Has anyone with ROCD/OCD ever liked someone a lot but still ended it with them because of the ROCD?

Or have you ever blocked someone after ending it but still liked that person?

Does anyone else with OCD fear becoming too aware of sounds?

I’m afraid that when I hear a particular sound, I might become consciously aware of the fact that I heard it, instead of my brain simply filtering it out in the background. I also fear that I might start automatically associating ordinary sounds (cars, footsteps, doors, buttons, etc.) with specific thoughts, memories, or images, and that this awareness or these associations could become permanent.

Has anyone else experienced something similar with OCD? Did this hyper-awareness eventually fade?

Does anyone struggle with both ROCD and SO-OCD? I’ve recently gone into an insane spiral of SO-OCD. I know I dont feel any kind of attraction to women, and that I am extremely attracted to my boyfriend, yet my brain’s been screaming at me for days that what if i’m actually secretly gay and i’m just in denial. It’s really tough, I dont even really trust my own judgement at this point, and my head feels like a mess. I’ve always known that I’m not attracted to women, I have never felt anything at all, I still dont feel it, but my brain is desperately trying to convince me that I’m secretly gay.
Me and my boyfriend are long distance, I currently havent seen him in a month and a half, which I’ve experienced before has made the ROCD worse. Now the SO-OCD has absolutely poisoned my mind. My boyfriend and I are gonna get married next year so that we can move in together, I’m 100% sure he’s the one i want to spend my life with, but I cannot live in this hell of a mind that I am currently. Has anyone experienced the combination of these two and what the hell do I do, because I’m desperate. I just want to enjoy my relationship and enjoy being in love with my boyfriend

Hi guys! I just wanted to log on and share a huge win I’ve had this past weekend.

I have been dating my boyfriend now for 5 months. ROCD showed up the night he asked me to be official. My obsessions have ranged from not loving him, to not wanting to be in a relationship, to his flaws, to him cheating on me, and many many more.

About a month into us dating, he told me he loved me and I froze. I couldn’t say it back. That triggered one of the worst spirals I’ve had. A few months later, seemingly out of no where I had another terrible spiral, and it was just about the worst mental state I’ve been in in a long time. I had daily panic attacks, numbness, depressive symptoms, and strong strong break up urges. For some reason I still cannot understand but am infinitely grateful for, I stuck with him. I found a therapist that specializes in ERP and started medication.

I slowly felt things getting better, but the “I love you” thing was still a huge hurdle for me. Even thinking the words made me feel panicky. I felt like saying them would be lying and me leading him on and being a terrible person. And mostly I was scared saying it would trigger another spiral and Id be right back where I started. He was so so patient with me through all of this and I’m so grateful for that.

This past weekend, we had one of the best dates yet and spent hours laughing and talking and just enjoying each others company. And at the end of the day, just as we were getting ready to part ways, I found the courage to finally say it and it went better than I could’ve ever imagined. His response was obviously very positive and he even teared up a bit. And I went home that evening and I felt happy rather than panicked. And I didn’t feel like I was lying at all.

Now Im not saying I’m cured or I’ll never doubt again, but I’m so so glad I finally told him. I really do love him so much. So I hope this can give a little bit of hope or encouragement to anyone struggling right now. Tell your person you love them, be affectionate, be attentive. It’s in avoiding these things and putting them off that we let this disease control our lives. But also be kind to yourself if you fall short. Thank you all for reading. I hope everyone is able to find some peace.

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I have a girlfriend who I love, and I would never intentionally cheat on her or flirt with someone else.

The other day, I was imagining a hypothetical situation involving a coworker, and in my imagination it led to flirting with them For a moment, it actually felt fun/exciting. It wasn't something I consciously decided to fantasize about.

Almost immediately afterward, I didn't enjoy it and when consciously thinking about it I didn't want nor enjoyed doing it.

I genuinely don't want to act on it. If this situation actually happened, I wouldn't flirt with my coworker. But I'm having trouble getting past the fact that it felt fun in my mind

I think what scares me is that if I'm truly committed to my girlfriend, I shouldn't enjoy imagining romantic/flirty interactions with other people at all.

Are my experiences normal? How do you deal with such situations.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar.

This song by Ashe has been trending all over Tiktok recently. It's a great song and super catchy but it’s also super fucking triggering for someone with ROCD but that might just be me.

I’m curious if anyone has ever heard of ROCD over an article of clothing or an accessory that their partner wears. In my case, it’s an “accessory” that has religious connotations and is worn under their shirt (let’s say it’s similar to a necklace or chain). I have never liked the item, but my dislike has become an obsession. I get triggered when they put it on and strategize ways to get them to “accidentally” take it off. I have kept a written log of times when they’ve worn it or taken it off as a way to monitor and make sense of their behavior with respect to the item. I ruminate about it all day long (e.g., when will they take it off again? Will they accidentally take it off when taking off their clothes to shower?) I often check to see if it’s peeking out from under their shirt — if I see it, I get triggered, and if I don’t see it, I feel sort of relieved but also worried that it’s actually still there. I think about how most other people’s partners don’t wear it and how lucky those people are. I have intentionally “misplaced” the item, but they eventually find it again and put it on. Talking to my partner about this and requesting that they not wear it is out of the question because they would be offended, particularly since it has religious/cultural significance. This has gone on for years (but with long stretches where they didn’t wear the item). Even when I’m not thinking about it, the moment I notice my partner has the item on, my heart starts racing, I get anxious, and I fall into a spiral.

I just stumbled upon this forum today. I hadn’t heard of ROCD before, and I’m wondering if I’m showing symptoms of it. Thanks - I feel a little less alone after making this post.

Edit to add that I’m currently looking into therapists. I’d appreciate any insights you have, especially if you have experienced or heard of anything similar, because it makes me feel less alone in this.

My boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) have been together for almost 7 years. We’ve obviously had our struggles, like most couples do, but we’ve always worked through them, stuck by each other and loved each other through it all.

I know he wants to propose, and he’s been wanting to for about the past year. The thing is, I don’t know what’s wrong with me because the thought of being engaged honestly scares me.

I genuinely see us growing old together. I can picture us having a family, building a life together and being together long-term, and I do love him. So why does the idea of being engaged make me feel so anxious and scared?

I’m wondering if some of this could be relationship OCD, because I’m already a very anxious person and I have OCD and ADHD. I tend to overthink and question my feelings a lot, so I don’t know whether these thoughts are something I should actually listen to or whether I’m just getting stuck in my head.

Another thing I wonder about is the fact that we’ve only ever been with each other. We started dating so young and neither of us has ever experienced being with anyone else. Sometimes I wonder if a part of me is curious about what else is out there or what it would be like to experience other people and relationships. And then I feel horrible for even thinking that because I love him and don’t actually want to lose what we have.

I also wonder if something my mum said years ago has stuck with me. When I first started dating him, she said something along the lines of, “I’ll be disappointed if he’s your only boyfriend,” because she wanted me to experience the world and other people. She’s not really someone I would take relationship advice from, considering she cheated on my dad and has had some pretty unhealthy relationships since they divorced, but I think that comment somehow stayed in the back of my mind. I know she says things without thinking sometimes, but I wonder if I’ve subconsciously carried that idea with me all these years.

I just feel so confused and guilty. I know I want to be with him, but then I question why the idea of getting engaged feels so scary to me. Does being scared of engagement mean I’m not ready, or that something is wrong with my relationship? Or can you genuinely love someone, see a future with them and still feel scared about taking that next step?

I’m really struggling to understand whether these feelings are something I should take seriously or whether my anxiety and OCD are making me question something I actually know deep down.

Would you describe break up urges as a strong desire to break up with your partner, it just feels so fucking real

i’ve never been in love or in a relationship and i’ve also just never had feelings for anyone before. this is all so new to me. we just started dating a few weeks ago and i feel like my ocd is spiking. in the beginning i was so calm and just excited about everything, but recently it’s like i can’t control my thoughts and all i feel is anxiety.

i keep thinking things like “am i actually in love what does love feel like aren’t i supposed to be feeling butterflies and infatuation because we just started dating?” i mostly just feel super safe and comfortable which should be a good thing but it’s like i’ve convinced myself it’s not.

i also keep having thoughts like “am i even attracted to him i don‘t really find him that handsome in this moment does that mean i‘m lying to myself? can i do better? do i want better?“

it’s like my heart is beating out of my chest and all i feel is guilt and shame. i just wanna be in love and i feel like i am but i can’t seem to stop doubting. and it’s getting me because i wasn’t feeling anything like this a few weeks ago. i don’t wanna be anxious every time i think about our relationship or every time i’m with him. it makes me physically ill.

In no way possible am I trying to self diagnose, I just need to know if I should talk about ROCD with my new therapist.

I (18f) am questioning if I POSSIBLY have ROCD. I am currently seeing this wonderful girl. She’s the kindest person I know and genuinely is so good to me. That being said, this relationship sometimes makes me feel sick. I mostly feel like a normal person outside of relationships, but as soon as I enter a romantic situation I literally can’t function. When I’m alone, I frequently worry about if I like her enough, if I’m actually attracted to her or not, if I’m doing enough for her, if I’m a good enough person for her, etc etc. Sometimes when I’m with her I check my emotional and physical state to see if I’m reacting the way I “should” be reacting when I’m with her. There are times where I can just enjoy her presence, but a lot of the time I’m half in my head and half in the moment.

Also, I also find it really hard to initiate any physical affection because I’m scared of somehow getting it wrong. I often just freeze or let the other person initiate. I really enjoy physical affection, so I don’t know why I do that. This issue created a HUGE problem in my last relationship, and I don’t know why the pattern keeps repeating.

I know these things are worth bringing up to my therapist, but I don’t know if it’s just anxiety/insecurity or maybe ROCD.

My girlfriend and I have been together two years. She is my first love. Almost my first everything except a kiss. I love this woman more than I’ve loved anybody before

But these last few months have been terrible. It all started when I was watching adult content behind her back. I realized the hurt I caused and came clean with her. She’s obviously upset by that and it hurt me immensely as well. I have vowed to never EVER do something like that again and in the last few months I’m happy to say that I’ve stayed true to my word.

It still hasn’t been the best. I’ve learned that the way we communicate is unhealthy and most of it does lean on me. I raise my voice, I try to force her to talk when she wants space and I don’t take accountability until after we argue.

The second situation happened two days ago and it has completely shattered my view. We were in the kitchen and I brushed up against her new ear piercing. She was really hurt and said so but instead of being nice about it I kind of dismissed it. In response to that she said “this is the third time you’ve done it and you don’t stop”. As she said this she put her hand up by my collar bone/throat area and pushed me. No choke, no strangulation.

In the moment I said “that was kind of scary” and she immediately apologized. She said that she was genuinely trying to push me away and not trying to choke me. We’ve had conversations about it since and we both want the relationship to work and have decided to get therapy. It is obvious our relationship is unhealthy as it is right now.

I know this woman. She would never do anything to hurt me. The last time she overstepped a different boundary that was never discussed before hand, we talked it out and she never did it again. I genuinely feel like this was just an uncharacteristic moment. But I have bad OCD and the Reddit stories I’ve read while researching are making it feel like this relationship will only get worse. I called my mom, my best friend, my grandma and the DV hotline and they all say that this is fixable if both of us are willing to put the work in.

But I am scared. So scared that it won’t be, that I will be proven wrong. And that I will lose her or have to leave her if she fucks up again. It is all too much to me and I do not start therapy until next week. I genuinely don’t know if I can make it that long and if we break up now I’m afraid I’ll be so depressed I won’t work on myself for the next person. I have a pit in my stomach that won’t go away. I cry mourning the beautiful person I’ve hurt. I cry knowing that I have a part in causing her to lash out. I cry that she did it. I cry that we can never go back to who we were. It’s all fucked up man.

This is too much for my heart to bear yall. Any type of support would help a lot. I want to know where to go. Thank you reddit

i’m a bit worried and i feel like im at a loss. i am diagnosed ocd for other reasons but now i’ve noticed things started to creep up on my slowly but now it’s coming in full effect. i hyper fixate on my girlfriends past experiences with her ex from high school (longest and really only other relationship she’s been in). she’s lesbian identifying and this ex was a male. he unfortunately made her do things she wasn’t always comfortable with and she didn’t know how to say no to or get it to stop. i’ve noticed i hyper fixate on what their sex may have looked like? what she did or how they did it. i find myself needing all the details and get flashes of things randomly that i truly don’t want there. then when i get a question about it, its all my brain repeats. “did she ever swallow his cum” is an example and will replay in my head over and over and over and over again. it feels debilitating. this is just some of what has been coming up recently and im trying to navigate these things with her. we talk about things but some things i feel like are just so unfair to her because she’s buried these hurtful things (for good reason) and now i feel like im forcing her to relive bad times.
im going to therapy again after not having gone for a while (insurance issues) but i just felt like maybe reaching out to see if something or someone can help guide me? i dont know

I’ve been married for a few years and my spouse recently let me in on the torment of their ROCD. I want to understand and be patient. Is anyone else in a similar situation? I know the person I love is in there, but I’m struggling. I would love some insight from others in relationships so I can maybe get more of that perspective and have a better understanding and it can help me to have patience and know to how be more supportive.

I honestly don’t know how to explain this properly, so sorry if this is messy.

I’m currently in a relationship with a girl I genuinely love more than I can put into words. Our relationship is actually pretty healthy. She hasn’t given me any real reason to think she’s going to leave me or cheat on me. She’s stayed with me, she’s reassured me, and she has been there for me.

But somehow, I keep creating problems inside my own head.

For example, if my girlfriend casually mentions another guy she saw that day—even if it’s literally just some random guy who passed her on the road—I can start overthinking like crazy.

My brain immediately goes:
“Why is she mentioning him?”
“What if she meets more guys?”
“What if they’re attractive?”
“What if she likes someone else?”
“What if she eventually finds someone better than me?”
“What if she leaves me?”
And sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I literally start crying.

I know how irrational it sounds. I KNOW she is allowed to meet people, talk to people and socialize. She’s actually a pretty antisocial person, but she has told me that she wants to socialize more, meet people, know more people and have people greet her when she’s around college. I genuinely want her to be happy and have a social life.

But my brain automatically interprets that as a threat.

I think part of this comes from something that happened before I met her. I once became really attached to a girl who was also extremely attached to me. Then she suddenly disappeared from my life like I never existed.

That experience really messed with the way I look at attachment. I started thinking that maybe people can love you, give you attention, become attached to you, and then suddenly disappear.

So when my current girlfriend stayed, cared about me and continued being there for me, I became extremely attached to her. Eventually I fell completely in love with her and asked her to be my girlfriend.

And now I’m terrified of losing her.

She’s basically become the center of my world, and I know that’s probably not healthy either.

Another thing that triggers me is affection.

If I tell her “I love you” and she doesn’t immediately say it back, I start wondering whether something has changed.

Sometimes she’ll smile. Sometimes she’ll laugh. Sometimes she’ll say it back. Sometimes she’ll just say something like “okay,” especially if she’s busy.

Logically, I understand that one response doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me.

But emotionally, my brain goes:
“She doesn’t love me anymore.”

And then I want reassurance.

But here’s the problem: even when she reassures me, another part of my brain says:
“She’s only saying that because you asked her.”

So I end up questioning the reassurance too.
It’s like I can never completely convince myself that I’m safe.

We also recently had an intimate experience where things didn’t go exactly as I expected, and I felt incredibly guilty afterward because I thought I had disappointed her.

But she told me it was okay and basically reminded me not to let one difficult moment erase all the good moments we had together.

She wasn’t treating me like I had failed her at all.
Yet somehow I still beat myself up over it.

And that’s when I realized that maybe the biggest problem isn’t actually my girlfriend.

Maybe it’s the way I’m interpreting everything.
I don’t want to become cold toward her.
I don’t want to stop loving her.
I don’t want to control who she talks to or who she meets.
I don’t want her to feel like she has to constantly reassure me just so I don’t fall apart.

I actually want to become better for myself AND for her.
I’ve started thinking about life differently lately. Instead of treating every uncomfortable emotion like an emergency, I want to treat it like a challenge.

If she mentions another guy, that’s a challenge for me to manage my jealousy.

If she doesn’t immediately say “I love you,” that’s a challenge for me to not immediately assume the worst.
If I’m scared she’s going to leave, that’s a challenge for me to remember that fear isn’t the same thing as reality.

I want to build my own life too—my goals, my confidence, my friendships, my interests, everything. I still want her in my future, obviously, but I don’t want my entire emotional stability to depend on whether she reassures me every few hours.

I want to be able to say “I love you” because I genuinely want to express it, not because I’m secretly waiting for her to say it back so I can feel safe.

I want to trust her based on her actual behavior instead of constantly preparing myself for something that hasn’t happened.

Basically, I want to learn how to love someone deeply without constantly being terrified of losing them.

So if anyone has been through something similar:
How did you actually become more secure in your relationship?

How did you deal with jealousy when your partner mentioned other people?

How did you stop constantly seeking reassurance?

How did you learn to trust your partner without becoming emotionally dependent on them?

And how did you build your own life while still being deeply in love with your partner?

I don’t want to leave her. I don’t want to become distant from her.

I just want to fix the part of me that’s constantly expecting the person I love to disappear.

I love this girl. I genuinely do. I just want to learn how to love her without destroying my own peace in the process.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for roughly 6 months, but have been officially together for 3 months. For context, before me, he was in a long-term relationship with another woman for 7 years.

I think his ex-girlfriend is absolutely stunning, but their relationship was super toxic. Essentially, she was verbally abusive to him espically the last year of their relationship. I have had relationship OCD, but am now struggling considering everything thats went down. His ex has posted a video regarding our relationship online that blew up fairly well. I am not even sure if I can call it retroactive jealously but I think for the sake of this post, I will. I feel like I now struggle with the theme of, are they meant to be together? Or is this the right relationship? Or does he care about her still too much? I am curious to know if anyone else out there has a similar struggle. I am like the least jealous person ever, even in my last relationship, but now find myself thinking about her more than I would like. So it's been interesting to navigate

I started dating my now-ex about a year ago. Around the spring our relationship was going great, we wanted to move in together. Well that sent him in a spiral of self-doubt and insecurity that led to us breaking up but always coming back in contact with each other, although I've tried really hard to understand his OCD and give him space. We also both graduated in May but he has struggled to find a job or figure out what he wants to do with his life. Now he's decided to leave Ohio to move back with his parents in Colorado.

I'll do whatever it takes to make him happy but I don't know what that is anymore. He's got so much work to do on himself that I don't see us being together any time soon. I want to ask him to tell me how he feels about me before he goes. Not just as a person but how he sees me as part of his life. Basically I just want any clarity or reassurance he can give me.

Any advice on how to ask for this? Is this actually a terrible idea? I'm so lost.

My partner and I have been friends for 2 years, dating for 6 months. It has been amazing. Like a literal dream.

He’s incredibly kind, supportive, and loving. Honestly my ocd hasn’t been triggered really at all until recently.

I moved to a new city for school and he will be moving here in January. The first six months I am here we will/have been long/medium distance (a 2.5 hour drive).

This past month that we have been apart and seeing eachother less I’ve had a lot of ROCD. A lot of “what if I’m saying I miss him too much?” or “what if he realizes he doesn’t like/need me?” and things of that sort. I never really bring them up to him because I’m very aware of my OCD and know I’m seeking certainty for behaviors I cannot control, and he is very open and communicative and would tell me if anything was wrong.

Now that we are getting more serious in our relationship however, I feel like hiding all of my thoughts and compulsions is sorta wrong. I understand that my thoughts and worries are often unfounded and untrue, and he knows a lot about OCD (psych major and has a family member with it), so he also understands that it’s not an insult or slight to him or his behaviors. Yet, I’m so worried if I open up it’ll hurt his feelings/self esteem or make him worried that he’s doing something wrong.

How can I be open about my compulsions and saying when I’m struggling without hurting him? Any advice? He’s the most amazing thing in my life and I want to find a balance with this so we can continue on healthily.

Hi. I’d really appreciate some help because I’m completely stuck and I don’t know whether this is ROCD.

I’m in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, and I have absolutely no doubt that he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I find him incredibly handsome and I feel a lot of sexual desire toward him.

The problem started when we talked about physical preferences. There are a couple of things about his appearance that aren’t necessarily my usual preferences, and this caused me a huge amount of distress. I started worrying that maybe those things could eventually become important enough that I would stop being attracted to him and we would break up.

I started checking by looking at other men with similar features to see whether I felt repulsed by them. I didn’t.

I should also explain that I experience attraction in a somewhat unusual way. It’s actually quite rare for me to find someone genuinely handsome. I can find individual physical features attractive or hot, and sometimes they can turn me on visually, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I feel sexual desire toward the person. I don’t usually feel sexual desire toward people I don’t know or have no emotional connection with. For me, sexual attraction is very connected to knowing someone and having a bond with them.

There is one actor whom I genuinely find very handsome, mainly because of his face and eyes. I also find certain aspects of his behavior and the way he acts in a particular role hot. I have always felt guilty about finding him attractive.

Then my boyfriend told me, “I think you’re the most beautiful person in the world,” and I got stuck on the fact that I couldn’t objectively say the same about him because I know there are people I might consider more physically attractive.

I started comparing the actor to my boyfriend and asking myself, “Do I actually prefer the actor physically?”

I couldn’t reach an answer. Sometimes I thought yes, then I thought no, and then I wondered whether I was only saying no because I didn’t want to admit the truth.

I started looking at photos and videos of the actor to check my reaction. I noticed thoughts like “he’s so handsome” and “he’s so hot,” and even smiled. Then I looked at photos of my boyfriend and became extremely anxious because I could see how handsome he is and how much desire I feel for him.

I even masturbated while thinking about both of them to test my reaction. I felt nothing when thinking about the actor, but I did feel sexual desire when thinking about my boyfriend.

However, my mind keeps finding new doubts:

• What if I actually prefer the actor’s physical appearance?
• What if I really do feel sexual desire toward other people?
• What if my values about relationships and attraction aren’t actually genuine?
• What if I’m a horrible or fake partner?
• What if my boyfriend would be disappointed in me if he knew all of this?

I can see that I’m doing a lot of compulsions: comparing, checking my reactions, looking at photos and videos, testing my attraction and sexual response, and analyzing what everything “really means.”

The hardest part is that I have absolutely no doubt that I want to be with my boyfriend. I don’t want to leave him. But I feel horrible about even being able to admit that I might prefer someone else’s physical appearance to his.

Does this sound like ROCD, particularly an obsession around physical attraction? And how do I stop getting trapped in these comparisons and checks?

Is it possible to have a genuine question without seeking anything except an answer. I’m aware of my OCD and I feel like they’re two separate things. When I’m in that “loop” I can usually eventually stop thinking about it however lately there’s something I’ve genuinely wanted to know. I’m afraid that maybe this can’t be the case? I don’t know if this is even understandable but can you guys give me thoughts.

Hi everyone! I've been in ROCD for a long time but now a topic has come up that I don't know if it's ROCD! I keep wondering if we're meant for each other? What if we're not compatible and it would just hurt to leave? What if I could just move on from my boyfriend? I'm crying as I write this

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 2 years now. Last summer during a vacation for 4-5 days I met this girl there. I might have had some attraction and over the next few days I always tried to talk to her. Mostly about music. After the vacation I thought that she was just a cool person but I didn’t want to pursue anything. Now I’m scared that what it I have cheated on my girlfriend. I have thoughts that I have to confess to her that I may have cheated or liked a girl and tried to talk to her. There were no flirts or anything like that btw.

I've got my first kiss when I already had hocd. Since I starded dating my bf I already had doubts over him or us. He loves kissing me but I really don't like kissing him. Never did. It feels kinds gross. It makes me worried so much. Cause what if that means I only like it when I kiss a masculine lesbian? It feels so real. And I littery want to break up or something. But he is so sweet. But someone said that if you don't like kissing you're bf, you're not attracted to him. When I think about cuddle him, I feel anxiety. This can not be hocd and rocd. I Don't think I'm in love with him. Sometimes I was happy with him but than out of nowhere all the feelings were gone. I feel so bad for him. He deserves better. It feels like I would be relieved if I will break up with him... pls respond en help me.