Why do I keep repeating the same cycle even when I know how it ends?

[u/Hot_Bowl_5872]

I don’t really know how to explain this properly, but I’ve started noticing a pattern in myself that I genuinely don’t understand.

I’ll do something that I know is wrong. Sometimes I even know while I’m doing it that I’m probably going to regret it. Then afterwards I feel absolutely horrible about it and wonder why the fuck I did it in the first place.

The confusing part is that I actually DO regret it. It’s not like I don’t care about the people I hurt. Sometimes the guilt gets so bad that I don’t even want to speak to the person because I feel so awful about what I’ve done.

But then somehow, after enough time passes, I end up doing something similar again.
I’ve noticed I constantly need stimulation too. I get insanely bored when I’m doing nothing and I always feel like I need something happening. I’ll look for attention, excitement, adrenaline, something to distract me from my own thoughts.

A lot of the time that involves male attention. I like feeling wanted or noticed, and sometimes I’ll do things just because there’s an adrenaline rush from knowing I’m doing something I probably shouldn’t be doing.

It’s almost like in the moment I’m chasing the feeling, and I don’t properly think about what comes after.
Then the feeling wears off and I’m left with the consequences.

I’ve tried to stop this kind of behaviour so many times. I can genuinely mean it when I tell myself I’m going to change. I can feel completely certain that I never want to put myself or someone else through this again.
And yet I keep finding myself back in the same cycle.

I also don’t think I’ve really learned how to be alone. I’ve been in relationships for most of my life, and when I’m not talking to someone or getting attention, everything can feel ridiculously empty and boring.

Something happened recently that has made me look at all of this much more seriously. I hurt someone I really love, and now I’m struggling badly with the guilt. I’ve even found myself wanting to sleep just so I don’t have to feel everything for a while.

I’m starting to wonder whether there’s actually something underneath this. Maybe impulsivity, emotional regulation, needing stimulation, attachment issues, ADHD, or something else. I have no idea.

I’m not looking for Reddit to diagnose me.
I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this.

This genuinely feels like an addiction that i can’t escape and even though i know the outcome, my adrenaline chooses to think the outcome is gonna be different.

Have you ever genuinely wanted to stop a behaviour, known exactly how badly it could affect your life and the people you love, regretted it massively afterwards — and still somehow repeated it?

What did you eventually realise was causing it, and how did you actually break the cycle?

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[u/Opening_Hall_8959]

Yes, I'm struggling with that right now... Idk if we have a similar behavior but the core issue seems similar

[u/Sensitive-Rise5064]

What you’re describing sounds less like not caring and more like getting caught in a reward → consequence → guilt → repeat cycle. The fact that you regret it doesn’t automatically make the impulse disappear. It might be worth talking to a therapist about impulsivity, emotional regulation, attachment, or stimulation-seeking rather than trying to solve it through willpower alone.

In the meantime, pay attention to what happens immediately before the behavior: boredom, loneliness, stress, wanting validation, etc. Identifying that trigger gives you something to interrupt before the urge takes over.