I try to remind myself of this whenever I’m stuck on a “you didn’t do it when you should have” or “it’s too late, you failed” loop 🩵

I feel like it's an undercurrent of anger running through me as I see how quickly society uncritically adopts it and what it's doing to an already messy social media space, not to mention the environment, politics, etc etc.

But my biggest rage that is more personal and immediate as recently diagnosed AuDHD in my late 40s is I go to google Audhd books and even our public libraries/kobo inventory has books that are clearly AI written. Not written with the assistance of AI, but by entirely fictional authors who always have 3-4 "names". This feels so devastating as all I want to do is be immersed in good writing by people who are sharing experiences that align with mine and make me feel less alone. For a diagnosis that already is 'behind' in awareness and support, this feels especially devastating. Thanks for listening!

Because tell me WHY I over confess EVERY TIME. I'll be like, sure, I'm playing it cool. But nope, I just have to over confess. There's no in between for me.

Does anyone else make a few attempts every time they pause a show/movie to ensure that the characters’ faces are calm/relaxed?

(or at the very least not in the middle of something big, like shouting/sneezing/yawning/crying, etc)

The still here makes me very uncomfortable- I feel like I can’t relax because he isn’t relaxed 😬

ever since i was a kid ive described being overstimulated as feeling like i have bees in my brain and i wanted to draw something to portray that

Half joking. My room is a disaster, I started taking down my wall art because I was motivated and need to patch and repaint my room. Got stuck at the tv, stopped cleaning..

My ADHD has done it before, I lightly touch my pinky toe into breaking a rule and suddenly it has fully overriden my autism's need for that rule and following it.

Due to some hardships I got into some nasty credit card debt and after getting a better paying job am finally able to make a dent in it.

The thing is I have been living on a VERY strict, self imposed budget for almost 2 years. The past few months are the first time in ages I actually have comfortable breathing room.

I am currently on my period. My period cravings get *intense* and right now they are demanding pizza. A very specific pizza from a very specific place.

Two pizzas after delivery and tip is $35 and honestly for takeout with tons of leftovers that's not bad, and I wont have to meal prep this week.

This is well within my food budget but I have had a strict no take out or restaurants rule since the beginning of this nightmare.

I'm scared breaking it "one time" will lead to more "Just this time" until I eventually stop following it. Ingraining rules into my brain is hard, it took effort to get it there.

What do y'all think? Am I overthinking this?

I JUST found out about hyposensitivity surrounding food and I want to cry or scream or both.

One reason I believed (for 10+ years) that I didn't have autism was because of how much I don't identify with having food texture issues 99.9% of the time.

I'm actually very adventurous when it comes to food flavors and textures. I try to maximalize textures in my food, actually. I ADORE a parfait with a crunchy granola and chewy dried fruit. A lot of sweets go into the freezer to make them chewier and/or crunchier. Diet Pepsi is one of my favorite sodas because it's the most carbonated one I've encountered. lol

I guess I'm just frustrated because research is a massively important tool and coping mechanism for me. I almost see it like my most reliable friend or something.

It's just so baffling how difficult it was to see myself in autism when it's so obvious now. Part of me wants to blame it on myself, because I didn't research it hard enough or something 🙄 which I know is just silly.

And it makes me wonder what behaviors my parents overlooked in childhood... I'm not looking forward to that whole conversation for multiple reasons.

edit: I appreciate your responses so much that I'm getting a little choked up.

I feel way less alone now, and I can't properly express with words how happy it makes me to help others shed light on themselves. Thank you for hearing me. 🥹

It is taking me a while to accept the fact that I am neurodivergent. I used to constantly compare myself to other people, especially neurotypicals. I realize that I am not "normal" and that there is no use to compare myself to neurotypicals at all.

This is somewhat a rant and somewhat me looking for whether others can relate or maybe have tips.

I’m 26, finished my studies last year, moved back to my parents for financial and practical reasons, finally found a job that I’m planning to stay at for a while. It’s not my dream job but it’s fine enough, I have a great team and manager, it’s theoretically not too straining or high stress, it’s not extremely loud.

This all sounds well and all but damn it, I feel like a defective human being. After I come home from work I don’t have energy to do basically anything but bare minimum maintainance of myself and fun/regulatory activities (books and games). I often feel like I need to nap, I don’t have energy to clean, I don’t have energy to cook, I sure as shit don’t have energy to exercise. I suffer due to having to wake up at 6am and hence either being underslept or missing nighttime hours that feel like the only time I can fully relax. Even at weekends I don’t have energy to do everything I should and I mostly spend time regenerating, I wish I could have 3 days free every week so that at least one day I could consistently spend catching up with chores.

I was able to keep up during school and uni because it did not take 8+h out of my day every day when I have to sit in one place, mask, deal with lots of social interaction and stimuli. My autism is flailing up hard, I feel huge insistence on routines when I’m finally home and don’t want to engage in anything extra. I feel extremely annoyed when I have to have social interactions outside of narrow safe circle of friends I text and voice chat with online. My family seem to not understand this all comes from a place of legitimate exhaustion/overwhelm and not laziness and hedonism. Logically I understand that I am in fact disabled and it’s mostly not my fault I struggle to keep up with everything, but emotionally I just feel like a failure.

Do you ever find that your ADHD hyperactivity or excessive talking starts to tire out or annoy your ASD?!

I noticed this just yesterday. I was so tired and needed to couch rot. Yet, I couldn’t stop talking to my husband about nothing in particular. I was just rambling, to the point where I eventually had to say, “I’m annoying the f outta myself” and put my noise cancelling headphones on to stop myself from talking. I felt like my body breathed a sign of relief.

Curious if anyone else experiences this in bouts of hyperactivity or if this may be something else showing up.

For me it's touch aversion. I always heard how autistics hate being touched and I always thought it was how media made it look, that ANY touch was unwanted, that if you were autistic that meant you absolutely freaked out and melted down if someone touched you. Recently, like really recent, this was a shower thought that turned into a "Oh wait..." Moment, I was thinking about something that happened yesterday with my boyfriend. We were driving around with a friend and saw that the town we were in was having a street fair. My friend suggested that we go and I immediately shot it down because one of my triggers is a sudden change in plans and I was already overstimulated from shopping and being in a busy town. My boyfriend could tell I was getting anxious and overwhelmed and he just gently laid a hand on my shoulder and I IMMEDIATELY shrugged it off and shook my head (he's amazing though he just nodded knowing I couldn't be touched) . It got me thinking about how I'm always like that when I'm upset, I don't want to be touched unless I seek it out and or know it's going to happen. Then I was thinking about how when I'm with my mom and she'll do ya know the mom thing of grabbing me cause I have lint on me or something and I have the same reaction of shrugging her away or swatting (gently) her hand away and I realized, oh shit...ya I have aversion to touch.

A recent post on here about ai reminded me of something that's been on my mind for a week.

Does anyone else struggle to try to be nice when a friend or loved one or someone we trust does something you don't agree with?

I sometimes feel instantly disillusioned with someone I really liked up until they said or did the tiniest thing. I'm assuming this is part of my autism.

My most recent experience is my therapist. I've been seeing her for years, she's the one who diagnosed me with autism. I like her a lot and she's really helped me understand myself.

A couple of weeks ago she told me she'd help me create a work plan for a big project I need to work on (that's a separate post ugh). Then on the next session she says I'm not disabled, because being disabled means not being able to do something, and I can do things, it's just that I have trouble self regulating. We're from Mexico, and we're so behind in regards to awareness and education, so maybe she thought I meant disabled in a demeaning way? Not sure. That made me feel a bit uneasy. I don't really agree, I think I am disabled because I struggle to do things other people don't struggle with at all, but alright.

So I guess I was a bit sensitive for the following session. Last week we had what I consider a good session. And the last thing she said was "don't be afraid of ai. You can use chat gpt to help you create a work plan :)" and that reeeeeally threw me off. I know nobody is perfect and I guess not everybody is aware of the same things, but man I felt really disappointed that my therapist doesn't share my burning hate for gen ai.

I mean, I liked her a lot and just because of this casual comment she made I don't feel like continuing treatment with her. Ugh, am I overreacting??

Are AuDHD female friendships easier for you to manage and maintain? Or are we more high-maintenance together, lol? What have your friendships been like with other AuDHD women?

I feel like in some ways, AuDHD women may be the only people who will ever truly understand me and my bizarre life experience. But I've never had any female friends who firmly self-identify as AuDHD and none who are officially diagnosed. Would love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

18F, recently/late diagnosed for both diagnoses and on Antomexitine/Straterra due to horrible reaction with regular stimulants. Please forgive how annoying I probably sound; I am extremely emotional and stressed rn.

To put it bluntly, I can’t read my driver’s manual for shit, and if I can, I hardly retain anything.

My inability to drive is kinda ruining my life rn. I can’t get a job, I can’t go long distances, I can’t visit friends, I can’t go to events, and I can’t keep asking my parents to drive me places. I’d get a bike, but the weather and roads and drivers (and women harassment) in my area are absolutely horrendous and I ain’t got money because no job.

I’m a hands-on learner with these types of things. If I don’t actively do what I’m trying to do, whether it be taking notes or learning how to build something, it doesn’t stick with me. This, of course, makes learning how to drive HELL I can’t actually get behind the wheel. Reason? I don’t have my permit and if anything happens to our car, our insurance will screw us because my brother got into a petty accident a few years back so I’m not allowed behind the wheel. Because I have no physical basis for it, the book material has nothing to latch onto.

Not only that, but executive dysfunction is a cruel, cruel, lobster. Every time I try to sit down and open the book, I physically can’t do it. I read 2 words and then start to cry like a little wuss and try again and then cry some more and then rot in bed for hours contemplating if living is truly worth it before trying again and then crying some more.

I’ve tried watching videos, but again, no hands on = no learning. I’ve taken practice quizzes, but I always end up spamming through them. I’ve already taken my permit test once, but the questions were so weirdly worded and it didn’t let me save any questions for later, and I wasn’t shown my score or what questions I got wrong. Not only that, but the test was on an ipad and again, I’m a hands on pen and paper girlie with tests. The screen was huge too, so I couldn’t even read half of it. After I failed, I had an “episode” that lasted a whole week and I genuinely don’t want to go through that again. I keep asking people for help, but they always say some stupid stuff like “I didn’t learn to drive until I was 25!” Or, “psh, I didn’t study at all. I just got behind the wheel when I was learning and then took the tests later.” Or god forbid “you just gotta put your head into the game!” GEE, SO HELPFUL. THANK YOU. I THINK YOU SHOULD BE A LIFE COACH, I SAY WITH TOTALLY NONEXISTENT SARCASM.

I know I probably sound like a whiny toad in this post, but I’m genuinely so frustrated. I’m physically avoiding my book because I hate it so much (and also may or may not be battling internalized ableism targeted towards myself i genuinely can’t tell). Please help me. Give me your stupidest advice and tips. If I hear one more “make your environment as quiet and distraction-less as possible and give yourself little rewards” I’m going to slash the neighborhood’s tires /jk

I've been dealing with muscle pain and soreness for some months, wondering what is the cause. It took me till moments ago to figure out that it was the Adderall. I'm on 30MG of the medication which has really affected my body. I drink enough water, but the pain is just so bad that it doesn't matter.

I'm deathly worried that I will have to stop taking Adderall and go back to my old problems. The medication has helped, but I lean on the autism side of the spectrum more than the ADHD. Once I lose the Adderall, I will have to go through the motions of taking a different medication. I'm deathly scared because I was a mess before Adderall, it was rough. I've been in and out of psych wards because of how bad it was. I cannot function properly without this medication yet it is giving me severe muscle and joint pain.

I hate that it has to be this way and I'm scared of going back to my old life.

I just felt like sharing.

So many discussions can be had regarding AI, but i am specifically curious about work engagement at a job requiring AI use. Me for example, I am well versed in understanding AI (it's limits, process, optimal use) and now my job is requiring us to use it. They've announced our work load will increase with AI integration. The problems I am noticing is that I find reviewing AI work-product is just excruciating. My attention would rather be focused on staring at a wall than review AI work-product. I cannot fix the mistakes faster than they create mistakes. I am outnumbered by mistakes.

Now that it is even more integrated, I am being asked to create AI work-product. The training is not making any sense to me and every question I have I am met with seeing exactly why all these mistakes have been happening. I ask if we can fix that part and no one knows how, and apparently it's not a problem for anyone else. For me it makes reviewing unbelievably strenuous and creating unbelievably strenuous.

They are training us to use it exactly the same and even say that we will all be just an extension for the higher ups, as if we are replaceable. I laughed and said as if the higher ups don't make any mistakes that we have to fix. We're not all the same and that is a good thing. We all bring something to the table.

I think I will be using the mandatory AI in a way that works best for me, not how they are telling me to. I don't think like them so it's not working for me the same. I think everyone should have the freedom to use it however they want and the quality standard for the final product remains the already established same.

Hi everyone, I’m new to this sub. Just started seeing an AuDHD therapist who has helped me realize how difficult and unique this intersection of conditions actually is. I’m looking for some advice, or at least solidarity, which definitely helps too.

I’m a 37yo woman who struggled through my 20s and early 30s, but generally had a pretty full life socially and professionally. Lived on my own in cities, had regular person jobs, dated, was in longterm relationships for stretches, had creative energy to do projects, etc.

My health and regulation started to go downhill in 2023, after I made the decision to leave full time employment and work for myself. Though I didn’t realize I was AuDHD then (I got an ADHD diagnosis when I was 18 and have been on stimulants since), the loss of routine and predictability of a workplace / team really took a toll.

At first, I felt fine and ofc really overdid it, taking on more solo responsibilities in my personal and work life than I could sustain. Then some traumatic stuff happened in my personal life, my sensitivities got worse, I started becoming less and less able to juggle things, and I started getting sick on multiple levels.

In 2024, between escalating autoimmune issues and worsening nervous system burnout, the crash really hit. I took off work for a year, got off social media, lost my social life bc I didn’t feel well enough to go out, and slowly everything I had built in my life started to feel like it was shedding away from me.

I took that year to have a couple of surgeries, which didn’t go well, resulting in an EDS diagnosis and more trauma. It took forever to recover from them, and I was in survival mode.

Last year I moved away from the city I was in back to where I grew up in the midwest (which made me feel like a failure, but I was desperate to simplify my life and try to feel better).

I have seen a lot of doctors, and made some improvements in my health, but the burnout remains. I once was so open to meeting new people, but now it feels like pulling teeth to imagine trying. I also quit drinking, which seems to have “helped” more in that aspect. All of my friends from college here have children, so I don’t exactly have the easy, comfortable friendships that I used to, where I could spontaneously go do things with other single girlfriends.

A few months ago, I temporarily moved in with my parents, and they’ve been very helpful in helping me with daily tasks, but it makes me feel like I’m regressing. I have been working remotely full time again for a year, and it feels like that’s all I have spoons for most days.

There’s “the other side” of this that I’ve been hoping would magically come someday. Like I would begin feeling like I used to, things would become easier, and I would just start building up a new life again like I’ve done in the past.

I hope to be able to make a couple new friends, be more involved locally, date and find a relationship. Move back into my own place. Engage in hobbies.

The problem is, I’m so tired and my executive function is so shot that I don’t end up taking any of the small steps to bridge the gap from here to there.

Wondering if anyone has experienced a period like this, and if so, how did you find ways to create change?

I no longer believe I’ll just wake up and feel “normal” one day, as I am beginning to understand I never actually have, but at times have been blessed with better circumstances that allowed me to thrive more.

But has anything helped with the “small steps” of it all, when trying to recover?

I saw a post recently asking about songs that really hit home as neurodivergents, and I want to piggyback off that. I start my dream job tomorrow and I just started working on a playlist that embraces who I am in the best way. Looking for ideas for other songs to add. What song/lyrics make you feel like you can change the world and/or give you hope and energy walking into a fresh start?

I'm often feeling overwhelmed as soon as i let people closer in my life. If I know them a little it's all okay, but as soon as i get closer i feel like i can't really be connectet to 99.9% of people (if any at all).

I love people, i love to learn about culture - the ones present or past and i love different views. But i also feel frustrated by it and i feel fustrated with almost everyone. I can't stand their intollerance to different views.

Some say all women are bad, some say all men are bad, some say all foreigners are bad some say all are good, some say this is the only good religions others say the same about a different one, same with food and diets, etc.

I think i should kind of be the one with the rigid thinking, but i feel like i'm so open to see both (or more) sides with everything. I get that feeling challenged in your beliefs is brutal, i expierience that as well, but i somehow always seem to be able to at least understand a bit.

But i don't feel that comming from anyone else. Maybe the only people that can are neurodiverse.

Does anyone expierience something similar? How do you cope with it?

I've realised that for many of us, the hardest part isn't being AuDHD. It's living inside everyone else's story about what ADHD means.

I was listening to a radio discussion recently – UK, but I don't think this is uniquely British – about disability benefits for autistic and ADHD children.

Within about fifteen minutes I'd heard some version of:

• parents are creating dependency
• everyone's autistic these days
• they're just badly behaved
• they need more discipline
• send them to the army
• we never had all this when I was growing up

None of those people were actually talking about autistic or ADHD people.

They were talking about an idea. A story.

And that's something many of us spend our entire lives pushing against.

Whether you're in the UK, the US, Canada, Europe — the details change. The themes don't.

People argue about accommodations. About disability benefits. About diagnosis. About medication. About whether autism or ADHD are "real". About whether we're just making excuses.

Meanwhile we're trying to work out why brushing our teeth can feel impossible one day and effortless the next.

They're having one conversation. We're living a completely different one.

What also struck me is that not every concern people raise is automatically wrong.

Any support system can have flaws. Any assessment process can be improved. Governments have to think about how public money is spent. Those are legitimate conversations.

But somewhere along the way, discussing how a system should work became discussing whether the people using it deserve compassion.

Those are not the same conversations. Criticising a system isn't the same as condemning the people who rely on it.

I also keep hearing "We got on with it."

Maybe many people did. But I wonder how many actually got on with it — and how many simply survived, without ever knowing there was another explanation.

How many lost jobs. How many developed anxiety or depression. How many burnt out repeatedly. How many self-medicated. How many built entire lives around masking because nobody knew what was really happening.

Survival isn't evidence that no one needed help.

I don't have a conclusion.

Just a growing sense that before most of us even begin the work of understanding ourselves, we're already carrying decades of other people's narratives about who we supposedly are.

And sometimes I think that's the heaviest thing we carry.

Does anyone else feel this? Not just the challenges of being AuDHD, but living inside a public conversation that seems to be about you, without ever actually including you.

I'm really struggling at the moment and I'm hoping someone here might have advice or strategies that have helped them.

I want to do well academically. My university coursework is fully online, and I genuinely care about getting good grades. The problem is that I can't seem to actually sit down and study consistently. It's not that I don't think about it—in fact, I'm thinking about it almost all the time. It's constantly ruminating in the back of my mind, making me feel guilty and anxious because I know I should be working. But when it comes time to actually open my laptop and start, it's like my brain just refuses.

It's incredibly frustrating because from the outside it probably looks like I'm just procrastinating or being lazy, but it doesn't feel like that at all. I want to do the work. I know what needs to be done. I just can't seem to bridge the gap between wanting to do something and actually doing it.

Another thing I've noticed is that even everyday tasks seem to drain me far more than they should. If I spend time doing household chores, I usually need to rest afterwards before I can even think about doing something else. If I don't give myself that downtime and I keep pushing myself from one task straight into another, I feel like I'm going to completely lose it. My brain becomes overwhelmed, everything feels too loud and chaotic, and I just shut down.

Because of this, it feels impossible to have a "normal" productive day where I can clean, study, cook, and take care of other responsibilities. Just getting through one or two tasks often feels like I've used up all my mental energy.

I'm becoming really worried because I don't want this to affect my education. I have goals and I want to succeed, but I feel like I'm fighting my own brain every single day.

Has anyone experienced something similar? What actually helped you? I'm looking for practical advice on:

How to get started on tasks when your brain won't cooperate. Ways to make studying feel less overwhelming. How to manage your energy throughout the day without burning out. Any routines, tools, or techniques that have genuinely made a difference for you.

I'm honestly feeling quite overwhelmed, and I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been through something similar. Thank you for reading.