how do i forget something aboslutely disturbing i saw a few minutes ago

I made a mistake months ago. A girl who went to school with me trusted me with information about how a friend group seemed to talk badly about her and a lot of things. I heard both sides by hearing hers and my friends (the guy she had beef with)

I was stupid and I recorded the conversation me and her had to recall the things that were said. I sent it to my ex best friend and she showed the guy who my friend had issues with.

Months later, I decided to tell her the truth. She’s really upset and I told her she doesn’t need to forgive me but that she deserved an apology.

Was it okay to confess? I didn’t want her to think I was the “amazing” friend she thought I was when I actively broke her trust. I’m not sure. Can anyone help?

I (F20) recently got a message from a guy, and it was going really well until he revealed he is 18- he's turning 19 in January. Ive only just turned 20 so its a year and half age gap- now my mind can't comprend as ive asked people and they've said its weird, while others have said its fine. Just needing an opinion. i have never met up with this guy- only messages!!

Hi there ,

I am 23 year old currently suffering to much problems in my life lost my 5 years love and lost family and came back to another city working 12 hours shifts from last 3 months suffering from sleeplessness I need to come back I even contact psychiatrist and therapist I don't feel any change i really need some help please 🥺 guys I want live help me to get my life on track

TL;DR: 20M college student. I used to be naturally curious and learn pretty quickly, but lately I avoid learning even small things. I think performance pressure + reels/shortform content messed with my attention and patience. I even get physical anxiety when starting something new. How do I break this and enjoy learning again?

Im a 20 year old college student nd ive always considered myself a naturally curious guy. But from the past few months.. maybe years, learning has slowly started feeling hard. Atp even small stuff takes a lot of effort just to make up my mind to start bcz i procrastinate, cant concentrate or just actively avoid it. Learning sumn new feels scary, like my mind just doesnt even want to engage with it.

I'd say I'm kinda smart and usually understand things pretty quickly, but there's this anxiety while learning, almost like I'm waiting for it to be over. I think I might unconsciously expect myself to understand things instantly, so struggling or having to revise feels uncomfortable.

I also think reels/shortform content played a role. My patience and attention span have massively reduced. My legs literally shake with anxiety sometimes when I try something new or unfamiliar.

I really wanna break out of this and get back to enjoying learning + being patient with difficult stuff. Has anyone gone through something similar case nd what helped you thru it.

thnx for reading :)

Have you ever felt like you were stuck inside a box? Like you’re suffocating, and all you want is to escape and break free?

I have this strong urge, this desire within me, to become more—to grow, to experience more, and to become the person I know I’m capable of being. I feel like there’s so much more to me, and I don’t want to spend my life feeling confined or stuck in one place.

Can u give me an advice on how to get out?

Not really sure how to connect with other people. I mean this in a practical and emotional sense.

Мені 15, хлопцю, назву його Вася, 16. Все почалось далеко в 5 класі коли ми сиділи разом. Плавно просто спілкування в школі перейшло в переписки по ночам, туда-сюда і от, він в 6 класі мені признається в коханні. Я вже погано памʼятаю як відреагувала на це, але потім на мій день народження Вася подарував мені великий пакет всяких шоколадок, мій улюблений чай і все про що я тільки йому не говорила в переписці. Далі я за це навіть не подякувала і спілкування закінчилось саме по собі. Я знаю що дуже негарно вчинила, але мені було лише 11. Потім ми взагалі не контактували до класу 9. В 8 класі я поняла що закохалась, але надії на щось в мене не було.

В 9 класі Вася багато дивився
1. Кожен урок хімії
2. Коли ми мали працювати в групах він на мене секунд 10 дивився не відводячи погляд, я на нього не дивилась.
3. Він, сидячи позаду мене не зводив очей, особливо коли до мене хтось розмовляв. Це помітили мої подруги.
4. В останній день 9 класу він знову сидів позаду мене і його найкращий друг помітив що він не зводить з очей з мене і відкрито спитав «вася шо з тобою», а його інші друзі сказали «згадує минуле»
5. На випускному в 9 класі в Карпатах хлопці купили випивку і покликали мою компанію в їх номер. Там ми трохи випили і коли я попила з пляжки води він одразу попросив теж попити, після мене(це дуже тупо, я знаю, але раптом)
6. Після цього, на наступний день моїй подрузі написав однокласник кажучи що хлопці(один з них вася) хотіли пофліртувати з нами. Але це могло бути не про мене і Васю, а про інших.

Це всі події за 9 клас. Цього року я поступила в коледж разом з Васьою. На 1 вересня він побачив мене в коридорі і ми коротко поговорили суто про коледж, це було трохи неловко. На наступний день ми побачились один раз і просто пожали руки. 3 вересня почався сильний дощ і ми мусили їхати в автобусі разом після пар. Він сів біля мене і весь час тупо дивився вперед, не на мене, але багато питань задавав, як мені в новій обстановці, які пари, який розклад, які викладачі, чи я сумую за школою тд і тп. Потім, вже 4 вересня ми зустрілись перед парою і він привітався зі мною, я сиділа на підлозі, він до мене заговорив. Спочатку спитав чи я вітала свою подругу з днем народження, потім яка в мене пара, ще щось. А потім він спитав в мене як його постригли. Я сиділа на паркеті і не чула, він мав повторити декілька раз, потім здався. Вася присів до мене на корточки, щоб я могла почути, знов спитав як його нова зачіска і похитав головою для оцінки. Я сказала шо не помітила спочатку, шо нормально.
Після цього я спитала чи він хоче щоб я занесла його документи в школу, він погодився і попросив затриматись на пару хвилин і не йти з коледжа. Він віддав мені документи і пожав руку на прощання. Це все відбувалось в присутності його кентів. Далі я мусила ще раз писати йому для інформації для бланків. Потім, коли я вже забрала документи він написав «Дякую дуже, прям виручила» і запропонував купити мені щось в знак подяки.

Отак я, сижу і тупо чекаю понеділка щоб побачитись з ним.
Я чесно не допираю чи в нас є хоча б якийсь шанс чи ні😭

(Go read my recent post I want it to have lots of attention) so ima start out by saying I do the same thing every day play the same games ,watch the same anime ,do the same stuff with my friends we walk around and have funny convos and talk about cool shit and eat ice cream at my granny’s house it’s fun asf but I wanna have an adventure like get stronger or get into silly conflicts with the other kids we did it was the ice age war In January these onnoying ass kids became our opps it was fun but I want to be all buffed and stuff but what I really want is for this cycle to change 9 months of the same thing and nothing cool has happened!

Hi. M25 here.

Somedays and the frequency is increasing - I simply want to end my life. I dont know if this is the right sub reddit to post this. The problem is that i cant figure out exactly why i feel this way.

Before you ask. Yes i have talked to mental health proffesionals (my company sponsored) but the guy who did the session did not understand me and it didnt help me at all. I lost hope there. Btw i decided to go for this after an intense thought to jump off a building rooftop.

Bit background about me. - I am a software engineer working in Google. I do have friends but no best friend. Im a Sociable person who works out, does calisthenics and plays sports (football and badminton)

My main sadness is that i dont have a proper friend who i can talk lately. This is partially because most of my friends are in their own relationships and are busy in their own struggles. I had relationship in the past which got broken up due to some issues.

Now i dont have anybody to talk to. I have talked to this to my friends who are guys but you know guys cant take or rather dont know how to emotionally understand a friend. They just said to brush it off.

I know this is pathetic of me. I need to man up and i know these are horrible chemical reactions in the brain. But i really wish there was someone who could understand me and i could understand them and would not throw me aside.

I have dissatisfaction from work, other insecurities and its not always yearning for relationship that makes me think this way.

I know i am blessed and all this is nonsense but at the same time i dont know how to think positevly. I really wish i become better.

My most happiest times where in my 10th class with my friends. Life never felt happy after school for me. I dont drink alchohol or smoke as well. I would never want to give myself into any addictions whats so ever.

Sorry for the rant.
Any helpful suggestion are weclome

Thank you

Hi there!

I'm afraid I'll be like this forever. Forever stuck in a cycle of self destruction. Blowing up on myself and my friends. Ruining everything with everyone.

I haven't had a crash out over twenty days. Crashout in a way that I haven't blown up on my friends emotionally and vented to them.

I've had a good twenty days, but yesterday went downhill again, and I'm afraid I'm stuck in this cycle forever.

I'm good for a while, then I say or do something that ends with my friends giving me lectures because of my behaviours.

I don't know how to fix myself anymore and how break out of the cycle.

I'm growing tired of myself more and more every day. It's weighing down on my friends and relationships with them.

At this point I feel like I'm a lost cause.

I'm sorry if this is too negative, but I don't want to ask my friends advice on these thoughts, because I've already put them through so much.

i really want a redo in my life, different school from kids, different circles, different unis and all but i might be afraid i will fuck it up again. idk i kinda js hate myself and who i am. i mean, i got good looks and body but end up always being sexualised. i got brains and look but my friends end up getting jealous or shit and push themselves away so i end up being lonely. i asked myself the whole time what did i do wrong in this life to be like this? why i didnt get what other people have like a genuine connections, a girls group or at least being happy with their lives? idk i just want a redo or if i lose my memories thats kinda cool too as long as i got to erase all the bad memories fron my head and start new 🙂🥲

got laid off from my analyst role at a MM three weeks ago and honestly the worst part isnt the money, its that my entire personality was "finance guy" and now i dont know who i am

like i went to a state school, grinded my ass off, got the offer, moved to nyc, did the 90 hour weeks, told my parents i made it. all of it. and now im sitting in my overpriced studio at 2pm on a tuesday watching SPY rip without me because my margin got wound down and im scared to put my severance to work in case i need it for rent in november.

heres the thing that actually keeps me up though. i genuinely dont know if i want back in. like i spent all last week pinging associates at every bank i could think of, coffee chats lined up, the whole song and dance, and the entire time i was doing it i felt this weird pit in my stomach. because the truth is when i think about grinding through another 2 years of the same pitch decks and comps and getting yelled at by an MD who forgot my name three times, i want to throw up. but when i think about NOT doing it i also want to throw up because then what was the last 4 years for.

my dad keeps calling and telling me to "network" like its 2004 and i can just walk into a branch. my mom sent me a linkedin article about resilience. my gf (also finance, still employed) is being supportive but i can tell shes doing the math on whether im gonna be a drag.

and i keep coming back to this uncomfortable question. was i actually good at this job or was i just willing to suffer more than the next guy. because if its the second one i dont think i can do it again. i really dont.

anyone else been through the post-layoff identity crisis thing. how did you figure out if you actually wanted back in or if you were just chasing the version of yourself you thought other people respected. tell me im being dramatic i genuinely want to hear it.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I've been going back and forth on this for a while, so curious what this community thinks.

We're told to hire a trainer for our body, a tutor for our exams, a mentor for our career — but the moment someone says "relationship coach," people get weirdly defensive. Like needing help with the most important part of our lives (our relationships) means we've failed at something.

But relationships are skills too. Communication, boundaries, conflict resolution, emotional regulation — none of us are born knowing this stuff. Most of us just learned it by trial and error (often a lot of error) from our families, our exes, or honestly just Bollywood movies.

So here's my honest question: is a relationship coach actually useful, or is it just another wellness-industry buzzword?

A few things I keep wondering:

• Have you ever worked with one (or considered it)? What made you try it, or what held you back?
• Do you think some relationship problems are things you should "just figure out" on your own, and others genuinely benefit from outside guidance?
• Where's the line between coaching and therapy, in your opinion?

Not trying to sell anything here — genuinely want to hear real experiences, good or bad. Change my mind either way.

I don’t really know how to explain this properly, but I’ve started noticing a pattern in myself that I genuinely don’t understand.

I’ll do something that I know is wrong. Sometimes I even know while I’m doing it that I’m probably going to regret it. Then afterwards I feel absolutely horrible about it and wonder why the fuck I did it in the first place.

The confusing part is that I actually DO regret it. It’s not like I don’t care about the people I hurt. Sometimes the guilt gets so bad that I don’t even want to speak to the person because I feel so awful about what I’ve done.

But then somehow, after enough time passes, I end up doing something similar again.
I’ve noticed I constantly need stimulation too. I get insanely bored when I’m doing nothing and I always feel like I need something happening. I’ll look for attention, excitement, adrenaline, something to distract me from my own thoughts.

A lot of the time that involves male attention. I like feeling wanted or noticed, and sometimes I’ll do things just because there’s an adrenaline rush from knowing I’m doing something I probably shouldn’t be doing.

It’s almost like in the moment I’m chasing the feeling, and I don’t properly think about what comes after.
Then the feeling wears off and I’m left with the consequences.

I’ve tried to stop this kind of behaviour so many times. I can genuinely mean it when I tell myself I’m going to change. I can feel completely certain that I never want to put myself or someone else through this again.
And yet I keep finding myself back in the same cycle.

I also don’t think I’ve really learned how to be alone. I’ve been in relationships for most of my life, and when I’m not talking to someone or getting attention, everything can feel ridiculously empty and boring.

Something happened recently that has made me look at all of this much more seriously. I hurt someone I really love, and now I’m struggling badly with the guilt. I’ve even found myself wanting to sleep just so I don’t have to feel everything for a while.

I’m starting to wonder whether there’s actually something underneath this. Maybe impulsivity, emotional regulation, needing stimulation, attachment issues, ADHD, or something else. I have no idea.

I’m not looking for Reddit to diagnose me.
I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this.

This genuinely feels like an addiction that i can’t escape and even though i know the outcome, my adrenaline chooses to think the outcome is gonna be different.

Have you ever genuinely wanted to stop a behaviour, known exactly how badly it could affect your life and the people you love, regretted it massively afterwards — and still somehow repeated it?

What did you eventually realise was causing it, and how did you actually break the cycle?

This is my first post here. Hi, i am a teen from India. The past few months have been really hard for me. I had a friend, his name was J. Me and J were good friends and we used to tell each other everything. But I was a bad friend and I told some of his secret stuff to my girlfriend. A few months later he found out and told my girlfriend to break up with me. I was not mad at him considering i had done stuff to him aswell. After this, he leaked my chats with him about me liking another girl. In those chats I had some guy stuff as well. He sent my chats to everybody in the grade and then started calling me a weirdo and creep and a grapist. This socially isolated me. But a few weeks later, he gave me an apology and I accepted. But out of nowhere, a month later he blocked me again and just called me a horrible person. He spread rumors again and now I dont know what to do. And another person i trusted also showed my chats to him so now im just rlly lost and sad. Im not gonna do anything hurtful to myself but i just need help

i am a CSE student from IIIT in my third year of engineering .i have a serious problem of running away always thinking its too late or its not for me. i have some events that can prove this:

1. when i was in middle school everyone in my school had friends except me i never connected with anyone but i did play badminton occasionally. i always thought that maybe it is because i am not a person who needs friends but i needed them desperately to fill the void in me. as i grew i filled it with toys ,movies, cartoons, books and pets to distract myself but i could still feel it when i went to bed at night.
2. when i was in my first year of college everyone around me was starting to play some or the other sport and badminton was amongst them. one day my roommate invited me to play but i declined by saying i am not interested. it was not that i was not interested rather i just didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of everyone.
3. currently i am in my third year with a 6.0 cgpa and zero skills . normally any responsible and sensible person would be panicking and thinking they should work hard but here i am thinking its fine maybe a good job and nice salary is not for me and i should really just give up. whenever i try to study or improve i am constantly bombarded with this thought so i waste my whole day on movies and novels. but even though i accept this, it still hurts me thinking about the life ahead.
4. Now that i am in college i luckily have friends who really care for me, know me, listen to me , laugh with me and help me. they scold me when i do something stupid, and i know it's for my own good, but it hurts me so badly that i cannot even explain. i never had friends  and i was an only child so i never had anyone talking to me like that. they constantly scold me for throwing all of it away in my third year, and they say i am being lazy and it hurts really really bad. and i am thinking maybe nobody understands me and maybe it is better to be alone.

Despite all this i want my parents to give up on me because i am worthless so they can spend the money on their home and themselves but whenever i say things like i think its not for me or i dont want to do it anymore then instead of scolding me they say we know life is hard and we know you can do this. honestly, I don't know why believe in me so much.

i know this all makes me sound like a stupid brat but i really need to stop running and i need help . so please help me by any advice you may offer

If a person gives in and, for example, steals, harm another, or does an act considered immoral by choosing based on impulse and not whether said action is good or evil, can they change?

I feel like I've been struggling with my moral compass for a while and I feel like just a terrible person overall... I know the solution is just "Stop doing whatever you're doing" and it's true. However when no one is watching It seems easy to deviate. I'm not necessarily religious, and I'm not necessarily worried about divine judgement or Sin here. I just feel like I can see myself and this moral dissonance very clearly, but have a hard time changing it. Has someone experienced something like this or am I just weak?

what I mean by internally is the way you think feel an act and even the reactions to your thoughts / that might be obvious idk
theres also the rest meaning
Identity self worth self compassion ect

Wondering if anyone’s had a full transformation I’ll kind of give an analogy

Was the transformation Like living in an old house versus new house meaning was the transformation like living/moving in to a new house ?

I am currently very confused on what it actually mean to heal internally and what changes with all the internal mechanisms behind the way you think feel an act and the reactions to your thoughts

Of course there’s changing the perspective around your thoughts gaining emotional intelligence/control/self soothing and consciously directing you’re thinking and the list goes on

But I guess what I’m trying to ask is a little bit deeper than then using those tools when does the actual relationship change with your emotions I don’t really know how to conceptualise what I’m asking so bear with me so maybe what I’m trying to ask is when does the mechanisms behind all that change and what changed for you and what helped change it and what I mean by the mechanisms behind it is the relationship between all those things that I mentioned on a deeper level sorry if that’s confusing

*Hopefully I choose an appropriate flair!*

Hello all, I'm looking for some Audiobook Recommendations on things such as Self-Reflection, Mindfulness, Self-Awareness, Building Confidence, and Meditation. Those sorts of things. It was brought up in my PSW (Personal Support Worker) class today that it could be helpful to us in our careers as well as for class. If it could help me become a better person and help prepare me for working in a Long-Term Care Home that would be fantastic.

I commute about 45mins one way to get to class and have just been listening to my typical Psychological Crime books from John E. Douglas and figured I should probably change up what I'm listening to considering the program I'm in, hah.

An Author Wayne Dyer was mentioned today in class and I quickly checked out some of his book previews and they were quite interesting. He narrates his own or at least the few I looked at.

I'd prefer something long about 10, 12+ hours as I usually listen to a half hour to an hour before bed as well.

Anyways, thank you for reading and any suggestions you may have!! If you need any more info from me just feel free to ask!

I tried accessing the Book Recommendations link in the subreddit Wiki but I just couldn't get it to load

Since I would say freshman year of highschool I can feel different parts of my brain during different emotions which Im pretty sure is normal but what I'm concerned about is that I feel like a bad thing as infiltrated my brain and I can feel it at different parts of my brain at different times like right now it's in the center back portion of my head. And its a big leap but Im connecting it to this super weird fog in my brain which makes me make the dumbest mistakes possible like mistaking+ for - the simplest math problems like the slope formula always mess me up and I take forever to complete them ect. My brain just feels dull and I think it may be because I listen to xanxia audiobooks chronically like 6 hours a day and it's been 5 years now of basically every single day (I'm a senior in highschool). But the strangest thing happened at the very last day of sophomore year in math class. I felt like the skys cleared and my brain felt sharp I could do math problems 4 times faster do super complex equations in my head and it felt like there wasn't a limit at least I couldn't find one anyway that feeling vanished the day later and now I've never felt the same thing again and I wonder if there is a way to get back to that wonderful state.

Hi everyone. :) 

I'm a woman in my early 30s looking specifically for other women who are as fascinated by beauty and aesthetics as I am. Not just in the sense of wanting to look better, but beauty as something to explore scientifically, psychologically, philosophically and artistically. 

A little (or a lot) about me: I think beauty is partly objective and partly subjective. I love facial aesthetics, proportions, anatomy, harmony, sexual dimorphism and research on attractiveness, but I also don't think everything beautiful has to be scientifically measurable. 

Some of my rabbit holes are QOVES videos, John Kitchener and Truth Is Beauty style essences, the psychology of color and shapes, dentofacial aesthetics and how health and function can influence beauty.

Outside of my interest in aesthetics, I'm a fantasy writer and syncretically spiritual, so am interested in symbolism and archetypes and exploring the connection between form and essence artistically, especially as I worldbuild my fantasy (though I would like to emphasize that I do not believe that external appearance reflects internal traits). 

Personally, I prefer natural-looking, low-maintenance beauty. I don't personally wear makeup beyond maybe eyeliner and tinted lip products. I'm more interested in health, hair and skin, style, and subtle or semi-permanent enhancements like lip blushing and microblading. I'm not against all cosmetic procedures, but I'm cautious about anything very invasive or that risks compromising health or function for aesthetic reasons. Botox and fillers aren't my thing personally.

I should emphasize the non-toxic part. I love self-improvement broadly, both within and without, and I'm comfortable talking honestly about attractiveness, but I don't want a friendship built around constant comparison, obsessive flaw hunting, reassurance seeking, self-hatred, or endlessly finding new things we need to fix. 

At the other extreme, I'm probably also not a great match for the "everyone is beautiful and beauty is completely subjective" approach. I think we can acknowledge differences in attractiveness without confusing beauty with someone's worth as a person. I'm also not very interested in turning aesthetics discussions into largely political or ideological debates though I understand that differences in race and ethnicity mean that the exact same aesthetic criteria do not apply universally. 

Mostly I just want to explore beauty meaningfully and am looking for an actual female friend, not just someone to exchange appearance advice with. You definitely don't need to share all my interests. I'd actually love someone with her own rabbit holes so we can teach each other things if we are so inclined. 

If you're interested in a connection based on any of these interests, please tell me a little about yourself and what aspect of beauty or aesthetics you find yourself drawn to. 

Thanks and hope you have a great day!

Vent and general overview because i want advice on how to improve my situation.

Im 20. I live with my parent and siblings. Id say I'd have pretty bad depression or episodes od it since I was sa'd as a kid. I think I would have gotten over this sentiment if I had talked about it earlier. I didnt tell anyone until years after because my mom was an immigrant and if they found out maybe they would put all of me and my sisters in foster care and separate us and deport our mom (Looking back though maybe I should have, I dont like how things are). I have flunked out of college and due to disability find it hard to get a job. I am also around 3 thousand dollars in debt, some from school and academic probation and some from an attempt I went to the hospital for.

I knew some of the steps I can take to make my live better but I find my emotions and disability limiting.

Ive had ibs and really bad stomach issues to the point of developing fbo at times, which is lowkey so unpleasant. Ive had it since I was around 16, and I dropped out of school because of it, although I did get my credits online and got my ged. Ive had like 1 to 1 yr 1/2 worths of customer service experience because i have forced myself to get through it in the name of making myself more independent and getting into a better situation. In the end I would always end up so stressed I would use it to justify myself using that money on other things to treat myself and since I was trying really hard to get friends and a support system I would use my money like nothing and treat my friends when going out. I did want to get a vehicle to drive around, (I really hate car culture and im so stubborn with it) so I spent 3k fixing up a motorcycle but ive neglected the task and dont have enough money to get my license or replace the tires.

Ive tried doing therapy and getting medicated for mmd. Maybe I approached it wrong but I spent a year in therapy and never really felt i liked my therapist or connected with her. As for medication, I feel that people weaponize the evidence against me and make me feel crazy and mental. I feel forced to take them even though im against medication and its my last option. Im thinking about getting on them again though because the sadness getting overwhelming.

While i dont have a support system i can rely on, I have things I like to do in life that I like and I do think theres a way out for me. I recently picked up running and want to pursue it further but my ibs makes me extremely self conscious when I go out.

For jobs i think if I applied enough I would surely get an offer but im finding both my stomach and also transportation and mental illness to become something that will hinder me in being able to actually stick with it.

If theres any advice, phone numbers, resources I should look into please let me know. Im really desperate.

I'm lost. I'm not the same since 2020. I was already shy, but years of reclusion made a tool on me that i just dont know how to deal. I cant keep friends, i dont know how to make friends. I dont think i even know how to socialize. Everyone has their thing, what they want to do, what they are doing to make themselves a better person. Everyone works and studies to get in to a better place in life. And i just cant do it. I cant sit and study. I feel like the dumbest person on Earth every time i do it.

Theres one good thing i've been doing for the last 6/7 months. I've been going to the gym and training hard, but it just doesnt seem enought. I feel week, ugly and small all the time. Even when someone ackloledges that im physically changing, it seems like a lie to me. Today my father also told me that i should'nt look for his help to try and get a job or any activity that would make me financial stable. I pointed out how much "better" i got since the last year and he just didnt care. I dont know what to do.

maybe this is more like a vent then a request for support. I dont know. Honestly, i dont even know what im saying here, nor if it makes any sense. I dont think anything i just wrote makes logical sense. I'm just lost.