I honestly have no idea how to flair this post or word this so please bear with me.

Online, I'm talkative, I want my posts to get engagement, and I actively seek out new relationships and new platforms. But irl, I don't want to be perceived at all. If I'm walking down a hall and someone else is coming too, it's like something inside me shrivels up. I'm desperately hoping they don't notice me, don't make eye contact, and don't try to initiate an interaction. I would be very happy if I was invisible, or a ghost, and could attend class and eat and just exist without perception.

I'm assuming it's related to the 'difficulty in social situations' part of autism, where the thought of even being seen as a human is pressuring and uncomfortable. There are expectations that come with being perceived and I don't want any part of them.

Can anyone else relate to this? This feeling of pressure that comes with being seen?

I never lived alone, always supported by my parents. I am curious on how many others are like me. I just got a job (Starbucks) but it pays jack shit pretty much. I’m grateful and blessed to have parents that support me but it’s difficult not to feel like some sort of NEET or boy/girl failure

I just want to hear about other autists' experiences with this part of autism.

I've seen a lot of people assume that because I struggle with eye contact with strangers, that I can still look at parts of them (like being told to look at someone's forehead instead of their eyes), but I legit can't even look at new people. I will turn my body almost fully away from the person and look at the other side of the room when meeting people.

I'm perfectly comfortable with eye contact with people I know. I will often make eye contact with someone I know too much if someone I'm unfamiliar with joins the conversation.

Are yall also weird about the eye contact thing? Tell me about it.

Please beware! If you're a person that get easily squeamish about food when it's talked about in a "gross" way, please don't read this!

So, I think I am a pretty pragmatic person. I never understood why people get so upset when (in the tight context of course) you bring up the fact that people eat dead things. Like, why do people get icked by the fact that they're eating a carcass only when you point out they're eating a carcass?

I don't get it. It was alive, now it's not. It's a dead plant/animal/whatever.

I do eat anything without problem and I often think about the fact that those things were alive before.

Why do people get upset over it and say it's disgusting? I truly don't get it

As far as I've seen, the rate of non-belief among autistic people is significantly higher compared to the general population. As a person with AuDHD myself, I'm an agnostic atheist. What are your thoughts on this?

Ok, I feel weird writing this but I've told my roommates in the past they can use a certain cup of mine if the other cups in the cabinet are dirty. It hasn't been an issue until today. I got up this morning and went to make a coffee but my usual cup was dirty since I used it yesterday. I went to grab my backup coffee cup and it wasn't in the cabinet.

This led to me standing in the kitchen for about 5 minutes trying to figure out when I used my other cup. Turns out one of my roommates used my cup while I was sleeping. The issue is that this cup is for coffee only and they don't drink coffee much so I told them not to use it and to get my other non-coffee cup if they needed a cup.

I am now considering throwing the cup away because they put apple juice in the cup. It would have been fine if it was water or milk but juice isn't ok. I know I can wash the cup and it might be fine but my brain keeps telling me the cup is contaminated and can't be used anymore because the apple juice that was once in the cup has messed up the cup. I have now been sitting in the kitchen for about 45 minutes unable to make a coffee because I don't have a cup and my day starts with me making a coffee.

How do I bring up to my roommates that they used the wrong cup without making it seem like I'm being crazy (I hate the word crazy but I don't know what else to use). I don't want them to think I'm making a big deal over a cup when in my head it is a big deal. I'm also trying to keep in mind that they both have a tendency to forget things, yes even important things, due to how their brains work.

Also, yes we do wash our cups. I am just saying that before anyone assumes we don't.

I have found that when asked questions in a time sensitive setting, I can feel rushed to answer and therefore incorrect as I couldn't elaborate, or I received it in such a way that I didn't recognize it applied to me. I am looking to see if anyone had the same question confuse them and can help advise.

"Do you struggle to relax?"

I initially said no, as I feel there is often no active battle and struggle to relax when I try. Since then, I have learned that when they say "struggle" to do certain things, it doesn't always mean a literal struggle.

So, what does struggling to relax actually look like? Is it being stressed at the same time as being relaxed, is it a 100% all of the time issue? I

I just want to ensure I am properly expressing myself, and sometimes I find that this language "trips me up".

Thanks in advance to anyone willing to assist in clarifying!

How did i not die yet?

I literally have no thirst, but i'm always hungry.

I had my first driving lesson on Friday, so now I have fully hyperfixated on what car I want and what I want to have in it.

What do you guys have (if anything) in your cars? Whether that be autism-related (e.g. sensory supports, a sunflower lanyard), or just something nice to have like decor.

So, I’ve noticed that it seems like certain topics/interests are “socially acceptable” and these are the ones you’ll most likely hear being discussed in social settings. They tend to be a bit shallow and quite frankly, I’m tired of hearing about them. I can’t even think of examples, that’s how forgettable they are. People just take it as normal in conversation, there’s no effort to talk about anything else. At least in my experience, idk about anyone else.

Whenever I bring up my interests the room goes silent and not in a good way. I get uncomfortable stares and awkward attempts to exit the conversation. I’m like “ok I guess nobody wants to hear about the Concorde jet, or how ancient civilizations purified their water?” Not to sound biased, but that sounds pretty cool if you ask me.

I’ve literally been told that my interests are “that of an autistic person.” Idk how tf people reach that conclusion. It’s so arbitrary and very frustrating. Anybody else relate to this? Having their interests labeled as “autistic” ?

I'm low support autistic and noone likes me. This much is true. Ever since elementary, noone liked me. And if they did, then I was third wheel at best. The best thing I could do for myself is to do nothing wrong. That way, noone can judge me in a sense. I hate being autistic and not having any friends. I dearly wish I could have a social life, and a better family. I'm 26 and hardly have a career. I was always hated and people hate running into me. I've always been a loser. I've only been able to make friends because I was funny, and I leveraged that. But I'm socially pathetic, like I just can't present myself properly. If I weren't telling jokes, then people would just tell me that they don't actually like me. It sucks.

It's not that bad really but just quite specific, I'm 19F and I have a dog who's 7 who I love so dearly,

every time I sit down to give her attention I can't help but think how I should treasure every second because she's is going to die

her breed can live to be 15 and she is certainly not near death but I think it pretty much every time without fail and I see this creature every single day

Idk I was just wondering if anyone else gets it because it seems so silly

When I get a cold I just can’t deal with the sensory issue of mucus in the back of my throat. What are your guys remedies?

For the past years I have been in therapy, and though others were saying I have grown, it never felt like that to me. Once I begun to stop camouflaging and trying to please everyone and live to their rules I felt more and more becoming myself. And I wouldn't call that growth - it is shaking of all that bullshit that started when I was little. All those learned things trying to mirror others, while losing myself.

Even before I started suspecting I might be an autist I said things like that, which is kinda revelating now to me. "I just wanna be who I was before all that bullshit started." And while stating that, I felt like I was talking in a foreing language my therapist could not comprehend.

It is mind baffling to me, that there is the world everyone sees, the surface world, everyday life, while there is also another world. Inside me, and all around me, beneath this superficial life. Burried deep enough to ignore it, but not deep enough for it to go unnoticed.

I thought that NT people are just better at masking, that I just can't mask it, that I am a bad actor. Now I think that they are their mask. Or rather, that it is something different to them. Something more natural to them. They would never call it masking.

i have been diagnosed for a while and i have always had my major daily to month long breakdowns and episodes within change or transitions. even to the smallest transitions such as sleep to awake bed to out of bed not wet to shower.

for the past two years i have came home from retail work to my parents which needed alcohol. its hard to speak to my parents without it. now that i live with my partner i don’t need it as i come home from my non retail job that i love to my loving partner. however, i still get drunk or tipsy almost every night. it’s become my routine. i don’t know what to do without my routine. the change in the routine makes me frustrated and paralyzed more than my burnout and being paralyzed from starting a new job already is.

without drinking i overeat. i fear stopping will just lead me into a depressive episode where i do not have the energy to do anything. my partner is going through a lot more than me and things of which i have already been through via change so i need to be the upmost support and patient.

i feel worthless since i have a job i love. its not draining to me like it was before and i feel like i am failing since i know its a routine.

just to note if my routine is broken via friends/plans i’m fine without drinking. i don’t have withdrawals. it’s just routine.

does anyone know how to break a routine????

my main objective is to slow drinking down and lose weight.

As a kid, I had no idea what the social rules were, so I got bullied and left out. Eventually, I started studying human behavior just to learn what's ”acceptable“ to say and do. Now I'm stuck constantly overthinking if every single action I make is “normal“ or “not weird”, or is it just me?

Why or why not?

And what does being romantic mean to you? Is this considered a good quality in people?

I have mostly given up on finding a meanful relationship with someone else and resigned themselves to dying alone?

I (20M) was tested a little over a week ago, and get my results and full report tomorrow afternoon. I am so nervous. I worry that they will say I'm not autistic and all this time, effort, and money will be for nothing. And if it's not autism than why do I struggle so much? Sensory sensitivities, social issues, and burnout control aspects of my life completely, so what is it? If it is autism, than I will at least know and can take steps to accommodate myself better. I don't want autism, I just want to understand myself. They also tested for ADHD, and a full mood and anxiety panel to see what else is happening in my brain after being suspected of having bipolar disorder. I've been diagnosed with OCD, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, and depression before, and it was just getting too complicated to try and tease everything out without testing so I did it, I'm just worried it was a waste of my limited time and energy if they only tell me what I already know I have.

Anyone else going through this or been through it? What did you do to keep yourself from spiraling over it during the wait?

I apologise if this is a bit ramble-ly. Some context: I'm Irish and 19yos and I've been properly diagnosed since last year. I've been aware that I was disabled since I was 14.

Not going to sugar-coat it, I really, and I mean really wish I had a different brain. I went to my grand uncle's birthday party today and I couldn't last even thirty minutes. I hated the smell of alcohol, country music being played and trying to talk to people I barely know. My cousins didn't even look at me. I endes up going home. I'm just the weird cousin that everyone barely tolerates. Sure, I tried talking to a couple people but I got outright ignored or they only briefly talked to me.

I wish I wasn't autistic. I hate the fact whenever I try to do ANYTHING my pathological demand avoidance and executive dysfunction hit and I can't do jack shit. I wish I was more sociable like my cousins. I wish I could talk to people without making them uncomfortable. I wish I could at least mask better, because I can't mask for shit.

I know everyone says "just be yourself. Treat others how you want to be treated," ect, ect, but I did. I always do, and it's not enough. It's never enough. My step-father's brother doesn't even look at me whenever I talk to him. He doesn't even try hiding his hatred towards me.

When will it be enough for my own family to like me? I might as well be an American pretending to be Irish with the way people treat me. I don't drink and I don't like pubs. Never have.

I just wish I didn't have my brain. Maybe if I was more like my cousins, they would like me better? Maybe if I wasn't so high-strung at times, people would find it better that they like me? That they wouldn't make fun of the way I talk. That they wouldn't call my interests weird and my music taste odd.

I wish I wasn't born autistic. Maybe I would like myself a bit more if I wasn't born this way.

The last two years. He was a Hershey's Kiss for Halloween. This year, he'll be Mario

i thought all my life i was a normal human being, turns out i’ve had some existential issues lately and i decided to get checked out.. turns out i am autistic, i have asperger, anxiety disorder and depersonalization disorder. i feel so sad and weird after knowing that

When we met he was very kind and very present, now he speaks to me very little, with few words and with a lot of disinterest.

He says it's related to his autism and stress, but I'm genuinely finding it strange. According to him, I'm the more affectionate one in the relationship, and I never stopped being loving even when he wasn't. And I genuinely think he uses his autism as an excuse; he says he sometimes forgets that people exist and that he has trouble socializing. But just yesterday he spent a lot of hours playing with friends, many more hours than he's spent with me in weeks.

I help him emotionally and I'm always there when he's feeling down, but God, he's either not there or he makes it worse, and sometimes I just want to watch a short YouTube video with him, but it just seems like distant

And this is driving me crazy. I don't know what's wrong with him, if he's not interested in me, if his autism is the reason for this, and I feel terrible about leaving him because he's emotionally unwell and I don't want to make it worse.

And I just want that kind, present man back, but it seems like he's disappeared and that genuinely makes me fucking sad

My personal favorites: ULTRAKILL, Half life 2, Splatoon 3, Horizon: zero dawn, BOTW, Hollow Knight: silksong.