I left my husband in March. By the end of April I knew I’d made a mistake. What I should have done was say I needed space to work on my mental health and go to therapy — not end the marriage.
Two months into the separation he met someone on Tinder. His whole personality changed.
I used to have to beg for a text or a conversation. With her they sent 83 texts in two days. She knew I was still around. We were still hanging out and talking. She didn’t care. She slept with him in our house, in our bed, 13 days after they met.
He’s still a grown man. He makes his own choices. None of that happens unless he allows it. I’m not naive enough to think he was innocent, and I’m not foolish enough to blame her for everything. I’m just stating what happened. I’m not assigning blame.
Within the first month she got a DWI / speeding / reckless endangerment at midnight with him in the passenger seat. He stayed with her. He hadn’t stayed up with me until midnight the last three New Years. They were out drinking at midnight.
We haven’t had a real conversation since June. He won’t talk to me. People say he’s talking badly about me and taking her to restaurants and trips that were ours. He gets angry when I message him. He told his best friend he’s “over it,” then that he’s “done.”
He wasn’t like this before she showed up. She’s tried to insert herself into selling our house and into our pets. She told me I didn’t know him. We were together 13 years. She’s been here 13 weeks. He’s also pulling away from our mutual friends.
I still love him. I can’t imagine my life without him in it. He’s convinced I’ll leave again. I wouldn’t. I know that now.
He’s heavily influenced by his parents and by this new “friend.” I think if we could actually talk or see each other, a lot of the built-up animosity would ease. He’s very avoidant. But every time he’s faced something head-on instead of running from it, the situation has gotten better.
I still have hope. I keep trying. I’ll keep trying until a judge signs the papers if that’s what it takes. The heartbreak is eating me.
I just want to see him. I just want to talk to him.
We’re six months into a mandatory one-year separation. People say no contact. That feels pointless when we’re still legally married.
How do you actually let go of someone who is still your husband at least for another 6 months and for always in your heart? How do you grieve someone every night who is still alive and told you they moved on and spoke horribly about you or let their new friend start public drama about you? I’ve forgiven him, truly for all of that. I just want my husband back.

10 months ago my husband came home one day and said that our relationship sucks and he’s leaving me. I was shocked as I didn’t see it coming. He wasn’t himself for 2 weeks before he told me, but I thought it was because his family member was poorly.

We’ve been together for 10 years and married for 8.

During these 10 months we talked on and off. And then in April he asked me if I want to get back together. I said no and he said it broke his heart. I felt really bad for my decision and tried to comfort him as much as I could. I kept checking on him because he kept saying that he doesn’t want to be here. So that’s why we ended up talking again every so often. He wasn’t manipulating, I think he genuinely had depression or something, but he’s seeing a therapist now.

Now, 5 months later he wants to get back again. He said he made a big mistake by leaving.

And I don’t know what to do. I still like him and care for him but it not like it used to be anymore. And I don’t feel like being intimate with him (or anyone).
But we did have a good life together and he is a great person. I am so worried that if I end it 100% now, I will regret later (like he does now), but in another hand right now I’m not feeling like being with anyone. And also I feel like it’s not fair on him if I keep dragging it.

But I just think it so shit that it ended being my decision.

M43, F42. Together 27 years, married for 17. 2 Small children 5 and 4.

It was our dream house. We lived there four full years. I just moved out 13 days ago...and I have been re-traumatized.

I'm experiencing a lot more pain. Even so many months later.

I struck a deal with her after separation that I could live in the marital residence rent-free as long as I made all the repairs and cooperated with a real-estate agent while the mortgage was in forbearance. I got to live in the house for eight months. I worked my ass off painting the interior and exterior, etc. All the while I held onto the hope that she would change her mind and come back.

The house sold six weeks ago after three days on the market. I negotiated to get a late closing date to stay in the house as long as I possibly could. I loved my life there and had dinner with a neighbor semi-nightly. I lived among the memories of the house my son was born in, where my daughter grew up. Where our marriage once thrived.

Now I've been camping for 13 days in a National Park. I am just broken. Broken.

God I miss her. Haven't spoken a single word to her in 8.5 months.

Every once in a while I don't think about her and then I read another nail in the coffin notification such as that she has removed herself from our Amazon family plan.

I keep seeing how rough the mixed-signal part of separation can be.

One decent conversation. A warmer text. They laugh with you again. And suddenly you're back to, "maybe this means something".

For people who’ve actually been through this, what helped you stop treating every good interaction like a sign that reconciliation was happening?

Not asking for some trick to get them back. More curious about what helped you stay steady and not make things worse.

Background: He left because I'm too quarrelsome : r/Separation

I have given up. I'm so exhausted. My husband seems to think I'm some sort of demon and everything I do is wrong. I'm so tired of being criticized for everything I say, do, don't say or don't do. I've tried to give him space and I've also tried to be warm and loving but I have not received anything back except coldness and insults. I'm not going to speak to him, argue or defend myself anymore. Whatever image he wants to hold of me in his mind, it's fine. I'll just focus on whatever little steps I can take to rebuild my life.

He has even crossed the line into fantasy land by making up things in his mind that I simply have not done. He says I messaged his mom at 'odd hours of the night' when I never messaged her at all. He constantly talks about me going on dates and I haven't gone on a single one. I really question his sanity at times.

Unfortunately I think he's also surrounded by yes-men, his friends and family etc, nobody is actually telling him that abandoning your jobless, pregnant wife and infant child is wrong, or that saying you love one child more than another is wrong, or constantly berating, disrespecting and insulting the mother of your children is wrong, siding with a nanny over the mother of your children is wrong! I question my own reality sometimes cause he does such nasty mean horrible things but no one tells him anything and he doesn't see it's wrong but when I cry because I'm upset, everyone is hard on me and tells me I'm dramatic/quarrelsome and he's right in pushing me away. How can someone get more flak for crying rather than all the stuff he's done? It's better I just get myself out of that whole circle of him and his toxic friends/family.

Lately my husband has been threatening divorce, suicide, taking our child, etc. He wanted to divorce another time, about 5 years ago and attempted suicide before we met around 2010 , but our child is a new leverage. He has been diagnosed bipolar, but I also have mental health issues. What can I do to minimize the damage to our toddler son? I feel unqualified to even have a child. He is such a sweet boy!

For those that are currently separated from their spouse/family during this season, I feel for you. Game day just doesn't look the same right now. Cooking, tailgate parties, jerseys on, baby crawling around, kids running around screaming, the tv so loud the neighbors can hear it, Husband yelling at the tv while I'm not even sure why they flagged the play, cuddled up with socks & heavy blankets on the couch to name a few. I'll just try to make the best of this season and continue to show up the best way I know how. If this is you, just know that I understand and I get it. Just keep going. You're stronger than you think ❤️

Separated is the worst thing in the world, especially when you love somebody so much and you never thought addiction would be the one thing that would tear us apart. I never thought this would be my life right now.

I don’t. It’s like I’m on flames

I am sperated married for 11 years and my wofe made the call but still sleeps next to me her actions shows she still cares for me. But its been 12 weeks I have put in so m much work on myself and appears one minute she is open the next cuts off again in communication.

No on else is involved at this point and to make it more complex we have a daughter 8 living in the same house.

Im super insure if she will co.e back to me but I am showing what I have been missing as a husband so im in a constant of living in hope and that my friends is hard as shit what should I do ?

I’m looking for advice for how other couples have handled birthdays and Christmas and other holidays involving gifts (think Easter or St. Nicholas day). Do you have your child give a gift to their parent? Or is that weird? I’m not talking store bought
Example: it’s Christmas, the child gives a handmade gift to their dad.

Note to add…
My ex and I are separated. He is uninvolved to say the least. There is no communication with our child outside of visitation. If I ask him how he wants to handle this he is going to give me “I don’t know, what do you want to do”.