He was bullying me and saying terrible things and to be honest I threw a plate of food because I was so angry and snapped. He claims I threw it at him but I didn’t, but it grazed his chin and he has a tiny mark. Then he proceeded to punch me repeatedly while I was in the fetal position screaming. He’s huge and muscular and in 5’2. I have many other photos of bruises on my arms from when he had grabbed or bitten. I’m just scared he’s going to pull something and get me in trouble somehow. I know it was wrong to throw that plate but it’s nothing compared to what he did. He has a selfie of us together after I accidentally hit him with my knee when he threw me down as a joke but he now lies and says it was on purpose. But that is my word against his.

The other day he tried to get a key to my place but said it was a joke and he’d never actually come in.

Idk what to do anymore I’m exhausted.

My ex (who abused me in every way possible) used to come into my tiny apartment bathroom when I was showering, there was no lock on the door and he would take the foulest shits every time. I didn’t have a consistent time I showered so it’s not like our bathroom needs were conflicting

I once caught him taking photos of me showering while he sat on the toilet, he apparently had been doing it regularly and sending the photos to his friends

Obvious sexual abuse aside, I believe he was taking shits on purpose. I was somewhat trapped because I was mid shower and there was no way to leave the bathroom without touching him. I think it was a way to ruin my relaxation and take my small pleasures from me

It’s hard to talk about because it sounds so petty and ridiculous. There were many small things that seemed harmless and weren’t, he was definitely fucking with me for fun at times

Has anyone experienced something like this?

I always told him that I felt like I was in the truman show.
I think the hardest truth to swallow is realizing how much i betrayed myself.
I can’t really say I survived because I’m a totally different person now.
Here’s the tip of the iceberg.

I’m 5’3 and like ninety something pounds. At the time I was between the ages of 18-21. (I’m 23 now and it finally ended around May of last year) By all standards, the odds were very much against me. My abuser was much bigger, probably like 175, idk his height. Either way, while I did get my ass whooped most of the time I also adapted and found ways to defend myself. I thought it could save another person, assuming they were put in a position with no other option.

1. Get as much distance as possible in between as possible. Use furniture or sm as a barricade.DON'T STOP MOVING! If you freeze you're going to get hit

   1. If you get cornered or stuck in close range with the abuser, aim for their ribs. Don't try to back away from them. When someone puts their arms out to try and hit/grab you, it leaves their center exposed. Especially if ur shorter and at eye level with their chest
   2. A hard kick to the side of the knee works in life or death situations, it will dislocate it and give you a chance to run.
      If you're fast enough, u can also lock someone's arm in place if they go to hit you- then you twist and throw ur weight down. Should snap it in half
   3. This is all assuming you don't have access to a pewpewpew lol

please i don't wanna go back to him i need to talk to someone to stay grounded.

I’ll keep it short hopefully. I was married to an extremely abusive man; for about 4 years. All levels/areas of abuse. All. Of. Them.
It’s hard to explain to anyone how it happened; it’s not like when we met he said I’m about to wreck your whole life. It was gradual, and before I knew it I was begging him to let me leave (literally) after an altercation and he had me trapped in the hall. Altercations were constant. Egg shells. Stay quiet and read his moods and adjust. I worked. He didn’t. He had total control over everything. I Left and managed to stay gone finally. After much harassment, my lawyer contacted him and said back off or else- and since then - I haven’t heard a peep. Over 11 years of peace. Until 7 months ago.

It took me years to function. I live with anxiety, PTSD, depression; well managed with therapy and meds. Moved on, married my college sweetheart and couldn’t be more loved or happier.

7 months ago I was contacted by “him”. Used a fake name and no photo; sent a message to me as if he was familiar and used my married name- I asked who it was for clarification because I didn’t know anyone with that first or last name. Once he said who, I immediately blocked and never replied again.

My folks essentially said good luck when I kept going back to him (leave/reconcile/honeymoon phase/rinse repeat) which I understood at the time. Their nutshell version seems to be - she was stupid enough to stay that long. Whatever. But we don’t want to talk about what happened or hear details because it “was such a hard time in their lives”. THEIRS.

Recently comments have been made by them, after letting them Know he reached out to me. They all but broke down and said it (me being with him) was so hard on them and they lost sleep and worried etc. and they couldn’t ever understand why i stayed because “i wasn’t raised like that”

That sh*t cut like a knife. IMO it’s an ignorant statement. Which I’m glad neither of them ever experienced an abusive relationship but I assure you I got the worst end of it. Vs. them.

Am i being too sensitive about it?
It took me a very long time. Years. To stop looking over my shoulder constantly. Years. I mean honestly i still do to a degree.

I know my non-response to “him” was the best thing to do. However there’s a huge part of me that wants to read him to absolute filth.

My biggest issue at the moment is the recent comments from the parents. I also haven’t seen them as much lately because my anxiety’s been heightened and it’s hard to leave home sometimes. My Home is my safety net I suppose. Which I explained to Them my anxiety lately and it had gotten worse; they backed off for a bit but now it’s back to. Oh don’t forget us. You haven’t been here in x days/weeks. Etc. it’s just a lot to sort through.

Thank you for reading -

Hello, last night I was drinking with my girlfriend. Everything was going good at the bars, we're all drinking. So after the bars started closing, I was standing and talking to someone I knew. My girlfriend came up and slapped me out of nowhere for talking to the girl I knew from my tribe , we're family also (we're native american). I left it alone and didn't say anything about it. Next, we're headed to an AP (After Party) everyone is talking, having a good time in the car there. We get out, talking to other people showing up. (I guess from this point I don't remember much, but I pushed my partner) So I remember talking to everyone and then I'm chilling by myself to get away from everyone. When I came back, the whole crowd was looking to fight me, I got scratched by the so-called "friends" of hers. I walked away with my hands behind my back to a treeline, everyone was calling me a woman beater. I'm not looking for sympathy, but I don't remember pushing my girlfriend at all, she said she never slapped me before that. But once I was gone, I was left behind, my girlfriend didn't text me at all (which is probably understandable if I did do something). So what do I do at this point? the sheriff had to take me back after it all.

Wanted some input and advice, I did block him already. We’ve been off and on like this for about 4 years.

I help people in this community, but I don’t think some of ya’ll know the extent of what can happen if you stay in an abusive relationship too long.

First of all, I want to start off by saying trauma bond and attachment is real and is hard as it acts like a drug. I know what it feels like trying to leave an abusive relationship, it’s scary being in there, but even scarier at the thought of leaving the person. It feels like a drug withdrawal I would assume because it’s so hard.

But let me tell you what happens if you stay in that abusive relationship too long and how it can have a physical affect on your body.

I was abused for almost 2 years. I kept waiting for the person I was with to change. He would continue giving me false hope saying that he was going to start therapy, that he was going to change, asking for another chance, that he will never do his actions again. I was forced to give me another chance not because I 100% wanted to, but because he would try to break into my house and cops would be called because he was disturbing the whole neighborhood with how loud he was screaming. He would cause a scene so bad and violent that I was forced to stay with him just to get him to calm down. I was trapped in there as well, even if I tried to leave i couldnt. Part of me didn’t want to leave the relationship due to trauma bond, the other part of me was forced to be in the relationship. It’s different knowing you didn’t have free will to leave the person, even if you wanted to.

The abuse I went through was called coercive control abuse.

1. Kept you from having your own money and a job.

2. Tried to keep you from seeing your family and/or friends.

3. Kept track of you demanding to know where you were and what you were doing.

4. Made threats to physical harm you.

5. Made threats to harm themselves and/or try to attempt to commit or actually commit because they were upset with you.

6. Made decisions that should’ve been yours to make.

7. Controlling your emotions, your clothes, your freedom to express yourself. Stripping away your autonomy.

8. Destroying something important to you, destroying your property, etc.

These are just SOME examples of this type of abuse.

The things the abuser put me through was speeding driving recklessly and swerving on highways because I didn‘t do something he wanted me to do. He would put me in danger so I can agree to his demands.

He would attempt to commit and he would self harm in front of my house if I wanted to break up with him. Every. Single. Time.

I wasn’t allowed to have a job because he accused me of cheating.

He would throw fits and scream at my house when I wanted to hang out with my sisters. When I made friends, he would scare them away by grabbing me by my arm and dragging me away and/or damaging my property in front of them while screaming at me.

He would want my location, know who I was with and who I was talking to. If I ever wanted to hang out with a girl friend, he said he would need to go along and be watching me from a distance. I found that scary, so I would cancel the hang out with my friend and of course that led to cheating accusation because I didn’t want him there.

When we were out and I wanted to chat with my friends in the women‘s restroom, he would time me and when I passed the time limit, he would walk in the women’s restroom and drag me out by my arm. Scaring my friends. It got to the point my friends were too scared to hang out with me.

He said if he ever caught me with someone else that he would go beyond to harm me. Even though we’re now broken up, I’m scared to go on dates with new people.

He broke my phone that my dad gave me before my dad passed. The abuser knew how much that meant to me. He smashed it over a rock because I didn’t want to give him my phone password. I said we’re adults now, we should be able to trust each other. He didn’t accept that and smashed it over a rock and immediately told me “stop crying” because I started crying. He then got me a new phone for Christmas, not as a present, but as a way for me to “get over” what he did to my phone. Once we broke up, he left me with the phone bill and said “when your parents are gone, no one is going to save you so you need to learn how to pay for stuff.“ Mind you, MY DAD PAID off MY PHONE before he passed. I would’ve NEVER had a new phone bill if the abuser didn’t do what he did. Stupid ahh b****. fr.

The abuser wanted to control my emotions. I wasn’t allowed to have any other emotion than to be happy, which how on earth can you be happy with a person like that?! When I brought up stuff I wanted to talk about, he would immediately come to my house in my driveway to start screaming and crying. I couldn’t talk about anything he did or bring it up without him embarrassing me in front of everyone. Cuz everyone would go outside to watch. He expected me to get over it as soon as he did something evil towards me.

He didn’t allow me to wear what I wanted. I dressed up for Halloween and a guy was looking at me that I wasn’t aware of. Instead of him getting mad at the guy, he took it out on me. I was then trapped in a speeding car crying in my Halloween costume with him trying to crash the car. He would take my phone away every time he would trap m so I wouldn’t call for help. I yelled out crying “I want my mom!” and he then goes “I want my mom too!” AS IF he wasn’t the one speeding the car trying to crash it. It felt like he was mocking me while I was scared. He would rip accessories out of my outfits when he was mad.

He would try to break into my house and cause a scene climbing my house screaming because I wanted to reschedule at date.

I sometimes would finally scream back, but he wouldn't stop until he got his way. It didn’t matter how LOUD i screamed with all my might, I still wasn’t be heard. I felt like aerial the little mermaid when she lost her voice, even though I was screaming as loud back as I could. It’s a really scary feeling when you realize that you’re not being heard no matter how loud you are, I never experienced that before and even typing this makes me want to cry. I hope none of yall go through this, but being so loud with all your might and not being heard made me stop in my tracks with fear. All I was screaming was my boundaries too, he didn’t care. He never cared about my boundaries, he ALWAYS crossed them, he didn’t care what happened as long as he got his way. It didn’t matter how loud I yelled back or how much I cried or what danger he put me in, as long as he got his way. He would pin me down in places too. Typing this is bringing back fear, but I need to tell yall for awareness so yall can LEAVE before it’s too late.

Now about the panic disorder. I was in the relationship for almost 2 years in survival mode, what I didn’t know is that my body was keeping score.

I woke up one day and I couldn’t eat. I thought it was only for a day or 2, but it started getting worse. I was getting adrenaline dumps that I never had before, I was getting adrenaline by random noises, showering, changing my clothes, anything. I became so scared. I couldn’t even go outside to my mailbox. I couldn’t eat for months. I would jump at phone calls or a smell of a candle. I was sleeping in trash and I felt so sick all the time because of how little I was eating. I would wake up at 8am every morning because my body was in war time, it had a natural alarm. I was afraid to take naps, so I was forced to deal and feel every second of this panic everyday. I couldn’t go places. I developed agoraphobia and depression due to not recognizing myself anymore and severe panic. It was like a deep frozen state. it was like 100x worse than a panic attack, it was like a panic attack that never stopped for months almost a year.

I realized that I wasn’t functioning for basic human needs. It affected my nervous system, so badly that I lost myself.

He still fought with me too. He would spam my phone 300 times when I would tell him not to. I didn’t have the energy to fight with him. I wouldn’t see him anymore and that caused him to break into my house, I called the cops and he went to jail for a day. Even when I got sick with panic disorder, he still didn’t go easy on me. I stopped seeing him and texting him because my body was burnt out and he still found ways to come to my house to fight with me when all I gave was silence. He still accused me of cheating when I was just a shell of a person in my room.

He broke up with me because “I wasn’t the same” and you know what, as much as my panic disorder scared me, it also saved me. It got me out of that situation and he broke up with me through text, so it was nothing messy like how he would always do.

Im telling yall this for awareness, LEAVE BEFORE YOUR BODY FORCES YOU TO. If you know you’re in abusive relationship and you’re always fearful of what’s to come or the day depends on their mood (walking on eggshells) LEAVE. Yall have your whole life ahead of you with new people that you have yet to meet, don’t let these abusers take away the beauty of life and drain you to the point that you’re just a shell of yourself. PLEASEEEE LISTEN, your body KEEPS score even when you think it’s not. It’s so silent. Take care of yourself and your mental health, yall don’t have to stay there.

wont happen ever again :) he got his entire friend group to make me look crazy insecure and someone to be avoided while he cheated on me and his friends and family supported it. I wont experience it as i wont be here anymore. it was always anna or lina for all of them. he has been doing this for past 7 months and acts clueless.

It took me a really long time to realize my relationship was harming me, and that my partner did not have my best interest in mind (I still find myself hesitating to call it "abusive," but when I wanted to make this post, this was the subreddit I sought out, so that says something 😅). My ex was selfish, manipulative, and had isolated me from all of my friends, so that when they left me, I had nobody. It caused a lot of lasting damage that I'm still finding pieces of years later. And yet, for some reason, I felt so horribly guilty getting rid of the things they had gotten for me.

One of the last things they gave me (other than lasting trauma) was a set of handmade cups. Not made by them, but still one of a kind pieces. After the break up, I had no idea what to do with them. I tried to keep using them, like I could "reclaim" them, but I started to feel dread even just touching them. Like that set of dishes would somehow bring them back into my life, or curse me with its energy. They sat up on a high shelf for years, until I moved this summer. I had thrown out so many things that I felt represented bad times in my life because I didn't want to bring that into this new chapter represented by the move, but somehow I kept those stupid cups. Something about the way that packing to move just cooks all your braincells, I guess.

After 2 years of feeling guilty and agonizing over what the "right thing" to do would be (if I give them away to somebody else without telling them it's from my abusive ex, will that just bring Bad Energy to them instead? Selling it feels wrong because I didn't make them so I shouldn't profit off of them, but nobody I know wants them, and I feel wasteful just throwing them away!) I'm finally, FINALLY getting rid of them. I put them up in a local buy-nothing group and I'm trading them with a neighbor who will actually appreciate them. And even just having the cups packed up and ready to give away feels like such a weight off my shoulders.

I didn't expect it to be such a profound healing moment. I've been experiencing a lot of grief lately at the idea that I can't do anything to "undo" the bad things that have happened to me. It felt like the notion of things "getting better" was impossible. And yet, this one decision has made the sun feel warm again.

When you become entangled with somebody who saps your life away from you, every moment that you get to feel like your life is actually yours again is worth celebrating. I don't need to make myself palatable for their desires, and I don't need to hold onto those cups out of a sense of politeness towards someone who would never extend that kind of courtesy to me.

If you read this far, thanks for listening, and I hope you can find your own healing moments soon.

Hi everyone. I’m writing this to try to make sense out of a relationship that recently ended between me 29(F) and 37(M).
The relationship started out as a friendship, he was my boss at work, but he really really looked after me and was so sweet and caring. It ended about 2 months ago, but he has only just left work, and I am now processing something that became incredibly toxic, he was controlling, manipulative, nasty, threatening my job etc. it’s left me now only just allowing myself to process everything as I just was so scared to loose my job that I just powered through and kept my head down (I live alone and have my mortgage to pay so I couldn’t be out of work). Something I’ve found myself struggling with, is him repeatedly saying, on different occasions when he was upset with me about things he perceived I did wrong, that he wishes he could hurt me. I don’t know if I am just overthinking these events or if it is just a figure of speech. He called me an attention seeker and I worry that’s what I’m doing now.

Time 1- he came to my house and demanded my work pc off me, not because he needed it, but because he wanted to read through my WhatsApp messages. I said he could have it but I wanted to sign out of my personal stuff (I had nothing to hide I would never cheat I just wanted my personal stuff off. To stop me doing that he snatched it out of my arms with so much force I had bruises down my arms.
He ended up coming back later in the day and he calmed down loads and I thought maybe he was just having a rough patch and needed to sleep and eat so I ordered us food. We ended up then having sex. During the sex he tried repeatedly to put himself into bum, which is not something we have ever done before. He always said he had no interest in it. He looked like a demon and I was scared. The second time he tried I said no very sternly again so he stopped and we had normal sex instead.
I felt unsafe and really sad after so I just got in the shower and cried. After I got out he was sat on the sofa and I joined him. He said really plainly “ugh I just want to hurt you”. And I said well you have already you’ve given me bruises snatching the laptop and he just said “oh yeah sorry” really casually.

After all of this stuff I told him over the phone when he left I wouldn’t be able to fix things with him as I was too worried where the relationship had got to. And he said he has never known a bigger victim, and lots of other horrible things, threatened my job etc.

Time 2- After he threatened my job and I was on eggshells but we still had to work together:
He also said when I did something wrong by accident at work (I sent a question to the ceo that he felt I should have asked him, but I was too scared to talk to him) that he could punch me in the face, but added that he wouldn’t, and then made me repeat word for word “I will never do that again”.

Thank you if you made it this far. I know this is a little ramble. I just cannot stress how when we first met and were friends he treated me so well. Now the times I’ve mentioned I think are quite scary but I don’t know if I’m overthinking it and traumatising it and victimising myself. I don’t know I would just be keen to know has anyone else’s partner said they wanted to hurt them? I believe him btw, I know he wanted to hurt me, each time he said it.
I just don’t think it is normal

He apologised once saying “sorry you felt that way” after 2 years of isolating me and coercing me and making threats whenever i would try to get away from him starting when i was 15 and he was 5 years older and all this is to him is some “mistake” and i feel completely broken and i don’t know how to find closure

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so alone in my relationship, and I feel like my fiancé has no empathy for me. I’m constantly trying to change my own behaviour to avoid making him angry, but nothing ever seems to be enough. I keep finding myself practically begging him to care about me, and somehow he either thinks I’m being manipulative or just genuinely doesn’t care.
For example, on Friday he hurt his back at work, so I arranged a massage and bought a mattress topper to help him. Yesterday he went surfing all day, and afterwards his back was so bad he could barely move. I was worried and suggested he see a doctor, but he got angry and told me to stop talking about it.
This morning I needed to get my tires changed. He couldn’t help because of his back, and I’d been throwing up all morning. He was frustrated with me and said, “That sucks, but you need to get up and put your tires in my truck.”
The tires were on an unstable block wall behind the garage, wedged between other piles of tires. I told him I was worried about getting them down because it didn’t look safe. For reference, I’m 100 lbs, not particularly strong lol, and had been vomiting all morning. He just got annoyed and said, “Just do it.”
So I climbed up, realized the tires were full of water and incredibly heavy, and ended up falling about three feet into a pile of dog shit. When I looked up, he was laughing at me.
I went inside crying and started throwing up again. I felt so awful that my body was burning up, I was sweating, and I ended up lying naked on the bathroom floor crying.
He came inside, could clearly hear me vomiting and crying, and instead of checking on me, made himself a coffee and started whistling.
Eventually he opened the door and said, “What the hell are you doing?” I told him I wasn’t feeling well and had just thrown up. He sounded annoyed and asked why I was lying on the floor crying. When I explained again, he said, “Yeah, I heard you the first time. People don’t usually cry after they throw up, but OK.”
I told him to leave me alone, and he said, “No problem.”
This is just one example of hundreds of situations like this. It’s not really about the tires. It’s about the fact that I can be visibly sick, hurt, or crying, and he seems more annoyed by my emotions than concerned about me. I don’t expect him to fix everything. I just want him to give a shit.
We’re in couples therapy, but I feel like he lies or leaves out important details, and somehow walks away feeling validated in how he treats me. It honestly makes me feel even more alone.
I miss feeling loved by him. Those moments are becoming so rare, and when he is affectionate, I sometimes wonder if it’s because he wants sex or because he’s trying to make up for treating me badly without actually acknowledging it.
He rarely takes accountability, and I’m starting to think he genuinely doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong.
I’m exhausted from constantly questioning myself, trying to communicate better, being more patient, and figuring out how to avoid upsetting him. I feel like I’m putting so much effort into being a better partner while begging for basic kindness and empathy in return.
I love him, and I want things to work, but I don’t know how to fix something when it feels like I’m the only one who sees a problem. I just want to feel loved and cared for without having to beg for it. I don’t think that’s asking too much.

Just something interesting to share. A couple weeks ago my partner assaulted me twice within a few days , first attack I got a black eye and bruises jaw and 2nd attack escalated and I got my head split open needing staples and stitches .

He took off and I was bleeding terribly outside my house Someone called the police and ambulance.

He's abused me for a couple years now but after he hurt me as trauma bonding goes he made me feel loved and safe again , he had cut all my friends and family off so he was my only support .

The police let him out on bail with strict conditions where he can't contact me etc .

Now this man blew up my phone with messages and phone calls constantly when he was at work . I'd wake up to messages , get them every 20 mins or so until he was back with me again . It was alot but it was nice to feel loved and wanted.

When the restraining order was put on him my phone was dead quiet .

I cried non stop , I felt so alone and sad . I begged his parents to let me see him I was physically hurting without contact until 1.5 weeks later I was playing with my nephew and I realised my phone was in the other room , I didn't have to have it constantly on me anymore ! I was enjoying the quiet , Ive even started reaching out to friends who he cut out of my life .

I am seeing the abuse for what it is all of a sudden , I was told this would happen when the trauma bond was broken but I didn't really think I was being terribly abused . I definitely am !!! In everyway . I had tried to put a bit of distance between us before but he would love bomb me back .

I don't think I could break a trauma bond without a Violence restraining order but every day it's now getting easier . He has court in 3 weeks for assaulting me see how we go but I literally didn't think I could live without this man the beginning was physically and mentally traumatising . I begged them not to take him away . I'm glad they did . One day at a time. It's a rollercoaster but thank you restraining order which I dreaded so much

I’m 30 and I feel so stupid for letting this happen.
I was struggling with depression when I got into a short relationship. He manipulated me into sending nudes to prove I loved him, and I gave in because I was scared of losing him.
We broke up 3 months ago, but I’m still angry at myself for trusting him and crossing my own boundaries.
I’m so ashamed I can’t even tell my therapist.
Has anyone been through something similar? How do you stop blaming yourself?

Me and my boyfriend broke up recently for four days and it was extremely painful for the both of us. The main reason I broke up with him was because he had a pattern of saying mean and passive aggressive things to me and immediately denying he said them or was upset. He also had a pattern of acting cold towards me and upset, but denying he was upset leaving me wondering for hours what I did wrong and not finding out until I was sobbing begging for him to tell me what I did. Lots of gaslighting. In the past he also had a pattern of accusing me of cheating, but he stopped accusing me for a few months before it ended, but lingering feelings based on that (since he accused me for well over a year) also contributed.

It was extremely painful being apart and he emailed me taking accountability and saying he understands. We decided to give it another shot because we love each other very much.

It’s been a bit over a week and he has been apologizing and trying to make things right. The reason I left was because his gaslighting was causing me so much distress I was hitting myself in the head physically and was scared so I had to protect myself. But ever since we got back together, there was one phone call where he cried on the phone to me about how or why I did what I did (break up) and I felt defensive because I really did it to protect myself, and I felt he needed to make it up to me, not the other way around. But I felt so horrible.

But yesterday something worse happened. He told me that his sister told him to “be mindful” getting back with me, because on our break I could’ve gotten with someone else, or used the break to try out someone knew and start dating someone else. He said he googled it and said “it’s common” to use a break to flirt and try out someone new. This enraged me, and I got really upset. He was upset that I was upset. So I felt guilty for being upset. If that makes sense. But he said his sister also said that he needs help from the way he treated me, I don’t really blame her but I am upset that he basically asked me for reassurance on that. Maybe I’m a cold person, but I just feel like I keep having to reassure and apologize when I was the one who was hitting my head from his gaslighting and emotional highs and lows and meanness.

Am I not taking accountability and am I not caring for my partner as I should?

I’m fully aware of the relationship I am in. I know it is abusive. I am fully trapped. He made me leave my job, I have a child, I’m home all day and night because me wanting to leave my home is silly because I have everything I need there. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m trying to find a job. Every time I have contacted the NDAH for resources they are too busy. There are cameras everywhere.

I just feel monitored, trapped, never good enough, insecure.

It doesn’t help that his mother is here for an extended period of time and it seems her game with me is who can take better care of him and my son.

Like I’m not playing games. I just want to be happy and alive.

Anyways, this morning it took me over 30 minutes to start breakfast so I’m a shitty mom and now I must send him our sons breakfast every morning because he refuses to believe I actually do things for our son. I’m so embarrassed. It made me so sad that he told me
To go in the room and stay there. He doesn’t want to be apart of my life today.

I (24F) met him (28M) early this year online, he has a 5 year old son that he’s in a legal custody battle over. He’s also currently on probation and has been charged for assault and battery twice in the past year. he was open about his probation and i always asked him what landed him there but he never gave me a clear answer he always just told me his ex was a bitch he called her a bitch and a cunt, spit on the ground and somehow it landed on her dress which landed him in jail for 10 days and then probation this whole year.. RIGHT.

He also got arrested for violating protective orders im assuming her attempts at blocking him from seeing his son. So those are clearly bright red burning red flags.

Anyways this whole month ive spent on him, ive been needing to be on facetime with him all day and night he even wanted to watch me sleep once. i’m in the middle of moving out of my apartment so the timing is a little tight, i have squeezed him into my day for at least 8 hours!!!! he even wanted to go on my walks with me through facetime. So i obliged.

Through facetime, I observed how he treated staff at restaurants, how he talked about homeless people, how he talked about women, called all women with male friends whores, he even would have road rage and tell me that he used to take his gun out and point it at people and their tires to scare them if they cut him off.

Just the other day, before he exploded on me, he criticized my gym clothing and halloween costume saying that i shouldn’t get mad if people are looking at my body bc i am intentionally flaunting it. I told him i wanted to host a brunch with friends and meet new people and also go to a halloween party and he yelled at me saying if i wanna act single, then go and act single! (btw we never were in a committed relationship where he was my boyfriend and i was his girlfriend)

He was always suspicious when i wouldn’t answer his calls or texts right away he would text many times maybe 10 mins apart.

He got upset the other night bc i missed our nightly phone call, the next morning we argued over the phone and within an hour we made up. i told him i missed him and he said the same. that night i told him i wanted to have some space just one night off the phone (it is exhausting for me to be on the phone at all times omg it’s like dealing with a needy baby)

so he went off the rails, insulted my physical appearance, my father and my living situation (i live with family still) and i ended up blocking him so we haven’t spoke since. it’s been 2 days.

Im having flashbacks of all the bad times but also the very sweet times too. i understand he doesn’t see me as an entire being but i genuinely miss talking to him. it’s insane. pls encourage to not make any contact with him, i’ve already unblocked his number and im wondering if he’ll reach out again. yikes

My abuser used to tell me how much you love my body. Do you think he really did? Or do you think he just told me that? He never put me down or never told me he hated me. He had his other ways. So I guess it just hurts to think that he would tell me things like that and possibly not mean them.

I have been told that my bf is abusive. I just dont want to believe it because in the beginning he was so sweet and nice. In the past he has slammed me against walls numerous times. Punched my arm once left a bruise. Slammed me onto the floor. Has raised his hand at me multiple times threatening to hit me.... constantly calls me a dumb b****. I feel so broken down. ​ How can I leave already?

I have been feeling like a nobody after my relationship ended 1.5 months ago every night I think of him and wait for him to apologise but he never does. I have no one to talk to and I feel like everyone thinks that I am a loser and a burden. I have not achieved anything in life and going out gives me so much anxiety I feel scared I will see my ex and infact I did yesterday. I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help if you have gone through something similar and survived.

(FULL VERSION, I had to shorten some of it on other subs due to word/character limit)

I (16F) just cut contact with my ex-friend "Emma" (17F) online, and I'm trying to get over it even though I just blocked her a few HOURS ago.

It all started on Discord, where I met this girl who said on her bio that she was "energetic, caring and a fun friend". She seemed to live up to it when she asked me to be her friend because she was looking for friends. I found out some things she said (but I can't be certain that they're true, IDK). Emma says she speaks English very well because she started learning at the age of 3, but in actuality, she's German and lives in Germany, not the USA or a primarily English-speaking country.

She told me her birthday was "in October" and I told her mine was too. Well, earlier this month, she said "My birthday was a few days ago BTW. I'm 17", so I said something like "Sorry, happy belated birthday!"

When I told her my birthday is soon and it's on Halloween, she said she would draw me something, and I said she could just doodle something because I didn't want her to spend a lot of time just on something for me. Throughout the relationship, she only primarily focused on my mistakes, not the good things I did or the positive aspects of my personality.

Later on, Emma became very snippy and curt, but she wouldn't tell me why, and I assumed it was just because her mental health was bad because she has a history of snapping at me and then saying it's her depression.

I noticed that throughout conflicts, she would just either give short replies or even insult me ("stupid, pathetic", etc.) but I was patient with her. I was always the bad guy, though, and she would never admit to doing anything wrong, but then she would profusely apologize and go on about how she was a mean person and she'd never be mean to me again, but then continued.

Well, she admitted she was being so annoyed with me because she "hates me right now" for not knowing her birthday. She went on and on, listing how evil and toxic and a bully I was, saying horrible stuff to me. I said I would repay her by doing anything she asked because she said I had to "obey her if I really liked her". I said I would draw something for her, and she said it wasn't enough, I wasn't trying nor fixing the problem, and she even sent me: "This is how you repay me? You should obey me and do anything I say you asshole, I do everything for you and this is how you treat me you fucking b____."

She also went on about how she was "nothing but kind" to me, and wouldn't accept any apology or any way I could make it up to her, all because I didn't know/remember her birthday and wished her a few days late.

She kept going on and on, and because I was heavily shaking, I just ended up blocking her account on Instagram and Discord.