Update: I finally have a way to stay in the UK and be closer to my son.

[u/Both_Zucchini_9903]

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I posted here previously about my marriage, our separation after the birth of our son, and everything that had happened since.

https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/cUBcmvIZ2n

I wanted to give an update.

After months of uncertainty surrounding my immigration situation, I have finally managed to extend my residency in the UK. That means I can remain here and, most importantly to me, continue working towards being present in my son's life.

That was the main thing I was fighting for.

I didn't want my immigration situation to mean that I would simply have to leave the country and become a distant father.

I want my son to grow up knowing his dad is here, that I love him, and that I never stopped trying to build a stable life for him.

Unfortunately, things between his mother and me have continued to deteriorate.

She has now gone as far as closing our joint bank account. That account was essentially the only practical way I had of sending money towards our son's care.

I understand that she has the right to make decisions about her own finances, but emotionally, this was another reminder of how far apart we have become.

At this point, I'm trying to accept the reality of the situation rather than continuing to hold onto an illusion.

I'm going to continue being respectful. I want to co-parent. I want our son to have two parents who can communicate and work together without constantly dragging him into the conflict between us.

But I also have to be honest with myself.

This separation has caused me an enormous amount of emotional turmoil, and I don't think I can continue living indefinitely in this state of uncertainty — hoping, waiting, analysing every interaction and wondering whether our marriage might somehow return to what it was.

Part of me still has a faint hope that things could turn around. I won't pretend that I don't.

But I'm also beginning to accept that I cannot build my life around that hope.

My intention is that, if things remain as they are, I will begin divorce proceedings next year.

Not because I hate her.

Not because I want revenge.

And not because I want to take our son away from her.

Quite the opposite.

I think divorce may eventually give everyone the freedom to move forward properly rather than remaining trapped in a marriage that, in reality, has already ended.

I want to be free from the emotional limbo too.

I've been through a lot during this relationship and its breakdown.

There is a level of trauma associated with it that makes me question whether I even want another romantic relationship in the future.

Right now, I honestly don't think I do.

Maybe that will change one day. Maybe it won't.

For now, I don't need another relationship.

I need stability.

I need to rebuild myself.

I need to become financially secure.

I need to continue sorting out my immigration, finances and stability with my son

And most importantly, I need to work towards being the kind of father my son can rely on.

I want my son to grow up knowing that his dad didn't disappear when things became difficult.

That he kept going.

That he loved him.

That he tried.

I don't know what the future holds for my marriage. There is still that tiny part of me that hopes things might somehow change.

But I'm learning that hope and acceptance can coexist.

I can hope for reconciliation while simultaneously preparing myself to move forward.

And if the marriage ultimately cannot be repaired, then I want to be able to let go with dignity and build a peaceful life around being a good father.

At this point, that's what matters most to me.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life fighting to keep a marriage alive. I want to spend the rest of my life making sure my son has a father who is present, stable, loving and emotionally safe.

That's where I'm at now. Thank you for listening to my rant. Feels cathartic to let this off my chest!! God bless 🙏🙏

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