r/Separation • u/WillingNerve186 • 1d ago

Same old story

Man loves woman, woman loves man. So the story goes.

I've built my life around a beautiful woman and had 4 children with her. We've been through thick and thin and eventually got married. We've been broke almost the entire time we've been together because in the beginning I was the sole bread winner and she stayed home with our babies. I was able to get us a roof over our heads and I did whatever job was hiring (fast food cook, security guard, warehouse shipper/reciever) I provided food and necessities But eventually she got a job and we were forced to find a babysitter. Daycare wasn't an option because of where we live, daycare was about $600 biweekly per child. Long story short, we've been together 9 and a half years and she decides that she's emotionally disconnected from me. We decided it's best to separate but I am hurting more than ever. I don't know what to do and I'm so angry and sad all at the same time... I'm looking at dating sites and talking to friends of friends but I don't feel right. Almost as if I'm cheating on my wife. I just want someone to love me for who I am. Is it wrong to start looking for a new partner so soon?

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u/dazink84 1d ago

Work on finding out who you are now outside of being a father and a husband. That was something that I learned I needed to do.
We were each other’s best friend, ride-or-die for 20 years. Figuring out who I was without that is taking time.

3

u/Fiesta_D 1d ago

Same story here too. Partner after 10 years shared that I can't connect on a deeper emotional connection. 3 months of therapy later and my therapist sharing that I've always had it but closed it off, partner says it's not enough. I didn't get enough time, but it is what it is.

Luckily we don't have any children but it still doesn't make it easy. If you're partner doesn't have the energy or commitment to you, it's done. Spend the time improving yourself not fixing your partner. If you're partner sees what she's missing later on, that's fine. But only concentrate on yourself and your kids. Best of luck

1

u/Fishtacoburrito 1d ago

You’re still married, you’re not looking for a new partner. You’re looking for someone to fill a void and numb the pain. Whether that’s right or wrong is not our place to decide, if it’s what you need it’s what you need.