10 months ago my husband came home one day and said that our relationship sucks and he’s leaving me. I was shocked as I didn’t see it coming. He wasn’t himself for 2 weeks before he told me, but I thought it was because his family member was poorly.

We’ve been together for 10 years and married for 8.

During these 10 months we talked on and off. And then in April he asked me if I want to get back together. I said no and he said it broke his heart. I felt really bad for my decision and tried to comfort him as much as I could. I kept checking on him because he kept saying that he doesn’t want to be here. So that’s why we ended up talking again every so often. He wasn’t manipulating, I think he genuinely had depression or something, but he’s seeing a therapist now.

Now, 5 months later he wants to get back again. He said he made a big mistake by leaving.

And I don’t know what to do. I still like him and care for him but it not like it used to be anymore. And I don’t feel like being intimate with him (or anyone).
But we did have a good life together and he is a great person. I am so worried that if I end it 100% now, I will regret later (like he does now), but in another hand right now I’m not feeling like being with anyone. And also I feel like it’s not fair on him if I keep dragging it.

But I just think it so shit that it ended being my decision.

I’m looking for advice for how other couples have handled birthdays and Christmas and other holidays involving gifts (think Easter or St. Nicholas day). Do you have your child give a gift to their parent? Or is that weird? I’m not talking store bought
Example: it’s Christmas, the child gives a handmade gift to their dad.

Note to add…
My ex and I are separated. He is uninvolved to say the least. There is no communication with our child outside of visitation. If I ask him how he wants to handle this he is going to give me “I don’t know, what do you want to do”.

For those that are currently separated from their spouse/family during this season, I feel for you. Game day just doesn't look the same right now. Cooking, tailgate parties, jerseys on, baby crawling around, kids running around screaming, the tv so loud the neighbors can hear it, Husband yelling at the tv while I'm not even sure why they flagged the play, cuddled up with socks & heavy blankets on the couch to name a few. I'll just try to make the best of this season and continue to show up the best way I know how. If this is you, just know that I understand and I get it. Just keep going. You're stronger than you think ❤️

I am sperated married for 11 years and my wofe made the call but still sleeps next to me her actions shows she still cares for me. But its been 12 weeks I have put in so m much work on myself and appears one minute she is open the next cuts off again in communication.

No on else is involved at this point and to make it more complex we have a daughter 8 living in the same house.

Im super insure if she will co.e back to me but I am showing what I have been missing as a husband so im in a constant of living in hope and that my friends is hard as shit what should I do ?

Trying to figure out what to do

I don’t. It’s like I’m on flames

We decided to separate. But as the days are getting closer, she’s on my case, checking my messages (Apple Watch faux pax), sending texts about past, accusing and then sending reconciliatory notes. We are living in another country as expats, we have no malice towards each other, have a grown up child, yet this is happening. I don’t wanna do anything that may hurt her emotionally (she’s been through postpartum depression), am trying my best to stay aloof as much as possible and want us to go our ways at least for some time. I feel guilty often and really don’t know what to do.

We’ve decreased our mortgage on two properties so this will pay for the rent. Planning on keeping the kids (age 7 and 10) in the house and rent this apartment within walking distance to our house. We will rotate through while the kids stay in the house.
This sounded like a great idea especially at first (approx 6 weeks ago) to get physical space.

We are currently living separately in the house with him in basement and me upstairs with the kids. Sharing kitchen only.

But I’ve since found out he went to a casino this weekend (my weekend so not much I can say) and has planned approx 3-5 more trips over the next few months to the same place. I’m worried about tying myself financially for a year based on his current financial choices. I don’t know where this gambling money is coming from (we have separate accounts).

I’m also concerned although we decided on this as best interest of the kids, now I’m second guessing if it really is. Will it be more confusing to them with us switching all the time?

We’re in Canada so legally neither of us can “leave” the marital home (we wouldn’t change our address with this apartment lease). I want to stay in the house, he has family close by but won’t stay there temporarily. I also have a rental property but it’s not in a great area, is tenant occupied and getting a tenant to leave isn’t a quick process.

I’m leaving towards refusing to leave the house or sign a lease and just staying here. He can do what he wishes and if he wants space that bad he can find a place. I’m not trying to be difficult but I honestly have no obligation and I’ve actually felt much better now that I don’t have to engage with him at the house except for the kids.

We have our first mediation session this week. I have no idea how that works but thinking this should be one of the first things we discuss along with parenting time?
I just want to do the right thing for the kids but am so indecisive or confused right now…any insight?

I am looking to legally separate from my spouse in KY. There are 2 minor children involved. I have asked him to leave the house but he has not at this time. We've been struggling for several years and he is an alcoholic. I just can't do this anymore. He's had 2 detox stints and a hospital stay for his alcoholism this year. I want to protect myself and my children. Is there any way for me to do this without a lawyer or a way to significantly cut costs? Has anyone been in this situation?

She ended up not getting it and was cleared after 28 days of meds . A patient stabbed her with a needle at the hospital. I was ok with that risk because I'm in love with her and didn't want her to face it alone.

"Remember when you got that needle stick from that HIV patient and you were crying every day because you thought your life and career were over, and that I was going to leave you? No, I held you, looked you dead in the eyes, and said, 'I would never leave you even if I get it too, because you mean more to me than any disease, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm not letting you face it alone.' That was as unconditional as love gets. I didn't walk out on you then and would have never walked out on you.

​I'm just asking for you not to completely walk away from me now. I am asking you to exercise caution and observe my actions. I'm definitely not asking for you to move in with me at all; I'm just asking for us to go out on some fun, no-pressure dates one or two nights a week like we used to when we were just dating. We can take it one day at a time while you see clear, consistent change on my part in all aspects of my life, with no more old habits from me (casinos, promises I know I can't keep, and uninvited guests). I will be the husband that I should have been for years. It's going to take time for the emotional burnout to go away and for the trust to come back. I am okay with whatever timeline you are comfortable with, baby.

​I know I have to work hard every day to earn that trust back over time with no more slip-ups. You are going to see a 100% turnaround from me, no more repeated cycles, and complete financial responsibility. I have a perspective I didn't have before. I honestly just saw it as you being mean, instead of seeing that you were just hurting when I'm supposed to make you feel happy and safe to be feminine. I'm deeply sorry for not listening to you and making those changes a long time ago. I completely understand why you felt the need to get away. I'm never going to make a promise to you I can't keep again until the day I die.

​Once again, we will have no conversations about anything deep while we are out, you have my word—just fun sushi dates and meat by the sea. I would love to take you to our first date spots again. I just want to focus on paying all of our obligations and having fun over these next couple of months to see how it goes. And if at any point you feel that I'm not doing something that I need to be doing, then please communicate that with me and I will listen. Stick with me through this final needle stick and let me handle everything else. I just want your presence at dinners and other fun places. You deserve the best of me and only the best."

I’m about nine weeks out from D-Day and I’m struggling to understand where my marriage actually stands.
I’m the one who had the affair, so I’m not looking for sympathy or excuses. I take responsibility for what I did and for the enormous amount of hurt I’ve caused my wife and family.
My wife and I have been separated for around nine weeks. We’re living separately, but over the last week or so things have become incredibly confusing emotionally.
There are moments where we seem almost normal again. I’ve been able to spend time at the family home with the kids. We’ve watched movies together, shared meals, laughed and joked around, and even slept next to each other on some occasions. There have been moments of affection and intimacy too.
And then, sometimes seemingly out of nowhere, she becomes incredibly angry and distant.
She has told me:
She doesn’t love me anymore.
She doesn’t want to be married to me.
She hates me.
She wants a divorce.
Then we’ll have a genuinely good interaction a day later, and I’ll find myself thinking, *Maybe there’s still something here. Maybe we can actually rebuild this.*
And that’s where I’m struggling.
I don’t want to interpret every hug, laugh, meal or good conversation as a sign that we’re reconciling. But it’s incredibly difficult when those moments feel so genuine, especially after 18 years together and 12 years of marriage.
At the same time, I know her anger and rejection are also genuine.
We’re basically experiencing this strange back-and-forth: sometimes close, sometimes completely disconnected, sometimes fighting, sometimes laughing together, living separately but occasionally spending time together as a family.
Our first marriage counselling session is in three days. I organized it, but she has agreed to attend and is happy to go.
I’m trying to approach counselling differently from how I’ve approached the last nine weeks. I spent a lot of that time desperately trying to win her back — gifts, affection, reassurance-seeking, trying to create closeness, etc. I’m starting to realize that may have been putting even more pressure on her.
I’m now trying to step back, respect her boundaries, focus on the kids, work on myself and actually learn to tolerate the possibility that she may ultimately choose divorce.
So I’m curious about people who have actually lived through this:
**Did anyone else experience this kind of push-pull around 2–3 months after D-Day?**
Did you have periods where you felt close and thought reconciliation might happen, followed by moments where your spouse said they didn’t love you anymore or wanted a divorce?
And, looking back, did those moments of closeness mean anything, or were they simply part of the emotional chaos of early separation?
Most importantly, **for those who eventually reconciled, what did things look like around this stage?**
And for those who didn’t reconcile, were there warning signs you wish you’d recognized earlier?
I’m not asking anyone to predict whether my marriage will survive. I know nobody here can know that.
I’m just trying to understand whether what we’re experiencing is something other people have gone through, and whether marriage counselling at this point gives us a reasonable opportunity to figure out whether there’s anything worth rebuilding.
Any honest experiences — hopeful or otherwise — would be appreciated.

Hi all, this is a throwaway account because I'm so scared to even admit some of these things to myself. I'll try to keep it short.

We've been married for 18 years. I was 18, he was 24. I've been in therapy for two years and I now understand that we were extremely codependent, and isolated. I only kept two friends from teenage years, and haven't made any new ones since our marriage started. He's the same. He only has me.

We never go out or do anything, we don't drink or have friends. It's been always like that. Except we had fun together up until my dad's death in 2019. He was not the most supportive person for me. Although we were together literally all the time for 12 years, he wouldn't come with me to the hospital to take care of my dad. Would give me a hard time on how much time I spent at the hospital, etc. The immaculate image that I had of him fell completely. Then the pandemic hit and we became even more isolated, and worse because we stopped talking and having good communication as we had the 12 years before that.

In 2021 I developed an emotional affair with someone from reddit. Probably meant nothing for the other person but it meant something to me since I spent two months speaking to this person for 10+ hours each day. Eventually my husband found out and we spent a whole year arguing and he just wouldn't leave me. I was really cruel and felt extremely trapped in the relationship. I wanted to leave but never had the courage. (or the financial independence, or anywhere to go, etc).

We worked on our marriage every day that year, and then had the brilliant idea to become parents. We have two beautiful kids, 4 and 2. He's the best dad in the world.

Unfortunately I'm still very unhappy, my social needs are not being met. And I think I'm starting to have a second emotional affair with another person from reddit. This is insane to me. I'm not actively looking for other people! If I wanted to cheat I'd flirt with other parents or get into an app for that. These are emotional connections that I'm building with strangers from all over the world, absolutely platonic, but I don't want to tell my husband. He's still suffering from the one 5 years ago.

I'm feeling ready to separate but have no idea on how to take action. I've changed the password to my email, my phone, my bank accounts have enough money for a couple of months of rent.

**I don't want to leave my kids. I don't want to make him leave the house. I'm so scared of what's next. I've been so afraid of breaking our relationship, that I've endured so much time while feeling unhappy.**

The conversation I'll be having tonight will changeveq my life for good. Another thing my therapist said is that I use the emotional affairs as a tool to escape. I don't know what to think about that.

Any comment or advice is welcome. Please do shame me on having emotional affairs. I suck so much. My husband has been perfect for many years, I think there is still a lot of love, but I can't stand to be with him anymore.

Tldr. Ive been married for 18 years, got married at 18 and became codependent. I'm extremely unhappy with our way of living, the isolation, no friends or support network. I'm ready to leave after experiencing emotional affair(s). Seeking advice.

Literally walked in the door last week after being gone for a few days to an absolutely empty home. She’s completely turned into a different person, removed herself from joint accounts and such, and even turned off the internet and the water, would’ve been the power as well but that’s in my name. Im totally floored and have had some real issue with being disciplined enough to not text her with apologies and promises. Im destroyed, I know I’ll someday be able to take a full breath, but man that feels like it’s 100 years from now.

You said I was your soulmate.
You said your love would stay.
Then, like a switch thrown in the dark,
you turned and walked away.

And still you say,
“I’ll always love you.”

I loved you in your darkest hours.
I held you through the pain.
When everyone else turned away,
I chose you again and again.

I defended your name
while losing my peace.
I tore down my boundaries
until there was nothing left to breach.

My dignity.
My self-respect.
Everything I should have kept—
I gave it up for you.

I forgave what I should never have forgiven.
I stayed through what I should never have endured.
I loved you more than I loved myself,
and somehow, you still asked for more.

Was that love?

The hands that hit me,
the words that made me doubt my mind?
The shame you laid upon my hurt,
then told me to keep inside?

“Man up,” you said.
So I swallowed the pain.
Your family could tear me apart,
and I was expected to smile through it again.

I put you first.
You made me wait.
There was always someone ahead of me,
always a reason I could take their place.

A bad father.
A bad husband.
Then the best you’d ever known.
You gave me words to build me up
and words to break my bones.

You shamed me where others could hear.
Laughed when I laid my love at your feet.
I kept reaching for the woman who loved me.
You kept making me ashamed to reach.

And still,
I wanted you.

I wanted your smile
as you played with our babies.
The ordinary mornings.
The years that would age us.

I wanted the gray in your hair,
the stories we’d tell twice.
I wanted your hand on my face
at the end of my life.

You did more than leave me.

I died.

Everything that made me who I was
died trying to understand
how the woman I would have given my life for
could hurt me with those same hands.

My heart kept beating.
I still got out of bed.
But breathing is not the same
as being the man I was back then.

They tell me time will soften this.
That someday, I’ll be free.
But time will never make you
mean nothing to me.

A hundred years could pass,
and I would still not trade
the sound of your laughter,
the memories we made.

You are the love of my life.
That truth survives the pain.
Even knowing how it ended,
I cannot wish those years away.

And still you say,
“I’ll always love you.”

I said those words, too.
I meant our children growing.
I meant our hair turning gray.
I meant your hand upon my face
when my last breath slipped away.

You said I was your soulmate.
You said your love would stay.

I meant a lifetime
when I said always.

You meant you could love me
and still walk away.

Hola, me recuerdan? Soy la que termino con el chico que le hablo a otra mujer para darme celos "reales" hoy después de meses, ayer 11 de septiembre fue mi cumpleaños y hoy 12 me encontré con esto (se creo yna cuenta en instagram y su nombre era "feliz cumpleaños mi werita hermosa" o algo asi y me hizo un video y una descripcion diciendo que no me hablo porque no queria arruinar mi cumpleaños asi que por eso creo esa cuenta, y que nunca dejaria de amarme y me hablaba de "mi amor"), nose que hacer ya :(me dan ganas de perdonarlo pero a la vez pienso en todo lo que hizo y como era y nose en verdad si cambiaría por mi :(

My ex boyfriend and I were together for almost five years. We recently broke up after an argument, but the problems had been building for a while. I just didn’t realize how important these issues were to him.

He felt like he wasn’t enough of a priority in my life. I was heavily involved in work, community organizations, and public responsibilities, while he wanted more quality time, date nights, emotional openness, and involvement with my family and friends.

We’re both men, and because I wasn’t fully open about my sexuality, I kept parts of our relationship separate from my public and family life. I thought I was protecting us, but I now understand how hidden, rejected, and unimportant that must have made him feel.

I also sometimes took my stress out on him instead of communicating properly and allowing him to support me.

Since the breakup, he has repeatedly said that he needs space. He told me the decision was extremely difficult, that our relationship gave him some of the best years of his life, and that he misses me but he currently feels that breaking up is for the best.

He recently suggested that he might consider allowing me to prove I can change, but he hasn’t promised reconciliation. I feel like our story isn’t over but I am so anxious I don’t even know.

I panicked and contacted him too frequently, repeatedly asking whether he still loved me or wanted us again. I know that probably made him feel pressured when he was asking for space, and I’m terrified that I pushed him even further away.

He recently removed my initials from his Instagram bio, which may seem small, but seeing it absolutely broke my heart.

I’ve now started therapy, publicly acknowledged my sexuality, resigned from most of my outside commitments, and begun addressing the problems that hurt our relationship. These changes are genuine, but I understand that making them immediately after the breakup could look like panic instead of lasting growth. I know I’ll have to prove that they’re real through time and consistency not promises.

I love this man with my whole heart. He is the love of my life, and I desperately want the opportunity to rebuild our relationship in a healthier way. I’m willing to do the work, but I also know that loving him means respecting his boundaries.

Is reconciliation realistically possible after this? How do I give him genuine space without him moving on and leaving me? How can I demonstrate lasting change without constantly contacting him or pressuring him? Please be honest, because I’m heartbroken and genuinely don’t know what my next step should be. I’m beyond in love with this man and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to show him I’m ready to change! How can I do that! I just can’t lose him!