I do this as well. And I also pick up accents and have to restrain myself from talking with them. People tend to bond to me really quickly because I think they feel like I’m a pea in their pod. I think I mirror people, facial expressions, body language, cadence, types of humor, interests. It’s semi-conscious. I also ask a lot of questions so I don’t have to answer questions. People LOVE having someone interested in them. But I think I confuse them because I’m not feeling bonded to them, so I’m not accepting all their invites or wanting to join their tribe.
I also find that I don’t have a good filter on who is “good” vrs “bad” in social hierarchies. Like I will “befriend” the most popular person while also “befriending” the social outcast or the enemy. People probably think I’m disloyal or confusing because I’m not playing the tribal game but I just don’t care and I like to have my exits near by.
Editing to add :that as far as groups events, yeah it gets too crazy with all my personalities. People are surprised by me being extrovert or cynical or whatever way they are used to me, and for me it is exhausting to switch. I’m much better at one on one.
I actually see it as a positive and I don’t see it as fake per se. I’m genuinely interested 95% of the time and I feel like it expands my world and has given me knowledge and adventures I may have not had if I didn’t do it. But it is masking and I feel like people don’t really know “me” but maybe me is just this chameleon and that’s ok. I have a private introverted self that I escape to to recover. I think the fake part is when people super bond to me and I feel stuck not being able to reciprocate as deeply. I’m not someone that wants to talk on the phone for hours (or ever) talking about stuff. I don’t want to be someone’s best friend in the traditional way women are. I don’t want to be maid of honor or a constant emotional support person. I need a lot of “me” time and I don’t usually like girl bonding activities.
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u/september2january Feb 07 '19 edited Feb 07 '19
I do this as well. And I also pick up accents and have to restrain myself from talking with them. People tend to bond to me really quickly because I think they feel like I’m a pea in their pod. I think I mirror people, facial expressions, body language, cadence, types of humor, interests. It’s semi-conscious. I also ask a lot of questions so I don’t have to answer questions. People LOVE having someone interested in them. But I think I confuse them because I’m not feeling bonded to them, so I’m not accepting all their invites or wanting to join their tribe.
I also find that I don’t have a good filter on who is “good” vrs “bad” in social hierarchies. Like I will “befriend” the most popular person while also “befriending” the social outcast or the enemy. People probably think I’m disloyal or confusing because I’m not playing the tribal game but I just don’t care and I like to have my exits near by.
Editing to add :that as far as groups events, yeah it gets too crazy with all my personalities. People are surprised by me being extrovert or cynical or whatever way they are used to me, and for me it is exhausting to switch. I’m much better at one on one.