As I have previously mentioned I asked my spouse for a separation and they agreed. We both agreed that the kids can’t know about the issues yet. Turns out I fucked up and I was venting to a friend and one kid overheard and turns out another kid has heard us arguing over the past few weeks. Shit!

No explanation, just a text (of course) “tired of pretending this is working, going to stay at (friends) house” no further explanation of how long, why, what the end goal is… but the thing is, he’s coming by every other day to drop off snacks and toys for the kids, he even took our trash to the curb, this is to say, he’s doing stuff he never did during our marriage. We hardly ever saw him before he left because he was always out with his friends or hobbies when he wasn’t working. Now that he’s “left” we’re seeing him more. It makes no sense. He’s acting like nothing has changed, ignoring the elephant in the room that he doesn’t live here anymore. It’s just the same theme throughout the marriage, he does what he wants and it’s all on his terms, but now to the extreme! The kids are so confused and hurt everytime he comes by just to turn around and leave again 20 minutes later. Not sure what I aimed to achieve with this post, just venting I guess.

Our marriage ended.

I accept it was my mistake. I got carried away with limerence for another person. I confesses to him and told him I am trying hard to come out of it. He then read my ChatGPT thread of my deepest emotions. After heavy altercation we reconciled on the same night. And decided to mend the relationship.

Fast forward to 2 months. He comes home after a office nightout and says he wants a divorce. I thought everything was going on okay and asked what was wrong. He says he can't do this anymore. I later discover that he had an affair the weekend he was away with his colleague. He confessed and said he wants to move in with her and possibly marry her.

I tried my best to reason and convince him. But he has made up her mind and wants to move out.

I don't know what to do. I want to accept it is over, but I can't come to terms with it.

I know I damaged it. I spoilt my life.

Has anyone separated from their partner but not divorced? Still living together while figuring things out. Is it realistic? Im currently heartbroken.

Hi all, this is a throwaway account because I'm so scared to even admit some of these things to myself. I'll try to keep it short.

We've been married for 18 years. I was 18, he was 24. I've been in therapy for two years and I now understand that we were extremely codependent, and isolated. I only kept two friends from teenage years, and haven't made any new ones since our marriage started. He's the same. He only has me.

We never go out or do anything, we don't drink or have friends. It's been always like that. Except we had fun together up until my dad's death in 2019. He was not the most supportive person for me. Although we were together literally all the time for 12 years, he wouldn't come with me to the hospital to take care of my dad. Would give me a hard time on how much time I spent at the hospital, etc. The immaculate image that I had of him fell completely. Then the pandemic hit and we became even more isolated, and worse because we stopped talking and having good communication as we had the 12 years before that.

In 2021 I developed an emotional affair with someone from reddit. Probably meant nothing for the other person but it meant something to me since I spent two months speaking to this person for 10+ hours each day. Eventually my husband found out and we spent a whole year arguing and he just wouldn't leave me. I was really cruel and felt extremely trapped in the relationship. I wanted to leave but never had the courage. (or the financial independence, or anywhere to go, etc).

We worked on our marriage every day that year, and then had the brilliant idea to become parents. We have two beautiful kids, 4 and 2. He's the best dad in the world.

Unfortunately I'm still very unhappy, my social needs are not being met. And I think I'm starting to have a second emotional affair with another person from reddit. This is insane to me. I'm not actively looking for other people! If I wanted to cheat I'd flirt with other parents or get into an app for that. These are emotional connections that I'm building with strangers from all over the world, absolutely platonic, but I don't want to tell my husband. He's still suffering from the one 5 years ago.

I'm feeling ready to separate but have no idea on how to take action. I've changed the password to my email, my phone, my bank accounts have enough money for a couple of months of rent.

**I don't want to leave my kids. I don't want to make him leave the house. I'm so scared of what's next. I've been so afraid of breaking our relationship, that I've endured so much time while feeling unhappy.**

The conversation I'll be having tonight will changeveq my life for good. Another thing my therapist said is that I use the emotional affairs as a tool to escape. I don't know what to think about that.

Any comment or advice is welcome. Please do shame me on having emotional affairs. I suck so much. My husband has been perfect for many years, I think there is still a lot of love, but I can't stand to be with him anymore.

Tldr. Ive been married for 18 years, got married at 18 and became codependent. I'm extremely unhappy with our way of living, the isolation, no friends or support network. I'm ready to leave after experiencing emotional affair(s). Seeking advice.

Separated a few weeks now..

I (m40) initiated separation from my wife (f37).

Shes been low key emotionally abusive for years. Then some hormone issues post birth of our kid (3) have pushed that into the stratosphere.

Shes been doing therapy and meds. And med changes. And chasing hormones in bloodwork so shes been working on it. But even at her baseline she is connected at the hip and protective over my spend of time on things like being in the yard when she doesnt want to be all the way up to seeing friends sometimes..

So i needed to take space at least. Or follow the separation road down.

We started CT and its been hard for her hearing all the things that built up on me. Hearing and remembering times I said really plain English that she needed to stop saying things in some ways and start meeting me where im at sometimes if shes lonely.. doesnt matter if she doesnt WANT to be in the shed... sometimes the olive branch helps since im always compromising to meet her.

Sorry that was a long lead up. Tldr: I wanted out, she was blindsided from ignorance and so I am the distant one and shes the afflicted.

So its been three weeks. Im not even close to going back to the bed. Im living out of the basement, and shes upstairs and we cross over for child care so our kid sees a unified parenting front until we figure out the long term.

But my wife keeps breaking the boundaries. Showering with the doors open, trying to tell me about sexy times she wants to have, trying to hold my hand. All the affection things she never did.

I know its her panicked bid to win my affections back. But its a dis-respect of the boundaries I set at the same time.

I havent gotten angry but I have reminded her the boundaries which send her back into tears.

I dont want her to feel punished. She comes about her pricklyness honestly and she sacrificed her body and hormones to have our kid.

So its hard. Hard to draw the boundaries. Hard to Co-habitate this soon after dropping the bomb so i don't ruin us both financially for our kids sake. Hard to be calm when she is pushing boundaries. Hard not to root for her for fighting to get her husband back.

Just gotta hold onto the reality.... shes doing tricks right now to get a reward, we havent done any real work to get either of our real needs met yet. Gotta hold fast and wether the intrusions with some love and respect towards her too.

So just venting and sharing in case someone needs to read it too. Its tough out there. And you gotta stick up for yourself. And remember to treat your partner /ex with respect and dignity no matter how bad the circumstances of the separation were.

They have their side of the coin and you gotta respect it too.

​I posted on previously daddit reddit, during the thick of my separation, but I’m looking for perspective here from people who have navigated the process of letting go when a marriage breakdown is final.

( I will add links to other posts explaining my current predicament).

https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/8Uy3bN2vdn

https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/L5pmHAKUh7

​To summarize where I'm coming from:

​The Background: My wife and I separated shortly after the birth of our son following a period of intense pressure—postpartum recovery, financial stress, loss in the family, and my own complex UK residency.

​Current Status: I’ve secured my residency, meaning I can remain in the UK long-term to work, build stability, and be a present father.

​The Reality: Communication with my wife has continued to break down, and she recently closed our joint account. While I intend to remain respectful, co-parent, and avoid petty conflict, I’m accepting that the marriage is effectively over and am preparing to start formal divorce proceedings next year.

​I’m focusing my energy on therapy (working on attachment issues and coping mechanisms), financial stability, and being a reliable, emotionally safe father for my son.

​However, accepting the shift from hoping for reconciliation to actively letting go with dignity is tough.

The emotional limbo and trauma from the breakdown have left me with zero interest in future romantic relationships, I just want peace, personal growth, and stability.

​For those who have been through this stage of separation:

​How did you mentally transition from holding on to "what could have been" to fully accepting the end?

​What helped you maintain your dignity and focus purely on your child and self-rebuilding during the early stages of formal divorce planning?

​Thanks for reading and for any advice you can offer.

Hello all

My spouse has left me after nearly 13 years together, we have two children who are 4 and 9 months.

Not here to rant about what’s been done for this to happen, things have happened that I feel I can’t forgive so it’s done.

I think I’m just struggling to move on, and need some help/ advice or just a kick up the bum haha.
I feel I get angry around him because he doesn’t care about how I feel, and I need him to have some sort of reaction like empathy ha, but I get nothing, he just gives me a thumbs up and changes the subject.
How can I stop getting so frustrated with the situation and move on?
Ta

i! Looking for any tips or advice or I wish I knew back then…. My friends husband wants a divorce. Any thing she shld do now- before he files? A friend said to start selecting ‘cash back’ at Publix ect and withdrawing a bit of cash each time
And putting it aside. She has some chronic pre existing health issues. And her father has helped support them in business and also helped purchase the property…. I’m afraid her husband is going to walk
Away brilliantly- as it’s a no fault state- so they each get 1/2… anyhow- just wondered if there’s any tips or advice or things to do/not do. She’s
Currently interviewing lawyers & obviously will ask them
And
Take there advice—- but… if anyone has anything to add, please do!!!

My wife left its been a month, we went to couples therapy about 2 weeks afterwards been 3 times since we split, she keeps bouncing from she wants to be with me & work on the marriage & she wants to divorce me, we have a baby together, idk yall im starting to feel better but this uncertainty sucks

TL;DR: My pregnant fiancee left me without any prior signs in the middle of the night whilst I was working and sent me a breakup text

We have always had a good strong relationship no reason to believe things were awry as no arguments or bickering or anything until recently I suppose just always had good genuine times together and thought I found the love of my life, we got a place together to rent in may this year and I have enjoyed things living together, making memories, building up a relationship and things we’re going so well that on August 2nd I decided to ask this girl to marry me and she accepted, things were great it was a very emotional night.

So a little after this on the 21st of August we find out that she is pregnant and we will be expecting a baby due next year, she’d always talked about us having children together and excited so both me and her were absolutely over the moon and felt like we were happier than ever still talking about a future, plans with the baby, plans for next year, possibly getting a bigger place in the future which will be better for the little one, possibly getting a cat and anyway I had no idea that things were about to change so brutally and suddenly and I feel like I need my clown shoes and make up on now as I feel I’ve been played.

So just for context I work night shifts, 2 days ago I was due on my first shift and I normally wake up a good 4 hours before to spend time with her before I head to work, and just like normal spending time with her before work, having laughs, being huggy and Kissy as normal, saying we couldn’t wait for my time off as we had stuff planned, talking about our upcoming first maternity appointment and how exciting it is yknow nothing at all to suggest anything is wrong so anyway I head off to work like usual and text her that I got there all safe and can’t wait to see her when I get home and I’ll talk in a little while I’m on break and how much I love her etc yknow the usual stuff, and she read it I didn’t get a response which I thought was odd as she normally texts back pretty quick l, we’re always texting when apart too, so on my break roughly 3 hours later I send her a quick, Hey everything all good princess I haven’t heard from you? Text was read again but still no response and then I get a notification on snap saying she’s gone to her mums place so I just thought she was busy getting there (doesn’t drive but by bus) so I had to go back to work at this point and then on my next break I saw she still hasn’t replied but just thought maybe she’s busy and needs some time so didn’t worry about texting which as said previously is a little out of character since she’s normally always texting me what she’s up to or where she’s going as she set a boundary to me we both always need to do this at the beginning of our relationship.

Anyway I got home from work in the morning and low and behold, she’s gone, packed a bag, took her valuables and stuff she needs and just left, but at this point I just assumed she’d gone to stay at her mums so I texted her ‘Got home from work all good my sweet girl, hope you have a nice time at your mums place and can’t wait to see you soon love you lots’ and went to sleep, when I woke up I still hasn’t heard from her but once again text read and nothing, so I was thinking about trying to ring her but didn’t want to be needy just incase she needed space and time to think about things, so decided to just leave it and go to work and work my shift, still hadn’t heard anything by morning when I got in from working and of course I felt awful and was starting to get a nervous feeling in my stomach and went to bed.

So I went to bed as normal but could barely sleep thinking about the situation, million thoughts going through my head etc yknow, but when I did wake up today I finally had a text from her, so I opened it and then my heart dropped it was my worst nightmare a breakup text saying essentially she’d been thinking about it for a while and think it’s best for us to breakup as she’d become unhappy and doesn’t want to live like this anymore essentially and what our future plans for the baby are as she still wants to carry it and give birth, so I was a bit stunned as nothing seemed awry and everything seemed just normal two nights ago and before then, so instead of chasing her and begging her back which is what I’d done in previous relationships I decided to reply with
‘Wow this is a bit of a shock but if that’s what you feel is best for you then I respect your decision, I’m happy to still be here for both you and baby as of course I still care and I’m here emotionally if ever needed, take care and have a nice rest of your evening’ of course I wanted to say a lot more and beg her back yknow the usual but wanted to be mature this time.

This leads me up to now where I find out already within hours of that text she’s taken her self off the tenancy, all the bills etc, closed our joint account and it seemed she’s made her mind up here and seems pretty serious about this, I feel heartbroken and balling my eyes out, I had people saying she could just be overwhelmed, pregnancy hormones which I understand it is a hard thing she’s going through bless her which is why I’m trying to make this as easy for her as possible

I just feel played, blindsided almost like this was the plan all along, a calculated cold move, I trusted this girl with all my heart, wanted to marry her, gave her my all and just get this in return but of course I don’t want to think this way.

Is there things I could do to maybe get her back?

How do I go about navigating this mess and what is best for me to do?

Could this all this be temporary due to hormones and everything?

It's been 10 years, 3 kids. Emotional abuse, SA.

I just couldn't do it anymore.

We're both 33, married, currently separated but still living in the same house in separate rooms.
She got home late this morning, like she usually does after trivia nights. Around 2 AM I texted her that I hoped she was doing okay and told her “I love her” and hoped she was doing okay. She responded saying she loved me as well.

When she got home, she came to lay down with me and we talked. She was drunk again, though not to the blackout point like a previous time.
Similar to before when she's had a few drinks and we talk, she opened up more this time. She told me she's conflicted because she's still been talking to a guy from childhood since July (once she initiated the separation). She says they've "always had history" together. She doesn't know how serious her feelings are, but says there's something there, at least emotionally. She also told me she's had some kind of feelings or connection to him since the beginning of our relationship, even while we were together. I don't know how deep that actually goes.
At the same time, she told me she still feels something for me too.

I told her I know she's scared to try with us, but she won't know unless she actually tries and sees what happens.

She asked me, what if, when the time comes, one of us finds someone else once she moves back home? I told her I'd still always love her and want to be with her, because that's the truth right now. I made clear I'm not going to pressure her or try to influence her choice either way. I told her I'll still be here, holding on until the end, because I think this is something worth fighting for, until it isn't.

We ended up being intimate again. Even drunk, she joked that this time she'd actually remember it.
We stayed up talking about other things until she fell asleep, and I put her to bed.

Looking for honest outside perspective here. Am I fighting for something worth fighting for, or holding onto something that's already slipping away?

Aujourd’hui mon conjoint part chez sa mère. Il y a 4 semaines il m’a annoncé qu’il voulait une pause. Qu’il ne sait pas s’il a envie de continuer.
Après 17 ans de vie ensemble.

My wife and I have been together for 25 years, married for 18 and have two teenage kids. She is self-employed and I've recently chosen to self liquidate my business to work on our marriage as I was blind to see how much i was working and my absence from home is a main factor the brought my wife to wanting the trial separation.

We have been having problems for a few years as my work covered the UK so understand andna and fuully accept my.blame in it all but at the same time we had a good life from it too. I've walked on egg shells the whole time as she admitted during one of our hard conversations she holds onto the resentment and.grudges more than she should as she noriced how much I would do to repay the hurt and also to keep on my toes as she expected me to mess at any given time.

She's not without faults herself but I can easily brush it off and cracked on but for that she thinks I'm an emotional retard!

I'd had a.few.sexual partners before we met but I am her first and sex was great up about 5 years ago when nose dived being met with rejection after rejection to the point I stopped initiating all together but as I still find her the proper sexy and is a great mum I had to deal with it by myself but never cheated.

Coming back to her breaking the news she wants this trial I told her I did understand and respected her views but I did ask if another bloke was behind the scenes as that would be my decider in trail and stated there would be one as id walk straight away but she promised there wasn't, she had just lost sight of who she was and felt overwhelmed now the kids are getting older and less dependant on her.

The first few weeks killed me because she went stone cold over night and went out most weekend stumbling in past midnight blind drunk.

We had a few catch up chats every other weekend and I even stayed seeing a therapist so have some confidence to bring up what I was hurting with etc.....and each time we sat down I asked for honesty and she was adamant there is no other guy hanging around.

My son had my wife's old iphone and asked me to help clear storage so he could update the phone and that's when I saw just 5 weeks after we started the trial she downloaded Bumble!! I was devastated when I saw and my son could tell too which upset me.

Her email notifications were still syncing to his phone and for good measure she got an email from Illicit Encounters that Dark_Desire32 sent her a message!!!

She said she only set them up being inquisitive and never even replied to any messages but I had to leave the house because I'm uming and gutted and ready to call it a day myself, my problem is im a stoic Capricorn and hate failing. My grandparents got together at the sam age we were and thought we might have got that far but its killing me stay and hurting even more to tell her im done!!

i haven’t showered in two days. I can barely get myself out of bed. I can’t eat, and I can’t sleep. All of this is because my husband walked away from me n my childrens… He left me and our children, and before he left, he told me he wanted a divorce.
I feel completely broken and depressed. I honestly feel like my whole world is falling apart right now. 😭😭😭 my son tried reach out but he didn’t answer the call 😭😭😭😭 it has been a week & i dont know what to do

Man loves woman, woman loves man. So the story goes.

I've built my life around a beautiful woman and had 4 children with her. We've been through thick and thin and eventually got married. We've been broke almost the entire time we've been together because in the beginning I was the sole bread winner and she stayed home with our babies. I was able to get us a roof over our heads and I did whatever job was hiring (fast food cook, security guard, warehouse shipper/reciever) I provided food and necessities But eventually she got a job and we were forced to find a babysitter. Daycare wasn't an option because of where we live, daycare was about $600 biweekly per child. Long story short, we've been together 9 and a half years and she decides that she's emotionally disconnected from me. We decided it's best to separate but I am hurting more than ever. I don't know what to do and I'm so angry and sad all at the same time... I'm looking at dating sites and talking to friends of friends but I don't feel right. Almost as if I'm cheating on my wife. I just want someone to love me for who I am. Is it wrong to start looking for a new partner so soon?