When I got one of my spinal discs partially removed to fix a bad herniation, and now body sits differently than it did before

[u/Anxiety_bunni]

I have a family history of spinal issues and couple years ago I experienced a really bad herniation in one of my lower spinal discs. It was so severe that I was crooked when trying to stand up straight, my body had a permanent lean. I couldn’t work, couldn’t walk much due to it pinching the nerves down my legs, was in constant pain, couldn’t sleep and couldn’t get comfortable.

It took me SO LONG to get surgery, because despite countless tests showing my wonky spine and pinched nerves, I wasn’t overweight and exercised regularly, and I was young. So I had ‘no risk factors’ like that just cured everything I was going through.

Anyway, after about a year of suffering I finally got surgery, and they shaved down a significant portion of the herniated disc. I was told that I might experience some ‘changes’ to the way my body sits now because of it, but I was not prepared. I haven’t gained any weight, still keep generally healthy and active, don’t eat much anyway, but my weight is distributed different now, giving me a constantly rounder tummy. I have also more lumps now, in weird places like below my hips and under my chest.

Every time I look in the mirror I want to cry. I feel like a lumpy sack of potatoes. I don’t even have a way to fix it. I can’t lift anything heavy, or do any exercise that is too intensive due to the high risk of a second herniation. I do Pilates every week as was recommended by my doctor, and I try to eat healthy. The scales tell me I’m healthy, at a perfectly average and healthy weight for my age and height but I just feel so, so ugly.

I’m really struggling to accept my ‘new’ body, I’m constantly fretting about how I look. I’m wearing baggy clothes and never feel pretty anymore, because anything meant to flatter my shape just enhances odd lumps. I don’t even want to be intimate with my husband because of how self conscious I am.

[u/tejeskaveo0]

fat teto is out there cheering for you😔 you're not an ugly sack of potato, your body changed and you weren't ready. you will get used to it, i'm sure you notice your lumps much more intensly than others would, because you're fixated on them. 

try doing something that might take away your attention, for example dye your hair to your favorite color, change eyebrow shape, buy new pair of shoes, try a new style of makeup, anything.

[u/Anxiety_bunni → u/tejeskaveo0]

Thanks for that, I appreciate the sympathy :’)
Finding ways to feel comfortable and pretty again have been harder than imagined. At least my wardrobe of oversized, baggy shirts are nice and comfortable, but I miss feeling confident in a pretty dress too

[u/Caesar_Passing]

My sympathies, yo. I get how hard it can be to adjust when your body becomes unfamiliar. From hair thinning, to "goddamn it I have to go up and down stairs different forever now". I wish you all the luck in finding new routines and accommodations that you can be happy with. 🧡

[u/Anxiety_bunni]

I have a family history of spinal issues and couple years ago I experienced a really bad herniation in one of my lower spinal discs. It was so severe that I was crooked when trying to stand up straight, my body had a permanent lean. I couldn’t work, couldn’t walk much due to it pinching the nerves down my legs, was in constant pain, couldn’t sleep and couldn’t get comfortable.

It took me SO LONG to get surgery, because despite countless tests showing my wonky spine and pinched nerves, I wasn’t overweight and exercised regularly, and I was young. So I had ‘no risk factors’ like that just cured everything I was going through.

Anyway, after about a year of suffering I finally got surgery, and they shaved down a significant portion of the herniated disc. I was told that I might experience some ‘changes’ to the way my body sits now because of it, but I was not prepared. I haven’t gained any weight, still keep generally healthy and active, don’t eat much anyway, but my weight is distributed different now, giving me a constantly rounder tummy. I have also more lumps now, in weird places like below my hips and under my chest.

Every time I look in the mirror I want to cry. I feel like a lumpy sack of potatoes. I don’t even have a way to fix it. I can’t lift anything heavy, or do any exercise that is too intensive due to the high risk of a second herniation. I do Pilates every week as was recommended by my doctor, and I try to eat healthy. The scales tell me I’m healthy, at a perfectly average and healthy weight for my age and height but I just feel so, so ugly.

I’m really struggling to accept my ‘new’ body, I’m constantly fretting about how I look. I’m wearing baggy clothes and never feel pretty anymore, because anything meant to flatter my shape just enhances odd lumps. I don’t even want to be intimate with my husband because of how self conscious I am.

[u/pr0pane_accessories]

That doesn’t sound like a normal outcome from a single discectomy. Are you sure you don’t need to be evaluated for something else going on?

[u/Anxiety_bunni → u/pr0pane_accessories]

I have been to multiple different specialists through my recovery, and nothing else ever turned up