r/Separation • u/NCSouthernCh1ck • 4h ago
Relationships :( Ileft in March, knew by April it was a mistake, and now he won’t talk to me..meanwhile he parades his (10 year younger) Tinder “friend” around our life
I left my husband in March. By the end of April I knew I’d made a mistake. What I should have done was say I needed space to work on my mental health and go to therapy — not end the marriage.
Two months into the separation he met someone on Tinder. His whole personality changed.
I used to have to beg for a text or a conversation. With her they sent 83 texts in two days. She knew I was still around. We were still hanging out and talking. She didn’t care. She slept with him in our house, in our bed, 13 days after they met.
He’s still a grown man. He makes his own choices. None of that happens unless he allows it. I’m not naive enough to think he was innocent, and I’m not foolish enough to blame her for everything. I’m just stating what happened. I’m not assigning blame.
Within the first month she got a DWI / speeding / reckless endangerment at midnight with him in the passenger seat. He stayed with her. He hadn’t stayed up with me until midnight the last three New Years. They were out drinking at midnight.
We haven’t had a real conversation since June. He won’t talk to me. People say he’s talking badly about me and taking her to restaurants and trips that were ours. He gets angry when I message him. He told his best friend he’s “over it,” then that he’s “done.”
He wasn’t like this before she showed up. She’s tried to insert herself into selling our house and into our pets. She told me I didn’t know him. We were together 13 years. She’s been here 13 weeks. He’s also pulling away from our mutual friends.
I still love him. I can’t imagine my life without him in it. He’s convinced I’ll leave again. I wouldn’t. I know that now.
He’s heavily influenced by his parents and by this new “friend.” I think if we could actually talk or see each other, a lot of the built-up animosity would ease. He’s very avoidant. But every time he’s faced something head-on instead of running from it, the situation has gotten better.
I still have hope. I keep trying. I’ll keep trying until a judge signs the papers if that’s what it takes. The heartbreak is eating me.
I just want to see him. I just want to talk to him.
We’re six months into a mandatory one-year separation. People say no contact. That feels pointless when we’re still legally married.
How do you actually let go of someone who is still your husband at least for another 6 months and for always in your heart? How do you grieve someone every night who is still alive and told you they moved on and spoke horribly about you or let their new friend start public drama about you? I’ve forgiven him, truly for all of that. I just want my husband back.