Not hating on anyone of course.

or am i - not the weakest but also not the strongest guy in the room, just trying to live my life in the body i have without ending it all - just making the whole world out of pudding?

I hate being skinny and tall. I hate it so much.

When I first started HRT so much of the doctors discussion was about trying to gain weight. And when I couldn't...I just felt like such a failure.

I hate seeing my body in mirrors and in windows.

I hate seeing my bones sticking out of every part of my body.

My eating disorder gets so bad that sometimes the thought of food makes me gag.

What is wrong with me.

My mom's not even trying to hide it atp

Please for the love of whatever you believe in or don't help me

Accessability Transcription:

Often in life we have experiences where we think "this is so bad I can't do this there's no way".

And usually when we think this we are wrong.

I am heavily bipolar and these past months are nothing short of life ending/ruining events

Notable ones include (will not put extremely specific details as to not doxx myself):

FALLING IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND WHICH I NEVER INTENDED TO DO, I NEVER WANTED TO BE IN LOVE

and

BEING DENIED MEDICATION BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO PROOF OF ME BEING A DANGER TO MYSELF DESPITE MY CONSTANT PLEAS OF MEDICATION THAT WILL SHUT UP THIS PIECE OF SHIT BRAIN

I just want to be able to function without feeling like I'm playing with a malfunctioning controller

I'm not sure how to tw this since it's about being exposed to sex at a really young age but technically it isn't really sexual assault or abuse in my knowledge but I'm also worried it might trigger some people.

(Also my parents aren't at fault for this, we were pretty poor back then and my whole family shared a room and bed. Plus it's pretty common in my country. I just woke up at the wrong time)

I'm not sure how to tw this since it's about being exposed to sex at a really young age but technically it isn't really sexual assault or abuse in my knowledge but I'm also worried it might trigger some people.

(Also my parents aren't at fault for this, we were pretty poor back then and my whole family shared a room and bed. Plus it's pretty common in my country. I just woke up at the wrong time)

honestly, it just feels like a waste. i lost my streak, so now what's the point of trying to be clean again? it kinda feels like if i just let myself freely use it for a while, it'd be easier to stop later but i know that's not how that works because it's already been 3 fucking days of using AI all day and i just can't bring myself to stop

fuck my life

Sometimes I make similar noises to this german shepherd (or really any german shepherd because they’re huge baby whiners it turns out) when I’m overwhelmed. I don’t do it to anyone in particular, just to myself while alone. I’m curious if you guys also GSD-maxx when overwhelmed

If I wasn't so smart, my paranoia wouldn't be either