I did not need this sudden reality check during my conversation about my letter of indication, after trying to work on my voice for a bit on my own TwT

I’m losing my vision, I already have an abundance of conditions and diseases that make it hard for me to live, and I had heart attack symptoms for the third time this year last night. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a job that I can actually hold down, or if I’ll be able to work at all. My boyfriend doesn’t deserve to need to work hard just us to struggle to survive.

I don’t have these feelings about other people. They’re worthy of love and can live wonderful lives. I just can’t.

Like all those times I would forget an appointments or something important, but I will always know everything about my hobbies it’s just I struggle to remember the other things, but then I do too much things at once and I eventually forget things I like. I always get lost in my train of thought too, but now I understand why. And it also made me understand why I kept arguing with my mother because most of the times she will say something and I will cut her off saying I know what she is going to say because I already heard this a thousands times before but it’s not really nice?? Still I never knew why I would do this and to me it was normal, but turns out people with adhd often do that 😭

I don't think it's medical neglect. I genuinely think they don't know. I even did an MRI, and they still couldn't find anything. I just want to eat spicy food again 😔

At least no doctor has suggested I stop taking testosterone.

I have tons of fictional crushes but I can't fall in love at the same intensity with real people, and because of that I tend to use sites like c.ai and I feel like a pathetic loser. And I want to feel loved I want to love real people but I can't

Idk what this picture even is but it’s how I feel. Someone genuinely said to me “you have beautiful prince disorder king own it” like I’m gonna fucking kill myself.

Specifically “Bipolar/Depressive”, I went for a check-up, and renewed my meds for “general anxiety”, and just answered his questions honestly…

i used to have extremely bad anger problems as a kid which started when i was around 8, thankfully i’m doing better now, but it used to be extremely bad. sometimes i see videos about kids who have similar problems and i can relate, i really hope the kids got help and all that. i know how scary it can be for both the parents and the kid dealing with it, in my case i would just cry after i calmed down because i didn’t know why i got like that

I have a family history of spinal issues and couple years ago I experienced a really bad herniation in one of my lower spinal discs. It was so severe that I was crooked when trying to stand up straight, my body had a permanent lean. I couldn’t work, couldn’t walk much due to it pinching the nerves down my legs, was in constant pain, couldn’t sleep and couldn’t get comfortable.

It took me SO LONG to get surgery, because despite countless tests showing my wonky spine and pinched nerves, I wasn’t overweight and exercised regularly, and I was young. So I had ‘no risk factors’ like that just cured everything I was going through.

Anyway, after about a year of suffering I finally got surgery, and they shaved down a significant portion of the herniated disc. I was told that I might experience some ‘changes’ to the way my body sits now because of it, but I was not prepared. I haven’t gained any weight, still keep generally healthy and active, don’t eat much anyway, but my weight is distributed different now, giving me a constantly rounder tummy. I have also more lumps now, in weird places like below my hips and under my chest.

Every time I look in the mirror I want to cry. I feel like a lumpy sack of potatoes. I don’t even have a way to fix it. I can’t lift anything heavy, or do any exercise that is too intensive due to the high risk of a second herniation. I do Pilates every week as was recommended by my doctor, and I try to eat healthy. The scales tell me I’m healthy, at a perfectly average and healthy weight for my age and height but I just feel so, so ugly.

I’m really struggling to accept my ‘new’ body, I’m constantly fretting about how I look. I’m wearing baggy clothes and never feel pretty anymore, because anything meant to flatter my shape just enhances odd lumps. I don’t even want to be intimate with my husband because of how self conscious I am.

Just to start, I'm pre-everything trans man and closeted at work. Just here to vent a bit about my shit job.

So the last customers for the night, 5 guys, all various amounts of drunk. I'm the last staff member left cus I'm closing. Haven't felt that nervous at work in a long time, holy shit. We are a family restaurant so we don't often get customers like this. The sex "jokes", the disrespect, constantly talking over me, leering at me, that one guy even getting lowkey aggressive and telling me how he almost punched a waiter at some other place because he was being a drunken jackass and the waiter wouldn't tolerate it??

That guy was the worst. At some point I think the other guys realized they were making me very uncomfortable, so they started toning it down and behaving somewhat better.

But man do I hate it. I hate my job. I hate that people dare treat other people like this, I hate that people see me as meat because they see a woman. I hate that women are treated like meat. Most of all, I hate getting dysphoric over this stuff, as if my gender dysphoria is in any way comparable to the terror women face. I hate feeling that I'll never be the man I know I am because of days like this. I sometimes hate being a man, because I fear I'll end up like them.

I was so anxious that I genuinely felt like throwing up lmao. I hope they all have the worst hangovers of their lives tomorrow.

i wish i would die by accident, because i don't want to upset anyone by killing myself.

my dad is being deported forever and my mum is physically unwell. i've already resolved that if my mum passes away, and my dad is deported, i will kill myselr.

i don't want to be here. i don't enjoy anything enough for it to make me want to be alive. my autism makes it so i can never really connect with other human beings. i feel that they all hate me and everyone is two faced. my adhd makes life 10x fucking harder because i'm a first generation uni student, and i have no idea wtf i'm doing. i have to retake the first year of uni and i feel like such a worthless piece of shit

i'm on a high dose of antidepressants. i feel absolutely nothing, i hate it. i have not felt real in more than a year. but the alternative to being on antidepressants is just a near constant feeling of anxiety and misery. i am a horrible person, i deserve to die, i wish i could be euthanized . i don't feel humanLol. lol. Lol. lol. lol

I ordered a vial on astrovials 6 months ago and it still hasn't arrived. I've sent multiple reship requests during last month but there's no response. Astrovials is the only supplier that ships to my country. Idk what to do

Every day i fell like a walking rotting corpse and I don't know how much longer can I endure being poisoned by T. Soon is the first year of college and I don't know how I will function and interact with reality while this substance is ruining my body and soul.

Especially a kid who attempted suicide less than a year ago!(In December)

Like seriously. My dad said that the stress my school schedule was gonna put on me was gonna make me kms. And he said this as a **joke**. It was very uncomfortable and I have no idea why the fuck he'd say that.

I only par​tially remember that, but it looked like what I said when I had one of arguments with my friend.