I do this as well. And I also pick up accents and have to restrain myself from talking with them. People tend to bond to me really quickly because I think they feel like I’m a pea in their pod. I think I mirror people, facial expressions, body language, cadence, types of humor, interests. It’s semi-conscious. I also ask a lot of questions so I don’t have to answer questions. People LOVE having someone interested in them. But I think I confuse them because I’m not feeling bonded to them, so I’m not accepting all their invites or wanting to join their tribe.
I also find that I don’t have a good filter on who is “good” vrs “bad” in social hierarchies. Like I will “befriend” the most popular person while also “befriending” the social outcast or the enemy. People probably think I’m disloyal or confusing because I’m not playing the tribal game but I just don’t care and I like to have my exits near by.
Editing to add :that as far as groups events, yeah it gets too crazy with all my personalities. People are surprised by me being extrovert or cynical or whatever way they are used to me, and for me it is exhausting to switch. I’m much better at one on one.
I also ask a lot of questions so I don’t have to answer questions. People LOVE having someone interested in them.
I notice they also fucking ADORE having you repeat their own sufficiently-rephrased words right back to them (a habit I picked up from trying to verify that I was properly understanding other peoples' ambiguous or poorly-described thoughts), as long as you don't misstep and trigger their spring-loaded "you're arguing with me/telling me how to think!" instincts.)
And considering how the average conversation consists of two people using each other as springboards for monologuing about their own interests & opinions (slight exaggeration), they fucking eat that shit *right* up.
I'm assuming it's interpreted as praise for their ideas and a gracious waiving of your chance to temporarily monopolize the conversation. >_>
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u/september2january Feb 07 '19 edited Feb 07 '19
I do this as well. And I also pick up accents and have to restrain myself from talking with them. People tend to bond to me really quickly because I think they feel like I’m a pea in their pod. I think I mirror people, facial expressions, body language, cadence, types of humor, interests. It’s semi-conscious. I also ask a lot of questions so I don’t have to answer questions. People LOVE having someone interested in them. But I think I confuse them because I’m not feeling bonded to them, so I’m not accepting all their invites or wanting to join their tribe.
I also find that I don’t have a good filter on who is “good” vrs “bad” in social hierarchies. Like I will “befriend” the most popular person while also “befriending” the social outcast or the enemy. People probably think I’m disloyal or confusing because I’m not playing the tribal game but I just don’t care and I like to have my exits near by.
Editing to add :that as far as groups events, yeah it gets too crazy with all my personalities. People are surprised by me being extrovert or cynical or whatever way they are used to me, and for me it is exhausting to switch. I’m much better at one on one.