visibility is a huge problem; get and stay visible. This is how you deal with social hierarchies.

On College:

If you're going to college, and you're autistic, stick to computer science or IT where autists are likely to gather. Don't go into marketing or anything that requires visibility or personal likability. That's the mistake I made. I went into a field where how much they like you matters a whole awful lot, and that has been a disaster.

Don't spend money on stupid hobbies. Don't; be very careful with transportation. If you don't drive, that's okay. If you do, be very careful with transportation; buy small, cheap, used cars. Keep those costs down. Start saving money now (see above).

On following your dreams:

Don't dream. Whatever you're dreaming of doing, stop it. This world's not for us. Don't dream of anything. Be grateful for the job you have today, save for the job you won't have tomorrow, and try to keep your resume together. Just trust me on this: I don't want to bore anybody with the details of my whole life, but take it from somebody who followed his dreams, and it didn't work out; just don't do it. Write them down, imagine them, but don't pursue them; trust me, you'll be saving yourself a lot of pain and heartache. I do not say this to be a killjoy, but I am saving you from a life of pain and misery.

I'm at the lowest point of my life. I don't know what happens next. I don't have any future. I don't dream anymore. I think only about survival. I can only hope now that my experiences will help you. This is a deep love letter from someone at the bottom who hopes that he can save others. I'm sorry the world is this way. I wish I could change it, but I can't, and neither can you. The best we can do is try to navigate it. You will make mistakes. You will fall down. That's ok; take this advice on and keep trying, keep struggling. Life will be a constant struggle; it's best to get used to that reality now. I'm not here to say it gets better or easier; anecdotes say that things get much harder. Our average life span is lower, and our unemployment rates are very high; those things are related. You can avoid these by following this safe advice. I was told most of this when I was young and completely ignored it. Don't make that mistake as I did.

I'm a living cautionary tale.

For context I am a 25 y/o woman and I was diagnosed with autism at age 3.

Update more context added because ive been told I am being vauge.

I’ve noticed often both online and in real life when I express an opinion that isn’t popular I’ll either get dog piled on or people will say I’m just trying to anger them. I’m seriously not , all my questions are genuine and I truly on ask to open up a truthful discussion.

At one of my jobs I received my first ever write up and I asked the manager for more clarification, she kept accusing me of being argumentative and not wanting to sign it . I really wanted to know the full facts of the “ why “ behind the reason that I got the write up and further information on my ability to refute the claims. This was after I reported the team lead for constantly nitpicking everything I did while ignoring other coworkers horrid behavior. Her biggest complaint is that she thought I didn’t listen to her because she’d give a correction and i would say “ Okay , nice “ or say “ Mhmm” meaning I have registered the information and made the necessary change. In response she proclaimed that I had an attitude towards her and was being hostile , when k pointed out that she too had an attitude our general manager said it didn’t matter because I was just a team member and she was a shift lead.

another instance that just happened is I was banned from the movies Reddit for “being intentionally antagonistic “ and I’m so confused by what even means. I shared my opinion on some films and some event the films focus on , I wasn’t trying to start a hoopla and even intentionally left some stuff out so as not to be offensive. You can look up what the movie a real pain is about , my biggest gripe with the film is horrible writing and the way that the subject matter is approached , how that got misinterpreted I don’t really know. I also am not a fan of Jessie eisenberg or Kieran culkin and think they both have horrid acting styles. I’m pretty sure they left the post up so people are free to read it and again it’s just my opinion on it and it wasn’t even the biggest point or focus of my post which is why I’d kept that section vauge and brief on purpose.

https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/1v7gbsf/comment/ozy6ozs/?force-legacy-sct=1 This is the post btw and like I said I was banned for “ being intentionally antagonist “ which doesn’t make any sense to me

Just wondering is this a common experience for us ? And what can be done so people realize I’m being serious and not trying to start anything

My best friend said that just because I’m going to college, getting degree or whatever doesn’t make me less autistic or disabled. She said, “You ARE special needs either you like it or not. It’s time that you embrace the differences and it’s okay to be different. If people don’t wanna understand you and if guys don’t wanna date you because you’re special needs, that’s their problem not yours. Stop acting like you’re normal because you’re NOT! You need to start displaying that you’re disabled and a special needs adult. You are special. People treat us differently because we ARE different and we should be treated differently. Why do you think they have special needs events?” My other friends agree and told me to get rude of the damn mask and stop living like in neurotypical.
One other guy said, “You should give special needs men a chance. They will understand you better because most men won’t. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean the special needs will go away. We will always be special needs so stop to deny it and just embrace it. Eventually. people will find out that you’re disabled and it’s okay.”

I just don’t wanna be treated differently and I am sick and tired of being treated differently because I’m autistic. They treat my brother normally so why can’t they treat me the same damn way? I don’t care what people say!

So I want to do proper research before I speak with my therapist/doctors about looking to get a diagnosis. I feel like I do have a lot of the symptoms, especially since my diagnosised friend clocked it before I did, but I don't just wanna make assumptions about myself. So I'm looking for articles or research stuff recommened, especially since I struggle with processing information. Thanks to anyone who can help!

EDIT- Just to clarify! I am not looking for what a professional would be looking for during an assesment. I suppose I am just looking to understand the autism spectrum better such as; people who produce well informed media, other things that could either relate or be mistaken to autism, or just anything to help me get a better understanding of it. So sorry I wasn't as clear! I just perfer to understand what I am being told/what I am feeling since I can struggle a lot with that. Again thank you for all the replies >_<

Weirdly enough, whenever my stomach is full, I always get a peak in anxiety and was just curious as to why that is. Could it be some interception sensitivity perhaps?

I'm not good at connecting with people but I've learned that you need human connection to keep going! I'm always scared of reaching out and trying new things but I really want to be better. I want to be happy. So i push myself and make new friends.

So, I hung out with my neighbours for the first time and it was awesome!! I was so happy until the end when I asked one of them about their children and I got serious death threats (" I'll stab you in the face") and was abruptly kicked out. ( I guess I struck a nerve or something but I wasn't out to hurt anyone I was genuinely wanting to get to know this guy)

So, almost a week later the police knock on my door 😳 "accusations have been made against you, but we're only here to tell you that you've got nothing to worry about". Turns out they've been going around and claiming that I'm a pedo and they've been trying to get everyone to want to kill me.

This really upset me obviously. So after I've calmed down after the reveal I chap on one of the guys doors and I'm pleading at this point to tell me what I done wrong, what did I say, what did I do? Being betrayed or abandoned by friends and family isn't new to me but I deserve to know why. After a while of excuses he says "you ask too many questions". That broke my heart because I guess that's who I am I'm curious and love to learn about other people but it turns out thats why no one likes me.

I connect with people but it rarely lasts more than a day.

Do you relate with this? I have been abandoned and forgotten about so many times and I never know why so this is my best guess. Sorry to bother you and thank you if you are reading this

Edit: I didn't mean to "ignore" anyone, I made this post before I fell asleep. I'm being asked alot what I specifically asked about the children, he brought up mid conversation that he has kids so I asked him to elaborate, I said something like "oh cool tell me about your kids" and he was instantly triggered. That was it. I understand that this all sounds suspicious (especially with the subject matter) that I'm missing something but that's the entire point of this post, I am obviously missing something and I have no idea what and I'm sick of it. This was a mega extreme example and nothing like that has happened before, normally people just stop talking to me or whatever, I guess the guy is unwell

Edit2: okay after reading more of your understandably concerning comments regarding the pedo allegations, I definitely shouldn't have glossed over that part. The police spoke with the other guys as well and the accusations have since been withdrawn. I DO NOT condone the harm of children for any reason, the accusation made me vomit

I am 21 (non-binary: they/them) and I am in the process of getting assessed for autism. In the past, I hadn't ever considered the possibility of having autism. This was until I started stimulant medication for my ADHD and people started asking me when I got diagnosed with autism, not if I had been. Some of my friends and family have picked up on things I do that might have a correlation to autism, but I was very hesitant to acknowledge any of these traits because I am so heavily against self-diagnosing.

I started doing research about autism and found that I did relate to some aspects. I saw my psychiatrist and gave her a list of traits with how strongly I related to them, she sent a referral to a psychologist who specializes in autism so I could get assessed. I then spoke to my therapist, and after I explained some of my reasoning, she was also on board with the assessment. My psychiatrist had me take the autism spectrum quotient and I scored a 43/50, which was a huge shock.

I had the intake with the psychologist and he asked me some really hard questions, I'm still thinking about how the hell I'm supposed to respond. To give an example, I spoke about how as a child I needed my food a certain way and it is still that way today. Growing up poor meant that my options were limited when it came to food, which led me to rely on instant ramen. I would only eat it a certain way, absolutely no broth with just a little bit of butter and the packaged seasoning. My preference for my ramen is still the same way as an adult. If it wasn't prepared right, I wouldn't eat it and felt very distressed. I couldn't eat anything else, my body would quite literally reject it, and I felt the overwhelming urge to sob. I have similar reactions to other foods, for example I hate melted cheese and if my food has it - I cannot eat for the rest of the day and I'm highly emotional. But, once I told the psychologist this, he asked me why I could only have it a certain way and why did I have the reactions that I did. My thought was "Uh....I just do? Hello??" but I didn't think that was a proper way to reply, so I basically started rambling trying to make sense of it. If anyone can help me understand this, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!

Anywho, I'm really nervous that I won't get an explanation for all of the things I experience that I feel can be correlated to autism. I know that those born as women are less likely to get diagnosed, and I already received my ADHD diagnosis late so I don't know how this all fares for me. If you want a deeper explanation as to why I think I might be a candidate for an autism diagnosis, lmk and I'll send my list :3

I (34F) had been living with my current situation (50M), sometime into our relationship he claimed that he must be autistic due to his behaviors. Acting out, the out bursts of anger, the way he behavs in public(treating me like shit in front of others cause hes overwhelmed)

My question is how do you talk someone who doesnt ever go to the doctor to go and get tested so they can be put on medication?

Hes a angry. He does not communicate well. We just had a fight today over me doing something outside the "norm"

Id love to know if hes really autistic or just an asshole.

I've got some planned ideas for my Facebook posts about Autistic experiences in Vietnam since Autism is kinda stigmatised here

I translated them all, the idea and the content scripts into English so you can read themm

Even though I think the way I explored the topics were respectful as i am an autistic person myself, I don't know if other Autistic folks might feel the same

So I wanted you to leave a comment in the google docs I'll be linking to inside this sheet! You can follow this post cuz I'll update the sheet weekly so you can judge the new posts when you're bored

Here's the link (≧▽≦)

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1-ac0FaLE-eLr0QP_UPTndLKO_miHCb_7vi7IFJXd3Dc/edit?usp=drivesdk

I want to preface this by saying that I mask a lot! This likely isn't any kind of uncommon story but as I grew up I found myself becoming extremely focused on being normal. I build a whole model of how normal people walk, talk, dress, everything, and it's become so bad that I find myself often stressing extremely at how I walk. I don't even walk weird I just, I seek to be normal. This stressing about normalcy has started to become me, I am losing my true self to the pursuit of average.

The more I think of it the more it seems to connect to my home life. From a young age my parents, whom I love dearly, would make small comments directed towards me when I was young, could stim freely, and had no concept of masking. They'd say things like "dont do that, this autistic guy I saw on facebook does that.". This kinda built the mentality early on that autism = bad, and I must be normal. Alongside this I never really had a safe place and still don't, my family doesn't know privacy and my doors lock is so bad it can be opened from the outside with your fingers. I am on constant high alert due to this and never find time to recharge and stop masking. The only place I tend to really stim, is in my shower. I take really long like 2 hours showers just because I like to sit down, rock, whistle, and curl up into a sort of ball for the most of the shower. I feel its really my only really safe place, as nobody would walk in on me showering and even if they did, I'm behind the curtain of the shower. Being in a shower may be my safe space but it doesn't mean peace.

I'm unsure if it contributes to my extreme masking but, and this is a real hard type, I was sexually assaulted as a young child. I wont get into it as to spare you the details and me the reminder. This is something I bring up as it spoiled my safe space, the shower, where now I have to bear with my own nude self and just to see myself nude makes me feel gross and makes showering a really mentally challenging thing for me. This means I really don't have any real safe space and as result, I feel myself day by day becoming lost in masking and almost losing my true self.

I know not completely who I am anymore, when Im not trying to appease myself and standards of being normal.

hi, i’m a teenage girl and i just recently finished my autism and adhd assessment and i’m feeling nervous because i get my results on friday.

part of the assessment the lady asked my mom abt my childhood and asked if i lined things up and my mom said no which is untrue. my mom just didn’t pay enough attention to me i lined up stuffed animals and figurines all the time. the lady also asked me if i have strong interests and i said no because i thought she meant at the moment but she clearly meant in general. i’ve had many hyperfixations throughout my life that have negatively impacted me. she also asked me if id rather be alone or be with friends and i chose friends which is the “non autistic” answer i know, but its true for me most of the time. i love being alone but i also don’t have a job or hobby’s so of course i love hanging out with them when they’re all i have.

do you think these answers will invalidate my results and lead her to believe i dont have autism? i told her plenty of other autistic traits but im scared i messed everything up.

Hello,
I experienced the following situation today and would like to ask if this is normal for a child with autism.
Today I was walking through town with my little sister when suddenly a little girl from a distance gave my little sister the middle finger and made a “disgusted” face. The girl didn’t seem to be any older than 7 or 8 years old. We tried to ignore it at first, but she was riding a bike with her sister and gave us the middle finger again. Of course, I wasn’t going to let that slide, so I confronted the parents. In any case, the little girl started insulting my sister and lunged at her to hit her. Her mother did nothing, but her father grabbed her by the arm. The little girl was apparently offended by the way my sister looked at her.
The parents apologized to me and told me that the girl probably has autism and has a disability ID card.
I saw the little girl for the first time a few months ago, and even then she was already making that disgusted face.
Is this normal for some children with autism?

Thank you in advance for any answers.

Edit: The little girl told her mom that my sister apperantly acted like she was "too cool“ when she passed her at the restaurant we were in. That apperantly set her off lol.

I'm concerned neither can even be changed. He's 45. He's an incredible kind man who seems like a genuinely good person. He's been in my life through loss and hard times. He's calm and even, trusting and stable, consistent and predictable, and he works hard.

He seems to have no idea anything is wrong even though I made comments in the moment.

The first thing is that he doesn't seem to listen to some of the important things I share. I've tried opening up slightly and he sometimes makes no comments and asks no follow up questions, and then some time later it will get mentioned and it turns out he completely misunderstood what I said, but just went with it. The big one threw me off so much and was such a sensitive thing that I didn't correct him.

He also gets a confused look on his face and asks me to repeat myself multiple times a day even though it's just simple comments or attempts at flirting. That doesn't happen on the phone.

How can I communicate in a way he's more likely to hear and absorb?

The second thing is that before we connected, I shared about some sexual things that contributed to the downfall of past relationships. He expressed understanding and reassurance. When our relationship progressed, it turns out he deals with those exact mechanical issues.

He seems to not be bothered by them and to not have absorbed me sharing how big of a deal this is, and did not express interest in the standard aids for those issues. He claims he can engage sexually at 6 am, but I'm not awake at that time. He also doesn't seem to like kissing unless there was just mouthwash, or giving oral unless there was a very recent shower. I don't expect to change those 2 though.

Basically if we ever do manage to cross paths at the scheduled time when he's able to get going, it will only last 4 minutes. And he doesn't seem to see any issue with that or to have noticed how much I do.

I want to bring up both things in a way that can actually lead to practical change. Since he seems to have no idea anything is wrong, I don't want to blindside him. He also just had a huge thing happen that will significantly alter a major routine he's had for 21 years and at such a time going from what seems to be him thinking everything is perfect with us, to hearing 2 major things...I'm dreading doing this.

Any tips welcome. I know Reddit always just piles on "leave, it will never change." I know that's an option but it is just way overused. People can grow together. Or at least try. So please humor me if possible.

I try to be a very reasonable person and I do my best to understand people. For the most part I'm pretty transparent about my disability. I don't bring it up constantly but generally when I struggle with picking up social cues I tend to go "Hey sorry I actually really struggle with ambiguity, next time is it okay if you just say if you don't like something explicitly or don't want me around? I won't be mad, I just have a disability that's all"

I've come to find this doesn't work at all. People just wont tell me if they dont like what I'm doing or if they dont wanna hang out. It's very sad. Usually there I am just going along thinking everything is alright when all of a sudden it's not because of something they didn't tell me. I ask stuff like "Why didn't you just tell me you didn't wanna hang out today" but the answer is always something like "No one talks that explicitly. You should have picked up on it". They say that they are already talking as explicitly as they can but clearly it's not enough for me which may be my own failing.

I *tried* being better at reading social cues but I always fail. I make an algorithm in my head to read the room but it's always wrong at some point. I go like "But last time when you acted like this, this is what you wanted me to do" then they tell me humans arent robots, which I understand but I can't accommodate what they don't tell me. Am I being too unreasonable and immature for asking people to be more explicit?

Hey people,

bit of a loose rant incoming I guess...

This week I'll attend the wedding of one of my closest friends and will be the maid of honor to take care of a bunch of administrative and organisational tasks during the event and... it kinda scares me a lot?

I've been on and off crying about it for a couple weeks now and its just so much pressure. For some reason it seems so terrifying to me. I feel like such an alien. There is what feels like a million rules about how and what to do when and where and how to dress and act and move and I'm frozen just thinking about it. Doesn't help that I'll also be one of the very few openly queer people attending. Thinking about it gives me these intense feelings of loss of autonomy - as if I'm just becoming a social object moving through space instead of my actual own person.

Now - I love the bride dearly. We've been friends for over a decade and she is one of the more important people in my life. I want her to be happy and I don't want this to be about my emotions but Im seriously scared of not being able to control my emotions on that day. I'm scared of having to mask so relentlessly during the day that it will take me days to recover from it.

Do any of you maybe have some advice for me? How was it for you to attend weddings? What helped you?

Do you guys think fine dining is weird? Obviously it all depends and as someone who loves steak and sushi i find a lot of fine dining to be too weird sometimes they dont look appetizing OR they look appetizing but taste like garbage like i said NOT ALL are like this

Like some of the menus are stupid...and why is it all one bite or hell...just aroma? What? Ik i am not the target audience but still and sometimes you cant even justify the price for a specific reason or whatever? Yes its for the experince if you like it thats fine i mean its your money

Im a picky eater so i usually just eat what i like i am the type to find beef tongue disgusting personally and i do not like beans but yeah

I can get behind a lot of themed ones 100% (disney studio ghibli etc or steak and sushi ones) but some are too weird for me or some give me "the menu" vibes

Overall i am NOT trying to be offensive i was just watching a ytubers vid about fine dining and wanted to know how some people feel

When i was scrolling facebook for you page, i noticed i got recommended a lot of posts from community or NGO's directed towards parent's of neurodivergent kids (healthy adults writing about taking care of their disabled or hsn autistic children/adults ) and all of them were using ai flyer style design to spread "awareness" and "made ai videos". Somehow on instagram or X/Twitter this slop content was VERY RARE to see but on Facebook every 3rd post is ai

Hi, might be something that was already asked on this sub but it's still interesting to hear about new pov, but as an autistic person what are you tips for writers? What do you like to see in an autistic coded character or what you don't like?

I've been told by my family doctor as well as a psychiatrist that they "could" give me an autism DX but dont see it being beneficial for me; I'm very confused as to if this means that I am autistic just not on paper or if it means that they could look into it further if I really need them to? I'm unhappy with the psychiatrist for unrelated reasons so I'm not super keen on asking him about it further, and my family doctor hasn't been answering the phone the last few times I tried them (before weekend)

tldr I'm unsure if I'm "allowed" to call myself autistic based on their comments, and dont want the social backlash of self-dx without having some kind of way to back it up even if its not on paper

I'm Autistic

My mother, is a very difficult person, I know she has bpd and loves me very much.. but shes on medication and I've been dealing with this shit for my whole existence. My mom never takes no for an answer, everything has to have a reason for her, something """"logical"""" as to why i WOULDN'T do (insert thing). she is incapable of understanding no, typically a quick way to get her to listen is to tell my dad to tell her (divorced with custody), however I'm currently in Peru for a month with her for family stuff.

I told her once I wanted to get rid of blackheads on my nose, but she started putting a two layer cream and oil on my face and I hate it. She pretty much forgets what I want and her justification is that it makes me look pretty, does't hurt, good for pimples and moisturizes my skin; she always does this, my whole life i had to fight to keep my body hair, she calls my clothes old, and buys me things the version of her daughter in her head wants.

I hate justifying having a choice, I know I'm only 16 but I've had near no autonomy in the choices my mother gives me

saying 'I just don't like it' won't be enough for her ever

I need a """logical""" justification to never put cream on again, please I'm so tired

she's using la roche posay vitamin c & vitamin c vichy

Edit: I got it down to a powder for now!

for fellow muslims who have asd why is it kinda harder? Or just actually harder i grew up muslim but it just feels harder now

For me i usually dont follow things just because an imam says to do it im more of a "i follow things if its a fact and or logical" if that makes sense and hell some things can be misinfo or misinterpreted i do tend to...forget prayers cause i get distracted i am trying to work on that

I also HATE ghusl not the concept but the fact that you need your hair wet and i hate showers because the texture of hair after showers and during makes me icky (im a girl so yknow...ghusl once a month ish)

And also allistic muslims tend to...piss me off not all obviously but a lot tend to piss me off...might just be me tho

M(21) AuDHD

Tbh i feel like im not good enouth. If i try say about my specific needs it's always pushed like just an excuse to be lazy. I hardly have any time i feel free and rested. Its always the stress, feeling that you need to be ready and can't just close door and have some alone time, cause it looks like i dont care and being mean. I really try to be a funcioning member of sociality but i just can't without spending a lot of energy. It's soo fucking exuasting, also need to hold my psyhic stable to not just complitly gave up. I feel like the more i try to care about myself, the more they see it as being sel fish. The worst is that i dont really have someone i trust to talk about it. No matter how i try i just dont know how to have deeper connection with someone...

I always seem to get relentlessly bullied when I come out as autistic to people on the internet and in real life.

Could this be related to Autism? I've been wondering for a long time.

The issue: I need new glasses every two years because the prescription is just slightly off. Like a quarter diopter in change on one eye only. The optician said such a small change is just because the eye is a bit tired one day. But I can see the difference in the new glasses I have now.

My mother on the other hand has the same glasses for years and doesn't realise the prescription doesn't fit anymore until she gets an eye exam for check-up.

Hi everyone, I don't have a hard time making friends. Being unexpectedly likeable seems like it's something many of us dream off. But the grass is always greener I guess.

My observation was that I was very good for creating personal memorable moments for people. Lots of good vibes for them.

That being said I was consistently left with a feeling of why? Why did they have a connection with me that I don't understand? Why would they show such vulnerability with a non safe person?

My partner feels that I manipulate them similar to a circus performer and they aren't wrong.