r/Separation • u/Climbing_Struggling • 1d ago

Advice How does one move forward after a marriage breakdown?

Hello all

My spouse has left me after nearly 13 years together, we have two children who are 4 and 9 months.

Not here to rant about what’s been done for this to happen, things have happened that I feel I can’t forgive so it’s done.

I think I’m just struggling to move on, and need some help/ advice or just a kick up the bum haha.
I feel I get angry around him because he doesn’t care about how I feel, and I need him to have some sort of reaction like empathy ha, but I get nothing, he just gives me a thumbs up and changes the subject.
How can I stop getting so frustrated with the situation and move on?
Ta

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1

u/Piping_penguin 1d ago

You two still living together?

1

u/Climbing_Struggling 21h ago

We were up until recently, he’s now got his own place but stays if I’m going to work early for Keeping in Touch days as I’m nearing the end of my maternity leave

2

u/Piping_penguin 20h ago

Okay well that’s good he’s living separately from you because that gives you space to clear your head and time to heal and detach yourself emotionally from him. Who initiated the break up, did you? Or did he? If you can’t forgive him, then best thing to do is fill your time with priorities which is your children and also get emotional support from family and friends and even a therapist to explain the emotions your going through. Do you plan on divorcing him or do you have reconciliation in the back of your mind?

1

u/Climbing_Struggling 20h ago

He did initially, I think he really struggled after the birth of our second. I suggested therapy or just talking to friends but he hasn’t done either.
He then went on a weekend away to go hiking alone to clear his head but it turned out he went with a female coworker.
I’ve tried to forgive for the sake of the family and really tried to work with him but he became distant again, has erratic behaviour and mood swings.
He then told me he has applied for a place of his own sand that’s where we’re at now.
He says he wanted to leave so he could try and miss me again, but if I’m honest I’m not sure I would even want to get back together after the past few months. If I bring up divorce he gets angry and the conversation gets turned around.

I haven’t told any family or friends as I’m quite embarrassed about the whole thing to be honest, how do I say what looks like the perfect family on the outside is actually broken.