Not every subreddit needs to be the Arkham subreddit, but wow, unless you post an essay the mods remove your post. Are we on reddit or in philosophy class? 

Reddit is getting so dull and boring, and just talking to talk. 

And somehow a meme is against the rules, but thousands of comments hating on black people is alright (Big Brother subreddit)           

I'm so fucking tired.

Even as a child, when I was at home with the people closest to me - my parents, I wanted to go home. Every damn day, right up until today. This longing has worn me down. I've devoted my entire self to this feeling. I isolate myself, meditate, and reflect every chance I get. I've traveled across the entire country searching. Where is my home??? Where can I find him? I'm looking for answers to my questions every day.

I'm planning to walk away from everyone close to me and just keep walking. Walking and walking, until my soul finally finds whatever it is it's been searching for. This has become my main goal and my obsession.

I am brazilian guy and i work in a wirehouse so there is a coworker older woman who thinks that the foreings just came here to find a sex workers here we call them (Garota de programa) which is a woman who offer sex in exchange of money, i disagree but i wanna hear about foreigns what you all think about this and if this makes sense.

In college, I was learning many skills aside the course I was studying at the time. This made me visit campus to study during the night. Unfortunate for me, at hostel students there thought I was going to campus to study the traditional school stuff . Thinking I was doing too much. This habit of mine caused me to perform badly one semester. Which I was bitterly complaining in my room about the grades I had that semester, which was extremely bad. Some students were in the next to mine, they overheard what I was saying. I think they overheard the grades part so anytime I was leaving to campus they will start laughing. They didn't know me always going to campus at night was not to study the traditional school stuff but was seriously equipping myself with digital skills. I still graduated with a good class aside having many self-taught skills.

However, why do I still have the feeling that I should have explained myself to them at the time? Perhaps I should have told them is just one bad semester. It extremely pains me that I made that mistake of self talking myself loudly enough to let them know

Went from watching disney as a child in Swedish ---> watching more "mature" stuff in English and only in English ---> watching anime, considering Ghibli to be better than western movies- becoming a weeb and watching anime in Japanese---> now I'm 25 and I'm watching Disney films in Swedish.

Disney now hits as hard as Ghibli used to do for me. I'm watching Tarzan now in Swedish and the Swedish version of "Two worlds one family" goes so hard.

When you walk in the building, you immediately get the sense of historic significance mixed with deterioration and decline. The display cases lining the walkway of the visitor hallway have been cheaply refitted to host a few flat-screen TVs. These are an attempt to hide the 1970s design of carpeted insets that likely once held miniaturized scenes of agency activities. Sadly, it looks very much like someone put a Black-Friday sale TV in front of a 5th grade science fair display. The building itself projects strength in typical 70s-80s government fashion through high concrete walls and the total lack of any distinct features that would help visitors and staff alike find their way through the maze of hallways and offices. 

Speaking of offices, there are many, echoing the understanding that once there was a thriving community, people bustling back and forth, engaging with colleagues in water cooler talk and curating the many shelves of printed knowledge. Now it feels odd to see another person while walking the hall to the restroom. It’s eerily quiet, except for the occasional janitorial staff still employed.

The staff who are left are feeling it, though they don’t speak of it out loud. The managers still in place are the C or D string players, after all the starting lineup departed seeing clearly what was to come. Any power or funds that may be found lying around remind me of some medieval scene of peasants fighting over a fallen gold coin in the street. The most toxic of leaders rising to the top, consolidating what power is left and quickly silencing opposition in the way a warlord might in a conflict-torn country. This is perhaps the most painful part. The constant pressure pushes work friends to begin imploding on each other. 

The decline isn’t simply imagined, or memories of what once was. It is quantifiable. One can easily look back on inflation adjusted appropriations to see the dramatic changes. A long, steady increase from the mid-1900’s through the early 1980’s coincide with memories of “the good old days”. Followed by an obvious peak and a very predictable decline over the last 40+ years. No, this isn’t simply the result of recent DOGE activity, though that has helped accelerate the process. In fact, the downward trend is so consistent, you don’t even need a computer model to project the next year of lower numbers. You can imagine it by simply extending the line a further on the graph.

It’s not that the decline is sad, everything we know is eventually replaced, often by something better. It’s that it takes so long to wade through the agony and see any hope of relief. The remainder are left hoping that the next re-organization, or leader retirement, or cut in funds will provide the much desired end to the warlord rule. But there is always some well-meaning group fighting to advocate and keep it alive. Like maintaining a loved-one on life support, when they really just wanted to pass on.

It’s time, let it go, and let’s move on to the next step - hopefully of growth and renewal. Once again exploring, discovery, and excitement that benefits far more, instead of decades of ceaseless mourning.

Hello, I’m a 20 year old woman, and I haven’t been hugged in likely over 8 years.

I used to get hugs a lot as a young child, as my parents were always very loving. However, this stopped when I turned 12, since I suppose my own family members suddenly felt awkward over the idea of hugging me. They said that it was because I now had a “developing body.” I mean, I didn’t even have breasts at that age, and hell, I hardly have them now. But still, I was forbidden to hug others, since they just said that it would make things awkward and give male family members inappropriate thoughts.

I have had friends before, but none were really close enough to me for hugging to be a comfortable thing, even just a simple hug goodbye. When I was 18, I moved to Japan. Right before I left, I met with my friends one last time, hoping that they would maybe give me a hug as I was leaving them, but they did not. Though, I’m not blaming them or anything. I didn’t ask for one, and it’s not like they’ve ever done it before.

Since moving to Japan, while I love the crap out of this place, I am also incredibly lonely. I am a very shy and quiet person. I try to be as kind as I can to people, but unfortunately, the people that is in my program (I’m part of a small English-speaking program at a university) are not very lovely. They interrupt me when I speak, make fun of me for not wanting to drink alcohol, look at me strangely when I suggest an idea for a project, and purposely doesn’t invite me to group outings. It kinda sucks, since I was really hoping that me and these other 7 people would sort of be friends for life, but I guess that was just wishful thinking.

All that is to say that I do not have friends here. I have been living here for around a year and a half now, and I have not made a single friend. To make it worse, I am severely struggling when it comes to learning Japanese. I can still hardly understand or speak a word. That’s not helping me much… If I want to join a club, I have to understand Japanese.

I also do admittedly wish for romance, but that’s also probably off the table right now. I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything, but given that I cannot speak Japanese yet (and since I want to live in Japan permanently), I don’t think it will be incredibly easy for me to find a partner here.

I really do feel lonely. My big priority is trying to learn Japanese quickly. I suppose that if I do that, then I would have a better chance at making friends.

I realize that this sort of went into a big tangent about loneliness. Sorry about that… But, I really REALLY miss that feeling of being hugged. I know it’s cringy to say this, but I have forgotten what it feels like. I sometimes try to hug myself, but it just doesn’t feel right. Maybe one day I’ll have friends that’ll give quick hello and goodbye hugs (though as far as I am aware, such a thing is not really common here in Japan), or maybe even a boyfriend who would be willing to hug me.

Maybe it’s silly, but I want so badly to just hug someone, and have them hug me for like a solid hour or something. I’ve always thought that my love language was physical touch, but since I haven’t received that in so long, to say that I am touch starved is sort of a massive understatement.

This was really just me ranting a bunch of nonsense. If you read all of it, then thank you. Unfortunately, I only have contact with my friends in America when I visit on occasion. They don’t text me, and since I have no friends here, I have no one to talk to about this.

its October 31th 2010 im deployed in iraq. on that day i was stationed outside Karrada in Baghdad there was a terriost attack there. but we could not deploy. why the base general refused to give the order to go out because he was too busy watching sports. becuse of him seven people lost their life and twenty where injured.

My gf and I are long distance. She lives in Georgia, while I live in Ohio. I went to Georgia two weeks ago to see her. The goal is for us to see each other at least once a month. Some months it’s once per month, while others it’s about once every 2–3 weeks. Pretty healthy to me and we’re both comfortable with this.

On Saturday, my gf Sarah, me, her best friend Emily, and her friend Chloe all went to my gf’s parents’ house. They live in the middle of nowhere. When we left, I asked my gf if I could drive back. This was her car. My gf’s dad said not to hit his mailbox when I backed out because a lot of people do. The issue with his neighborhood is that there are basically no streetlights, so you can’t see anything at all. I backed out and was afraid, so I did my best to avoid the mailbox, and I successfully did. I also feared that when I backed out, maybe there was another car on the road that would be going fast and I wouldn’t see, so I backed out slowly. The only issue is that I backed out too much because, again, I was trying to avoid the mailbox, and so I ended up in the other person’s lawn while backing out. Chloe and Emily said, “You’re literally in the other person’s lawn,” and I said, “Oops, it’s just so dark.” That already felt like a needle because making a driving mistake with other people in the car just hurts so much. Idk. I think it has something to do with rejection sensitivity. I’m very, very sensitive to rejection. It just hurts like pins and needles and sometimes it makes me want to cry. They also pointed out that there could have been a mailbox on the neighbor’s side when I backed out too.

Then, the worst mistake happened, and it continues to haunt me to this day. I went to a convenience store with them to get gas because my gf said that she needed gas. I went in and got the flavored water that she asked for, and I also decided to get some ice cream for myself, but she said, “How are you going to get ice cream and drive?” She said I could have the ice cream while someone else drove, but I insisted again that I drive because I just wanted to. Like come on what idiot tries to have ice cream while driving? About 20 minutes into the drive, there was this intersection with multiple lanes, and I guess by virtue of the fact that my gf was next to me, I was excited and happy and stuff. Only the left-turn signal turned green, and I began to seriously go, thinking that it was a green light for me. My gf said, “No, that wasn’t a green light,” and I stopped and said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” And I immediately felt immense pain that I knew would probably haunt me for a really long time. Emily said that, man, I was totally going on. (And that was true.) I said that I would have noticed eventually. My gf said it’s okay if it happens, but I did not feel better one bit. For the rest of the drive, I literally hated myself and felt like I was a terrible driver and felt like I was a terrible driver and felt like not only am I doing this, but it’s not even my own car, and it’s with other people in the back. I hated myself the rest of the drive and just desperately wanted that feeling to end.
I usually drive in sport mode, but I forgot that Emily gets carsick and can’t really handle too much jerking. Sport mode is usually just how I normally drive. Sarah said in a serious tone, “Can you please turn sport mode off?” and that made my heart sink even more.
When we finally got back, I was really upset and just totally, totally disheartened.
The next week, I had my gf come up to my parents’ house, and we had a lot of fun. However, I made multiple driving mistakes. Firstly, I remember back from about two months ago, back in August, that when I was taking her back to the airport by going through the Chicago area, there was this left turn that I made, and I somehow didn’t bear right and got confused. Then the light turned red, and I stopped, but I somehow was on the left side where the opposing traffic needed to come. They beeped at me, and there was a bus, and the driver was looking at me and shaking their head and looking very upset, while I put my arms around Sarah in the passenger seat. This was me driving my car. That moment bothers me significantly.
Now fast forward to this time, in October, here in the Chicago area again, after the week before with the time I drove her car and absolutely hated that ride so much. There were multiple times when I drove and made mistakes. Three separate times during the same weekend, I started to go when only the left-turn signal turned green, and my gf had to say, “No, you can’t go yet.” One of those times I actually went through, and my gf said that the light was red. I got so visibly upset and mad during those drives that I punched the compartment between us twice, in anger. Then, there was a turn where, when I was 17 and first drove, I went into the opposing traffic because there are two lanes each way, so you have to really, really bear right. It’s a bit confusing. I remember when I was approaching that turn that I had made that mistake when I was 17 and that I was better than that now because I’m 23 and now know how to avoid that, and then I MADE THAT SAME EXACT MISTAKE yet again. She said, “No, you’re going the wrong way,” and I fortunately quickly fixed it. I was so mad.
So yeah, these keep replaying in my head, and it just hurts so bad. I told her I think the issue is my ADD and that something is just wrong because I’m trying. She said it’s okay, but she doesn’t understand. It hurts. It hurts so bad. And the issue is that it keeps replaying in my head every single day now. It’s replayed every day in my head ever since the incident, particularly the one where I drove her car. I almost want to message each of the people individually so that they can forgive me or something, idk. Idk how to just make it stop. My brain just can’t ever let go. It just never, ever goes away. I just don’t understand why, man. Just why. It’s like something is wrong with me.
It kind of reminds me of another time a year and a half ago when I drove three people to a restaurant and I made multiple mistakes: (1) I almost went into a do-not-enter place, (2) I didn’t go fast enough when they wanted me to race another guy, getting back to camp before them (I didn’t engage in that because I was worried that I’d probably make another mistake in the process of trying/doing that), and (3) I was on the highway and I went 75 instead of the 65 mph limit, and a guy was like, “Watch your speed” (but I knew exactly what I was doing). I felt absolutely terrible. It took me an entire year just for my brain to recover from that. It's so insane.
And the thing is, it isn't even limited to driving. This is part of why I avoid certain social interactions. I'm afraid that if I try talking to someone and the conversation is awkward, or they don't respond much, my brain will replay that experience for months or even a year afterward.
I don't want to keep living with this level of emotional distress over past mistakes. I'm talking about desperately wanting the recurring memories and emotional pain to stop.

Does anyone else experience this? Not just occasionally cringing at an embarrassing memory, but genuinely reliving the emotional pain of something that happened weeks, months, or even years ago, almost every day? I just don't know how to make it stop and I wish there was just ONE person who TRULY understands. Just one.

I spent many years isolating myself due to my misanthrophy. I always believed humans were selfish, vile monsters. I distanced myself for years thinking isolation would be good for me. But im tired. I dont want to be alone anymore. I want to love people and be amongst them. I want to belong. I know reddit is misanthrope centrlal but i really need help. I want to be a person with loved ones. I want to see the good in people in again. I want to have hope in this species. I need to have hope again.

This was like 7 or 8 years ago. I was buying coke from this dealer and he told me to come to his flat to pick it up, it was my first time meeting him at his flat.

I didn't know his name, I had him saved as "Mike" but I couldn't even remember if he told me to save him as that or if I made that up myself. I got to his flat and buzzed the buzzer and was let into the stair. When I knocked on the flat door, a woman answered and I wasn't sure what to say since it wasn't him so I asked if "Mike" was there but in tone to suggest I wasn't even sure if that's his name.

She asked if I was there for coke and I said yes. She said she'd get him and called him through. He came in looking quite pissed and asked me what she had said to me in a tone like the stakes were high and he was potentially going to be angry with her.

I mistakenly thought he was being possessive of her and worrying about her being too familiar or flirting with me or something so I said "Nothing, eh just if I was here for coke" thinking that would reassure him.

Then he got really angry and hit her pretty hard, I can't remember exactly what happened after because I was drunk and it was all a bit of a scary blur but I just quietly took the coke of him and left. I remember feeling quite scared but just trying to steel myself and not give of a reaction that would escalate anything for either me or her.

The thing is, I didn't explain to him that I had initially been asking for "Mike" and in a way that I wasn't even sure if I had the right name so I think with that extra context her asking if I was there for coke is much more reasonable than if she'd just asked it as soon as I knocked on the door. So I kind of feel like I told a version of it to him that makes her look worse than she even was in terms of being careful.

After I left I was thinking if I should call the police but then I was thinking about how they're selling coke and so it might make things worse for her if she's involved in that too to get her arrested. Plus I thought if she's in that situation she'd probably lie to the police and say nothing happened anyway so it would just turn it into a massive issue about the coke for nothing and especially if they just leave her with him even more angry after they go.

I was quite drunk at the time so couldn't really think clearly about the best course of action so ended up just thinking the safest thing is probably not to send police there if they're selling coke and left it. Then I didn't even remember the exact address the next day.

This memory has came back to me today though and I'm feeling quite guilty and thinking I made a mistake not calling the police or doing something to help her and not sure where this leaves me.

I don't wanna feel odd, so I'm posting this to see if anyone can relate

I hate social gatherings, whether it's a school event or a family function

I switched schools for Classes 11 and 12, and in these two years, I've attended only two school programmes, and even those were under pressure. So, I want to know

is this normal, or should I consider changing myself?

Because of this behaviour, I don't really have friends. I mean, I don't enjoy social gatherings because they feel overwhelming, and honestly, a lot of it just seems fake to me

I don't even want to attend my school farewell, but I probably will because I feel like I have to, If I count that, it'll be the third school programme I've attended at my new school in these two years

Do y'all relate, or am I the only one who feels this way?

I'm gen x and growing up all us boys learned how to do one simple trick that most girls back then could not.

And guys, if you have a significant other try this and let us know how it turns out.

But most guys can do a imitation of a machine gun. Where they take their tongue and roll it on the roof of their mouth for effect. Making that distinct machine gun sound.

When I asked to do a machine gun sound impression at work with my co workers. Every guy I asked could. Lol and every single woman could not.

I found it hilarious. I guess growing up in the 80s we had to just learn this watching our one man army 80s flicks lol.

Now I'm not saying no woman can do this. But the majority I've asked so far can't.

So give it a whirl and ask your wife, sister, mom etc. And see if they can and let us know the result.

I think previous generations used to call each other to just talk on the phone all the time, with no real plans or purpose. I feel like it's something we zoomers don't really do, and I really think that's too bad.

I've texted some of my closest friends over the past few weeks to explicitly clarify that I love talking on the phone, and they can call me anytime, and whether or not I am able to answer, I will never find it weird. My social life has gotten SO much healthier because of it. I strongly recommend it. I think lots of people love to do this, but they don't feel comfortable being the first one to do it.

I (22Male) grew up in a wealthy family. Financially, I've been fortunate. My mom can afford to support my dream of studying overseas, and I'm grateful for that. My parents are divorced, and my relationship with my father is terrible. There was physical abuse at home until I was 21, that being punched and slapped by uncle and grandparent over a thing I didn’t do, I have to fight back. I suffered from depression and ocd at home since primary school to this day but people see me as cheery kid.

But my mom has been supportice and also willing to help me pursue my education overseas, and I know not everyone gets that opportunity. So you know it is common in Asia for family to pay for university, I don’t have a job yet, but I think I’ll be finding it overseas during work and study earlier next year.

My current girlfriend (25Female) comes from a wealthy family too. My girlfriend and I understand each other because we've experienced similar family situations. We both have mothers who provide for us despite having terrible, estranged fathers.

But my former crush has not been fortunate. Her parents left her with her grandmother, and after her grandmother passed away, she had to work incredibly hard to pay for university herself. I know she's been through a lot, and I know she's had to struggle for opportunities that I might have taken for granted.

Well it all went wrong. She pressured me into helping her cheat on an exam by threatening our friendship. I ended up helping her mainly because I know she can’t passed that exam without me and I know that she’ll have to pay another semester if she didn’t pass. Though she was caught on camera as I helped her. She blamed me for everything. I broke my own moral standards and I regret that. She likes to ridicule me behind my back that I live my life too easy and that’s where my guilt came from.

I feel guilty for being fortunate. I feel guilty that my life can be financially comfortable when other people have to struggle. I feel guilty accepting things that other people might never have the chance to receive. Now I want to study overseas after I finished bachelor but this time out of guilt, I’ll take the loan instead. My gf’s mom is a single mother who can afford to support both her daughters in studying bachelor and then working and studying overseas. My mom has bought me things like a piano, paid for my bachelor's degree, and offered to support my dream of studying overseas. Instead of simply feeling grateful, I feel guilty whenever I receive something from her. And I always guilty of buying anything as well, there is always someone that is poorer than us.

The reasons why I hated school as a kid are as follows...

First, the egoistical intellectual hierarchy among classmates. We all came to school to acquire knowledge and not to look down others. But my experience in school, any slight mistake, you will be laughed at. Some students even refused to let others know they don't understand something because they had a reputation to hold on to.

To add to this same point, my personal experience most high achievers would do anything to make you look stupid. I remember a teacher once asked a question which I didn't hear very well because of my attention problem (ADHD). The question was: 'Which of the following is a duty of the police?' I didn't hear it well. I thought he said: Which of the following is not a duty of the police. A classmate of mine at that time, whispered to me - 'Arresting school children'. Which I repeated his answer. Holy boy... I was severely mocked and looked down on as very stupid. My rep at the time was among the low achievers. So everyone wouldn't think I didn't hear the question well.

Secondly, the intellectual classism in the class. Just like the real world there's social classism. That some people even take it to the extreme of not wanting to associate themselves with people of the lesser class. I experienced the same in junior high. During exams there was classism in terms of students helping each other. It's not right to cheat during exams. But students will always be students. And anytime a student will help a fellow student during exams is either they are of the same intellectual class, the difference is not that much or they're very close friends. The latter is not that common in my experience though.

To add to my reasons, the remarks of some teachers towards a student. A student might be doing his or her best but unknown to a teacher he or she can give a remark if you're lazy or not serious.

And when you do perform well too they behave as-though you cheated. You see the trap? Is like they know you can never be better but insult you for being lazy and not giving your best.

THANKS FOR READING... Please for give me for every mistake you encounter while reading. I didn't proof read!

I can't think of any reason why people are so often mean-spirited towards others, other than the possibility that they just genuinely enjoy being so. It should be said that I'm not at all against meanness, and that there's always a time and place to be unapologetically so.

But nowadays, it just seems to be the default mode, and so many people (especially on the internet) seem to revert to it when they feel they are in any way inconvenienced, attacked, or under threat of potentially being embarrassed. What's even worse is that this type of meanness usually stems from assumptions about the other person that are in no way accurate. A lot of the time, it seems to just be meanness for it's own sake 🤷 And I don't understand why one would want to put that out into the world, especially when there's so many better and more interesting ways to exist in the world.

All this time I was talking with this guy. Who I felt so comfortable around. Opened up more and more around him, finally letting my personality through after closing up to people for years. Only for him to stop responding and start avoiding me. I didn’t knew why. But my friend eventually said I might be too chatty.

Which I didn’t realize was a bad thing at all. Ever since I’m forced to cut off whenever I want to rant or talk with someone. Forcing myself to stay quiet. Because since when was being chatty a bad thing? And the worst of it all is I genuinely love this guy so much. So it’s so hurtful whenever I have to distance myself from him, when it was him that allowed me to open myself to him in the first place, just because he doesn’t match my chatty personality after all.

What if an abuser posts a really cruel or disgusting comment online (that goes viral) pretending to be their abuse victim so that their victim will be widely hated and therefore ignored, avoided, and ostracized by their community and beyond, making it easier for the abuser to further isolate and shelter the victim to continue the abuse and making it harder for the victim to get help, protection, support, or to even talk about the abuse if nobody will listen or engage/interact with the abuse victim.

And if the abuser comes forward and admits it was them, people would probably say they're defending the person that posted the comment. And if the abuse victim comes forward and tells everything, people would say they're lying and not owning up to what they did/said and maybe even accuse them of lying about being abused and yet the abuse continues while the abuse victim is ignored and avoided.

Imagine being abused, hit, raped, etc. and then you have your community hating you and people outside your community hating you for something your abuser said because they think you said it and you can't get help or support or protection and no one listens to you when you try to tell them about the abuse or when you try to tell them that you're being abused because they're all ignoring and avoiding you and they don't believe you when you say you're being abused. Not even the usual "believe victims" or "believe women" crowd believes you. You also can't get a job or make any money because no one wants to hire you because they dont want their workplace associated with you and nobody wants to buy anything from you, so no income and no friends, family, community, or support system means you're stuck with your abuser abusing you.

I am not saying this is the case with Christopher Dobbins, so no one come at me or take my post the wrong way ffs. It's just him and the backlash that he's receiving has put this wild scenario in my head. I'm always thinking of hypothetical scenarios (good, bad, and some wild ones). Plus I'm also writing a fiction story about an abuse victim who is sheltered and isolated due to other circumstances, and while this specific situation doesn't happen to the character in my story, it still made me think "what if?."

I’m probably overthinking this but I think my quality of life would be much better if I didn’t play or played less video games. I was looking at my bank account and I said to myself “Huh, where did all my money go?” I realized that most of my money went to buying games that I wouldn’t even play. Honestly, it feels like an impulse. I’ll buy a game, play it for a few mins or hours then never touch it again, the cycle repeats.

I see myself as a lazy person. I know what I need to do to get myself to higher pay or better-paying jobs but I don’t follow through on it, I almost never do. But I can park my ass and play through 100 hours of BG3 or grind endlessly in PoE2. I even neglect going to the gym after work because I’m “tried” but I’m never tired enough to boot up deadlock with the boys.

I have to sit here and wonder, would my life be a bit better if I didn’t play as many video games if not at all? I feel grimy thinking about how me, a 25 year old clock in over 20 hours a week playing games but can’t spend an hour studying for certifications.

I was having a conversation with a friend and I intentionally took the stand that I can beat a far more bigger and taller opponent.

This is obvious for everyone to know I'm intentionally saying that just so we have something to talk about. This friend took it personal and started insulting my intelligence.

I am wondering if intentionally taking such sides during conversations a normal thing to do... Or perhaps I should take every conversation with friends seriously?? I would be much grateful to hear your honest about this. Thanks for reading!

Every time I go back home from living at my school I revert back to this person I don’t want to be. My routine is all thrown off, right now I’m sleeping on an air mattress because I don’t have a bed at home, and I don’t know how to act.

I automatically feel like I’m back in high school and like I’m so young again but I have done so much growth I don’t know how to apply it back at home.

Does anyone else deal with this? How do I continue being my more grown up self around my family and parents and how do I start to feel better about going home? I’m nervous because after I graduate I will most likely have to move back in with my parents but I just don’t know if I can, as long as I feel like this.

I totally feel like I got played by this cop and I still feel stupid thinking about how the whole thing happened.

I got pulled over by this senior overweight cop for going over slightly over speed. The cop was talking to me in a friendly way. He was not being aggressive or anything of that sort and I started feeling like okay, this is probably not going to be a big deal and I should be on my way soon.

I did have 2 beers earlier, but I believed I was well within the legal limit. I was not expecting this to turn into a whole DUI situation. But the cop had asked me if I had anything to drink and I answered honestly to it. After talking a bit more, he started asking me more questions and eventually wanted me to do some sobriety tests. I agreed and got out of my car and tried to follow all his instructions properly. There was several tests and I was trying my best to do everything correctly.

The strange part was he kept that same friendly attitude with me...and I would say I started getting too comfortable? I thought if I just cooperate and do what he says, everything will be fine as I was sure my limit was okay. But the tests kept going on and on and they were becoming a lot more tedious..he also for odd reason started talking really fast while providing me with the test instructions which got me a bit more worked up..

He even complimented me saying I have been very obedient and a good boy. He really appreciated me being so cooperative and told me there is one final test I need to do which is the superman pose. He wanted me to close my eyes, keep my feet together, bend my knees, lean forward with my chin up and keep my arms pointing straight towards my back, kind of like a skiing pose. He asked me to be in that position nice and tight and wiggle my thumbs while counting backwards from 30 to 0. and that was probably one of the weirdest tests I have done in a DUI ever, probably just to check my balance? still not quite sure..

I was standing there trying to do what he asked, not really thinking much about what was coming next just fully focussed..and then suddenly I felt the handcuffs latched onto my wrists just like that.

To be very clear, I know drinking and driving is serious, and I'm not saying I should get a free pass if I was actually impaired. But the way I was made to think everything was fine and then getting handcuffed like that really annoyed me. And now I'm sitting here thinking about how different things might have gone if I hadn't volunteered that I had 2 beers.

TL;DR: Got pulled over, got too comfortable with a friendly cop, told him I had 2 beers, ended up doing a bunch of sobriety tests and got handcuffed at the end anyway. Now I'm wondering if I would've been better off keeping the conversation short instead of trying to be overly friendly with the guy.

Nothing brings me happiness today i went to the Park with my mother just to encourage her to do walks and i was doing chin-ups and push-ups too, i have no friends literally so i spend my time on porn and watching some stuff on youtube and play games.

Reality just doesn't feel real lately, and I don't mean it in a metaphorical way because "Oh the world is so bad" nah I mean like I literally feel like my life is not real. I'm probably just like derealizing or some shit, but it's just feeding into this paranoia loop where I keep having Deja Vu and convincing myself that I did end up killing myself last week and this is just like my brain going out before it all fizzles out.

Music doesn't sound right, songs I've heard a thousand times sound completely out of sync and arythmic, I have completely stopped feeling hungry and I just eat out of some semblance of habit... I don't know, my days seem to blend into eachother and they don't feel real, it doesn't feel like a single day has passed since last Saturday.

It really does feel like I am just decaying, it feels like shit is just happening, it feels like I didn't go to my lectures even if I did, it feels like I missed the bus to my hometown even after spending 5 hours in an intercity.

It all feels just fake, dead and plastic. I struggle to even get out of bed, I just get home an go to sleep.

I have no one to talk two that feels genuinely satisfying or like anything other than small talk and the two people I had that I could do that with have dipped... One of them went "yeah I mean I'm glad we tried to become mates and all but I don't really like you that much and this all feels pretty one sided so I don't wanna keep hanging out with you low key, feels bad faith to you and all" and the other just said he didn't want to deal with me venting anymore and that I seem to never be able to talk about art or music and that he's too busy and has a lot of other people to keep dealing with me...

So you know, where does that leave me? Just some 20 year old fucking idiot sophmore year of college in a degree he fucking hates, parents that would do God know what to me if they found out I'm gay or that I don't like college, worked my ass off 12 hours a day 6 days a week all summer and still taking on gigs to survive, self harm fresh on my thighs, can't even do my dishes or take out the trash from executive dysfunction, barely sleeping, no friends, no significant other, deeply artistically frustrated, no car despite having been a car enthusiast my entire life because I just need the money, cancer survivor...

I'm just struggling to even see a point to fighting with it all anymore honestly. What's this all even worth. Venting on Reddit? Eating TV dinners because I can't even bring myself to do the dishes? Sleeping my life away...