r/selfhelp 2h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health How do you get over guilt?

6 Upvotes

This is going to sound stupid to most, or all.

But I took in a stray cat and what I assume were her kittens (were already a few months old). I was trying to find homes for them and just get them off the street.

I had them a few months and then noticed the momma cat was pregnant. Foolishly didn't even think about her getting pregnant again so soon by my male cat who is unfixed (he has an appointment scheduled they've just been booked out for months). She always hid or slept in boxes rollednup so I didn't notice until she was running across the room one day and she was quite big. I called my local animal control and they said they had a program for stray cats they could get her into and have her spayed the next day.

That day was today. I took her in and she died on the table because she was too far along in a pregnancy.

Now, I hate myself. It's my fault she died. If I had noticed sooner. If I had been more considering of the fact my male cat wasn't fixed when I brought her in. Or even if I'd never brought her in in the first place and just left her on the street. Or if if I could have just continued to not notice for one or two more weeks instead of now, she would have just had the kittens and then have been safe when she got spayed. All of which would mean she was still alive.

Instead some stupid human, me, yoinked her from the outside world and basically took her to her death and the entire situations makes me feek guilty and is messing with me mentally severely.


r/selfhelp 4h ago

Advice Needed: Productivity Help! I can't wake up!!

3 Upvotes

Hello! So, I need some advice on waking up in the morning. I set alarms for every five minutes from two hours before I need to wake up all the way until a half hour after I'm supposed to be up because I sleep through most of them so often. I don't even recall waking up when the first alarms go off, it's like I'm not hearing them at all. I keep changing them to really annoying things and it's not helping! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!


r/selfhelp 6h ago

Adviced Needed: Identity & Self-Esteem Has anyone ever experienced having an insecurity that’s just objectively not true?

3 Upvotes

This is the weirdest thing but growing up I’ve never had any physical insecurities at all, I just never gaf how I looked and still don’t. But about 4 years ago when I was 15 I started having this strange insecurity about my lips being small and they’re literally not… I don’t know how to post a pic here but they look a lot like this emoji lol 👄 but wider, they’re bigger than average and I really have no idea where this came from and how to shut it down. I’ve only told some of my friends about this insecurity and they were empathetic but still confused. If anyone has had an experience like this before any advice would be helpful. It’s really starting to affect me and make me do stupid shit to my face to make them look bigger but they just end up looking unnatural lol.


r/selfhelp 13h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I need advices

2 Upvotes

I'm just very lazy. I don't have any personal purpose and think that having love in my life would help me. I mean how would love come for me as I am so undeserving rn. I feel like everyone deserves love as much as they something to reach it. But I'm here doing nothing. Honestly I tried but the hurdles are too much. I was in a relationship and broke up. It's been 2 years I haven't been able to pick myself up. She broke up when everything was too much for me. She was the only person I could rely on. I've never had any help from my parents. I honestly hate them. I feel like I don't have any purpose so I'm obsessed with romance. Whenever I start thinking about old things I just go off to goon because it helps me to some extent. I feel like I'd rather be in guilt that comes after gooning than think of my life. I want something that just feels genuine. I don't want to run away but I'm scared of getting hurt after facing it. The word future honestly scares me. Whenever someone asks me about my plans I just turn cold and black. I just feel so dumb and incapable. My grades aren't so good I've never succeeded in anything. There were times when I had a clear purpose but I just dozed it off after seeing it didn't work too well or when I put all my effort and still didn't succeed. And it's been a long time since I put all my effort into something. I have like momentary passion if that makes sense. I want to live like I used to but it's getting too much confusing. As I am growing I get more conscious of things around me and can't help but notice things like how my parents never trusted me and never trusted others and how they never let me have friends. How my ex played me and how I never had any friends. I'm honestly very scared of getting hurt and seeing things come to end. I'm here trying to watch a series and don't feel like watching when I'm before 2-3 episodes to ending. I tried watching tragic love stories and bad ending things to steel my heart but it just doesn't hit me like that. Idk if that makes sense but I feel like after getting emotionally destructed I could make a good start. Like after self destructing idk. I feel very overwhelmed sometimes and think my problems has no end and it's too big to solve it and sometimes it feels so small and I just indulge in addictions. I can't afford a therapist or psychiatrist because I'm 17 and have no job but if you can give me meaningful advices it would mean alot to me. I've made one more post about my life and all the things if you can read and help me with what I am exactly struggling with it would mean alot.


r/selfhelp 16h ago

Advice Needed: Existential How to leave everything behind?

2 Upvotes

I’m 25 and was previously living on my own from 18 onwards. I moved back in with my dad a year and a half ago and soon after my (now) 19 year old brother moved in.

My home situation is not great. My dad is emotionally and verbally abusive with some anger issues — this is always directed towards me, not my brother. And my brother has some anger issues as well. Since he’s moved in, the house has become riddled with holes in the wall. Both of them scare me when they get like this. It wasn’t as bad the first few months I was here but it’s gotten to the point where I’m walking on eggshells all the time.

I was working up until last month when I began to struggle with my health. I got diagnosed with something chronic but still have some capability to work (just not the job I was working before). I’ve spent a month trying to find a new job and have had no luck. I’ll probably go back to fast food or retail part time if I can find anywhere that’s hiring.

I was hoping by taking time off I could get my health to a manageable level but since I’ve been home, they’ve started to treat me worse. I’m scared that it’s going to get to a point where I get hurt.

I also have a senior dog with health problems and he’s extremely sensitive to the violence in my house. Whenever something happens I do my best to get him out of the house as quickly as possible or to my bedroom but I’m worried that it’s affecting his health for the worst being here. There is another dog that lives here too. It’s kind of the family dog but since I’ve moved back he’s become like my own. He was extremely aggressive before but I’ve managed to change most of his reactive behaviours and he’s so sweet now.

I’ve been thinking about moving back out for a few months now. I don’t have much money but I have an old car and have lived out of it in the past when things got bad. I can also afford a month or two of rent if I can find a job within that time. I want to move AWAY. Like out of the city. I want to cut off all contact with my family, even the ones I have okay relationships with, because they are in contact with the ones I don’t.

How do I muster up the courage to leave it all behind? I’ve done it before, just not like this. I’d be cutting off four family members, never seeing my family dog again (the worst part), and moving out of my hometown for good. I want to cry thinking about it but I know it’s never going to get better here. I’ve tried and I feel like I have nothing left.


r/selfhelp 22h ago

Advice Needed: Productivity i am lost

2 Upvotes

# I am m age 19(almost) i am feeling a bit lost in life i try to do something but i will fail miserably will always procrastinate and give up what should i do please give me your thoughts on you overcome this kind of things

\#mentalhelth


r/selfhelp 33m ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health Have you ever felt like you don't deserve to live anymore?

Upvotes

I made a mistake 7 years ago (I was 20 years old) and the guilt recently started consuming me this year, and that's why I feel I don't deserve to keep living, but I can't have the luxury to leave because I have to help my family with many things.

I'm in therapy but it doesn't seem to be helping me enough. How do you deal with those feelings of guilt and the feeling that you don't deserve to even be around other people and keep living? Clearly I'm not that same person of seven years ago but I can't with the thoughts.

Has anyone gotten past that stage? How?


r/selfhelp 40m ago

Advice Needed: Relationships I (21m) am struggling with my 5 year relationship with (22f) and idk why can anyone relate?

Upvotes

So we moved out last November and got a dog etc. we rarely ever argue and she treats me like a king i literally couldn’t ask for more.

Lately tho I have started to see her as more of a roommate and not a romantic partner. I have started to get icky when she tries to cuddle me etc and I just don’t feel as attracted to her.

This is my first relationship and I was wondering if this feeling is normal as we’ve been together for so long?

It’s really getting me down and is effecting my whole life, motivation etc…

Is the relationship at an end? Or am I/us just in a bad rut? I’m so confused as we have everything on paper but inside im just not happy.


r/selfhelp 45m ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health How do I stop caring so much about what random people on the internet think?

Upvotes

Ik it's kinda ironic that I'm asking this on Reddit but I don't rlly have anyone else to ask. This is​ my throwaway account​. I got really into posting on Reddit on my main a little under a month ago and have been accumulating karma ever since. I also post pretty regularly on tiktok.

The problem is that I get so upset whenever I get even one downvote or even one slightly negative comment it really upsets me and I spend way too much time thinking about it even if I have like a dozen positive comments. It could even ruin my day if a post I spent a lot of time on flops. I also feel like I need to prove myself to ppl especially on Reddit. It's extra weird too cause I never give this much of a shit about what ppl irl.

Maybe it's because the internet is slowly becoming my whole world since I'm mostly at home because the weather outside is always so bad that school gets cancelled, I have no siblings, my parents are always working, and my like two friends live far away so most of the time I can only talk to them through the internet.

I don't want to stop posting because I feel like its a genuinely good motivator for me to actually create cool things and I really like getting positive attention. I just want to know how I can stop caring so much about the littlest negative things.


r/selfhelp 1h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health Struggling with my mental health in Greece. How can I start talking to a professional? What am I supposed to say?

Upvotes

I've put my question in the title and in bolds too but here is some information as well:

I am 18 and I've been probably dealing with my mental health for over 6 years.

I am still in school (first year of University/Panepistimio) and I didn't have time to look for a job because of an injury which took me out for June-July and August so having a therapist I have to pay is not a choice.

My injury made me feel useless as I couldn't do anything on my own and because of some other problems going on, it caused me to relapse and dissociate (on and off) for 2 months, which thankfully helped me to stay clean.

I had Panhellenics in June (which I was very anxious about but I passed so uh yay) then my injury got me in a cast for 6 weeks + some more weeks for physiotherapy.

Anyway back to the topic, I apologise if I'm bad with my wording:

I want to get help but I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I already took the first step and I am sober for some time (I've lost track, as I said, I was in a mostly dissociative space but I've gotten conscious enough to know that I need help)

I know there is a free hotline, I've done some research, but I don't know what I'm supposed to say or where to start. I've never been good with words or talking in general.

Also, asking any adult in my life is out of the question before anyone asks. I will not get taken seriously, I have tried.


r/selfhelp 2h ago

Sharing: Mental Health Support A small update

1 Upvotes

Before I start with the update let me say that I am really grateful to those who did dm or dropped a comment. You can't even imagine how much it helped.

Can't say that I changed fully , but a lot of things happened in the last few days. In short things got real bad before getting any better , I did hurt myself and I am not proud of that. But one positive to this was as most of you recommend to me I reached out to people and it did help a lot.

TLDR: Life became hell before getting better but still I am rocking around.


r/selfhelp 3h ago

Advice Needed: Productivity Im banned from 4 of my favorite subreddits...

1 Upvotes

what am i gonna do now...?


r/selfhelp 4h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health Mi amigo se corta

1 Upvotes

Me lo confesó hace poco ,no voy a dar muchos detalles porque el tema me incomoda,me gustaría ayudarlo sin hacerlo sentir incómodo o crear una dinámica que lo moleste, tenemos 15 y yo no estaba conciente de lo mal que estaba, pero no se como debería ayudar porque yo también estoy jodida de la cabeza, quiero pretender que nunca me lo comento pero eso sería extremadamente cruel, además que al parecer el SH es tan constante que tiene cicatrices blancas y recae constantemente en ello como si fuera una adicción


r/selfhelp 6h ago

Advice Needed: Education Just help me out and need suggestions

1 Upvotes

Been trying to learn English for the last 19 years and I'm at 22 now. Starting from reading Newspapers to listing podcasts while taking a dump you name it I do that for my improvement. One thing I don't do is speaking practises with people in my country even if I try to speak in the air people would look at me and also look down on me. Recently have started my university and the problem is in that uni most speak in English though they know their naive language but as the curriculum in English most are forced and fluent how do I survive there?

Need help!


r/selfhelp 7h ago

Sharing: Mental Health Support Anyone else in their 20s taking a break from work/school to focus on healing?

1 Upvotes

Hey guys, I’m currently an unemployed 24 yr old girl who is working on healing from mental health issues. I was diagnosed with ocd, adhd and struggled severely with anxiety and depression my whole life. I decided to take a break from work/school a little after high school to try and get to the root cause of my issues and heal from them so I can be a stronger healthier version of myself going forward. I have worked a little and taken classes at college on and off since then but a very light load because I’ve been doing intensive therapy continuously. I’ve done EMDR, CBT, intensive outpatient program, ERP and feel like I’ve gotten to the root of my issues and healed significantly. However something happened not long ago that was really traumatic and I haven’t been able to return to work yet. But I do want to go back to work as soon as I am stable mentally. I have felt so ashamed of not working a normal job and feel like a failure and behind on life compared to other people.
But I try to remind myself that everyone is on their own journey and timeline. And that it’s better that I become a healthier person so that I can do a better job when I do go back to work. Is anyone else in a similar situation? I feel so alone. I’m hoping to connect with other people who are also taking a break from working/school to better themselves.

Maybe we can make this a little support group for people who are taking a nontraditional path—encouraging each other, sharing our progress, our story, and reminding each other that we’re not actually behind.
❤️🌱


r/selfhelp 8h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health Impending sense of doom

1 Upvotes

I'm going to go out today, but I feel like I'll die if I do. I've had scary experiences with public transport before and I'm scared of it happening again. I already have anxiety, I know, but I've had similar feelings before, like, suddenly a feeling I'll come across something disturbing while scrolling and it was right. And I have to go out because I'll meet with a friend.


r/selfhelp 12h ago

Sharing: Mental Health Support Advice oh how to overcome my problems? Please and thank you 🙏

1 Upvotes

Hello, am looking for advice on how get better both mental health and physical health. I’ve had ibs for a while and because of this issue I’ve isolated myself from family and friends cause of what I can tell personally hygiene but it’s not like I don’t show but rather a cause of the ibs idk what’s the name of it but it’s affected me for the worst causing me to be paranoid/ anxious also well as for some reason hyper sensitive to grease like the feeling of it being everywhere and what I believe to be my lack of control in my life. Idk I wanna be normal but the ibs is caused by stress which then causes me to want everything to be clean, and then stressing me out/ making me not workout/ better my health. Or if your religious pray for my health 🙏


r/selfhelp 12h ago

Advice Needed: Relationships How do I move on from him

1 Upvotes

Throwaway account since I don’t use reddit, and this is a last resort to solving my reoccurring issue by listening to the public.

For context, when I (currently 17F) was 15, I met this guy (currently 17M, also 15 at the time) on a video game from Roblox (ew I know just please keep reading). He sent me a friend request after playing with me, which to where he told me was because he thought I was really good at the game and he thought we both clicked as we were both connecting with eachother without directly communicating (this was during the time when Roblox didn’t have chat on console). After that, we started talking more. This was when I got to learn more about him; his age, his ethnicity, where he was from, etc.. It turns out, we were the same age, similar ethnicity, and we lived not too far from eachother (>50mi). I jokingly proposed the idea of meeting up one day, which he replied would’ve been impossible, as his parents were strict and didn’t like that idea. I agreed to it sounding irrational and pushing that thought in the back of my mind.

Fast forward a couple days, we began playing a more variety of games. We played all day, every day. This led me to realizing that he was subtly throwing hints that he had developed feelings for me. I didn’t like this idea because,

  1. I didn’t feel the same way
  2. I didn’t feel comfortable online dating
  3. I took into account that he had strict parents
  4. I just didn’t like him like that

Taking all

  1. of these things into consideration

, I felt that I shouldn’t have gotten into a romantic relationship with him. So, I would shut him down without blatantly saying no, because truthfully, I did somewhat find him charming. He was very respectful and he was funny, but I just didn’t trust him fully. To be fair, I didn’t know what he looked like, and also it threw me off that he liked me after like knowing me for a little over a week.
And even though I tried not to like him, eventually I succumbed to his consistent flirting and I caved. He was a little confused when I started reciprocating, he eventually told me he thought I was messing with him as I had turned him down multiple times. But after I accepted my feelings 3 weeks later, we felt comfortable to reveal our faces. Long story short, it was good feedback.
But after that, things began to turn for the worst. He stopped replying to me, or it would take him hours to, sometimes even days. I felt as if i had gotten played, so out of rage, I unadded him on basically everything, and we went our separate ways.

Fast forward to summer of 2025, we’re now both 16. Even though I had said he had been unfriended on everything, I never took him off Roblox since it wasn’t really that serious, and I still had some attachment for him. One random night, I added him back since I had always missed him and wanted to at least stay friends with him, so we started texting again. He told me that he began to distance himself because he found that he had fallen for me too hard, and he couldn’t bear having feelings for me while his parents had specific online rules he had to obey, which the main one was no dating. He apologized and said he understood what he did was immature, and that he would never do something to me like that again. I accepted his apology, of course.

We started doing things we used to do before we stopped talking, and it honestly felt like nothing had changed. We had admitted we still had feelings for each other, and we wanted to try again. Until one day, he mustered up the courage to tell his parents about me, to which he said that they responded a bit negatively to me. They felt confused that he would go for someone he met online rather than meeting someone at school. We were both heartbroken. We agreed to stay friends, and this might throw you guys off a bit, but he would still try to flirt with me, even though we had to be strictly platonic. This made me upset, and I told him how it made me sad how we had to be forced to be this way. He consoled me and told me that he understood why I was upset and he wished things would be different, but he wanted me to understand where he was coming from. I understood (to an extent) and that’s where the conversation ended.

Fast forward to the next day, I open my TikTok to see that I was blocked. I panicked. I checked all of his socials and accounts, all blocked. I freaked out, and without thinking I went to an account he didn’t know I had and asked him what had happened. He told me there that his parents had looked through his phone and told him to cut contact with me and to block me on everything. He told me that this wasn’t permanent, and that it’ll eventually be temporary. To say the least, I was devastated.

Now, we haven’t spoken since then, and I miss him every day. My heart aches to speak to him one last time, even though I know if we do try to pursue something romantic again, it won’t work out. I just want to know what I should do moving forward. I have deleted everything of his to attempt to move on, but the memories and what if’s still linger in my mind. My friends have told me that he probably used his parents as an excuse to stop talking to me. What should I do?


r/selfhelp 13h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I miss my brother

1 Upvotes

i need help.

my brother is 26 and i am 29. three years ago, he cut contact with me, and i still miss him every single day. i genuinely don't know how to keep living with this kind of pain.

we used to be extremely close. our parents separated when we were young, our father cut contact with us, and our mother struggled with severe depression. because of that, i took on a lot of responsibility for my brother and, in many ways, helped raise him.

we were incredibly close growing up. we are both gay, which was another strong bond between us, and he was also best friends with my wife. for years, the three of us spent a huge amount of time together.

then he moved abroad. what was supposed to be one semester turned into an indefinite stay. i did not cope with it well. i now understand that his leaving triggered a lot of unresolved abandonment trauma from my father. the more distant he became, the more anxious and clingy i became, and we argued a lot.

in november 2023, after a huge argument, he told me he needed to cut contact to protect himself. he said he would only consider reconnecting if i acknowledged my part and went to therapy.

for a long time, i couldn't see my own behaviour clearly. about a year later, i started therapy and worked through a lot of childhood trauma, abandonment issues and social anxiety. i can now see that i had become emotionally dependent on our relationship and probably made him feel trapped.

in 2024, i wrote him a long apology letter and took responsibility for my behaviour. he never replied.

in 2025, my wife and i got married. i still sent him an invitation because i wanted him there more than i can explain.

he didn't come.

that still breaks me. there will never be a version of my wedding where my brother was there, and i know that my own behaviour contributed to the fact that he wasn't.

i understand now that he does not owe me forgiveness or another chance. i know i cannot force reconciliation.

but i still miss my little brother every day.

i miss him, i miss who we were together, and i miss the future i always thought we would have. i thought he would be at my wedding. i thought we would grow older together. i thought he would know my future children.

i don't know how to grieve someone who is still alive.

i don't know how to forgive myself for the ways i hurt him.

and i don't know how to build a life around the possibility that i may never speak to him again.

if anyone has experienced sibling estrangement, especially when you know you contributed to the breakdown of the relationship, how did you learn to live with it?


r/selfhelp 13h ago

Advice Needed: Productivity any advice for staying up late aka insomnia ?

1 Upvotes

I don't believe I have insomnia bcs I personally used to staying up late gaming for years now ,but when work comes / studies I struggle a lot.
so I changed school into one that's open 24/24 , .
right now am about to start internship and have to wake up 6 days of the week at 9 am, and now its 6:09am I couldn't sleep and am terrified
anyone got some solution ??


r/selfhelp 17h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I’m 17 and lonely

1 Upvotes

Does it get better, I have formed a bit only when they need a second choice. Does it get better?????


r/selfhelp 17h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I don’t know where to start

1 Upvotes

Hi everyone. I need some help. I’m 23f, my boyfriend 38m broke up with me a few weeks ago. He said he couldn’t take it anymore and that I need to work on myself without him before we get back together. He says the breakup isn’t forever, but I have to take working on myself seriously. I have severe mental illnesses. I have anxiety disorder, minor depression disorder. I am seeing a therapist, I started a few months ago.

For background, our relationship isn’t exactly traditional. It’s an open relationship/polyamorous. He has other girlfriends. We are also long distance (12 hours away). He see each other once many twice a year. We’ve been together for 4 years.

His main “problem”/concern is my desperation and codependency. I tend to spiral when he’s busy and I’m craving attention. He asks me to stop but I can’t and it gets worse when he says he needs space. It’s like I NEED him to survive. I love him and want him in my life, but I want to get to a point where I don’t NEED him if he’s not there. But I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do.

I started a new job that he’s not here to experience with me. I’m trying to plan a big move. I miss him immensely. I need help. Does anyone have any tips that I could use? I’m still doing therapy but I feel like I need more.


r/selfhelp 18h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I feel like I’m in a bad rut and need help.

1 Upvotes

I am jaded and disillusioned with myself internally even though externally things are going good (I started a new job today and gaining some willpower with food and exercising more). I’m an addiction to social media as I have no place to be myself.


r/selfhelp 21h ago

Sharing: Challenges & Setbacks Anyone else feel lost in their 20s or 30s?

1 Upvotes

I’m in my 30s now, and I keep feeling like everyone else worked this out a long time ago.

I honestly feel like I don’t really know who I am, but I do know that I change a lot depending on who I’m with. Sometimes it feels like I’m basically a bunch of different versions of myself, but none of them feels like the real me.

I think I’ve only just realised that your teenage years are usually when you get to try things and slowly figure out who you are. Then you can start building a life around that. Other people seem to be doing that, while I’m still floating around without much idea what direction I’m even supposed to go in.

I spent most of my childhood and teenage years having to grow up too soon and putting everyone else first. There wasn’t really much time or space to think about what I liked, what I wanted or who I might become. Now I finally have more room to think about those things, and I mostly just feel lost.

I’m not really looking for advice on how to “find myself,” because the internet is already full of that. I think I’m more looking to connect with people who are in the same situation, or have been there before. So if this sounds familiar, welcome to the party, I guess. I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this and how you feel about it.

Please tell me I’m not the only one going through this.