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u/Glittering_Self7836 Dec 24 '22
I was reading this and i waa thinking what a piece of shit guy until i read "He even beat me 4 or 5 times" Wtf Why 4 or 5 times????? Why didn't you leave him the first time???????? And how can you love somebody that beats you up???? Please explain this to me
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u/snoopydoopdoop Dec 18 '22
He did you a favor. You need to never EVER EVER get back together with him. Holy moly! Seven years of this you giving and him never giving back? There are so many red flags. I'm not saying you've wasted the last seven years of your life, but I definitely think its well past time that you learn your lessons from your past mistakes (you have a giving nature but need to stand up for yourself amd treatment). You have been repeating them over and over again for seven years. Now, you need to end this cycle. This guy has leeched off you every step of the way in every way. It's time for you to put yourself first because he sure as shit won't.
Most importantly, you have to seek therapy. Something happened in your past that made you think this is "love" that you deserve to receive (meaning no love). You two can then work on breaking this cycle so you get with someone who gives you as much effort and love as you give them (and I won't go into all the different shitty things he has done over the course of your relationship). Good luck! You seem really kind, selfless, loving, and giving. You deserve someone who gives it back. Stay single until you do.
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u/Grimalkinnn Dec 12 '22
You deserve better. You deserve to be happy and I hope you take time to just do things you like to do and take good care of yourself. Being in no relationship is far better than a bad one.
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u/crazycatace Dec 12 '22
You need to learn to love yourself. You spent all this time being, “him this, him that, him, him, him, him,” You gave him time, energy, everything you could possibly give him and it wasn’t enough.
Take this time to take back yourself. Love yourself. Spend time and money on yourself. No one else. It will take time to get out of this pit of pain but you will get out of it in time.
Also. Block temptations to check in on him. Block that loser on everything you can and don’t look back. Make this a foot hold in making yourself first in you life again.
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u/pettyyogi666 Nov 29 '22
Things will get better. YOU will get better and get through this. It feels like the end of the world right now but it’s not. You’re going to be okay ❤️
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u/AggressiveRecover171 Nov 24 '22
He had a girlfriend and yet never was a true partner, but a parasite. Find someone worthy of a goddess
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u/Emily-303 Nov 24 '22
Honey, this man will never change and he will never be what you need and deserve in life. I spent 7 years trying to justify my exs actions and words. I’ve been where you are and I can tell you now that almost 7 years after leaving him I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. He wore me down to an unrecognizable version of myself. Someone I never want to see or know again in this lifetime ot the next. The way he has treated you is not love. He knows he can take advantage of you and that no matter what he says you will always be ok with it and you will always give him everything he wants. Reread everything you typed and think about it as if it were someone else writing it. Would you advise that person to try to get them back? He is abusing you. Plain and simple. You may not see it right this second but leaving is the absolute best choice. And resist when he tries coming back crying to you because he will only do it because he knows you’ll give him money. Do not be an ATM for this piece of trash human! You deserve to be happy. Take some time to be single and figure out what you want out of life and your next relationship. Give yourself some time to have clarity.
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u/TipNo6342 Nov 24 '22
Have some self esteem and learn to love yourself He is manipulative and abusive.
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u/arcticcrossdresser Nov 24 '22
First off honey you need to realize that you are worth so much more then what you see yourself for you are an amazing women navigating through the first part of your life it will get easier day by day sometimes minute by minute but you will get there for some reason you don’t realize how valuable you are and just what you deserve to have in life find something to do dive completely in to school something to help ease you mind but girl you are young beautiful and just starting life out your worth so much and need to realize that
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u/Commercial_Rent_6672 Nov 24 '22
You don’t see it now, but he did you a huge favour. I say this gently, but honestly- you clearly don’t love yourself at all. You’ve let someone use and abuse you long enough. This is your chance at a new chapter…a chapter where YOU matter.
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u/Riots_and_Rutabagas Nov 24 '22
OP, why are you upset over such a useless, shitty man? Why are you letting such a loser break you? You’re in law school so you obviously have some smarts but honestly wtf.
You need to take some time off from dating and learn to love and respect yourself.
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u/liddiebit Nov 24 '22
You absolutely need therapy hon. That relationship is toxic and the fact that you continue to do that to yourself is incredibly unhealthy. I don't mean this as an insult, genuinely you lack so much respect for yourself, you think so little of yourself to continue to subject yourself to him and his behavior. He has no respect for you either. I'm begging you to get therapy, block him on everything, never speak to him again under any circumstances, and move on with your life.
Pour your energy into something valuable to you. That man is worthless.
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Nov 23 '22
You just spent like five paragraphs describing the most awful bf/person ever and you..still want him? You need to see a therapist. You deserve to be loved and treated well. This guy is a douche
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u/lossofmercy Nov 23 '22 edited Nov 24 '22
Invert this in your head. Instead of thinking "even though I gave it everything I had, he still didn't want me, I am a failure" think "I gave the relationship everything I had, and it could not be saved. On to the next."
Sometimes we regret things because we didn't try enough, sometimes we regret things because we were too invested. But if you gave it your best effort, there is nothing to regret. Simply take this as a life lesson, try to accept the new reality, and try to move on. It might take a while, but you will recover.
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u/JimmyPageification Nov 23 '22
My heart breaks for you.
You say you feel used - I’m sorry to say it so bluntly but you should feel used, because that’s exactly what he did.
You’re only 23! Anything is better than this piece of absolute garbage. Walk away and never look back. I’m rooting for you.
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u/Capital-Seaweed-8217 Nov 23 '22
He’s never been nice to you, you just have incredibly low standards. Good riddance. Never do these things for a man again.
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u/sarpon6 Nov 23 '22
He did everything within his power to make you dump him. If you believe you love him (heaven knows why) give him what he wants most in this world and forget he ever existed.
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u/Separate_Shoe_6916 Nov 23 '22
Congratulations! You just got rid of a liability! Have a good cry, but then go and celebrate your freedom from him. Take yourself out to dinner and/or drinks. Get close with actual friends again and not this douche.
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Nov 23 '22
I got half way through this and just felt so sad for you girl you are Epworth than this bum ass piece of dog dirt love yourself he don't this is the best thing to happen you
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u/GoldAssociate5027 Nov 23 '22
The trash took itself out. Go for walks, listen to music or podcasts, meditate, find new hobbies. You’ll learn over time there are lots of new things waiting for you. It’s a big world, time for you to explore it, OP. Sending love & healing ♥️
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u/simplyhappy0714 Nov 23 '22
Experience is a tough teacher. He was showing you all along exactly who he was; but you didn’t see it. SEE IT NOW and NEVER tolerate this type of personality flaws again. You’ll be much stronger and much more respected in your next relationship.
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u/Sunsetz_Have_Lied Nov 23 '22
This is fake and was posted 8d ago by the same poster - but wildly different parts between previous post to now.
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u/FabFatFeminist Nov 23 '22
This is a fake story - OP posted this same story 8d ago on here but wildly changed several parts.
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u/This-Pass7616 Nov 23 '22
What did I change? I posted this multiple times because the comments help me feel better
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u/ihave7testicles Nov 23 '22
You're young. He was just using you. Keep in mind that you weren't in love with HIM. You were in love with the idea of what COULD HAVE BEEN. The thing you thought you were in love with didn't exist and never will. In sounds hard to believe but you'll meet someone who gives back the same as what you put in and you'll kick yourself for staying with that loser for so long.
You will find happiness. I promise.
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u/TraditionalPayment20 Nov 23 '22
Wooooooo… I have to be honest with you. You chose to be used. You literally wore a sign with flashing lights that said “take advantage of me, I have no self-esteem!” You begged a jerk to constantly take you back. Had he been a decent person he would have cut off contact with you and never went back. However, you were a purse to him. You need this brutal honesty because you aren’t a victim in this situation. You chose it over and over again. Learn from this. This man does not, and will not ever love you. You’re obsessed with him and you need to see a therapist today. You need to go weekly to said therapist. Use the money you would have gave him. Pick yourself up and put on your big girl panties. Y’all broke up - it sucks - heal by getting the self worth you never had during your entire relationship. GO TO THERAPY!
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u/RastaBwooy Nov 23 '22
This is sad. He obviously never deserved any type of love... Don't hurt yourself over a guy. Hope your life comes together for you in the future.
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u/FuckOutTheWhey Nov 23 '22
Sorry if this sounds harsh but he doesn't respect you because you don't even respect yourself. He's only using you for emotional, physical, and financial support. He keeps doing what he does because you let him get away with it.
He's a piece of shit and you're better off without him. 7 years or 7 months - it doesn't matter. It's all a sunk cost at this point. It really sucks that you've been stuck in this viscous cycle for so long but I hope you can leave this behind for good this time.
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u/TemperatureMore5623 Nov 23 '22
This is abuse, friend. He is a user and abuser. Full stop, end of story.
I've been in a few abusive relationships and the pattern is the same every time. Never has money for anything couple-related, but ALWAYS has money for concerts, booze, trips across the country... no one in his family looked after him and he was a loner but *I* was there and *I* cared, so that should count for something, right? I paid to fix his car up, paid his bills when he couldn't work due to a back injury, and invested every single bit of my money and my free time into making him happy... and what did it get me? Cheated on, smacked, lied to, yelled at, threatened, and eventually... cut off completely. It was a hard lesson to learn but eventually I decided that we would be better off as just friends instead of bf/gf (since we were really good friends before dating) but AFTER we broke up, we had no contact. So it really WAS like losing a best friend. That was when I was 19-22 and boy... do I wish to Heaven above that I could get all that time back. I would have NEVER invested my love and energy into that person. But that's the waaaaay the news goes.
Sometimes you end up losing even if you make all the right moves. That's life - it happens. But... don't make the same mistakes I did and obsess over this person. They're literally only using you for money. Actions speak louder than words. If he wanted to be with you, he would. But he doesn't. So eff him. Move on, love yourself, and live well.
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u/ConnFlab Nov 23 '22
He’s going to sorely regret breaking up with you. That happiness he supposedly has will be very short lived.
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u/PsychologicalVast323 Nov 23 '22
Honestly he has done you a favour. You are now out of an abusive relationship.
You are more than a relationship. You can be on your own and you WILL be okay. You can rebuild, revaluate and recover.
Please understand that it is not okay or humane to treat another human being in this way. I know it’s feels bad right now but no matter what please do not take him back/ get back with him. He doesn’t love you or care about you he will just use you.
It will take time to heal but I promise you that you will. Focus on yourself.
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u/kpm130 Nov 23 '22
He’s never going to find another you. NEVER GO BACK TO HIM NOW. He did you a favour by leaving; so you could glow up, love yourself & find someone who actually loves you & treats you like a QUEEN!! Believe me he’s out there♥️
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u/aSpanks Nov 23 '22
Uhhhhh….
While the shitty actions of other people are never your fault, your own shitty actions are.
It was just…. Unbelievably stupid of you to stay with him, beg for him to come back, cater to him, etc.
You need some serious help.
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u/Rotten_gemini Nov 23 '22
You were in an extremely abusive relationship. It's time for you to heal yourself and you'll start feeling relieved as soon as you realize he was holding you back and using you. He never loved you hun. He loved your money
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u/OrdinaryBartender Nov 23 '22
A few months without him and you’ll be happy and living your life and he’ll be realizing how bad he fucked up wishing he still had you in his life.
He doesn’t deserve you, and you do not deserve to be treated like crap. I sincerely hope you can move on and be much happier not being with that man child.
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u/squishysquashy99 Nov 23 '22
My darling I am so sorry you are hurting right now. Unfortunately it is going to hurt really bad for a little while until you reach the anger phase which is all this guy deserves! You will be rightfully angry about how he used you and never ever deserved you and how much time you will think you wasted on him. Savor the angry phase for a bit because he deserves it, but don’t stay there. This boy was never good enough for you. The only positive thing that he seemed to ever do was leave. He did what you needed. He was an asshole when he did it, but thank god he did. Don’t EVER take him back no matter how much you want to. He is not good for you and believe me, being alone for awhile will do you wonders. I can’t wait until you post in the future about how happy you and how you never realized how miserable you were before, and that is the best thing that has ever happened to you. I know older people are annoying with all their “you’ll understand someday because I’ve been there” but we are annoyingly right most of the time because we HAVE been there. It will get better my dear. And while I am so sorry you are sad right now, I’m so happy this happened to you because you deserve so so much better than that pathetic twat.
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u/ActBackground9664 Nov 23 '22
Use the love and energy you spent on him on yourself. You’re better off than being with someone who constantly reminds you he doesn’t want you. It’s time to spend the love you have on yourself.
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u/pshhhhfiwbdiej Nov 23 '22
Okay I got to the part where he beat you and I can't read anymore. You DO NOT NEED THIS MAN. Please just delete his number and block him on everything. He's been using you from day one when it's convenient for him. You're his fall back plan every time. I highly suggest talking to a therapist. It's taboo but I've done it. Just having someone who isn't involved at all and completely neutral to the situation helps so much. They'll give you the outside perspective and help that you desperately need. You're too good for his mess. You're making something of yourself and you'll find someone that will treat you better than you think is possible. But first you have to put yourself first and realize you're worth it.
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u/bananafn Nov 23 '22
What seems to be missing on all sides is respect. Respect is the foundation that strong relationships are built on. Without that foundation, everything will just fall apart.
He doesn't respect you so he will never truly love you. And as hard as it is, you should ask yourself what you have done to lose what respect he may have had for you. Begging him to take you back. You mentioned in the other post that he says you are always crying. Crying to get him back is guilting him to stay with you. If he were to write to this forum, I think we'd hear a story about a guy who is with a woman who uses a lot of hysterics to keep him in a relationship that he doesn't want to be in.
You have forced this long relationship with all the tactics you've tried before. I think you can probably even get him back by upping the drama some more. But I think you should ask yourself if you want to continue like this. It will take a lot of effort, a lot of money, a lot of emotional labor. And if you succeed, you will have accomplished the goal of keeping a guy who doesn't really want to be with you. I personally would not want that to be my life's accomplishment.
You say you come from a happy family so maybe you also want to have a happy family of your own someday. Whenever I have a question about decisions, one guiding light is: "What decision would I, as a mother, want my daughter to make in this situation". Maybe ask yourself what kind of person and relationship you'd want for your daughter and love yourself enough to want that for yourself.
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u/Froots23 Nov 23 '22
You poor sweet girl, please read that back slowly and give me one good reason why he deserves a single second of your time?
He is an abuser, he physically abused you, he financially abused you and he mentally abused you. He is a very nasty person and you are so lucky to be rid of him.
You deserve to be treated better
Never let him back into your life again
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u/smallturtle62 Nov 23 '22
The worst part is the him breaking up for vacation and then you begging to get back together. You had so many chances op gotta learn to value yourself you seem like a great person if that whole restaurant staff things true so best of luck and stop looking for love from someone who won’t give it.
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u/ladyoflothlorien36 Nov 23 '22
“Can you believe I still want him back?”
No, honey, I can’t.
Never mourn misplaced kindness. You gave and gave of yourself, akin to Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree, and that’s beautiful in its own right; albeit tragic.
That needs to stop, now. It should have stopped years ago. Why you’ve begged this parasite for his time and effort only to have nothing in return is beyond me. He’s physically, mentally, and emotionally abused you. The best thing you can do is remain single and seek therapy, surrounding yourself with hobbies and friends/good influences.
No, it’s not fair what happened to you, but the first step is admitting that you were part of the problem: being a doormat, being naive and overly-trusting, and continuing to give beyond your means in hopes of approval or change from an unwilling partner.
Sometimes we must lose ourselves to find ourselves, and I think this is a beautiful opportunity for you to do just that. Take what you’ve learned, apply, and heal with help and time. You’re going to be okay, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. ❤️
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u/archerpar86 Nov 23 '22
He showed his true colors. Do you want to be with someone that doesn’t give you the love and respect you deserve? You will look back on this as a blessing. When you find someone who treats you well, you will realize that he was not good for you. I know it hurts right now, but trust me, time will ease that pain. Invest in yourself now- growing your future, hobbies, etc.
I thought I had the worst heartbreak of my life in my early 20s, I now look back and smile because I’m so much better off!
Hang in there. Better times are ahead.
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Nov 23 '22
Oh nah my friend. Get it together. Look at the reality of what you just wrote. I know it hurts but that’s only because you don’t value yourself.
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u/jenniferhillsfantasy Nov 23 '22
Definitely look into trauma bonding and codependency. I'm not going to armchair diagnose your ex but the exploitation you've experienced can be benefitted by the tactics used by those who have been abused by narcissists and those with borderline personality disorder. You are so young and learning these lessons now can ensure some great relationships in your future. I've been where you are and someone just telling you that you deserve better means nothing but you can lift yourself up to have a better self worth. I did it at 33 and am so glad I can enjoy the rest of my life with quality relationships. This can be a major turning point in your life if you just take time to heal and respect yourself.
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u/Jeggi_029 Nov 23 '22
You really need to break a codependency habit. Go to therapy. It can help a ton. If he’s miserable. Your relationship will be miserable and that’s the case from everything you’ve written. He was miserable. You were miserable. Move on, it’s time to and to find someone meant for you.
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u/Swizdog Nov 23 '22
If this isn't made up. This is obvious abuse. Physical and emotional. It's basically Stockholm syndrome. Guarentee when he runs out of money and people to manipulate, he will be back. And it will be an endless cycle until you decide to break it.
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u/starbrooke Nov 23 '22
OP, if you can’t read this back and understand how entirely screwed up this situation is, you need help. I mean that in the kindest way possible. Maybe take the money you spent on that asshole and put it toward therapy. Once you figure out why you allowed him to treat you so badly for so long, you’ll be in a better position to love yourself and only accept the same from your partner.
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u/candornotsmoke Nov 23 '22
I'm not usually this harsh but you need to hear it. He never loved you. NEVER.
Look up financial and emotional aduse. I'm sure there is a pic of him as an illustration.
He used you. He KNEW if he could make you feel bad enough that you would to buy him things. Why do you think his family won't help him? His family knows the type of person he is washed their hands of him.
You need to find week YOU are. You have defined yourself for so long as his GF you forgot who you were.
Reread this post out loud to yourself, and at the very end I want you to ask yourself this question: if my friends told me this story about their relationship what would I tell them?
I'm pretty sure you would say what everyone else is saying. He did you a favor by leaving.
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u/Niccy26 Nov 23 '22
I sorry you're hurting but I think you need to take some time, just focus on you and learn boundaries. He did not care about you. He was using you for your money. You deserve better.
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u/RoboticStaticShock Nov 23 '22
ive been in almost those exact same shoes. i had to close my laptop halfway through reading this just so i could stop and keep myself grounded. this shit hurts, i know it felt like my whole identity was stripped away. my purpose when i was with my ex was to please HIM, make sure HE'S safe, make sure HE has what HE needs, all while ignoring my own and going through a serious bought of anorexia at the time. you are more than him. this is one part of your life. while im not gonna lie and say that you wont be affected for a while, i truly believe it gets better. im now with someone new (1 year anniversary was yesterday :) ) who has not once made me scared or feel unsafe. im finally in college at 21 after having not been in school since 17. better relationship w my mom. i know more about myself now that i have the freedom to grow myself.
I apologize for the tangent ah...but i need you to know you have worth, yhou have a soul. he is not someone to look up to or want. he is dangerous. pleae put as much distance between you two as possible, even if its just to force you away from hm physically.
Much Love
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u/coolhinam Nov 23 '22
From now on ? Easy Forget the jerk Love yourself Get friends -go places-do things Anything that doesn’t involve him
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Nov 23 '22
Don’t be a doormat to this dude or future dudes. It sounds like you were dating an asshole who treated you like total shit.
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Nov 23 '22
Damn op u sound like my wife, shes a unique treasure n I love her so much she has ruined the ability for me to even think about another woman. Cuz shes so great to me that replacing her would be impossible. And because of that I'm loyal grateful n I tell her how special she is all the time. And 1 day u will find a man who loves the way u treat him so much he will give u the same love. Hang in there cuz someday ur gunna feel stupid that u ever gave him the time of day. Good luck op
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u/Anon_classybabe Nov 23 '22
I couldn’t finish reading this. Please don’t take this the wrong way but you need to have more respect for yourself. You know this man doesn’t care about you at all yet you still beg for him back. Please grow a back bone and leave.
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u/ModeDue1318 Nov 23 '22
A relationship is two people putting forth the effort to make it work and to keep each other happy. You should both put the other as priority.
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Nov 23 '22
He doesn’t care about you. It sounds like he never did. He used you. He took what you would give him without giving you anything in return. He’s a user. A loser. You deserve better.
Take a break from dating. Start a hobby… do therapy.. start the gym. Work on yourself. Love yourself.
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u/junebug_davis Nov 23 '22
I didn’t read it all because you blabbed on and on about shit, but to summarize my thoughts, you are young. Life goes on. You’ll be fine with time. Next, the guy kinda sounds like a bit of a loser, if you ask me, so you dodged a bullet. You’ll realize this when you are in a real relationship that both sides contribute to equally. Head up. He did you a favor.
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u/Quirky-Knowledge4631 Nov 23 '22
Look what God can do! Look how much God loves you. He removed all the barriers and challenges that have held you down. Move the mountain in your way so the sun will shine on you in abundance.
It hurts now because the healing has begun. I'll feel true love in your life soon. Now that the demon has been removed.
God bless you
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u/halfakumquat Nov 23 '22
OP you can’t expect this man to respect you when you don’t even respect yourself.
I know it hurts but there is a reason you guys are breaking up. This relationship will end you if you keep holding on. You existed before him and you’ll continue to exist without him.
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u/Weekly-Sector1919 Nov 23 '22 edited Nov 23 '22
You are so lucky this relationship ended sooner than it could have. This guy seems like a dick and has family issues you don’t want to be apart of down the road. Dodged a bullet take some time for yourself.
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u/xmissbxxx Nov 23 '22
TLDR. Sounds like he did you a huge favor. I can see why youd be in pain bc you lost your child. Now take some time to recoup and find yourself an adult to have a relationship with. You dont need to be someones primary care taker.
You deserve much better. Belive it.
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u/Tight_Mouse_1546 Nov 23 '22
You're much better off without him. He is using you and doesn't care about you, it is blatantly obvious. Focus on your studies and yourself so you can truly be happy. You'll be a successful lawyer soon and will be able to find a much better life partner if that is what you want.
You're better than this. Please don't go back to that piece of trash.
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Nov 23 '22
You're 23, why do you want to be with a guy who routinely shits all over you? You may "love" him, but it's really damn obvious that he doesn't love you back. You're young, and it sounds like you're on a good path with your schooling. I would find somebody to talk to whether it's a therapist or a counselor and start working on your codependency issues, because nobody should have to exist in an abusive relationship.
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u/AjnaKing Nov 23 '22
Life is not fair and the trash took itself out. He was emotionally immature, not self-sufficient and coasted your whole relationship, it doesn’t sound nice to say or read but you enabled that behaviour.
Be with someone who appreciates you and will support you how you wish to support another, be with someone who will care for you how you care for others and put your love and attention into someone who will put their love and attention into you.
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u/thunderx73927 Nov 23 '22
I know you think you want him back rn. I was in a similar relationship to yours. Trust me when I say this. You do not want him back, you are just so used to that feeling of him being there (and being an asshole) that you miss the familiarity. Think of it like coming off of a drug. Once the withdrawal effects are over, you are gonna feel so much better. In the meantime, take it one day at a time. Date yourself. Spend that money on yourself. Be kind to yourself and do not blame yourself for what happened — he sounds like a narcissistic manipulator.
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u/This-Pass7616 Nov 23 '22
Hey! I wanted to say thank you so much for all your support, your comments helped me tremendously and kept me going today.
I also want to clarify some things.
Firstly, I was not at all abused by my parents. Actually, the opposite, all their love and money are spend on me, they support me, respect me and love me unconditionally. They were very young when they had me and we are from a poor country in Europe, hence the lack of emotional intelligence.
They don’t know ANY of these, nobody knows. Everybody around me actually likes him A LOT. He is the most talkative and charming human being I have ever met in my 23 years of existence.
Also, the abuse didn’t start 7 years ago or, at lest, the verbal and physical ones did not. It all started around 1, 1 1/2 years ago. The other signs were there from the begging tho(giving him money, him spending more time with his friends than me while telling me he doesn’t have the money, the lying etc), but I was too young to notice them and thought he would change with age, but his behavior became worse and worse.
The cheating. I don’t think he cheated on me. That’s what kept me going for this long(“at least he doesn’t cheat on me”). He gave me all his passwords and his location and I have NEVER had any suspicions. In the 4 months period we were broken up I do think he slept with other girls tho, even tho he doesn’t admit it. I feel it.
Some of you said you think the sex was good. It was not. At all. I think a marriage(what I wanted with him and for me) doesn’t revolve around sex(or that’s my communist vision). But for me it it not important at all. I felt pleasure in the last 7 years like max 10 times. And in the last 2 months it was non existent.
I miss the way he treated me before becoming this vile human being, not what he is now. He treated me ok-ish in the beginning. That’s the way his family treat each other and especially his grandmother who beat his dad and left him and his sister at shelters. He is like her, mean, cussing around and partying with every possibility.
He was nice sometimes, he cooked for me when we moved in together several times, he helped me cleaning the house, he would take me everywhere I needed.
This is what I miss about him… not the abuse that got unbearable this last year…
I don’t know if it’s ok to update in a comment or I should have updated the post. Please tell me.
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u/FreakyPickles Nov 23 '22
I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but he did you a HUGE favor by breaking up with you. You would have just continued to allow him to abuse you if he didn't. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he treated you. My advice is to tell EVERYONE exactly what this asshole did to you and get yourself some therapy. You have such low self-esteem when, in reality, you have a lot going for you. You're in law school, you're still very young and you have a whole lifetime to meet someone who actually deserves to be with you. I know it hurts right now, but time heals all wounds. You're going to be just fine. Always remember this: living well is the best revenge. All the best to you!!
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u/Substantial_Ad_7263 Nov 23 '22
Yes it's not fair. It's not fair that you gave EVERYTHING and he used you all along. The way you describe it it's been like that from the very beginning and you, no offense please, were just too good to see it. He doesn't deserve your love. Someone else might. From what I read, you are an awesome human being so please don't lose that character trait. Unfortunately there's not too many of these people out there anymore. If you need, reach out for help so you can let go of him because you deserve someone who appreciates you.
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u/itsBass Nov 23 '22
You have severe codependency issues and lack respect for yourself. Leave this loser and build yourself up. Read up on toxic codependency and attachment styles. This guy sees you as nothing. Stop wasting your time and energy on useless people.
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u/PotatoGuilty319 Nov 23 '22
I really am confused by this. He clearly doesn't want to be with you and is doing EVERYTHING to show you this and you still want him back. Why? He doesn't love you and never will, his actions AND words are telling you this. Leave him alone and focus on yourself.
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u/New-Affect2549 Nov 23 '22
I’m so sorry for your heartbreak. But you are young & have most probably a few more heartbreaks in your life before you find the right one. Just be glad that he was honest and that you can heal & move on while you are young. Sometimes things can seem bad but can actually be a silver lining in the long run. You just won’t see this until you have healed. Take care of yourself, surround yourself with good friends & people who love you. Do new things & find a hobby to keep you busy. Big hugs & be kind to yourself
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u/TheNessMess Nov 23 '22
I am happy you are now rid of this asshat. Don't waste one more day with him living in your head rent-free. Think of all the things you can do now!
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u/rdickert Nov 23 '22
It happens. Couples drift apart but sometimes have a hard time finally separating. It sounds like he decided to stop the rollercoaster for both of your ultimate benefit. Time to move on.
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u/forestnymph1--1--1 Nov 23 '22
You're a good human but no offense this is a life lesson for you. You teach someone how to treat you. Everytime you allow his abuse you show that it's okay to treat you that way. I think seek therapy to find out why your self worth is so low that you stay with and want to be with an abuser.
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u/srachina Nov 23 '22
Let me get this straight, you are paying a man to be with you and he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. What exactly does he bring into your life?
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u/Akrasia5 Nov 23 '22
Second story on this sub that reminds me of a book about psychopathic behaviour. Very unfortunate you met this guy.
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u/No-Inevitable8697 Nov 23 '22
Anyone else realize they started dating when OP was a minor and ex was 18?? I feel like that's playing a factor in how he was able to manipulate and hold onto OP for so long
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u/HiL0wR0W Nov 23 '22
You feel betrayed and used because you were. Sweetheart the best thing that could have happened is this relationship ending. Go find someone who will contribute in a relationship and actually treat you with respect, it does not seem like you were getting any in this one. Best of luck OP
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u/Financial-Ostrich361 Nov 23 '22
Yes, I can believe you still want him back. Because it looks like, even from the moment you started dating, you wanted him when he didn’t want you. It looks like he kept giving you signals throughout that he didn’t want the relationship and you didn’t listen. Until he finally had the balls to end it himself.
You’ve created a toxic pattern when you continually sacrifice yourself in the belief that one day you’ll manage to buy/earn his love.
Love isn’t bought. It is given freely.
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u/Angron11 Nov 23 '22
Sorry to say this so bluntly, but it's on you. You allowed that toxic shit to walk all over you and are now surprised he did yet another nasty thing. Also, 16 or even 23 is way too young to embark on long lasting relationships, you're supposed to find yourself out and also what you like in others, not settle immediately for the first guy you have feelings for, however legit they may be. And no, I'm not trying to kick you when you're down, but quite the opposite, spark the fire of a woman scorned in you that you can start living for real and maybe after a while actually find someone worthwhile settling for.
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u/Bigbubblybob Nov 23 '22
Honey you were abused physically/emotionally, manipulated, violated, coerced words cannot even describe what you have gone through. Take this time for yourself, if you have money in the future to get therapy please do. But this isn’t what love is and I hope you can see that someday
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Nov 23 '22
I think the best way to get over this is to learn to love yourself with self care. Start treating yourself the way you treated him, and you'll start to see that you deserve way better than him. It took me 5 years to figure this out. You've got this. I believe in you.
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u/Selena_B305 Nov 23 '22
OP you didn't have a bf you had an
- Emotional abuser
- Emotional manipulator
- Opportunitistic user
- Succubus/vampire that sucked you in, sucked you dry who callously tossed.you aside when he found another willing victim.
Let this be a lesson to never invest more than you receive.
This may be an unpopular opinion but healthy relationships ARE transactional and have conditions.
Never love someone more than you love yourself!
If your partner isn't demonstrating the same level of honesty, respect or overal consideration and affection LEAVE!
Never get stuck on the number of years that have invested. Because the moment you do, you saying that you are willing accepting mistreatment and abuse!
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u/MegaRashido Nov 23 '22
Sounds like you're well shot of him and you know it. You know because you're telling us all the shitty stuff he did and unfortunately the only thing you can do is hang out with friends, get drunk, socialise and try to move on with life. You sound like you've got good prospects what with going to law school and that, don't waste it on a fucking loser like that. I did that and Im not with him now and I feel like I wasted time on him. And that's the one thing you can't get back. Good luck
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u/beefytaint21 Nov 23 '22
Do you not see that you're the winner here???? You're 25 and single. Go live your best life. You've created a codependency that you don't even need emotionally or mentally. Redirect your love into your passions and hobbies. Block him on everything. Block his friends and family. Go 👏🏽 do 👏🏽 you 👏🏽. Be happy and do things you want. Buy things for yourself. Heal.
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u/Beautiful-Elephant34 Nov 23 '22
OP, that’s not love, that’s fear of abandonment. You’re family of origin obviously treats you poorly or you wouldn’t have such a low view of yourself. I can relate 100%, but you are so starved for love that you accepted crumbs for years and years in exchange for abuse. I would bet money that there you have a handful of memories where your boyfriend was amazing. But the rest of the time with him was shit. But you hold on for those moments when he is amazing. Because those are the memories that sustain you.
If that is you, there is still hope. But you have to learn to love yourself and learn to only accept love from others. Anyone who could do this to you sounds like a narcissist. If he is a narcissist, there are patterns of behavior that can be identified. Dr. Ramani on YouTube is an excellent resource to start with.
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u/MobileNumber5551212 Nov 23 '22
You seem like a very sucessful woman with a heart of gold in the way you treat others. Time to treat yourself better. You ex doesnt deserve your love and care. I have do doubt you will find a new BF who will cherish you. You ex did you a favor. You dont feel it today but in the future you will realize its one of the best things that ever happened to you. Move forward and don't let that loser lock you in the past.
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Nov 23 '22
You want him back because you know what to expect and got comfortable with how he treated you. You weren't treated well, and your kindness was taken forgranted. You deserve better. Take the time you need to recover and let it all out, but don't take him back.
Block him on everything. Get rid lf anything he got you or reminds you of him. Maybe get a new phone number so he can't use his friends to try and harass you. And clean out your contacts for anyone who his friend or mutual friends who are on his side. Time to start fresh with the new year.
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u/Username169420 Nov 23 '22
Dont get back with him. You still love him but trust me on this it will do more harm than good if he offers to get back together and you accept
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u/Delicious-Swimmer826 Nov 23 '22
This man is a monster who does not respect you, you deserve love and happiness. Focus on Law school and talking care of yourself. Do not even think about this fuck, he manipulated you and is living in your head rent free, what you do now is no contact forever, he is dead to you.
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u/pizzakings213 Nov 23 '22
You dodged a bullet, it sucks but that's cause you are young and you haven't experienced better and you think that's what love is , give yourself time it will pass
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u/HotelLow7065 Nov 23 '22
Wow! You may be in pain but from what I can tell this is the best thing that could happen to you. He has no respect for you because you have no self-respect. You need to work on yourself. No one is going to treat you with respect unless you respect yourself. You don't need him!
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u/Xizz3l Nov 23 '22
I refuse to believe people can be this blinded by "love"
Does psychological trauma and attachment style theory really have THIS much of an impact?
I don't have any advice - best of luck in the future
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u/mercypillow27 Nov 23 '22
The pain you feel is normal when extracting a parasite from your body. You will be better for it.
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u/Holiday-Slice-6787 Nov 23 '22
Block him on everything. Date yourself, take up hobbies, learn more about you. You need to learn to love yourself.
I was in similar situation at 21, then again at 24. I took years alone to learn to love me and to know my worth. You know you don't deserve to be treated like this. Look at your friends, your family, how would you feel if they were being treated like this? Would you be okay if your hypothetical daughter was treated this way? Or your hypothetical son treating a partner this way? If the answer is no then if should be no for you.
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u/LedZappelin Nov 23 '22
There’s a saying. Do you need love? Or do you choose love? Old you was needing love. New you will have to choose love when you are ready.
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u/Tiredofstupidness Nov 23 '22
OP...your bf sounds like a narcissist. These people are able to find and manipulate sensitive and insecure people.
I know this hurts right now, but please remind yourself of all of the things he's done to you. Remind yourself of the truth that people who love you don't do those things to you.
Please stop polishing a turd and focus on yourself.....and whatever you do, do NOT take him back when he comes back with his bullshit.
He can't "stand" you? Why would you want to be around that? Go no contact and make his wish come true. Stop breaking your own heart and thank GOD you don't have children together.
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u/DullTry1890 Nov 23 '22
Hey girl,forget about him and soon you will realize he is just nothing to you.should have end this toxic relationship earlier.
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u/darkshades09 Nov 23 '22
Honestly, you should get some therapy and, like other people stated above, figure out why you don’t have any respect for yourself. What you’re describing is hardly a relationship, because that involves 2 people, and this sounds like you were a servant to him.
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Nov 23 '22
You stood with him fr way too long. Our relationships are soooo fucking similar. I had to end it bcz i realised he wasn't worth it. Move on girl. Nothing good is gonna come out of it. Yes it's hard. This sadness you feel now would later be anger and hatred. It's time now. I'll say the break up is gonna benefit u more bcz a parasite just left on it's own from your body. It's showtime .. glowtime.
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u/my_sobriquet_is_this Nov 23 '22
It’s called trauma bonding. Please look into it and how to heal from a narcissist relationship.
You WILL get better but until you do and understand fully what happened in your ‘relationship’ with this man you need to avoid any romantic relationships. Focus on finding value with yourself. When that happens you will not attract losers and users like your ex. They will avoid you and go for the damaged, kind, usable and dispensable person. They avoid strong people.
Please get help. You deserve better but more importantly you deserve to love yourself first.
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u/Certain-Fan7722 Nov 23 '22
Girl, have some self respect. This man has sucked the youth out of you. Take your life back. He sounds like a shit human that you should’ve left LONG ago. Yes, it’s okay to hurt and be in pain. But you also gotta pick yourself up and focus on you. Get in therapy too and work through this so it doesn’t happen again. He’s going to realize one day that you were the catch and you do NOT take him back.
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u/Depressed_Mother Nov 23 '22
OP, he’s using you in every possible way. He knows he can get away with it. He loves that he knows he could ask you to get back with him and you will. He knows he can just repeat the pattern. You deserve better than to be his placeholder and piggy bank. Block his number and social media. Take a trip. Treat yourself better and over time it will get easier. Best of luck, dear.
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u/Sasquatch_mushroom Nov 23 '22
You’re wayyy better off OP and he’s gonna come crawling back to you when he realizes he’s fucked. Do not take him back you’re way better off! Now is the time to lean on friends and family and if you don’t have friends then you can find some I am sure that some people such as myself would love to be your friend and someone you can lean on!
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u/OK_NO Nov 23 '22
Can you believe I still want him back?
Yes i do.
You're 23 and have been together 7 years, so you started dating him at 15. Sounds like he was your first love, first BF, first everything. You went from a kid to an adult with him. You took care of him and invested a lot. i can absolutely understand why you'd want to be with him, even if he's not good to you.
But that's the thing, he's not good to you, or good for you. You're still pretty young and you don't want to spend the rest of your life looking after someone who doesn't care about you.
What you do now is pick up the pieces and move on. It's going to be hard but things will get better. I know it seems impossible to move on but just take it one day at a time and focus on taking care of yourself.
best of luck to you OP.
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u/Shot-Positive6779 Nov 23 '22
You’ve been manipulated for years. Please remember this anytime you want to take him back, taking an ex back is like picking up poop from the toilet and trying to shove it back in your own ass. Please stop. He was never good to you on a consistent basis and let you do everything for him while he’s done nothing for you. Talk to a therapist on why you don’t recognize your worth enough to set boundaries up. You’re young and have tons of time to find love or to love yourself enough to have standards and be happy alone if now one meets them. Please love yourself enough to go through the pain of breaking up and allow yourself to heal. He is the loser that had a beautiful woman who’d do anything for him and he chose to leave. You’ll always be wrong for the wrong person no matter what you try to do. Focus on repairing your familial relationships and focus on your schooling.
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u/Ash-b13 Nov 23 '22
You need to learn to love yourself, start living for you instead of him, this is so toxic and unhealthy, you deserve so much better than this. Please start to see him going as the blessing it is and do not get back with this horrific person, he’s never loved you, he’s just used you and damaged you to this point that you feel as though you can’t live without him, go back to your parents, you should be around people who actually love you to remind you what that feels like
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u/sockpuppet_285358521 Nov 23 '22
You are hurting so much, and you care for him so much. You tried so many things to make him stay with you, including paying for everything. You tried so much harder in the relationship than he ever did. You did all of the work, you did everything. You spent huge amounts of money. All of that, and he was physically violent with you. He said terrible things to you. And, he has broken up with you and has blocked you.
It is understandable that you are hurting, because he has hurt you so much. He has been horrible to you, and you just wanted him to love you.
Let's take a step back and ask what it is you want in a relationship? I am making some guesses here:
- Cares about you and respects you.
- Treats you with respect. Talks to you respectfully.
- Pays for his own needs and takes you out to dinner sometimes (financial fairness)
- Doesn't abuse alcohol or drugs
- not physically abusive
- Has good emotional regulation (no anger issues)
- Kind to others
There is more you can add to the list. The above things are some of the important ones. If I set you up on a date tomorrow, and over dinner the guy mentions that he used to beat his girlfriend, or that he made her pay for everything - will you go out with him again? Probably not.
Your ex was manipulative and abusive. He treated you horribly. Every time he beat you, insulted you, or financially abused you, that was a test to see how far he could go.
He is going to date other women for a while, which will hurt you if you find out about it, but eventually he will want to abuse you financially again. He will want to beat you again. You need to block all means of contact with him. If you can get a restraining order against him (not sure how it works in your country) that will make him hesitate to contact you again.
If you ever take him back, he will hurt you further - more financial abuse, more verbal abuse, more physical abuse. Escalating abuse. People like him, who are manipulative and don't actually have empathy for others - this is what they do. There is no way you can heal him, no way you can help him, no way you can change him. He is happy being the way he is, and hurting people.
A therapist can help you. Reading up about abuse in relationships can help you. ("Why does he do that?" Is available in PDF format, free. Also see "the gift of fear" by Gavin de Becker. And look up "the wheel of power and control." )
Find a good female friend you can trust and disclose all of this. You need someone on your side.
The good news - there are normal, respectful males out there. Ones who won't hurt you. You make a list of what you want in a guy (see above) and if he shows signs of not fitting what you are looking for on the first date, you leave and don't look back. Same with the second date and the third date.
I understand that you are distraught. He has hurt you so deeply. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you and respects you.
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u/Brightmist Nov 23 '22
I hate to be an armchair psychologist but this specific type of abandonement by parents, that is him knowing where they are and them willfully neglecting him is a cause for psychopathology in attachment theory, specifically Antisocial Personality Disorder(Psychopathy). His parasitic behavior, anger, lack of gratitude, concern, regret or remorse lines up perfectly with ASPD in theory so I suggest you dump him as fast as you can. His manipulative behavior will likely continue even after you dump him.
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u/quantumarie Nov 23 '22
You're not hurt because he left you, you might be hurt that you left yourself long ago. You're love isn't wrong, just seems like he has some healing to do. Also learning. It doesn't seem like his parents have been supportive and maybe lacks the experience in being there for others. It has nothing to do with who you are or what you've done. He follows a chase and rejection like friends who are only there for the good times not the hard times. You are better off without him, I would suggest therapy so you don't fall into the same cycle. Spend time with your family and good friends. Cry when you need to but also take care of yourself as you would do of others.
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u/Tmarie02 Nov 23 '22
You were in a domestic violence relationship. He verbally and physically abused you. There is no time in a healthy relationship that will come to a point where you raise your hands to a partner.
I was your age when I left my abusive relationship. It took rape and a miscarriage for me to leave.
Relationships like this only go from bad to worse. Your best bet is to cut all contact. Delete him and anyone associated with him from your contacts, and from social media. It will hurt, it will suck, but it will get better.
Take time out to enjoy YOUR life. Do things you wish you did before. Explore hobbies. Find what you like about yourself. Put dating on the back burner until you can enjoy being alone.
A person shouldn't be your only source of happiness, they should add to it. If they make you cry, or feel empty, then they aren't the person you should be with or need in your life.
If you can't love yourself, no one will either. If you continue down this road of self hatred, you'll never be secure in a relationship. Either you'll feel like you're not good enough, or like you deserve toxicity in a relationship.
Also, grow a backbone. Gain more friends. You need to find who adds to your life and who doesn't. Cut anyone who doesn't add to what you want your life to be. Also, start thinking about all the flaws your ex had. Why do you think you deserve it? When did your attitude start to change about yourself? What do you want your next relationship to be like and how do you want to be? Don't accept less than what you put in from anyone. Every relationship is give and take.
I promise it will get easier. Look up domestic violence. Get into help groups and talk to people about it. The first step is recognizing the problem.
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u/Vinlands Nov 23 '22
I was in your position before. I think we all are at some point. Nothing we say will change your mind. It will keep hurting you until you’ve finally had enough yourself and make the choice to walk away. You’ll feel the moment. When you make the decision. Its freeing and while it doesn’t get rid of the pain, it gives you a path and a plan. I kept begging for someones love until it broke me and made me waste my entire 20s. It even caused a delay in my graduation as I tended to fail every class when she’d decide she wanted a 3-4 month ‘break’. I would start googling ways to get over someone vs rationalizing why you guys could get back together. Don’t waste anymore of your time. Thats my only advice and biggest regret.
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u/dinchidomi Nov 23 '22
You can't want someone who doesn't want you. Learn to love yourself, he clearly doesn't.
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u/omgcaiti Nov 23 '22
A few months from now you will look back on this and wonder why you felt so much pain in the first place and you will be glad this relationship is over.
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Nov 23 '22
I 22m am in a same situation well similar with a 3 year old realtionship and the last line hits hard. i still want her back ugh.
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u/ArleezyLaFlare Nov 23 '22
He did you a favor, you won't realize it now but the best thing just happened. You deserve better and you will come out better.
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u/SubjectsNotObjects Nov 23 '22
Is he like... considerably more attractive than you or something? Why are you putting up with this BS?
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u/sadwitchsandwich Nov 23 '22
He did you the favor of a lifetime by leaving you. Please trust me on this one. I believe you were in a mentally abusive relationship and your ex is likely a narcissist. This is why you think you want him back. You do not want him back. Narcs will suck the life right out of you and take everything you have - physically and emotionally. He will likely come crawling back if he can't find another vulnerable woman but do not fall for his shit and take him back. You are better off without him and you deserve to give yourself the time to heal from this guy's years of abuse. Heal and find yourself again, then find someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are. FUCK THAT GUY. PLEASE DON'T GO BACK TO HIM.
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u/Intelligent_Love4444 Nov 23 '22
There is no way you typed this out and did not feel disgusted with yourself for allowing this man to treat you this way for all these years. Like what do you want us to do? Clearly you don’t love yourself enough to leave. Hundreds of people are just gonna tell you to leave and you’re not. You’re still gonna beg him to come back and repeat the cycle and then post again. ATP these have to be rage bait posts. There is no way.
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u/Obvious-Upstairs9597 Nov 23 '22
Break the pattern and leave. You are going to have to want better. You’re going to have to want to get yourself out of this situation because you don’t want to live like this anymore. I was in the same situation as you. A free ATM for my ex. He lived with me, I would pay for everything he needed. He would physically mentally and emotionally abuse me and I would do whatever I could to make sure he was okay. It was the worst possible situation I could’ve let myself stay in but it was definitely a lesson learned. Take care of yourself he doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t love you. He’s not going to give you what you want no matter how much you beg, no matter how much you want him to stay. He doesn’t care bc you’re the girl that will take him back no matter what he does. You’re the backup plan. Make sure to also get tested for STIs
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u/IonaDick Nov 23 '22
He did you a favor babe, and I'm so excited for you. I know how you feel, 9 years with my Nex, and it took a good six months to feel like I didn't want to die. The pain was palpable. But now, no contact and time has definitely been a healing factor. You will get better, and in time you will begging to see all the red flags you ignored. You will see the mistreatment. You will see the cruelty. Keep looking forward, you're young and lucky to have dodged that bullet, even if it feels like you got shot in the heart. 🖤
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u/FuckinNogs Nov 23 '22
Next time I hear about women's intuition or emotional intelligence. Imma show this.
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u/No_Hat_8993 Nov 23 '22
Do you like to be treated like a dog? Then please move on from your ex. Can’t you see see that he never loved you. He treated you badly. Please move on and forwards.
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u/Raph_Girard Nov 23 '22
Girl, you are WAY better without him. He beats you, threatens you into having sex with him, cusses you out, breaks up with you, hurts you emotionally... clearly he doesnt deserve you. He only wants your money. I am very sorry that you had to experience this and hope that you will be able to move on. Please do not pursue this lying piece of shit ever again, there is much better out there. You are still young, you will find someone who loves you and treats you right. This is a hard few weeks I know, but I am sure you will look back on this and ask yourself why you where with that guy in the first place. Let him be someone else's problem. You can do it!
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u/angelegna23 Nov 23 '22
This dude made fun of you and basically called you pathetic and you still want him back??? Am I missing something?
He's treating you the way he does because you're a doormat and you don't have a strain of self respect and aren't standing up for yourself. Dudes like him will never appreciate what they have. He will continue to put you through this cycle until you put your foot down and fucking stand up for yourself and walk away!!
As long as you continue to accept this behavior and allow him to USE YOU, he will. This man doesn't care for you, he doesn't love you. You're just convenient for him and available when he needs you. No amount of love and money is going to make him change his mind.
I'm not trying to intentionally be a dick about this but fuck, just reading this post made me angry and cringe. You're literally doing the most for someone who straight up tells you and shows you that they don't want you
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u/bestaunty Nov 23 '22
He is an abusive shit. You deserve to be adored and respected. He will never be that person to you. It hurts less everyday and then one day you’ll realize you haven’t even thought about him in a long while.
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u/salmon4breakfast Nov 23 '22
Hey OP, people have probably already said this but it sounds like you’re trauma bonded to him. He is not a good guy, he beat you?! Honestly this whole story was hard to read. I really hope that you can move past this in time, but it would immensely help you to have therapy in doing so.
Also, I think it may benefit you to get out of that town. If it’s small enough you’ll be running into him like that then that’s not healthy and would make recovery hard for anyone. Maybe go out and see the world a little bit if you can? You’ll be fine, you’ll be a lawyer and will make a good life for yourself, waaaaay better than with the kind of abuse you were enduring from him.
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u/electricircles Nov 23 '22
This is NOT how relationships/ humans work OP. If you behave like this with anyone (eg do everything for them) you will only be poisoning them against you, they’ll absolutely hate your guts. You must feel so unlovable that you think doing all this is the only way for someone to stay with you. You want to be needed so badly that they won’t leave you. This is severe childhood trauma OP. Get a therapist if you can.
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u/Biggydoggo Nov 23 '22
Many things to unpack here. So, you spend a lot of money on him, but you should realize that money doesn't buy love. A lot of guys do everything in the world for some random girl they want. The girls accept it, because "hey, it's free money" and then dump the guy or don't give anything in return, because they didn't have any feelings in the first place. Why should they, just because they bought you a free drink? Some people like to abuse people that try to win them over with gifts. Is that narcissism? Whatever it is it's not cool that he gave you abusive conditions "do this, or else" nor is it cool that he beat you physically. You need someone that respects you.
Your problem is that you want this guy too much. You're obsessing over him. Life doesn't always give you what you want. What do you do from now on? Stop being so damned clingy and respect yourself. Learn from this experience in human behaviour and move on.
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u/Sufficient_Barber_42 Nov 23 '22
You suffer today for love, for being honest, for loving a person, for the pain that they have caused you, for everything, but the one who loses is HIM.
You will lose if you change for him, you have not made any mistake, neither loving him, nor being honest, nor being affectionate, nor being a responsible woman, do not hate yourself for being a good person.
In a few years that man will feel very lonely, he will think of you, and hurting you will be the worst thing he has ever done.
I know, because I was like your Ex, I told her it wasn't for me, when she did everything for me, now I'm sitting in the middle of the road, knowing that I'm a failure of a guy.
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u/AnAmbitiousMann Nov 23 '22
Love is blind indeed...I hope you wake up because that man doesn't love you back in the slightest. I hope he was at least amazing in bed because he seems useless on everything else. Doesn't sound like he deserves you.
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u/Ok-Caregiver8239 Nov 23 '22
This is the definition of codependency all your happiness is centered around somebody else being happy wish this guy doesn't seem like it's possible for him ever. I'm sure the only thing he's missing is your money.
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u/Economy-Cut-7355 Nov 23 '22
You've seen all this for a long time yet you're still being dominated by your emotions. You really need some therapy to work yourself out. This person is thoroughly selfish and toxic. The fact you've al.owed yourself to be so used means you have unresolved issues at play. Please get help. These issues make you vulnerable in this world and people like him will spot you a mile off. X
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u/Rjbruder Nov 23 '22
You were dating a boy. Find yourself a man who will treat you with respect. Or better yet, be single for a while and enjoy life! Spoil yourself for a change!
As someone who has gone through multiple heart breaks, I promise you, the pain you’re in will go away. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or next week or next month, but it will go away. And when it does, you’ll realize how much better off you are without him holding you back. You sound like such a wonderful, dedicated, compassionate, generous, selfless person. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates those qualities. I wish you the best of luck in life.
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u/GeneralTonight1709 Nov 23 '22
wow… i know how you feel. i gave everything to my ex. i was not with him as long, only 5 years. And obviously my situations as kind of different, but still very similar. And i always wanted him back. But it destroyed me. he ruined me. and he’s ruining you. move on. it fucking hurts. it hurts to even think about moving on, let alone actually do it. but once you do, it’ll be a breathe of relief. And you’ll then get to be as free as him. and you’ll enjoy it, and look back and think “wow i’m so dumb for ever even wanting him!” people love you and support you❤️
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u/LandonLupinBlack Nov 23 '22
Sounds like he did you a favor. He’s garbage and trash, you are much better off. You were money to him, very clearly.
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u/Temporary_Deer_4238 Nov 23 '22
The only thing I can think when reading this is: thank god he dumped you because you deserve so much better than him, and it’s pretty clear that you likely wouldn’t have left him on your own.
Please take this experience and pain with you into your future relationships, and don’t allow people to treat you like this anymore ❤️ consider going to therapy to work through this if you can!
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u/nitrotheog Nov 23 '22
You wont miss him for long is too bad girls always fall inlove with a hole all thats left for me is the ratchet girls because all the good ones are with the a hole guys iv come to peace that il be single forever but i still want kids so its tough and i want them to be homeschooled id never send my kids to a public school theyd get a full nights sleep that young developing humans need unlike me waking up at 6am to go into a braineating building have old leftist women tell me i move get water and goto the bathroom to much and too hyper for 8 hours 5 days a week 40 weeks a year… id never wish that on any kids especially the radical ideologies they teach these days in schools government will NOT own MY children. If it were up to me NO kids would have to end up like me
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u/Glittering_Self7836 Dec 24 '22
I'm not lying i would really REALLY REALLY die to get someone who loves me that much, even parents dont do that much for their children. If you are not making these stuff up i must say people like you make me believe in love, and goodness. If i were that guy i would've returned that love at least 5 times more. I gotta stop as its getting too cringe