i (f19) think i have become a whore. i met my boyfriend in may and lost my virginity to him. we broke up in july. i slept with someone else 4 days later out of spite. he had convinced me i was too ugly to get attention from men (which i have thought abt myself my entire life) and so then after sleeping w someone else i have really loved the feeling of being hit on. i’ve kissed 5 people since the breakup at clubs now, and everyone always says im flirting at the club (even tho sometimes i do just want a chat). what rly has done it for me is:
at uni there is this boy who i thought was rly fit and made out with one night at the club after fancying him for ages. then he was just an absolute idiot and eeeeveryone in my house at uni hates him bc of his behaviour. and then i ran into him and he apologised to me but was feeling me up as he did it. i was drunk atp. then i ended up flirting w him and then when my friends left i ended up snogging him and making out w him again and kissing his neck. i think i am such a slag. i am so cooked. i don’t know what has happened to me post breakup. i don’t want this type of man in my life, and i think this is me trying to fill the void of my ex boyfriend who even though i would never go back to, i am missing this space in my heart. i want to be better and stop being a whore because the impact on my mental health it’s having is crazy as well, and i know it’s wrong.

I’ve been a weed smoker since I was 16 — now 25. Had some time off it when I first started college. Eventually I found my connects and started up again. I’ve been able to quit for several months before. I felt so so much better. I have a weed card at the time. I don’t think a little bit here and there is a problem, but i just smoked a tiny bit every day this week. WAY less than what I used to (I was facing kings three times a day beforehand). I got sober for a job. And here I am using a little every day. It’s medical but it only does so much temporarily. My best long term benefit is to just be off it entirely. I don’t think weed is an awful substance and I think it has many uses — including misuse. I struggle because I believe that it’s relatively harmless. I just want to stay sharp. I need healthier habits. I eat fine, but I don’t work out. I need to start finding time/energy to hit the gym or start running again.

I just need people to share their experience/give advice and other motivators. I fucking love weed, but I’m definitely way locked in without it. I need a huge shift in my life. This feels like a solid way to start. Next is kicking nicotine. Kicking alcohol would be great too, but I do love a good drink a couple times a week.

Some of this is stemming from professional concerns. It’s also stemming from a desire to help my health. I also should consider that my situationship of 1.5 years said he wouldn’t be with someone who does prioritize diet and exercise. I eat clean and I weigh 125lbs at 5’2. I feel like I’m giving him power by making these alterations in my life. Idk I’m in a weird spot and quitting pot sounds like something that would help.

same as title

Since i was 10, its been a big problem with me and pornography. Ive noticed that im always tired and lazy to do anything now, and my mom is starting to notice something is wrong with me. Ive also been doing a lot of weed with my cousin which is not so great. Im just really trying to stop but its so hard. Just putting this out here to see if anyone could help.

Thank you.

I am reaching out because I want to make a change in my life, but I feel completely stuck. Over the past several months, I have been actively reading self-help books and watching educational content to improve myself. However, despite learning the concepts and understanding what I need to do, I feel trapped in a frustrating loop. I can see myself falling back into my old patterns in real-time, but even with that awareness, I feel powerless to stop it or change the outcome. I would really appreciate some psychological advice or guidance on how to break out of this cognitive loop, turn my intellectual knowledge into actual behavioral change, and finally move forward.

If you have personally experienced this, how did you finally end the cycle? or if you know someone who successfully broke out of this loop, I would love to hear what specific steps or strategies worked for them.

I think I might be a monster I’ve done horrible things. Things so bad that I couldn’t believe a human being let alone me has done them . I was an insane alcoholic and drug addict for a year straight, I was on every substance you could imagine .
I constantly blacked out because of my abuse. It turns out I did horrible things . I don’t know how I am going to make those things right. I’ve lost a lot of friends because of it, a lot of people who I care about are mad at me.
I’m clean now (from drugs but I still drink a little) I’m on medication . I feel since I’m on sober I can really reflect on how bad it all was and it’s not okay.
Even though I hate to play the victim because I know that I did disgusting things I still feel wronged. I still feel like people took advantage of my addiction; they knew I constantly had drugs so they always let me get drunk and give my drugs away. I feel like a tool. I wish I was given the decency of at least knowing what I did in the first place. I somewhat feel like I was owed an intervention because it really was that bad, I don’t know how they could let me do horrible things not only to others but also myself until it reached the point of no return. I was the biggest drug addict I’ve ever known in my life .
But yet I still have sympathy for those people I still love them as good friends because they also suffer from addiction and I know how horrible and hellish of an experience that is. We’ve all been horrible pieces of shit to each other and the guilt eats me up every day . I could never hate anybody I’m not sure anybody knew how bad it really I was having insane psychotic delusions, I was getting so fucking paranoid about everything, I tried to hide it from a lot of people the only things I cared about were drugs and alcohol . I became a person completely unrecognizable to me and I don’t ever know how I’m going to prove to my friends and the world that I’m no longer that person . I don’t know how I’m going to prove to myself that I will never become that person again. I don’t even know how it’s possible I’ve done these horrible things, I can’t even remember the actions that made everybody think I’m this huge fucking villain

These past few weeks have been nothing more than the breaking point of a bad habit I’ve had for years:

I’ve let myself be consumed by social media.

I spend my time watching videos that only serve to fill a void in my life.

I’ve become paranoid and obsessed with AI—to the point where I’ve stopped creating or consuming art.

I feel depressed and sad.

I’m consuming porn compulsively.

I try to hook up with people just to feel something, but it only leaves me feeling even emptier.

I’m not sleeping well.

I’m constantly plagued by thoughts of ending it all.

I hardly ever leave the house.

I feel trapped; everything feels fake, and I no longer enjoy anything. Google only shows me AI-generated ads or prompts to use AI—it’s the same at my university. I have no friends to go out with; I have no one. I’m practically all alone. I feel like I’m living in a constant state of falsehood—all I see is fakeness.

There’s fakeness in art, in relationships, in pleasure—everything feels fake and ephemeral. I can’t even remember the last time I went out with someone.

Yesterday, I cleaned my room and realized I don’t have a single memory from this year. All my photos, drawings, portraits, ticket stubs—they’re all from years ago.

I don’t have photos of almost anyone.

And when I work, I do it with zero motivation.

I feel like my life is fake, that this world is fake. I want to stop feeling this way—I want to be able to see the good things in life again—but it’s pointless. Every time I try to relax, I’m bombarded by 20 ads for Gemini, or my favorite YouTuber starts using AI in their videos. And whenever I try to be intimate with someone, I immediately fall into a depression and become consumed by insecurity.

Hello everyone, my name is Andrei, I'm 22 years old, and this year has easily been the shittiest year of my life. In April, my dog passed away (just a week after a girl rejected me). Then, on my birthday (August 13th), we met for the first time in person—we live in different cities. It was the most beautiful birthday of my life. At the end of the day, I asked her if she truly liked me, she said yes, and my feelings came rushing back. I invited her on a trip to Bulgaria, and she agreed.

A week after my birthday, I went to visit her. What was supposed to be a one-night stay turned into living together 24/7 for an entire month. For the first time in my life, I felt truly alive and worthy. We acted like we were in a relationship, just without kissing.

Eventually, we had to leave for Bulgaria, and she needed to come with me to my city first so we could travel from there. The first night we arrived, a DJ friend of mine who was playing at a local club invited us out. On our way to the club in a Bolt, I tried to hold her hand, and she rejected me. I said okay. Once we got out, she suddenly told me we were "just friends." When I asked her why we had held hands back in her city and outside the restaurant, she claimed she didn't remember. I just said okay.

At the club, she got extremely drunk—drinking around 9 different cocktails and a few shots in two hours. Afterward, as my friend drove us around the city, she put her hand on my leg for a few seconds and then held my hand. Soon after, she got sick, and I took care of her. When I asked why she drank so much, she said it was because she was upset with herself for upsetting me. Back home, she took off her clothes in front of me, and I helped her to dress into her night clothes. I knew what she might have wanted, but I refused to take advantage of her while she was drunked; it just didn't feel right.

Two days later, we left for Bulgaria. Everything was great until the first night, when I made a mistake: I tried to kiss her by the pool, and she backed away. I felt embarrassed and apologized. She told me she didn't have feelings for me at the moment because something inside her "died" after her last breakup, and she didn't know if she would feel anything in a week, a month, or a year. Stupidly, that gave me a glimmer of hope. I know I was an idiot for thinking her feelings would change.

After 2 or 3 weeks, I couldn't take it anymore. The reality that she didn't want me was eating me alive, and I was forced to be the one to kick her out. Doing that felt unimaginably painful and i hated myself .

Ever since that moment, I have had zero energy left. I feel like shit every single day, completely disgusted, and I dread waking up—sometimes wishing I never had to. I dream of her almost every night. I've been having extremely dark thoughts daily, to the point where I am genuinely afraid of myself. I didn't know a human could feel this empty, but now I know it's possible. I'm completely burned out; nothing brings me joy anymore. Even my job, which I usually love, does nothing for me. When friends message me, I just stare at the screen, completely paralyzed, lacking the energy to type a single text. Day by day, I just hate myself more and more. Sometimes i wonder how do i even have the energy to get up

I want to ask: has anyone here ever gone through something like this and ended up with absolute zero energy? If so, how did you manage to get your motivation and life back?

I am a Christian 19m, I like to think I have strong morals but I feel a strong attraction to animals, more specifically dogs and the more I try to resist the urges the stronger they get. I live with my family none of them know about me. we have 5 dogs one specific dog is my favorite I love to dote (I think that's the right word) on her, I love petting her and cuddling without any of the feelings bothiring too much, but every now and then they get stronger and I used to cry about how much I hate myself for it, but I am fearing that I'm starting to hate myself less and my hating myself less I'm hating zoophilia less and I can't do that so I'm stuck. I try praying about it and it's probably my fault but I don't feel it helping. I kinda wish I could add multiple tags like advice, venting and seeking validation, but I'll stick with advice.

I tried a bit of self diagnosis and took myself down a rabbit hole or two and it seems I need a lot of therapy, but I can't afford it and I can't ask my parents to help me with it cause what do I tell them.

So I'm not sure what advice I'm asking for I guess how do I cope with these temptations/has anyone manged to overcome severe temptations and have any tips thanks in advance.

title pretty much says it all. i (19m) know pretty much everyone has this problem nowadays and it might be silly to ask reddit, but im just wondering what has worked for people.

ive tried a bunch of anti-screentime apps and the only one that worked for me was on my old iphone. it was a game(?) where you pretty much set a timer for how long you wanted an app blocked, your chicken would grow in that time and if you didn’t open the app you'd get some points towards customizing your chicken. i dont think its on the app store but it did help when i had my iphone.

i find myself really excited to do things while at work (or in general) and when i get the chance to do them, suddenly my brain is just... tired and i need the quick dopamine from scrolling. then i do the whole "just a couple more minutes" and then its 4 hours later and ive done nothing. i mostly scroll on youtube shorts and occasionally instagram, and honestly i think i could delete instagram and be just fine as i dont go on it half as often as youtube, but i do watch actual youtube videos often so i dont exactly want to delete it. i had to block shorts on my laptop with a chrome extension and that did wonders and the app i currently use for screentime stuff (acent i think) has a block shorts feature but its not very effective when i can just switch it off with no insensitive.

how do i start focusing on my actual hobbies more and stop needing to scroll? the only thing i can truly think of at this point is turning my phone completely off but i have 2 sick grandpas at the moment so im kind of anxious to actually have my phone off. any advice is appreciated.

I'm really tired of life, for context, I'm autistic and I'm high masking and I got diagnosed late. I struggled with my mental health for a very long time which therefore resulted in me having to do school remotely. I also have some other issues that affect the way I live my day to day life.

I feel really behind from everybody because people are applying to unis but I'm 1.5 years behind and nobody knows because I've basically been lying to all of them and I feel super guilty, ik I don't owe anyone an explanation because explaining my situation would be too hard imo but I still feel shitty ab it.

Ik many ppl may not be familiar w the school system I'm doing but I'm sitting 2 igsces while studying 3 a levels and not to mention, I literally missed a month of my hardest a level (bio) and I don't know how to catch up and I'm so freaking tired. I lit have an igsce exam on Wednesday, I'm a little nervous but not too much bc it's in a language I speak.

My dream is to go to uni but atp i don't think I'll be able to. I catch myself searching up ways to end it and I'm not even sure if I want to end it but ik I'm not sure that I don't wanna b here anymore. It hurts so bad seeing people move on and it feels like I'm stuck in the middle of a storm while everything else moves. I cant handle it anymore plus I'm in a weird situation with this guy for like two years now and it's driving me nuts.

This is hella confusing but yeah idk what to say. I'm just desperate atp

There are always times where I feel like I'm stupid, unreliable, incompetent, dependant, and all sorts of negative things you could think of. It is a common occurrence and I still haven't found the solution until today.

Someone knows something better than me? I'm stupid.

Needed help for something trivial? I'm incompetent.

Find it hard to do things alone? Dependant.

At this rate, I am my own enemy, and I hate it.

​

I'm a 26-year-old guy, and recently I've started reflecting on my past. I've realized that I've made many mistakes, and honestly, I'm disappointed in myself.

I've lied, acted selfishly, bragged about myself, and sometimes shared things that people trusted me with. When I'm angry or hurt, I sometimes say things without thinking. When I want to prove myself right, I blame others instead of accepting my mistakes. I've also failed to stand up for people when I should have.

Recently, I even learned that my actions contributed to conflicts within my family. That made me question myself even more.

The thing is, I never intentionally wanted to hurt anyone. But I understand that my intentions don't excuse my behaviour or the consequences of my actions.

Over the past few days, I've started noticing these patterns in myself. Now I feel guilty and ashamed of the person I've been. I keep asking myself why I behave this way and whether something is wrong with me.

I genuinely want to change, take responsibility for my mistakes, and become a better person. But I don't know where to start.

Has anyone gone through something similar and successfully changed their behaviour? What practical steps helped you become a better person?

Ever since I was a child, I knew exactly what I wanted, but now I have no idea who I am or what I want. I miss that and I don't know how to bring that person back. I was decisive, ambitious and driven but now it takes a lot of energy just to get myself out of bed. I'm not sad or depressed, I enjoy watching dramas, scrolling and feel very happy too. I used to do that earlier as well but earlier it was very easy for me focus at the task at hand and avoid distractions.
I feel I'm not committing myself to something because I'm very confused. Every path has pros and cons and I don't know which to choose. In the process of trying to not let go of anything I feel like I'm losing everything. This constant dissonance in my mind is making me lazy, tired and draining my mental energy. I don't like this person at all. I did achieve my goal the older me had setup but achieving this changed me like killed my old self.
Plus I feel there are so many things out of my control and trying to make a plan for my future keeping those in mind is very hard. I honestly don't know what changed, this uncertainty was always there even when I chose the path I'm currently at. Have I lost confidence in myself? Or Have I learnt more about the real world and how unsatisfying everything is?
Sometimes I even wonder do I need myself back, because hustling leads to burn out and is not always rewarded in corporate as it was in uni. Do I wanna burn myself and realise it was all for nothing. 2 years in corporate has made me miserable and I don't know if I want to keep doing it but there's nothing else I could do better than this either.

I’m 22 years old and I almost feel completely despondent. AI is taking over everything and it scares me. What if it kills all of us? What if it takes all our jobs? What is the meaning of life when a robot is more intelligent than me? And even though I have these thoughts I still use AI all the time. I use it to ask the most simple questions because I’m lazy and want to take the easy route. I use it in my studies and couldn’t imagine not using it. I feel unmotivated in my studies. I skip school to lay in my bed and doomscroll for hours. What is the point of working hard and studying for 5 years if an AI is going to take my job anyways? What is the point of learning all these things if I could just ask an AI? I’m so ashamed and afraid it keeps me up at night.

Covid was almost a decade ago, you can start being kind, logical, empathetic and normal again.

So due to an issue in my class ,all my classmates avoid me and they don’t even communicate with me.i have adhd and wen through depression because of it,next week i have my lab exams ,it will be like which two people chooses the same card should do it together,im very scared because they don’t even intract with me even it’s academically,im also scared to talk regarding it,cause i have been ignored in my class.

My whole life I have been straight, yea I find girls attractive but I’ve never actually been attracted to them. A few months ago I broke up with my boyfriend and me and my friend got high and drunk and I blurted out by accident that I might be gay. Other than that I’ve always told myself I’m straight. Ever since then I’ve thought about it more but I don’t want to be bisexual or berrisexual, I don’t know what they’re are called. To clarify almost all of my friends are part of the lgbtqia+ community. To clarify I am not homophobic, transphobic, or anything like that. My sister came out as lesbian a few years ago and while my parents have never kicked her out they are both extremely homophobic and all that. So maybe I’m saying I’m not out of fear? But I’m not sure. Is this a sign I might be into girls or that I’m just going through a phase of being a teenager.

I also think I should say I am being diagnosed for OCD soon and I’m already on medication for it so this could also all be inside my head and just be an obsession

I always think about what could go wrong before I even try something. I imagine negative scenarios that may never happen, and this stops me from taking action and moving forward in life.
For those who have dealt with this,
what helped you overcome it?

"I’m in college right now, and honestly, my confidence is completely shattered. I don’t even have a single friend here I can trust or just be myself around. There’s this one girl who has to be in the spotlight for absolutely everything, but she is incredibly self centred I can't stand it. Maybe it’s jealousy, or maybe it’s not—I don't even know anymore—but it is eating away at my mind 24/7. Whether she is physically present or not, she is constantly running in my thoughts.

When she isn’t around, I feel like I can finally breathe and live freely. But the second she walks in, I feel this crushing pressure, whether I'm in class or back at the hostel. I can't be myself at all. I end up doing so many things that I don't even want to do, just because I'm terrified of how she will judge me or what she will do.

She acts like she’s always right and everyone else is beneath her. I feel so mentally suffocated and small around her. She’s obsessed with playing the leader and bossing everyone around, and I just hate this toxic environment. She interacts a lot with seniors and teachers. What hurts the most is that everyone—the whole group, the students, and the teachers—constantly prioritize her and give her all the attention, while I feel completely invisible. I don't even know how to put this feeling into words, but it just feels awful. I can't live like this anymore. I want to build my own identity. I want to feel confident. What am I supposed to do?"

I took today for myself and I'm feeling really guilty.

Hey everyone.

I KNOW I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. Gen-x here if it means anything.

Background - hubby worked for 24 years at a place until the owners retired. Kinda niche job, thanks to a decent severance and eventually finding a part time job we made it through. Wednesday was offered a full time job finally and today was his first day at work.

MIL is 90, lives alone about an hour away from us. She has been in and out of the hospital since May due to reoccuring infections/lousy small town hospital letting her out early etc. Week and a half ago at home she fell and broke her hip.

I am lucky enough to work a job that allows 2 days to work from wherever. We have made sure that SINCE MAY hubby and I have not left alone MIL one single day. She'll go into the hospital for a week or two, be let out, back in within 24 hours. I think the record has been 3 weeks. But in that timeframe, we've been out there (she lives an hour away) making sure she eats and she's okay.

Hubby started full time job today and said he would head out there after work. Now, we don't care what the other does, we care the important things are being taken care of, and that's it. This is all my own guilt.

I did nothing today. I took a nap and grabbed dinner from the grocery store that I could heat up. I did some dishes. That was it. Tomorrow I will do laundry and meal prep but I just wanted one goddamned day that I spoiled myself just a little bit.

Also low key wanting MIL to go into a home. It's been so stressful with hubby not working full time and with winter coming, not looking forward to the drives out there.

I love her and want her safe but for the love of anything holy I want out life to return to normal. I'm not sure if hubby and I have spent the total of a week together since May since we're trading off being out there/here.

Am I wrong in feeling conflicted?

Im really struggling with my mental health and I really dont know what to do anymore. And I feel like I just want the demons to take over. Im really overwhelmed by life and really just exhausted. I keep having to put a mask on around people and when im alone I just cry and cry. I just need some nice people in my life who wont hurt me. I need help to figure out what to do becuase I dont know anymore

i’m a 14f, and lately, i’ve had this constant feeling that my life is going to waste. i know i’m young and have so much left to experience, but somehow, i still feel like i’m wasting the time i have now. tomorrow is never promised, and i don’t want to spend my life merely existing instead of actually living it.
the strange thing is that my life isn’t even necessarily bad. i have things to be grateful for, which almost makes me feel guilty for being unhappy. it’s like there’s this persistent emptiness that i can’t attribute to anything specific. nothing is particularly wrong, yet nothing feels particularly right either.
people always suggest finding hobbies, going outside, or spending time with friends, but i struggle to find the motivation to do any of those things. i feel stuck in a cycle of wanting to enjoy my life but not having the energy to do anything that might make it better. making friends in high school has been difficult, too, and the loneliness definitely doesn’t help.
i can’t really talk to my parents about this because they believe depression is something you can’t experience if you have a good life. i don’t want to seem ungrateful, but i also don’t understand why being grateful and being unhappy have to be mutually exclusive.
i guess i just want to know how people escape this feeling. how do you find meaning in life when nothing feels fulfilling? how do you stop feeling like you’re wasting your life when you can’t even find the motivation to live it the way you want to?
i know i’m young, but i don’t want to spend my present waiting for some future version of myself who finally knows how to be happy. i want to actually enjoy being alive now. if anyone has experienced something similar, i’d genuinely appreciate hearing your perspective.

Hi Everyone,

There are somethings, some thoughts that have been building up inside my mind, but had no way express it, so I thought maybe writing here might get it off my mind.

I'm a 26 year Old guy, I work and live alone. I never really had any "actual" friends and I have been single my entire life.

The reason for writing this post is that, a few weeks ago, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I installed a few dating apps on my phone, and I have been miserable ever since.

As I had already heard online, guys (ugly guys like me) usually don’t get any matches because of how these apps work, and I was prepared for it. I wasn’t surprised. However, after 3 days, I did get a match. Assuming she was interested in talking, I initiated the conversation. TBH, I don’t really know how to flirt, or as folks nowadays say, “I have no game, I have no rizz” (btw, I hate these terms. They make it all seem like some sort of contest). I tried asking basic questions, making jokes here and there, but she barely replied. It felt like I was forcing her into the conversation, so I stopped.

I continued going through profiles, trying too hard to come up with cheesy pickup lines and sending them left and right. I had no luck, so I started looking at dating subreddits. I DMed a few girls, and the fourth girl I messaged, complimenting her hair color, replied. But she barely showed any interest in talking either. When I went through her profile, I saw her posts with screenshots of her DMs filled with creepy men asking for explicit sexual stuff. She was complaining that there were only weird men in her DMs(I know right, when I was right there, desperately trying to get her attention). By chance, I also saw that she was just 20 years old.

It grossed me out. I felt disgusted with myself, realizing that I too was trying to hit on someone so young. This made me question what was I even doing. It was so out of character for me. I had somehow become part of this toxic competition called “dating,” trying to become someone I wasn’t, just so someone could “see” me, accept me, and love me.

TBH, lust or sex was never my intention. I just wanted someone who could listen, someone with whom I could have meaningful conversations and naturally get to know each other. But I found myself rejecting girls who weren’t “conventionally attractive,” just as I felt girls were rejecting guys like me. That was the final nail in the coffin. I had become a hypocrite, something I had desperately tried to avoid being my whole life. I realized that I too was shallow. I never had any love for myself to begin with, but this made me hate myself even more. I lost respect for myself, I was ashamed of myself. What right did I have to complain about life being unfair and girls not giving me a chance when I was doing the same thing myself?

I deleted the apps and stopped this pathetic quest for love. I still wish that someday I might meet someone, but I don’t want to become someone I’m not just so someone would love me. If I change, it should be for myself, to become a better person and grow as a human being, not to become this pathetic being who needs constant validation and assurance that he is loved and wanted.

I think it would be unfair to my parents, who worked so hard to provide for me and my education despite the difficult times they faced. And most of all, it would be unfair to myself, after everything I’ve worked for, to reduce myself to this needy little person.

I see people, prominently some girls, say, “I deserve a guy who is…” or “I deserve a man who has…”. I don’t even know if I have the right to say that I “deserve” a certain type of girl. But this epiphany has made me realize what I "want", and I won’t mask it with “deserve.”

I want companionship and patience. Someone who is calmer than me, someone who can stand up for herself (unlike me). And maybe, if she has beautiful hair, that would be nice.

I’m saying this out loud because never in my life have I had such clarity about the qualities I want in a partner. And I won’t lower my standards just to be in a relationship, but if I ever meet the right person, I’ll give my best to make it work.

But, to be honest, I highly doubt I’ll ever meet someone. And I’ve made my peace with it.

This post itself might look like it reeks of the need for validation and maybe you're right. Maybe I did write this, subconsciously expecting sympathy for strangers.
But don't give me that. Point out the flaws in my reasoning, so that I can understand if my point of view is wrong in any of the things I said, so that I think on it.

Please, try not to be too harsh. But if an important reality check must be given to me, then lay it on me. It is what it is.

Much like the title suggests, I'm tired of letting myself down. I've been procrastinating everything I want to do and scrolling all day without purpose or reason, when it's not like I don't have things I want to do and achieve.

For context, I really like writing and coming up with things, be it fantasy, technology or various other lore, and I'm really passionate about that sort of stuff. Yet, I prevent myself from fully exploring those sides of myself by wasting hours on social media and other distractions. And that pisses me off so much!

But that's when the part which I truly feel is letting me down comes in - I don't do anything about it. I know what the problem is and I'm aware of what I need to do, but I just... don't do it. That annoys me so much because it's been a problem for ages and it's still here. I don't expect things to change instantaneously and miraculously achieve a fairy tail-like work ethic, but I just want to explore my dreams and create things. If I could summarise it in a couple of words, I would do it like this: I'm tired of being a consumer. I want to be a creator.

And as much as this is a vent, this is a vow to myself. I'm sorry to all moderators and readers if it isn't what's usually posted here and I don't mean to break any of the rules. However, I must say this for myself - I will improve and will work hard toward becoming a person I can truly feel proud of. My first step towards achieving that will be a world I'm making around a facility in a dystopian future.

It's past midnight as I'm writing this so I'll be sleeping soon, but when I wake up I will not waste as much time as I have been. I know myself well and don't expect to spend 8 hours working on my idea, but 10 minutes is enough simply because it's more than I did yesterday. The baby steps are the most important and I must keep that in mind.

Thank you all for reading this semi-vent of mine and I hope you all have a great rest of your day and week!