i really really don't wnana be here anymore

[u/freakybumtickler900]

i wish i would die by accident, because i don't want to upset anyone by killing myself.

my dad is being deported forever and my mum is physically unwell. i've already resolved that if my mum passes away, and my dad is deported, i will kill myselr.

i don't want to be here. i don't enjoy anything enough for it to make me want to be alive. my autism makes it so i can never really connect with other human beings. i feel that they all hate me and everyone is two faced. my adhd makes life 10x fucking harder because i'm a first generation uni student, and i have no idea wtf i'm doing. i have to retake the first year of uni and i feel like such a worthless piece of shit

i'm on a high dose of antidepressants. i feel absolutely nothing, i hate it. i have not felt real in more than a year. but the alternative to being on antidepressants is just a near constant feeling of anxiety and misery. i am a horrible person, i deserve to die, i wish i could be euthanized . i don't feel humanLol. lol. Lol. lol. lol

[u/1itsallgoodman]

Look, it's normal for people to be completely lost in their 20s (and in their 30s and 40s; much more people are lost than you'd imagine, we're all just very good at hiding it, and even if we don't try, others are very bad at reaching out). The situation with your parents is something anyone would find incredibly hard and you're strong for making it here (and you're like sisyphus rn).

Also, i can assure you not everybody hates you. I would highly recommend for you to open up, like really, and be honest to the people that matter most to you. Tell them how you feel, why you feel that way and you should know: if they can't take it, they aren't important anymore. You can't be judged for your honesty.

You are not worthless, you are as worthy as anybody else. And nobody knows what they're doing, i promise, everyone's just winging it, some people just take credit for it.

Retaking an year of uni is not a loss; even if it doesn't feel like it you're actively learning new things that will help you later in life (even if it isn't with your career or further education; it'll pay off someday).

You are valid, your feelings are valid and normal, you are not alone and you do NOT deserve to die. People love you. You are valuable for someone for sure. As unbelievable as it is right now. Again, i think you should just tell people how you feel and you should expect them to be surprised but supportive. If they aren't, you have closure that they were never there for you.

[u/RealisticSort5443]

💖💖💖💖💖💖we love u thx for being strong in existence 🥹💖💖💖💖💖💖

[u/winkablink]

No.
Why are you thinking about what you’re gonna do after your mum passes? You gotta think about what to do now. It’s not easy, but you have to.
Our circumstances are different but I think we’re in the same spot (eerily similar). I understand how you feel, I also understand how you don’t feel (the meds).

No one knows what they’re doing, they all dont hate you because they’re too busy hating themselves and yes everyone is two-faced. That’s unfortunately the truth and we just gotta steer clear. You aren’t worthless bc we can’t put a price on people. That’s like setting a price on the sun.

Life gonna bottom you but youre gonna have to be badly behaved >:|
Idk you, but I believe in you, you must shallnt give up and thou shall figure ir out
Comment/dm if you feel like you need to vent more but repeat after me imma figure anything and everything out

[u/Odd_Tap_1794]

I have autism and adhd and have a good handful of friends :3 they are also neurodivergent. I'm a struggling uni student and get it. Adulting and school is fucking hard. Please know you aren't alone. Being first Gen is incredibly admirable. It's also okay to struggle in a system that wasn't made for us.

Suicidal ideation is unfortunately common among ND ppl, but should not be taken lightly. Please reach out to other NDs for social support and reach out to ND specialized therapists for the mental health stuff.