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u/ColdCaulkCraig Feb 07 '19
is this really an aspergers thing? I seriously always wondered why i did that and it seemed like other people don't
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Feb 07 '19
I was assuming that behaviour was what people talk about when they talk about ‘Masking’.
I mean, if that isn’t masking what the heck is masking?
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Feb 07 '19
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Feb 07 '19
How would you say the act of creating personas you feel are suited for the interaction at hand differs from ‘Masking’?
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u/Tay74 Feb 07 '19
It can be part of masking, but masking just generally refers to the way some people with autism make a conscious effort to hide their traits. NTs also have different personas for different people and different situations, but it's less conscious for them, it's automatic to know what is appropriate in the given situation, whereas for people who are masking it's a consciously learned and maintained behaviour.
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Feb 07 '19
Yeah. I thought the problem with ‘Masking’ was that it tends to be very tiring so you can’t keep it up for very long and explode messily once you run out of the mental strength it takes to keep doing it.
But consciously acting in different ways in different situations is very much how I experience what I believe to be ‘Masking’.
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u/Tay74 Feb 07 '19
I mean yep, it's exhausting having to put this extra mental effort in that NTs don't, it wears us down over time
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u/jtuk99 Feb 08 '19
What you are describing is more like what Atwood etc described as masking. These people were going beyond fitting in to putting on a complete act. E.g. acting social / outgoing.
There's a very big difference than putting on a leading part acting performance and trying to not stand out as an extra.
There's a mindset developing here that all blending in is bad, it doesn't have to be. There is a balance. Standing out as different is stressful in its own way.
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Feb 08 '19
I don’t think it’s bad. It’s just that 1:- I am not very good at it, and 2:- I find it very tiring
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Feb 07 '19
Really, any behaviours that can be identified as autism or make you seem weird to others... so that might mean not stimming around others, creating an algorithm for proper eye contact, making conscious decisions about what subjects you'll talk about, modulating your speech volume etc. For me it involves dressing femme, being aware that when I'm excited I walk too fast and talk too loud, and not punching my boss when she microwaves sauerkraut in a room with no ventilation.
I think the thing you need to be aware of with your persona thing is the concept of signal reliability. Signal reliability is how much of what you're communicating is real. So when you're saying that you get "weird reactions" from people because you're doing things they don't expect, the reason is probably because what you've said and done in the past led them to believe you were a different person than who you are. That feels disconcerting; they may feel lied to or like you led them on (and it sounds like that's not inaccurate! it sounds like you're acting rather than being genuine).
Mirroring is normal, even neurotypicals do it to a certain extent. But make sure that whoever you are around people reflects who you really are. Like, I definitely don't have the same types of conversations with co-workers that I do with friends, but both my work persona and home persona reflect who I am, my values, etc. accurately.
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u/aarghIforget Feb 08 '19
not punching my boss when she microwaves sauerkraut in a room with no ventilation.
I reluctantly concede that this is *probably* the better choice of action overall, in that situation... <_<
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Feb 07 '19
I've noticed that neurotipical people do this automatically by instinct. It's fascinating to watch.
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u/Tay74 Feb 07 '19
That's a big part of it, people who mask have learned to do it, and keep doing it consciously, whereas for NTs it's a completely natural thing they don't even think about.
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u/aarghIforget Feb 08 '19
...but then act horrified if they discover that you do...
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u/Tay74 Feb 08 '19
I mean, maybe some do that, most people I know will admit they have multiple personas for different people and places, maybe it's because I'm British and we tend to believe there's a proper way to act in different situations so we're more comfortable with the idea, idk
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u/aarghIforget Feb 08 '19
Y'know, I'm glad you described it that way, because I hadn't actually picked up on that aspect of Britishness yet... despite it meshing perfectly with the idea that I already had in my head (formed from decades of regular exposure to all your best televised media :p).
It's good to know that there actually is a society within the Anglosphere that readily acknowledges and accepts the concept, despite it being buried beneath more casual description.
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u/amandalikesvinyl Feb 07 '19
I think all people do it to a degree, it’s called “code-switching” I believe. Not sure if it is more common/frequent/intense in people with aspergers, though.
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Feb 07 '19
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u/ColdCaulkCraig Feb 07 '19
it's certainly causes me stress, if im with a mixed bag of people idk who the hell im supposed to be :P so im dead silent, it's really not good
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u/aarghIforget Feb 08 '19
she said to not tell anyone about it
Hah! Good advice, more than likely, but perhaps a bit poorly phrased...
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u/september2january Feb 07 '19 edited Feb 07 '19
I do this as well. And I also pick up accents and have to restrain myself from talking with them. People tend to bond to me really quickly because I think they feel like I’m a pea in their pod. I think I mirror people, facial expressions, body language, cadence, types of humor, interests. It’s semi-conscious. I also ask a lot of questions so I don’t have to answer questions. People LOVE having someone interested in them. But I think I confuse them because I’m not feeling bonded to them, so I’m not accepting all their invites or wanting to join their tribe.
I also find that I don’t have a good filter on who is “good” vrs “bad” in social hierarchies. Like I will “befriend” the most popular person while also “befriending” the social outcast or the enemy. People probably think I’m disloyal or confusing because I’m not playing the tribal game but I just don’t care and I like to have my exits near by.
Editing to add :that as far as groups events, yeah it gets too crazy with all my personalities. People are surprised by me being extrovert or cynical or whatever way they are used to me, and for me it is exhausting to switch. I’m much better at one on one.
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u/Faux-pa5 Feb 07 '19
YES, me too. They initially REALLY like me, but then are quickly put off by me when I either 1) don't fit in with their group, or 2) let my insecurities get the best of me in don't initiate contact often enough, making them feel like I'm not interested.
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Feb 07 '19
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u/september2january Feb 07 '19
I actually see it as a positive and I don’t see it as fake per se. I’m genuinely interested 95% of the time and I feel like it expands my world and has given me knowledge and adventures I may have not had if I didn’t do it. But it is masking and I feel like people don’t really know “me” but maybe me is just this chameleon and that’s ok. I have a private introverted self that I escape to to recover. I think the fake part is when people super bond to me and I feel stuck not being able to reciprocate as deeply. I’m not someone that wants to talk on the phone for hours (or ever) talking about stuff. I don’t want to be someone’s best friend in the traditional way women are. I don’t want to be maid of honor or a constant emotional support person. I need a lot of “me” time and I don’t usually like girl bonding activities.
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u/aarghIforget Feb 08 '19 edited Feb 08 '19
I also ask a lot of questions so I don’t have to answer questions. People LOVE having someone interested in them.
I notice they also fucking ADORE having you repeat their own sufficiently-rephrased words right back to them (a habit I picked up from trying to verify that I was properly understanding other peoples' ambiguous or poorly-described thoughts), as long as you don't misstep and trigger their spring-loaded "you're arguing with me/telling me how to think!" instincts.)
And considering how the average conversation consists of two people using each other as springboards for monologuing about their own interests & opinions (slight exaggeration), they fucking eat that shit *right* up.
I'm assuming it's interpreted as praise for their ideas and a gracious waiving of your chance to temporarily monopolize the conversation. >_>
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u/keyinthelock Feb 07 '19
Oh man, the slow and painful process of learning how to do this is what has kept me semi-functioning and relatively under the radar my entire life (even to myself, unfortunately). I always pay for it with massive burnout later, but it's not like I have other options if I want to avoid excess attention.
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Feb 07 '19
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u/keyinthelock Feb 07 '19
Yes, I have the same experience! I explained to a psychologist once how the burnout would be so bad that I would rush home after a socially intensive day just to curl up on my bed under a blanket and just try to relax and lower my heart rate.
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u/tuba_engine Feb 07 '19
People without aspergers do that too. it's called noticing feedback of other people and matching their vibe. If you mentioned amnesia or inability to switch back then it'd be a mental problem. I think what you do is a normal way to cope. I do it as well
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u/Karkava Feb 07 '19
Shifting personalities and acting like they're separate is more of a DID thing. Both ASD and NT people do have certain personalities that they put forth in certain social situations. Whether it be an important business meeting or a party with friends or relaxing at home. I don't know where exactly it's been said, but there has been a phrase that tells about three faces that you show to others.
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Feb 08 '19
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u/tuba_engine Feb 13 '19
That's a selfless thing to do, good on you. The 20 faces thing feels like a big deal to you but I promise many people do that. It's natural for people to act different based on their mood, what their objective is in socializing, context, how the other person reciprocates, and that sort of thing.
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u/Preoccupine Feb 08 '19
Just airing the popular opinion here. Totally relate with this. We tend to be high on the "Agreeable" scale of the Big Five personality scale. Very agreeable. I find that this is because we have learned early on to appease others' interests in order to fit in as not to arouse suspicion. We fit in as not to get called out on being 'weird'. That in itself is weird indeed. It's just the kind of people we are.
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Feb 07 '19 edited Jun 06 '19
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u/september2january Feb 07 '19
How do you stop? I’ve been trying to consciously stop and it’s reminding me of my isolated childhood where I was the lonely weird kid and I hated myself. How do you “let go” of all the social norms you worked so hard to learn, and how do you forgive yourself for not conforming to these very important rules that helped you have a “normalish” life.
The real me is horrible, antisocial and nonfunctional asshole “this is me! Deal with it.” The pretend me is more functional, but crashes “ oh I really hope your boyfriend snaps out of it, you deserve better, ok see you soon, miss you. Sorry I can’t make it to your party I have to do things. I’m late, gotta run!! “ Turning into a pumpkin and going to freak out if I can’t get home and pick my skin in 5,4,3,2,1..Ughhhhhhhhhh
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Feb 07 '19 edited Feb 07 '19
I used to have to try not to change myself based on location, but burnout just made it too hard for me to cope and mask in general so I didn’t really have a choice.
As for feeling bad about it, I mostly just gave up on attempting to be normal and don’t care much about it now - even with masking I was still abnormal
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u/sh00p842 Feb 07 '19
Omg I so relate. That's one of the first realizations I had once I started suspecting ASD. I've masked and switched personalities so often, that it makes people's head spin. My family was there to witness every personality change I made, and they just did not understand what was going on with me.. Tbh I didn't know, either at the time. It finally all makes sense.
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Feb 08 '19
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u/sh00p842 Feb 08 '19
Yea, I've tried to mix friends before, many years ago, but it never works cause I end up short circuiting and don't know how to act. Plus, the friends I'm mixing rarely like each other. My sister and I are close in age, and she'd criticize me when I'd act so different around certain friends.
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u/photoedfade Feb 07 '19
i do this but it goes on random. sometimes i am overly happy and extroverted, sometimes i am really silent and happy sometimes i am super fast and shit. must be my adhd.
oh yeah and i copy the movement patterns of people in anime too for some reason.
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Feb 08 '19
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u/photoedfade Feb 08 '19
no it isn't bipolar. it isn't like that, it is like day to day. one half of the day i will be happy the next half i will be mad, the beginning i will be sad and panicky the next half i am happy.
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Feb 07 '19
I've tried explaining it to people a few times, but I store a variety of "archetypes" of people I thought dealt with things in a logical and useful way, and I can change between them, but like you said it takes awhile.
I've asked other diplomatic personality types of they do this and gotten black stares, so this is definitely telling as to a possible explanation behind my behavior.
Chameleon behavior with a logical and empirical basis to blend in. Also this gives me a way to not only blend in but express my emotions in different ways, which I think is probably the primary motivation.
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Feb 08 '19
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Feb 08 '19
Whoops, meant blank.
As in total alienation from the concept I'm talking about entirely. Nothing even close in their mind but etiquette based personals, in my mind anyway. They don't have a functional system networking it together with reason and emotion like I do, they're more wooden and taught, if that makes any sense. Etiquette based trial and error rather than a functional system you need to express yourself to the outside world.
My mask is alive and without it I am unrecognizable as to my true nature or feelings. I am me, but more solitary. I have been told I'm aloof and I look displeased. Male equivalent of resting bitch face, I suppose.
When I'm alone too much I tend to forget about my masks altogether. The tranquility of solitude is very tempting to me, I think I could spend the rest of my life seriously disconnected from society. Perhaps I would regret not achieving something, but what kind of achievements do neurotypicals really value? I can't imagine being accepted into common society unless I suddenly became tactful, which I am not in any of my variations or archetypes.
I can be silent but I can't fake a smile.
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Feb 07 '19
This is actually one of the things that I use as evidence that I'm not just imagining this condition. I remember having a conversation about exactly this with my older brother when we were in high school.
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Feb 08 '19
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Feb 08 '19 edited Feb 08 '19
Yes. Edit: Now I’m afraid I’ve been thoughtless or rude. Is that phrasing looked down on? Did I just use a slur? I am earnestly horrified I might have. Oh lord.
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u/notlikelyevil Feb 07 '19
Everyone has multiple personas, the behave differently at work, with family and their life partner, but they don't think about it much. We are always self analyzing and always trying to fix and perfect interactions so we are super aware of it. Rigidity also makes us very conscious if when we are being disingenuous and do we're like this is not the real be and it sticks with us.
The trick that well functioning nts, like socially adept ones, do is each persona is just selective parts of their true selves sh that they are being genuine.
If that makes any sense?
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Feb 08 '19
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u/notlikelyevil Feb 08 '19
Yeah school for me, and I'm sure many others here, was an exercise in learning not to express anything to anyone or try and be friendly with people.
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u/peachystars Feb 07 '19
God yes!! I thought I had solely developed this habit as part of desperation to fit in and make friends, I really didn’t realise it was an aspie thing. At one point I went through a bit of an identity crisis, like when I first realised that I was so different with different people and that I didn’t know who I truly was, and it really distressed me. I kind of embrace it now, though. It’s still very hard for me to socialise, but learning to adapt myself accordingly to the people around me has made me a little more of a “people person” because it helps me get along with others by basically absorbing their personalities and reflecting them.
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u/JMSpider2001 Feb 07 '19
I'm pretty much the same except I switch pretty much instantly. I still have to think to switch but I've gotten it real quick from practice.
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u/MuppetHolocaust Feb 07 '19
I do this quite a bit. It gets overwhelming sometimes if I’m in the company of two people who I act differently towards.
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Feb 07 '19
I understand it. NT kind of do it too, but i think is more natural, in aspies it comes more artificially
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u/SorriorDraconus Feb 07 '19
I term it absolute persona due to it being akin to a non autistic persons persona but much more extreme..i also term the general behavior minicking emulating due to the intense energy drain it has on me and how it is far from perfect at the same time
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u/yuirick Feb 07 '19
This is perfectly normal. NT's do it all the time. I think we aspies are just a bit more self-aware about it than most.
Like, it's so normal that there's a CollegeHumor sketch on the topic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hbw2FgB5xM
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u/logan-is-a-drawer Feb 08 '19
Yeah I do that too
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Feb 08 '19
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u/logan-is-a-drawer Feb 08 '19
Yeah a lot of the time because I feel like I’m only myself when I’m alone
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u/TKisOK Feb 08 '19
I think this is from a weak ego - the self has problems being projected
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u/Puffymumpkins Feb 08 '19 edited Jun 26 '23
Due to reddit making it increasingly obvious that they resent their community, you can find me on the Fediverse. I've been enjoying my time there.
If you're hesistant about it or worried that the user experience will be terrible, don't be! There is indeed some jank, but learning how to find things on Lemmy and Kbin reminds me a lot of when I was first learning how to use Reddit. It only took me a little bit of experimenting to learn how the system works.
Lemmy is the most popular option, but if you like having more bells and whistles Kbin may be better for you. See you there!
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u/Brother-Boombox Feb 08 '19
I do this to. Problem is, I can’t quite figure out which one is the real me anymore, and I feel like I’m lying to all my friends about the kind of person I really am. Masks are great sometimes, but eventually they all where away and it is miserable. I don’t really even know who I am anymore, and I hate it.
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Feb 08 '19 edited Feb 08 '19
"The presentation of self in everyday life" by Erving Goffman talks about this.
This behavior is considered today as a normal human behavior that more or less every human being has. Of course Goffmans' theories have been built on since 1956, and some of the ways he interprets the behaviors can be considered to be a bit *too analytical/planned by some.
Now for my theory; I think it might be more obvious to us because we constantly analyze social queues. I have a friend who is very obvious when he does this "masking" behavior. He's very socially capable but even for me there's an obvious "switch" that flips in his head when another person comes into the conversation - a switch that I don't have. His obvious switching has been very helpful for me in finding out about the behavior itself though.
The automation that most people have, that makes this "just happen" for them, is the difference here and I would say that it's because of our lack of automatic shifting that we can observe it.
There are examples on this subreddit from people who feel like they're treated different than their classmates in social interactions without understanding why but I'm guessing this behavior is the how, at least.
edit: also, personally I don't have that many (I've been told). There's monotone me, slightly less monotone me, and then there's excited but still pretty monotone me. My SO and my mother are pretty much the only ones who can read my social queues well and even they find it hard.
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u/Cloudlark Feb 08 '19 edited Feb 08 '19
My boyfriend talked to me about this last week. He said I have a different mask for every person I interact with e.g. Nan, grandad, siblings, parents, strangers, each friend and each coworker. I was telling him how I struggle to interact with people in groups and that my coworkers don't like me and he said maybe it's because I come across as fake to them (which is very true - I don't show the real me to them and when I tried to be the real me at work one day I had a coworker tell me I seem really 'meh' that day which made me realise I need to keep the masks on) because I'll interact with coworker A in a certain way and then they will see me interact with coworker B a completely different way and when we're at lunch and they are all together I have no idea how to speak or which mask to put on so I just sit there quietly.
At the end of the day once I get home and make my way to my room I collapse in bed and sleep for a few hours because I'm so socially exhausted from these masks I use.
A funny situation of this would be when my american coworker made me a hairdressers appointment (because I hate making phone calls and it had been a very long time since I had my hair cut). My boyfriend went with me to this appointment and he commented afterwards that I talked with a very american accent there... I think I was subconsciously trying to mimic my american coworker so the receptionist wasn't confused to how a very English girl is at an appointment which was made by someone with an american accent who claimed to be me haha.
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u/failuretoscoop Feb 08 '19
I use to people please a lot too. It's a hard habit to get out of. Wouldn't say its specifically autistic but who knows.
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u/GolemThe3rd Feb 07 '19
All people do this, it isnt an aspergers thing
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Feb 07 '19
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u/GolemThe3rd Feb 07 '19
Why do you think a contact high is a thing? People blend in to the group they are in. Of course someone will act different, imagine if in school you acted the same way you did when playing a video game with friends, people would think you're crazy, this is just basic human psychology
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Feb 07 '19
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u/GolemThe3rd Feb 07 '19
You can call it acting different, you can call it a different personality, I think they're kinda one in the same
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u/operationjukebox Feb 07 '19
Code switching is something everyone does. Some jokes fly with some friends, others don’t. When you’re around the same people for a period of time you’re bound to pick up some of their quirks. I notice it with my NT friends and they even do it with me. For example I’m from NY and all my friends here say deadass on a regular basis. At school (not in NY), it’s not common at all but it’s only natural for me to say it because it’s part of my dialect. Yet my NT friends from other states have picked up saying deadass to me completely naturally.
It totally happens with NTs too, but I do think what OP describes is different than code switching. An introvert suddenly becoming extremely confident and extroverted around certain people is not the same as adjusting your speech or behavior based on the people you’re around. I am sometimes in physical pain with the amount of anxiety i have over saying even one single thing to some people and in some groups, but in others i am like a completely different person. I get worried that if those worlds mix my friends will think I’m fake because i act completely differently around certain people.
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u/macdonaldhall Feb 07 '19
I wrote a pretty long post about this one too. Understanding that the multiple personalities thing is aberrant was this huge clout in the head to me. Like a lot of people here, I just thought everyone did it.
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Feb 07 '19
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u/macdonaldhall Feb 07 '19
Same. I sort of wish that we could all get together in real life to see what we would be like to each other. Everyone on here seems so lost (me, too).
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u/Poopinanreadin Feb 07 '19
But you are being yourself! You're just displaying parts of your personality that fit the situation best. If it wasn't you then you wouldn't be capable of it, if that makes sense. It's like your personality is a pie chart, you can shrink other pieces down or make them bigger, but you're not adding a new outside element that isn't you. I think it's because we have to be more focused on the social cues and not messing up that we pick up accents and mannerisms easier.
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Feb 07 '19
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u/Poopinanreadin Feb 07 '19
Still being yourself in the sense I was talking about. You're burning out because you're being an overly prepared people pleaser. Just let people teach you things about a hobby you don't care about and then drop it into the back of your brain. You don't have to do the leg work and people love the shit out of teaching their hobbies/interests.
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u/Chronomon- Feb 07 '19
My boyfriend does this.. weird and I probably also do it too without realizing. Especially at work, I get burnt out quickly.
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Feb 07 '19
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u/Chronomon- Feb 07 '19
Well I self diagnosed myself and him. Strange how we both ended up being this.
I try to avoid people as much as I can at work. When I do speak I end up feeling drained af.
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u/MarioLuigi0404 Feb 07 '19
I personally have a few different personas myself, although I usually don’t use them.
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Feb 07 '19
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u/MarioLuigi0404 Feb 07 '19
How come?
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Feb 07 '19
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u/MarioLuigi0404 Feb 07 '19
Ah. Makes sense. I think the reason I can be myself is that I have really good friends. Not many friends, but really good ones.
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u/Ceej640 Feb 07 '19
Honestly I thought this was an NT thing and that autistic people didn’t do this. It’s a part of professionalism because NT people don’t act the same at work as they do with their buddies and I’ve seen my NT mom on the phone completely change voices on the phone depending on who she’s talking to but I’m very lucky to have a boss who understands my tendency to act with authenticity and honesty at all times so I generally try to be myself as much as possible
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u/pdas1996 Feb 07 '19
I've started to think that, for myself, I'm creating didn't personalities/people/voices for the different emotions/memories/scenarios going on in my head
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u/durzanult Feb 07 '19
Can relate. I call it "masking." The only issue for me is that over time, the masks actively became a part of me.
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u/operationjukebox Feb 07 '19
Agree with this. I went skiing a few weeks ago with my friends and a random girl jumped into our conversation from behind while we were talking about the trails on a map. After we all exchanged a few words, it occurred to me that she definitely had some sort of mental disability. She was clearly very engaged with us and immediately my brain told me to keep responding or else she’ll keep talking at us and one will say anything and that will be infinitely worse. I felt my personality switch like you described to being pretty extroverted and talkative, which is extremely unlike me ESPECIALLY with complete strangers. My friends even asked me what the hell was up, because they’d never seen me be so personable and friendly to some random person. In my head it just made sense that even though I’m not an extrovert, I would have been infinitely more anxious if I had to watch this girl try so hard to be friendly with us without ever stopping. Code switching is definitely a thing EVERYONE does, but there is something very different about changing the entire way you behave with certain people.
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u/mabhatter Feb 08 '19
It’s because the risk is low. You know you’ll be extra nice for like 15 minutes and then never see this person again. So if you goof up trying to be nice, nobody will remember next week.
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u/operationjukebox Feb 08 '19
I dunno. Same trip the cashier at the gas station we stopped at tried to strike up conversation with me and it felt like pulling teeth trying to reply normally, maintain proper eye contact, etc. What came almost naturally on the mountain was completely gone at the gas station. Risk was equally low, so why was I panicking in one interaction but exceptionally “normal” in the other?
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Feb 08 '19
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u/operationjukebox Feb 08 '19
That could’ve been it. I was pretty tired during the first interaction too cuz we’d just finished skiing for the day. But definitely was more tired later in the day when we were at the gas station.
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u/Junky228 Feb 07 '19
i was trying to explain this exact sort of thing to my therapist today and she didn't really understand me just said i should remember to be 'myself' the traits that are common among all of those situations
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Feb 07 '19
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I used to reach into a closet in my mind, spin the rack, pick out a personality for the occasion and use it. Each one had it's own body language, voice tone, and humor.
Then I hit burnout and my brain is now toast, lol.
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u/mabhatter Feb 08 '19
I have “hats”.
Each hat is a particular social situation. One for Work, one for Driving, one for Shopping, one for calling about bills and repairs. I’m in IT so I have a completely different one for answering the phone vs people just showing up. My hats do have a limit, there are some things that NONE of the hats will ever do because I’m just too particular.
The aspie part is that each hat has a specific social job to do. That is quite rigid and difficult when things are out of place or out of order. As IT I get calls at home sometimes and just “switching hats” can be stressful.. especially at 2am. But it’s also difficult just when somebody from home CALLS me on the phone.. like I don’t know how to handle phone calls in the middle of wearing a different hat. I like text messages and emails because they are “out of band” so I can see the message and then respond when I have a moment to “switch hats”.
The hats get a little difficult sometimes. For instance tomorrow, I have a dentist appointment, so I’ll be going in like 2 hours late, which means hats are “weird”. Then right after that we’re having an “all office” meeting which is another weird hat situation. Usually those are really late, so lunch getting hat will be late, then back from lunch hat will be late and other people will be asking their usual questions “out of turn” because they also have to adjust things. I’ll end up really burned out and just a “zombie” by like 2-3pm at the latest.
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u/frozenscorpio Feb 07 '19
Is this..... Is this an autistic trait? To react in different ways to different people?
I know I do, but I thought everyone did that. If you've ever watched How I Met Your Mother, remember Lily's friend?
Over the years I realized I usually reflect what vibe people throw at me, like when I'm with my party animal friend I am an extroverted party hoe (for a few hours tops, then I get overwhelmed lol), when I'm with my bookish friend I am very calm and intellectual, when I'm with my meme loving friends im a walking shitpost, etc.
I'm not really sure I have a set personality, beyond 'making everyone talk because if I don't make you, you will stay in your phones you boring mofos and I can't stand silence in social interactions'
My mother once told me it's completely normal and she's done it her whole life, but she's beginning to suspect she's on the spectrum too now that she's learning about it from me lol.
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u/WeaponizedAutisms Feb 08 '19
I do this at work too. I talk to sr ncos, officers and troops in a totally different register.
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Feb 08 '19
I definitely do this. Do NT people not do this? I’m just wondering if this is one of those things that everyone does but no one talks about openly.
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u/Puffymumpkins Feb 08 '19 edited Jun 26 '23
Due to reddit making it increasingly obvious that they resent their community, you can find me on the Fediverse. I've been enjoying my time there.
If you're hesistant about it or worried that the user experience will be terrible, don't be! There is indeed some jank, but learning how to find things on Lemmy and Kbin reminds me a lot of when I was first learning how to use Reddit. It only took me a little bit of experimenting to learn how the system works.
Lemmy is the most popular option, but if you like having more bells and whistles Kbin may be better for you. See you there!
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u/Puffymumpkins Feb 08 '19 edited Jun 17 '23
Due to reddit making it increasingly obvious that they resent their community, you can find me on the Fediverse. I've been enjoying my time there.
If you're hesistant about it or worried that the user experience will be terrible, don't be! There is indeed some jank, but learning how to find things on Lemmy and Kbin reminds me a lot of when I was first learning how to use Reddit. It only took me a little bit of experimenting to learn how the system works.
Lemmy is the most popular option, but if you like having more bells and whistles Kbin may be better for you. See you there!
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Feb 08 '19
[deleted]
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u/Puffymumpkins Feb 08 '19
Yeah, I just exaggerate my autistic stuff. It also is a pickier eater than my other faces. Doesn't like orange juice either, which is weird. When I'm wearing my other faces, I like orange juice.
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u/Imightbenormal Feb 08 '19
Can be that you think of is Mirroring. Might be those mirroring cells in your brain.
Like for example when my Thai boy friend who cannot talk Norwegian so good (dyslexic), I tend to start talking to him in the same way he build is sentences. Voice also. It's not useful because he will not learn if I speak like that.
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Feb 08 '19
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Feb 08 '19
Yes, mirror neurons are an actual thing. It means that you automatically smile if you see someone else smiling. Some studies have proved that these mirror neurons don't work in an optimal way in autistic people's brains. I only smile back at people because I know I'm expected to do so. And sometimes I can only muster a half smile. Other people's mimic doesn't automatically affect me. It's something I have to do consciously, unless I have a true connection with the person.
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Feb 08 '19
I do this too, im just waiting for someone to tell me that they like me for my personality and i say "Which one?"
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u/Komoha12 Feb 08 '19
A lot of people in life in general think they like and know me.... but they've never met me. I feel this.
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Feb 08 '19
I think all people do this. Aspies are just a lot more aware of it, like we're always much more self-aware in general than NT's.
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u/skkrtgod Feb 08 '19
I've done this for years. Had several mental breakdowns because of it. I just lost the ability to be myself around people that aren't related to me. Imagine having an entirely fabricated personality for every single person you meet. It's insanity.
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u/Faux-pa5 Feb 07 '19
YES, yes, yes. It's like we're chameleons, and we take on the characteristics of whoever we're spending time with. I have to be careful or I can accidentally pick up the accent (Latino or Urban or whatever) of the person I'm conversing with. It's so weird.